8 Yr Old Daughter Is Rejecting Grandmother (Additional Info)

Your answer sounds like a combination of the two who already answered :) - make sure something more didn't happen than just your daughter's jealousy. I have a HORRIBLE relationship with my mother and wouldn't leave my son alone with her if you paid me.

That being said, if she is behaving badly for no real reason other than jealousy, she needs to be taught how to behave. Spanking doesn't teach squat, especially in this situation - it would be like saying "be nice or I'll hit you!"???

Respect must be a two way street, and our children need to learn how to live and manage their relationships in our society. Perhaps more family time needs to happen during the day - everyone having fun. Dad and grandmom can hang out in the evenings more easily, anyway, or they can do lunch - if dad's at work, then lunch w/his mom would be a nice break. Be creative and instructive.

Good luck and I hope it works out.

First off, I am not an advocate of spanking. Hitting your children is wrong in my eyes. Maybe I feel that ay because I was spanked/beaten as a child and I have no respect for my parents for doing that. I also set aside the special needs issue. She knows right from wrong.

Did anything happen between her and grandmother that could make her feel this way?

Now I will get reamed out by the moms on here but....my daughter 13 has not spoken to my mom since last December. My relationship with my mother is not the greatest and has been strained for years. I fly with my daughter once or twice a year to visit my mother. THis is what my mother did that has damaged my daughter's relationship with her dramatically. We flew in last Dec for a quick 3 night visit. Daughter wanted so spend some special time with grandmother (this was made clear before we left TX). I do have a selfish mother who likes to think she is perfect. Instead of welcoming us, within 1 hour of our arrival, she had a house full of company. 2 cousins who live nearby begged to sleepover so she let them. The next day, there was no time alone with her and this went on and on. My daughter MIGHT have had 1 hour alone time with my mom. And my mom wonders, why doesn't she want to come see me, etc. I told her that she did want to come see her and she made the visit so busy with other people that she forgot about the grandadughter see sees about once a year. SO everyone was upset with everyone and still is to a point.

Forward ahead, we are going back just before Christmas this year and hubby is coming along. This time, my mom is "insulted" because we have chosen to stay in a very nice hotel and make that our home base. That way, we can visit whomever we want and when. Being from a divorced family sucks because you are pulled in different directions from both parents. That is why we are doing the hotel "home base"

Sorry, TMI there. My point is maybe something happened to make your daughter feel this way. My daughter could care less about my mom right now and she hates the fact that we are going back, even to a hotel. She knows that she is expected to treat grandmother with respect when she is there and who knows what will happen on this visit.

I hug my daughter and tell her how much she was wanted and planned by us and that we will always be there for her.

Good luck with your situation.

My daughter is 4 and started acting this way bout maybe 6mnths ago with my own mom and dad, more so with my dad who lives in Austin, what i have figured out is she doesn't like the discipline, my mom contradicts me but my dad, her dad, and I do what we can. I can be a softie but have gotten way better about it. My daughter has become a bit clingy and jelous as well. I just apply biblical principles and reinforce the disipline and how much she is loved. I hope this helps

Have you tried you and your daughter, or her and her dad, conspiring together to do something surprising for her grandma? Whether it's making breakfast in bed or picking a bouquet of flowers or drawing a picture - whatever - sometimes it's easier to be nicer to someone new in a familiar situation than it is to be nice WITH someone new in an unfamiliar situation (such as having them in your house and your dad not at work all day).

Assuming that that goes over well, then Grandma can surprise the child with something - a picture, a note, breakfast, whatever..

It's a game, back and forth, that gradually leads into a much kinder relationship. Eventually, maybe grandma and grandchild can conspire to do something nice for mom and dad.

Make sure you take pictures and keep records - before grandma goes back home, the four of y'all may make a scrapbook or a family website to keep in touch all the way in Mexico - where they can still surprise each other back and forth, and that way maybe avoid this kind of issue next time.

S.

Couple elements at work here. You have a 27 y/o son and 8 y/o daughter, doing the math I am going to assume your husband's mother is elderly. Has your daughter been around her much? You say she is from Mexico City, so another assumption, your daughter doesn't really know her. What I have observed in my son when we have introduced him to elderly grandparents/great grandparents, whom he has not been around much, he is a little leary of them. Let's face it, from an 8 y/o perspective, she looks strange, smells strange, talks strange, and everyone is expecting her to jump into your mother in law's arms and play granddaughter. Your daughter is overwhelmed and uncomfortable, so she is lashing out because she doesn't know what else to do. All she knows is this smelly, wrinkly, stranger has shown up, isn't going away, and is taking my dad's attention. (Pardon the terminology, I was speaking 8 year old.) My son has done the exact same thing, no hugging, touching, and at times has been down right hateful. Of course, it absolutely mortified my husband and I and, like ya'll, hurt the grand parent's feelings. However, I really tried to put myself in his little shoes and this is where I came up with this theory. So, maybe take a different approach. Stop pushing her toward the gm. Act like you guys could care less if she likes gm or not. You and your husband, try leaving the room with the two of them alone, maybe watching t.v. or doing an activity your daughter is comfortable with. See if gm would be up to playing barbies, or whatever your daughter likes to do. Your daughter isn't doing well with the pressure of "you are supposed to love grandmother!" All this being said, I am sure as your daughter matures, she will appreciate gm very much. Blessings to you.

Try and see if they can work on a project like a family photo album or a scrapbook-- or maybe your Mother-in-law can teach her a FAMILY Special recipe that "only" your daughter and her will know about and then see if they can make it for the rest of the family.
Explain to her too-- that her grandmother is NOT getting any younger and this time with her is very precious and that not everyone has a special grandmother to visit for this wonderful summer time.
Then really sit down with her and figure out what is really wrong... She can't act/treat anyone like this esp. her grandmother.....

I noticed you said that your MIL is from Mexico City... Is there a cultural difference that your daughter is unsure about. I ask because I see this with the young kids in my family. My husband's grandmother is from Mexico and sometimes the differences in accent, language (when she is not speaking English), and way of doing things can be overwhelming for the little kids who are not around her on a regular basis. Talking about it and turning the differences into "special" things that they can share with great grandma seem to help.

Often younger children are not necessarily exposed to different cultures/languages/accents for extended periods of time so we have to help them understand why the differences are fun and how to behave and interact with people who are different.

Good Luck.

Does she speak good english? My husbands grandmother is from puerto rico and speaks broken english and when we went to vist (although the kids were extremely excited ages 6 and 9) when we started to spend time with them they both became very aloof. The language barrier was intimidating to them and so was the culture difference. They didnt behave badley but wouldnt spend time with them and when hugging would pull away. I spoke to them about how they would feel if I did that to them. They acknowledged it was not good and then I gave them solutions of how to bond. It turned out to be a great experience and a great lesson for them and us. I do think that giving her more attention makes it worse. I dont allow jealous bones. I think if you can teach her to praise people for a job well done it will help. At 8 years old she should be aware of how her actions and words can hurt or help people you may need to treat her the way she is treating the grandmother. Then use her feelings to correct her behavior. I would also set the kitchen up for them to bake cookies or do a craft together and let them bond over something. Be consistent with not allowing jealousy maybe teach her to give by doing some voulunteer work (age appropriate) so she can feel greatful and learn to share. It doesnt sound like she has had to share much. good luck I know it is a stressful time having her here and them not getting along so well. I hope you get some helpful ideas.

Addition: after reading your addition, my kids reacted the same way they were intimidated by the language barrier and culture differences. I dont think in this case its about dicipline as much as its about comfort level. I also dont think it is jealousy I think she is seeking comfort. My daughter would get clingy all kids express this differently. What we did was made it fun to help grandma speak english and grandma help grandkids speak spanish. We also introduced the culture through food and a party to include the pinata. Hope that helps!