My friend from high school and I have something in common. We never knew our fathers. Well I met mine while in high school, and have had a friend relationship since. He is a great grandpa to my kids, and that is all I ask. Her on the other hand is 36 yrs old and wants to meet him. She isasking me to call the house and question the household. She has written a letter, but does not want to cause choas for his family.
Would you help a friend do this? If so, what would you ask the person who answers the phone.
Update:
Her mother will not help her. Her grandmother told her on her death bed this information, and that when she got well she would help her find him. Well sadly she died.
WOW my hesitation to help... has been confirmed for me not to call. WOW this is crazy PARENTS (BOTH DAD/MOM)really need to stick around.
No, I wouldn't.
Don't think I have a friend who would ever ask me to do this. She's an adult and needs to take care of it herself.
.
As much as you may want to help, it's not your place to.
(And calling someone's house to question the household is bizarre/creepy and it will create chaos)
Adults handle their own business. She may choose to have you there when she does but this is her business to handle. It is not for you to call or reach out to her father. It is for her to do. She has to be ready for all of the emotions and other things that come with this territory. She needs to manage her expectations because she really doesn't know his story just her own. If I was in your shoes, I would be supportive but I would draw a line in the sand about my involvement in reaching out to this man. I would be with her every step along the way but I wouldn't make that call that is for her to do.
If she's written a letter & gotten no response, then that in & of itself is her answer over whether or not this man wants a relationship with her. She can't force it & you don't have anything to do with it so stay out of it.
Hi, T:
No.
It is her challenge.
What you can do is help her
process what she needs from him.
After you help her process what she
needs from him, help her brainstorm
how to go about it.
All the Best.
D.
You are a good friend, but I think she needs to be the one to contact him. Maybe she could call him at work or something, does she know where he works? What about her mother, why can't her mother contact him? I know she doesn't want rejection but she needs to do it, not you.
nope nope you dont want to jump in this pool-
If she wants to find her father support her but dont do the digging because when it all goes bad ( which it can do quickly) then you will be stuck in that too.
id call if se wanted M. to call b/c she knew she couldnt handle rejection from her bio dad. I'd ask some basic questions and let them know about my friend searching for them, and say she'd like to meet for coffee
I'm with Dawn. Too much possible fallout. Have her contact him at a time or in a way that she can reach him O.-on-O..
I would offer to sit next to while she made the phone call. I'd encourage her to do herself, hold her hand. You can keep a pad of paper next to you and if she gets flustered or has silence maybe you can write down questions for her to ask. Or have the list prepared before the call and if she misses a question point to it.
No-siree-Bob - no way.. STAY OUT OF IT..
Hold her hand while she makes the call - but do NOT make it for her.
Encourage her to send the letter and start out small....but really anything you do might come back to bite you in the rear end and she might hold it against you if something didn't work out the way she wants it to..
I hope she is able to do it herself.
My BIL hadn't seen his bio-dad in 20+ years. During a family reunion he mentioned to me that he was considering tracking him down but that he was afraid that his bio-dad wouldn't want anything to do with him.
My husband's Mom passed when he was young. I told my BIL, hubby would give anything just to talk to her again. You have that chance. Call him. What you want from him now is not the same as then. Your an adult wanting to know about that part of your life. You're not the young kid needing money and such.
He went ahead and contacted him. His bio-Dad was super excited. He'd thought about contacting the BIL for years but was also afraid since it had been so many years. My MIL was not so thrilled at her son or me.
My BIL was able to have contact with his bio-Dad for 5 years before bio-dad was died in a car accident.
That's 5 years that my hubby will never get with his missing bio-parent.
Encourage her to contact the family. If they say no thanks, then she has her answer, but at least she won't spend more time wondering the what-ifs.
I would absolutely not get involved. Be supportive but this is up to her to deal with. She needs to have the courage to do this herself. If she cannot stand up for herself just to make a call what will she do if they want to meet? No, this is her deal, period.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
I don't know. I wouldn't want to do it so I'm thinking maybe I wouldn't. But then again, if I were in her shoes once, I just might. Sorry I'm no help!!
No, that is your friend's job.
