Advice on Coping with Death of Loved One....

Updated on July 04, 2007
K.H. asks from Oak Harbor, WA
6 answers

I have an 11 year old and 14 year old little brother and our mother passed away sunday july 1st. Any advice you have in how to help them through this time while I help myself would be appreciated greatly. I think right now its all too soon but know I will need some advice in the coming months.

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E.M.

answers from Portland on

I am so sorry to hear about you Mothers passing. I lost my mother when I was 16 and I know it is a very young impressionable age. I am not sure how spiritual you are...this is a good time to go to church and just pray to your Mother and God to help you and your little bother get through this. Just try to be there for your little brother and breathe...this is all so new and it is going to take some time to digest. I am available to talk if you need someone that has gone through this my information is on my website www.nwkidsclub.net and I would be happy to talk.

em

2 moms found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Eugene on

I'm so sorry for your loss! I strongly encourage you and your brothers to call Hospice and ask about the program "My Friend's House." It's a support group for kids - they go into their own little group counseling session each weak, and the adults have a separate group. I lost my husband in February of this year; the Hospice group was amazing for me and my kids (they're 3 and 6) - I think it really helped the kids figure some things out and be able to express the things they were feeling, plus we adults not only got support for ourselves but learned ways to help our kids cope. Somehow, kids seem to get a lot of strength from learning that they aren't the only kids in the world who are dealing with the loss of a loved one (especially a parent). Blessings and best of luck to you as you live through this tough time.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.K.

answers from Portland on

Counesling. I was not as young as they are, but I lost my grandma on my 18th birthday and she was just about closer to me than a parent could be. And I lost my dad at 21. It's so confusing, I can remember being an "adult" and still being confused... and angry, I was angry at everyone. But most of all, I was angry at anyone who would say "I know how you feel", or something like that. I hated that. All I could think was "uh... no ya don't, you have no idea."
I think the most important two things are 1)was it sudden or had she been sick? I'm not trying to be nosey, but I experience both with two very close people in a short amount of time and I can guarantee you that having a chance to say goodbye and knowing what was happening before it happened was so much easier to accept. I don't remember having near the anger with that one. It was almost more of a relief by the time he went because I knew he wasn't suffering anymore. With the other, I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't have a chance to get used to the idea... she was just gone in her sleep, completely unexpected. It took me a VERY long time to adjust to that one and I hated anyone in my path.
And 2) did they live with her? I don't mean to sound rude, but again, this mattered a lot to me. It's easier to do without something that you don't have every day, morning to night. While you still miss them just as much, your mind isn't dwelling on the fact that they passed.
I'm not asking for answers to these questions, they are just suggestions for you to consider when thinking about how to help your little brothers. Feel free to send me a message anytime if you need someone to just listen. Don't forget to take care of yourself... she was your mom too.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.H.

answers from Seattle on

First of all, HUGGGGS to you! I am SO very sorry for your loss. Death of a family member is never easy, and I'm sure that this type of loss is damn near unbearable. The only advice I can give is 1. you need to allow yourself the time to grieve yourself, and 2. you should probably get them into some counseling. A counseler would know how to talk to them about this, and also how to listen to their thoughts. I'll provide an outlet for them to release whatever anger/hurt/frustration/sadness they may carry with them in the coming months/years. Good luck with everything.

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K.J.

answers from Anchorage on

You might go to the bookstore. they have a lot of great books for kids on death of loved ones. I just saw a bunch yesterday in Title Wave
Books - not sure if you have that store. I'm sure most would have them. I am sorry for your loss.

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A.W.

answers from Anchorage on

Hi just give them answers when they have questions. You can also say do you have any questions for me or do you need to speak to another family member of ours about this? Because they may not be as open to you as they are with someone else. Remember we grieve differently then others and some even dont grieve at all.
Im sorry for your loss and take care!

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