8Yo Feels He Has No Friends

For starters, mention the problem to his teacher. I have a lot of friends who are teachers and know that they can help out. They might pair him with some of the nicer boys for projects or activities.

Also, consider getting him involved in some activities after school, such as team sports, where he might get to know some of the kids at school better. This might also build mutual interests with his peers.

The good news is that the school year is ending and he'll have a fresh start this fall with his new class.

I swear this age is so hard for boys. I have three boys and my oldest two went through this same thing between 8-11. My youngest isn't quite to that age yet but we are better prepared for when he is. My biggest advise is to just continue to be emotionally supportive of him and let him know is liked and loved. We found outside activities like sports and other things where they could meet more people their age. Also, talk to his teacher and see what she says. My middle son thinks he is very unliked at school but his teacher says he is quite popular. Sometimes it is all about perspective and the outside activities seemed to help us with this.

I think it is good he was honest. Do not freak out in front of him!. Act like it is all going to be ok and then try to come up with some strategies..

I also suggest you speak with his teacher and have her tell you HONESTLY what is going on with your son and what she would suggest he do to find more friends. Could they tell you what classroom he will be in the fall? Maybe he could invite some of those kids and parents over for a get together at your home or at the park..

Get him involved in different activities, with and without people from school.. Scouts, church group, volunteer group, those fantasy card games. Summer day camps. Music, arts, acting.. whatever he may be interested in. Here in Austin they even have Comedy acting classes for kids..

Do you guys like to ride bikes? See if there are family bike rides available, train for short marathons.. All of these activities will allow you all to make new friends with the same interest. If there is a local festival could you guys volunteer to help this summer?

Being a friend is just like learning any other behavior, there is an art to it.
Get him some books about social situations. I love "How Rude! the teenagers Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior. and Not Grossing People Out." by Alex J. Packer, Ph.D. Do not worry, it is age appropriate. It talks about how to be a friend and how to act around other people. It is a funny book too.

I think a lot of kids go through some of this at some point.
This is going to be fine. I really do love that he told you, that is 90% of the whole thing was him voicing his frustration.

Is he involved in any activities at school? If not, that is the best way to make friends, whether it be sports, band, etc, this is usually where kids that have a hard time making friends, make their friends because they have common interests. Try to find something he likes and see what extra curricular activities are available. As a mom, no one wants to hear that from their child so I totally sympathize with you and it makes me very sad for your son. Encourage him to talk to other kids besides the ones he currently hangs out with and if possible talk to other moms at his school if possible. See what the other kids are doing and see if that helps. Good luck, and you are right, 2 good friends are better than 10 bad ones!!

My son is also 8 and is struggling a little with friendships -- my conclusion is that 8-year old boy society is tough, esp. if you have a really nice, sensitive boy (which it sounds as if you do). My observation is that boys are developing at different rates emotionally at this age -- some of them have developed more empathy and understanding than others, some of them come across as being abusive when they are just being physical. If your child is a bit ahead of the other boys his age emotionally, then he is getting his feelings hurt when some of the other kids are passing out and taking the teasing and physicality in stride. The Director of our school told us that often boys do not feel that they have a lot of friends at this age and then will develop very strong and lasting friendships as they get older.
Anyway, the issue is that right now he has to feel good about his life -- not three or four years from now. I echo the advice about activities that he likes and also that you talk with the teacher. But, I would ask him if there are any kids at school that he gets along with -- even if he feels that they aren't the best of friends -- and then arrange playdates with them. One-on-one time is really bonding and kids act differently when they are away from the pack, so to speak. My son's best friend is actually about 3 years older than him. Sometimes, I worry for both of them that the gap in age is too big, but they enjoy each other's company so much, that I arrange playdates for them as often as I can. Also, as unpopular as this advice might sound, we've been giving our son tips on how to handle kids that tease him -- to put them in their place without resorting to fighting. By tips, telling him what he can say to a person that is bothering him constantly that might seem insulting, but with the caveat that he doesn't say these things when he is not being bothered or bullied. What often happens is that one kid finds that he can bully the boy who is more sensitive and then everyone piles on. So, if your son can stand up and put the kid who is being the bully in his place, then he gets the respect and possibly friendship of everyone else. In my son's case, when he insisted with the kids who were bothering, they started to back down and actually began to be friendly with him. In short, he has to get his social confidence, not only in general (sports, activities will help with that), but also at exactly the point where it is being broken down (at school). So, first, tell him to be patient about getting friends at school (he will get them, but right now, the truth is that he might feel lonely at school only for a little while), then teach him how to be respected among his peers without being a bully himself. Once he masters that, friends will fall into place and in the meantime he will be feeling as if he is in control of his social life and good about himself. For our son, the lesson has been -- be cool, don't get emotional when these kids are trying to tease you -- tell them you don't care what they have to say, this is as unimportant to you as a buzzing fly. When the kids saw that they couldn't get a big rise out of him, they started to leave him alone and his real friends who were intimidated by the other kids started rallying to him.

Get him involved in a sport. It will help build his confidence. Join a local gym check first to make sure the gym has kid activities. See if your synague (sp wr) or church has a kids group of some sort.
Sign him up for a camp this summer. Around here there are lots of different type of camps to pick from,,hiking, sports, day camp.
In some way you need to build up his confidence.Do you have any friends or acquantices with children his age? Invite them over..order a pizza. Take a local art class.

Yeah, that's a really hard thing to hear from your son.

I suggest getting him involved in other activities, where he might meet other kids.

I think the first thing you need to do is talk with his teacher and see if you get any answers that way. Sometimes the 'friendless' feeling is not so much from not actually having friends as it is from normal childhood insecurities. But if he's correct about the one boy being mean to him, the teacher needs to be aware and dealing with that as much as possible.
You mention that the parents of that boy are really involved in everything at the school. Are you able to get involved more with the school too? It is helpful to be there if you can. Offer to volunteer a day a week in the classroom if you can. This gives you an opportunity to observe more closely and see for yourself what sort of interactions are taking place. Most teachers appreciate all the help they can get, and most parents I know who have volunteered in their children's classes have found it beneficial to them and their child.
Some have suggested getting him involved in other school sports or activities. Also look for activities outside the school for him. You don't need to micro manage his life with activities, but look in your local area recreation guides and find community classes or activities that you think he may find interesting. Let him try some of them out, even if they are just one time activities. Take him to a park where other children gather with their parents and encourage him to be friendly there. Sometimes children find a friend for a day and never see that person again, but sometimes they see the same person at the park time after time and make lasting friendships. Each type of friendship has advantages for the child.
Another thing is to be sure your child sees you interacting in good friendships with other adults. Our children learn from what they see us doing.

You've gotten some great advice that I agree with. Even nice, sweet sensitive boys get instanly popular and confidant when they start taking Karate lessons. And it's great talking to a teacher, because sometimes as moms, we are oblivious to what really goes on 9-3. You ask how was school you hear "fine." Not, "the kids pick on me because I have cheap shoes."
This is going to sound silly, but, Is your son friends with his dad, uncle, or big brother? and thier buddies? Your son needs freindships to model. If he and dad could join a scout troop, he could watch how dad approaches new people and initiates friendships. Maybe dad could take him to bowling league when he goes, or to the driving range, or wahtever he does during his guy time. If that's not an optioon, maybe look into the Big Brothers program. My husband takes our son to the barber shop and he gets a healthy dose of how guys interact there. They have special guy time and go bowling. I
've also coached him how to approach a kid with a compliment or an offer. "Hi, my name is Isaiah. That's a cool backpack." or, I'm Isaiah. I have hotwheels in my backpack, wanna play?" These 2 approaches make him feel more confidant that his freindship overature will be returned and takes away the major fear he had. WHich was, "I don't know what to say."

i agree to get him involved in some activities out of that school setting. Baseball, basketball etc..etc... through a church or private organization.

Have him take a Myers-Briggs personality test. It can be done with kids and it will give him (and you) an idea of what his personality type is. I was the same way in school and thought I wasn't normal for YEARS until I took the test when I was 25 and it all made sense. I have been able to accept myself and understand the way I think and socialize. It will help him (and you) work on ways to make friends as well as show him how many personality types there really are out there and fitting in doesn't necessarily mean being "just like everyone else".

I would put him in a team sport or band, something that puts the same group of kids together on a regular basis all working toward a common goal. that will build and strengthen friendships.

Have you tried involving him in sports? So much of the time young boys don't need the clinging of friends as much as girls usually do. You might tell him to look around for a friend that seems quite and try to help another boy out by being there for him. Also, I don't know if you are religious or not, but children involved in church a sunday school class, awanas through different churches are available for children. My 10 year old grandson that was visiting one year said "Grandma, do we get to go back before I go home? He said the sunday school teachers seemed so nice-I got candy for being here the first time, but that isn't why I want to come back they are just so nice?. " Look around and see what you can do for him in his community at parks, recreation and hopefull it will guide him how he can make friends at school. Explain what you went through and let him know you understand the situation, but you are going to help him.
D.

I would get him involved in other activities and then when you see a nice boy, talk to his mother a bit and arrange play dates. . I have never been to "click-y" (I know that is not a word-smile) myself, but I did want my son to have good friends and become confident. Plus there are a few mother's now that I can say hi to and strike up a small conversation with and meet at the park to play.

I was a loner too, especially being 9 and 11 years older than my brother and sister. I was happier when I was involved in something. I was happiest in band, but I tried other things along the way. Wish I would've done something in High School though. I spent more time worry about keeping friends, that I never did anything for myself. The happier people seem to be the ones who have a passion for something.

Love, you just read my life with my son. I had that same exact issue a right when school ended. My son said he doesn't have any friends (he's 6). He said the other little boys tell him to 'go away' and they shove him. Now the animal/mother instinct in me wants to tell to bust those boys in the mouth next time they do that...which would be wrong, I know. :) But I told him to just completely ignor them and don't even give them an opportunity to mean to him. I know how you feel. It broke my heart when he told me all of this and that it hurt his feelings when they told him that. I had to walk in the other room b/c i was tearing up. He will have friends...I had just one friend up to high school. I was always the loner or 'outcast' if you will. And I know too how it feels. This will all change in time. He'll probably grow up to be the most popular boy in high school. I know you just want to protect them from everything but he will get friends. I'm sorry you are going through this also. Ask him if there are any other kids that play alone or are very shy and tell him to go up to them and strike up a friendship. I'm with you girl!!!

Maybe you could find out a couple of kids he likes that are outside of the popular social circle and call the parents to meet and set up play dates. I think that will help. Cultivate the friendships with a couple of the good, sweet kids. Try as much as you can. Good to tell him he does not need to be friends with the popular crowd or mean kids. (Btw, those that were popular in your school don't always stay popular or end up having a hard time adjusting to that later in life.). I'm glad he's telling you. Hang in there.