Advice Needed with 13Yo

Hi B.- boy have you got your hands full with her right now. I'm just a young mom with a 15 year old, so I can't say I have a ton of experiential advice in this area, but remember so clearly my own days of rebelling against my parents...the two of you must find a way to talk to each other. My parents and I never talked- they just punished without discussion and it made me angrier and angrier. She needs to know that you are doing these things because you love her and are concerned-

Cutting is NEVER acceptable!! As a high school teacher for a short time we had a psych come in and talk to us about it and it is a very dangerous cry for attention/help. Psycologically speaking they are able to transer their pain to the cut and if they are cutting to bleed they feel they are releasing inner anger...she needs to find a healthier way to release the anger...

Even though she has seemed so sweet up until this point either A) she has been holding an awful lot in that is just coming out or B) something has happened recently (people she's hanging out with? something with a boy? something at school?) that is setting all of this off...From what I have seen with teenage girls, she is crying out right now for attention, especially with the cutting and absolutely could use some professional intervention (the therapy). I applaud you for setting up the appt. with the therapist. Looking back I wish my parents would have had the know how to do that for me.

It may take a while for her to trust the therapist and there will need to be some boundries and trust established so that she knows not everything she says will be reported to you... that said, I hoope that the therapist integrates some sesssions for the two of you to talk, because I think that is going to be the most important thing. She needs to have a safe place to release her fears/anger and know that she can talk to you without judgement right now.

good luck. my prayers are with you and your daughter. I don't know where you live, but if this particular therapist doesn't work out I can recommend one in the Northbridge area that does have some experience with cutting (it's the woman who came into our school to talk to the teachers about it).

Hi B.
Im so sorry to her about what your going through that must be difficult.
It sounds to me like she may need some therapy they will give her the tools to help her deal with her emotions so she won't cut. Girls cut to relieve deep emotional pain.
I know as parents that we feel that we need to be the ones to fix every hurt, be the one who there child comes to with everything, and have all the awsers. There are some things that even as parents we cant do for our children. Find a therapist in your area that deals with cutting. It sounds like what ever is going on is relativly new so if you get her help now she will heal quicker!
K.

Hi B.,
I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Something is going on with her, and it's serious. Find her a psychologist quickly. The fighting and cutting are symptoms of something going on and what's more, she's externalizing it so she's asking for help. Poor thing really wants help badly. Good luck!

I would focus on the cutting as absolute top priority. The other things (fighting, defiance with regard to cell phone, back talk) should be mentioned to the doctor and the counselor) but this is far more than a discipline issue. The cutting is generally something that "lets out the pain" from inside. She is troubled and very much in pain over something. Make therapy a commitment NOW and let the professionals guide your way. Your judgment and input are essential, and communication with your daughter necessary, but do not think you can do this entirely on your own. She has a lot going on - new school year, new baby, new situation with husband gone a lot, adolescence, and probably more that you don't even know about yet. Make a commitment to follow it through. Good luck.