i got married at 2012,my husband have asthma from childhood,but before marriage they did not told about this matter,but after marriage i knew and said 'no problem ur true love only enough for me,i dont mind about tat',but he is a very lazy person and he have not in job right now and also have inferiorty complex,he also show lazyness at searching job also.and if i ask any quest about future he get angry,i cant change his careless character ,last three months i am very depressed,how can i change my husband character,wat is solution for tis.
What does asthma have to do w/ any of this?
BTW: You can't change him...don't have any kids with...and frankly, I'd leave him
I just wanted to say that I could care less about the grammar. Some people need to feel superior so they put others down every opportunity they get. Your post was definitely understandable.
I will also say, though, that I agree you can't change your hubby. I bet he is feeling very embarassed over being unemployed and probably not getting many, if any, responses to the applications he has put out. It's hard to keep going when you get nothing in return.
I think you should just go on and do your own thing - live the life you want. He will either join you or not but at least you'll have some things going for yourself.
R., maybe he is using his asthma as an excuse to not work. It sounds like he expects you to do all the work for him.
If you cannot live with this, you should go ahead and get a legal separation. Talk to a lawyer first about how to protect yourself financially. Do all the things the lawyer says to do. Until you show him that you will not accept him living like this, he will not go get a job.
I agree with Rosemud absolutely not to have a baby. It will make things SO much worse...
You can't change him but you can leave him.
Was this an arranged marriage? It's the only way I can see that you didn't know he was lazy beforehand. You cannot change him unless he is willing to change. If he gets angry when you try to talk to him, this is not a good sign. If there are no children, and if you can, get the marriage annulled, or whatever the equivalent to ending the marriage is in your culture.
Is this an arranged marriage?
Did his parents or who ever arranged it not mention his life long asthma?
Sounds like a breach of contract to me - the goods, as it were, were not as described which makes the contract null and void.
Sorry - there's nothing you can do to change him.
Divorce him or get an annulment - then take care of your own future without this dead weight of a husband around your neck.
If there are anymore arranged marriages in your future, don't trust who ever stuck you with this guy to do a better job next time around.
Unfortunately, what you marry is what you get. That's why it's so important to choose wisely and also to not rush into marriage.
Please don't have a baby with him for at least 5 years. This does not sound like a good marriage.
I agree with Cheryl B, re-read her post, it's spot on. And as she said, don't worry about your writing, it was fine. Easily understood. Shame on people who would comment about that when you came on here for help. Good luck to you.
I couldn't agree more with what Christy Lee said below. You cannot change this man's character. It is something that you will be dealing with for life and his laziness has nothing to do with having asthma. My whole family has varying degrees of asthma and not one single person who has it is lazy at all! In fact, my youngest brother often goes into provoked asthma attacks from doing too much work, running to fast for too long, or working at such a furious pace that it causes his asthma to act up! So...you're husband is lazy because this has become his genuine nature or because he doesn't feel he needs or wants to contribute to you or the household. It's no excuse and certainly not fair to you but going through life jobless and being angry at people when they mention his lack of drive is a huge character flaw! Not something that is changed easily. I think you need to talk to your husband with firm conviction and tell him that this lazy lifestyle isn't what you planned on having and is not appealing to you. Tell him that he should be proud to set goals, reach for those goals, achieve his goals, and also surpass his goals each and every day. If he responds angrily to that....I think you need to come to grips with the fact that this is now the life you will be associated with long term. Is that what you want and need? It doesn't sound like it is. You have some thinking to do before this man also takes your self-esteem and hardworking nature down with his lazy ways.
Asthma has nothing to do with someone's character. It may affect someone's job choices, but it doesn't make someone lazy, feel inferior, careless, or anything else.
You can't change someone's personality or character. He has to want to change. He needs motivation to change. The only person you can change is yourself and how you react to your husband.
I would respond more but my daughter is about to burn herself on a pizza stone.
What has asthma got to do with this. He is a lazy and lacking any motivation. You can't change him. Was he working when you married him. If not, well, you knew what you were getting.
Can't change another person... you can only change how you react to it, or how you feel about it.
He is lazy.... he is the only one that can change that.
You are a strong person for staying with him through his asthma.
Be careful - he does not sound like he cares about you the way he should.
You can not change someone else, you can only change yourself. If you are unhappy you can not expect you husband to make you happy. Find what you need to be fulfilled, and if you find that you can not be happy with the man you married, then move on or request counseling with him.
