Adding Childs Friends on FB

Updated on July 19, 2011
M.R. asks from Milwaukee, WI
15 answers

My teenage daughter is giving me so much grief for adding her bff to my facebook page and tells me I stalk her when I look at her comments. One condition of her having it is me being able to monitor it. do anyone else's children do this? Isn't it stupid that any friend that wants to make comments to our children can block their parents and we can't even see this activity?

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?

Every time I sign on her pics are all over the page with her friends comments. I added her friend to ask her a ? Her best friend sorry not boyfriend.

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answers from Phoenix on

I'm 44 and my mom stalks me on fb! I go to tell her something and she says...i know, i know, i read it on fb. ugh. wish i could delete her! lol!

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Albany on

I might be a cool mom, but I totally stalk my kids. And I have many of their friends as my friends too. Those are the FB rules at my house.

Maybe remind her there are actually SOME KIDS IN THE WORLD WHO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE FB! Gasp! Yes, it's TRUE! I hope she doesn't want to be one of them!


6 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

Someday FB will have a ratings list.

Like E for everyone
XF for no family
OF for only family

or group A, B, C, D

or Sexual Content, Violence, Stupid things, etc and each person can have a list that you tick the boxes on your profile of them, so when you post something (will also tick the boxes 'rating' it) your priest and your teen aren't reading the sex advice your grandmother is handing down. (Gma's give the BEST sex advice!!!)

We'll be able to mark our posts and updates so that people only "see" what we post to their "group".

C'mon, facebook!

But per your actual, Q? Not yet. My son is on several social sites (roblox, wizards101, minecraft, xbox live... at 9yo he's too young for FB), but it hasn't occured to him yet to be upset by my monitoring. I know it's a limited time thing... so I'm reveling in it!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

The condition of your daughter having FB was that you monitor it.
Tough noodles for her.
That's what I say.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Joplin on

my 15 yr old son has a fb page, and he has to keep me as a friend as a condition, of course I watch what he posts. Most often due to the fact that his friends come over and spend time at our house, if they get to know me they do ask to add me on fb. My son has been irritated sometimes but he gets over it.
I have on an occasion or two asked him to remove a comment that was rude or not acceptable ( sometimes I think he has forgot he friended his grandparents!)
I do not know how much you monitor it, but I will say they can post things and make it only viewable to a select few, and I do not make a habit of going in and reading my sons private messages.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Biloxi on

My son is 15 - he has a FB account - but I have total access to it. He knows that if he changes his password then I will block his access to the computer and he will have no access, at home, to his FB account. These were the rules that I set up when he wanted a FB two years ago. I also have received a few friends requests from some of his friends - I am very selective of which teens I "friend" b'c (1) I don't want my FB cluttered up with teen nonsense and (2) they don't need to see my adult friends' nonsense. Currently I think I have two of his friends on my list and both are boys I have known for years.

Honestly, I don't often check his page. Mainly because when I do it is such mundane teen stuff and because our computer is kept in the common areas of the house and he lets me read over his shoulder anyway. LOL

I don't think it is stalking when you look at your daughter and her friends' FB comments and photos. I think, as parents, we have the right to do this - it is our job to teach them responsibility and to keep them safe. If that means monitoring electronic/social media, then so be it. FB posts can follow people for years, and teens are not necessarily thinking about college applications and jobs when they post on FB. Just like we ask who they are going out with and where and what they are doing in "real" life, so should know these things in "cyber" life.

As for friends blocking their parents - FB allows any member to block others from seeing their page. But, I think that parents' need to tell their kids that this does not apply to the parents' access to the account.

I tell my son, that when he is able to pay for the internet service for our home and buy his own computer then he can have complete privacy in whatever he does on the internet. But, until that time, it is a privilege.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Charleston on

Not laughing at you, but I feel your daughter's pain, and I'm a grown up. My mom just joined FB and she is a STALKER! Ugh! She knows all about my ex boyfriends, and people I cannot even remember. I get daily updates. Drives me nuts.

Instead of adding her friends to your FB account, maybe you could just ask her randomly to pull up her page so you can take a look. Don't give her any warning, just say, "Hey, let me check out your FB page." That would be the terms and conditions of her having an account. If she can't agree to this random "check", she wouldn't be online. I think way, you're showing her you trust her, and she feels you aren't invading on her privacy all the time. Good luck!



answers from San Francisco on

It depends on how old she is. If she is 16+, I would say that is too involved. But if she is younger, its still your house-your rules. If thats what makes you comfortable, she will just have to deal with it! Good job!'




answers from Green Bay on

I would explain that you are not monitoring her online activity because you don't trust her, but because their are a lot of weirdo's out there. You wouldn't expect a toddler to know better than to go into the street. A parents job is to detect the danger and teach your child how to avoid it. Online predators are an unfortunate fact of life. Your not trying to be a pain, but you are trying to keep her safe. Besides, their is no such thing as privacy online. If you want privacy you should go talk to your friends in person or perhaps talk on the phone. Employers, government agencies and complete strangers can all access your online identities.


answers from Dallas on

I am not FB friends with my daughter or any of her friends, nor do I want to be.

I have access to daughter's FB where I monitor only and occasionally.

I don't feel a need to be friends with her friends. My FB is my personal FB.



answers from San Francisco on

My kids aren't my FB friends, but lots of their friends are. They don't care.



answers from Washington DC on

the only time I've added my kids friends is if they sent the request first (and several of them have ... I'm that damn cool LOL).

I also agree I guess it depends on how old your teen actually is. If she's high school age ... then ummm ... yeah a little on the stalker side but mom's can be like that :) It's part on the back of our mom card LOL


answers from Los Angeles on

If it's your condition for her to have a FB page, then she has to live with it. I would tell her that until she's whatever age you've decided on that you will see her account, and that's that. Your house, your rules. Also, if her BFF accepted your friend request, that was her decision.

My grandson is 13 and has his dad as a friend (and me) and he doesn't mind. FYI, anyone can edit posts so that only certain people can see them, so you might want to check her "profile" page to see what she's seeing, but you do need to be logged in as her to her account to see everything.



answers from Boston on

A few of my children's friends had "friended" me and I have accepted. I would never "friend" them, that's just weird. I also don't friend my kids - I have their log ins and passwords and log in as them a couple of times a week just to keep an eye on things.

Unfriend her and her friends and monitor by logging in has her (depending on how old she is - my kids are 13, I wouldn't do that to a 17 year old). When you log in as her you can keep an eye on messages, where all the juicy stuff happens anyway. If you're just her friend you have NO IDEA what's really going on.



answers from Anchorage on

You do need to be able to see everything she does on her page, but I would unfriend her BF, that just seems weird to be his friend on your own page.

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