Advice Needed for Fighting 1 Year Olds

My 2 1/2 year old has been having playdates once or twice a week with a girl who is 1 week younger than her since she was 10 months old. We had and continue to have the same experience. They love to play together but constantly fight over the same toys. When they fight we try not to intervene and let them work it out. If it gets violent than we make the aggressor go into timeout and then apologize and kiss the other when she comes out of timeout. They are just now starting to be able to work things out between themselves without me and the other mom intervening. We both think that it is good to have them play together because they are developing their social skills. Kids don't really have social skills until they are 4 or 5 so fights are going to happen. The best thing you can do for them is to let them work it out on their own and be consistent in letting them know that hitting and biting is unacceptable behavior.

Hi A.,

I also do in-home daycare and went through the same thing with two of my kids. It takes alot of redirecting. When they start fighting tell them no, and take the toy away that they were fighting over, give them both a new toy and seperate them. Hopefully after time this will help.

If our boys are fighting, we offer turns. They are very short since the 1 year old doesn't really get what we're doing, and he usually gets the first turn. At 18 months, we can now do 3 minute turns and are gradually getting to 5 minutes turns. He does understand he will get the toy back if he is nice about it. If he's not nice, his brother gets to keep the toy an extra 2 minutes, or he just doesn't get a turn and I get his turn. He's usually nice by the time my "turn" is over. If the boys continue to fight, I get the toy until later. You have to be completely consistent, and that will be difficult with other kids.

you know i think this is just a phase a lot of one years olds go through. my daughter is one also and a i watch another one year old girl and they do the same thing. they even fight over who gets to stand in a particular corner of the room! I usually try to make sure they play with toys that i have two of or at least two similar things like baby dolls. i think really all you can do is redirect and sit with them while they play when they're really bugging each other. with other kids to watch that's often hard. if nothing else you can doa "baby time out" which is pretty much just putting one of them in a playpen with a few toys for a few minutes to let them have a break from each other. hopefully these ideas help! they'll outgrow this in no time most likely. good luck.

My oldest daughter and her cousins of similar age would always fight over toys too. I think it's natural for them to only be interested in something once they see someone ELSE having fun with it (as frustrating as that is!) I used to explain that one person could play with it for a while, and then actively persuade them to switch and let the other person play for a while. That may be too advanced for a 1-year-old to understand, though, and will likely create tears and fits until they get accustomed to that routine. How old are the other children you care for?

HI A.!!! I do daycare myself and I have three boys who are all really close in age (19 months, 18 months, and one who just turned two). They fight all the time. I am finding that they fight more during their free play. During structured play they are all the best of friends. At this age they have little verbal skills, so hitting, throwing toys is their way of saying, "back off dude this is my toy." As providers we need to teach and show them better ways to share and express their feelings. Toys are a write off so, just buy two of everything! :) Good luck!

It is not unusual for tots to argue, etc. I raised 3 and also had a day care. Have you tried getting them to hug one another and say "I'm sorry". Teach them to share, my turn, your turn. Don't forget that chronologically they may be one yr old but emotionally, etc they are 2 yr olds and will be for several years. Good luck!

I quit my job 3 1/2 years ago to open an in home daycre to be with my son, also. You just need to seperate the 2 children. Tell them that they are not allowed to play next to each other or with the same toy. Give them choices. Explain that they are not playing nicely together so they can't play together until they can play nicely without fighting. Choose 2 areas, housekeeping, blocks, dinosaurs, whatever. Tell one child that he can choose what he wants to play with first and then the other child. The next time the other child chooses first. If it continues beyond that, you will have to put them in "time out" or "naughty corner". W.