9 Year Old Boy/food/'tude

Jenifer said exactly what I was going to say. I also have a 9yo son and 7yo daughter, and am a single mom. I don't have anyone else there in the house to help with the battles, and I have what I call "zero tolerance" days where even a little bit of attitude gets him shut down, and sent to his room if he's being disruptive. I am pretty lenient in a lot of things, and don't play the food battle. If what I make for dinner isn't good enough, then tough. If he's hungry enough, he'll eat, and I keep enough healthy snacks and stuff in the house that he does eat, that I've stopped stressing about the food issue. I also have the rule that homework is done before any computer or tv time, and because I'm consistent, I do have battles, but it's only when he's in one of his moods.

The behavior you describe is really common in kids who have issues with sugar/protein balance. Really great kids who slide into negative behavior, picky eating, noticable behavior change when hungry.

There's a wonderful book called "Little Sugar Addicts" by Kathleen DesMaisons. You can read more about the symptoms at littesugaraddicts.com and see if your son fits the profile.

When my kids have meltdowns I often hand them a cheese stick and wait until they calm down. It works amazingly well.

Good luck!

Hi C.,
Well, unfortunately it sounds extremely normal. Not great news but not bad news, either. As far as the bouts of attitude, that needs to get shut down immediately before he suckers you into "the great debate" every time. I know that's hard because my husband has that same problem. My daughter is 7 and she wants to debate every little thing with him. She doesn't do it with me because I look at her and say, "because I said, that's why. No go do it." End of conversation. I don't know what the 'do something fun' advice was, maybe some sort of distraction technique? My advice is forget that. At this age, they are past the distraction technique. They need to learn to just obey because you are the parent and they are the child. As far as being a picky eater, I can totally relate to that. What do they eat? Whatever is in front of them. At our house, you either eat what's in front of you, or you go without. It's amazing how quickly they learn they better eat it or they'll go hungry for a while. By the way, going hungry from the supper they didn't eat until the breakfast they definitely WILL eat will not harm them in the least. And the negativity issue, you as a parent will have to weigh the importance of the activity. Negative before soccer and skiing? Oh well, they can stay home. Very soon he will realize if he wants to participate in those activities, he'll need to straighten up. Negative before academics like spelling? "Get over it, you're doing it." Basically it's time to step up and be the mama in charge. He is pushing boundaries, as they all do, and you need to show him the boundaries are still there and you are holding to them. There's going to be a learning curve, of course, and life may be unbearable for a while, but it won't take long as long as you stick to your guns. When he realizes he doesn't rule the roost anymore, it will (for the most part) be over...with little remissions every now and then just to check and see if you still mean what you say! Be strong, be consistent, take no nonsense, because you are MAMA! God bless!

Hi C.,

Tough situtation, but I'm sure it will get better. The best books I've read are:

How to Talk so Kids will Listen and
Parenting with Love and Logic

These books have amazing tools for parents.

Take care,
B.

Hi C.,

Bear with me here...I had five children...and I discovered that each had their own unique "reactions" to different foods...I had two girls that when they got dairy, say ice cream, they became beligerient...to this day the youngest one is turning 23 and she notices her mood change drastically when she ingests dairy...no cramps..no hives...just a tude...Food coloring was another problem...bleached flour sent my oldest into glass eyed rages...I believe in homeopathic medicine...we are what we eat...and todays food is loaded with stuff to extend shelf life...produce more volume...Things we did not face as children are now common place for your children - my grandchildren...

I hope this helps...
T.

Hi C.,

You just described my little boy who is now 7. (just so you know you are not alone).

Mine seems to have a lot of anxiety which is why he's negative about things before he goes (but then ends up having a great time!)He also needs food and sleep or...lookout. He can be an angel too, though.

I will wait to hear the replies to your question. Good luck!

At this age they are just trying to see how far they can push you. Ignore the attitude and don't let him get a rise out of you. He will eat what you give him just trying to get his way on what he wants. I went through this with my daughter she is 14 now and still the same so if she doesn't want what I make shes on her own. If your son is into video games take them away for a period of time until his attitude changes. They get so into them that they don't want to do anything else even if it might be fun. You will struggle with this and homework in the upper grades 5-12

Hi C.

I would recommend the book Personality Plus by Florence Littauer. Your son's personality sounds like my son's - he likes to get his way! After reading this book it gave me a huge insight into how my kids react in the ways they do - a lot of it is based on their personality. By having this knowledge it gave me a better understanding why people react differently to the same situations.

My 9 year old son is also a picky eater but he eats lots of the food he likes, and I always serve him the food he likes. He is offered other foods (which he never takes) and I never force it. He eats: meat, fish, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat/zero sugar bread, cheese, carrots, corn, fat free plain yogurt (mixed 50% with low fat vanilla yogurt), whole oats, rice, cookies, dark chocolate, high fiber/lower sugar snack bars, potato and potato snacks, peanut butter, rye crackers. And everything has to be served separately. I also supplement his diet with organic multivitamins, fruits and vegetable concentrate chewables and Omega 3 DHA - then I know he is not missing out on nutrients. As long as what he is eating on the whole is lower in sugar, low in saturated fats, has fiber and calcium, and he gets adequate water (he hates milk!), I am not concerned, even if there is not much variety in food. I try and make sure that I always have a snack with me for my son, like when I pick him up from after school care, as he gets cross when he is hungry (I am like that too!).

With regards to the negativity before an activity, is it not the same with adults - don't want to go to the gym but when we are there we enjoy it! My son can be a little like that - I ignore it and carry on as normal!

All the best.

M.

Hi C.. :)
'Completely understand your frustrations. ('Am a mother of 3 sons and grandmother of 9 yr. grandson.) What I have found works best, at least for me, is for me to try to keep a sense of humor about subjects. If I take my 'position' on a subject too seriously, annoyance builds for both parties and the argument ensues. I know it seems REALLY trite, but attempt to lighten up a bit and (from how you've described his personality otherwise) he will too.
Good luck!

I feel your pain sister.

HI C., please call me I,d like to talk to you.
###-###-#### A. B.

Hi C.!

What a great question you have! :O) After raising my stepkids, and now my own kids, I learned that this young "attitude" is actually innocent. It's only a preparation for the teenage years ahead :o)

My stepkids are now living on their own, but I still have 2 boys in the house, and one of them is 12. Thankfully, any attitude he has given me only lasts until after my response to him, which is simply a reminder like "Are you talking to me with that tone in your voice?" I try to remain very calm when I say it, because he reacts better to me. If I were to be sarcastic, then he would "bite back".

I do occassionally find him being "weird" or tude-ish at weird times over something he loves like soccer or whatever, but it's usually nothing and just his bodies hormonal way of figuring it out. I don't "bite back" when he's in those moods. I just let him be. That's the part where I think I'm practicing for the teenage years :O) NOT BITING BACK will help reduce momma tears, as I learned so painfully with my stepkids.

I don't think I really helped you much to understand your son any better, but just know that he's normal. They all go through something.....his age seems young for it, but your description is right on.

Just practice at putting that invisible shield of armour on, and you will be just fine :O)

~N.

I Have found two things that help my kids a lot: B vitamin complex (for the nervous system) and Cod Liver Oil (for Vitamin D - the mood vitamin). I give my 12 yr old who gets the pre pubesent 'tude vit b6 on top of the B complex. I hear B6 is the hormone vitamin.

Oh yes, and one more thing, I notice when we are dehydrated we tend to get really edgy. When the kids start fighting or get a tude I pull them aside and make them drink a big glass of water.

The vitamins help me a lot too. Homeschooling 3 kids and having them around me all day can be quite overwhelming at times!

I too have a 9 year old - and he's going through the same thing your's is. I have not yet found a true solution for the attitude, but for the food one he is not allowed to have a treat (or something he likes) until he finishes the meal and a piece of fruit. He can complain as much as he wants (in his room of course), but that's the rule. He has dealt with this pretty well. He has his own choice of fruit, which I try to keep a good variety around, and this usually satisfies his sweet tooth enough to not want a junk snack after. Of course, that depends on the day.

Hang in there - they tell me that there is an end to this.