5 Mo Has Difficulty Self Soothing.

Hi,

First of all, let me give you a piece of advice about all of the "experts and doctors" out there. Don't listen to a word they say. Okay, some of what they say is good but they definitely do not know as much as they think they do. Half of them have never even had kids. The only way to learn what you should do is to experience it for yourself. There is no "right way" to put baby to sleep. I have four boys and let me assure you, not all of them will EVER self soothe or go to sleep on their own, while they are babies. My second child out of four was the only one that would ever do that. My oldest would not go to sleep unless he was rocked to sleep. My third one would sleep if I was lying next to him. My fourth had to be nursed to sleep until he was a year old and I weaned him. Now he goes to sleep on his own, but only if I'm lying next to him, so he feels secure and doesn't think I'm going to leave him.

I don't believe in letting them cry it out. They are only babies once; enjoy every second with them while they are tiny (and all along the way). If you let your baby cry and he continues to cry, then he is probably insecure and afraid; he thinks that you left him. He just wants to fall asleep peacefully in your arms and there is nothing wrong with that. That just means that he is going to be a happy, loving baby because he will know that he was loved and that his parents wanted to hold him.

My mother in law used to ridicule me because I never put my boys down when they're babies. Okay, I let them get down to try to crawl and lay on their belly and all that when they're old enough, but I'm right there beside them. It's not that I was paranoid; I just love them to death and wanted to enjoy every second that I could with them. I didn't WANT to put them down. I like watching them and snuggling them and just holding them. Trust me; it does no harm to hold a baby too much, or to rock them to sleep, or not let them "self soothe". They will learn it on their own when they feel secure enough and they are ready. It does not affect how they will "turn out" or anything. My boys were all spoiled rotten and held to sleep and ever since they were a year old (younger for the oldest two), they have gone to sleep on their own, with no troubles. They are very sweet, happy, well behaved, mannerly boys and they are very independent! You are doing nothing wrong... don't buy into everything they tell you. Half of it is bologna! Good luck and have confidence in yourself as a Mommy! You're doing a great job! :)

B.,

I do not think that letting babies cry is good solution for anyone. The parents worry, and the baby gets tremendously stressed- your baby is trying to communicate with you- he wants to be near you, he probably is not ready to be alone. Nighttime can be a scary time for little ones! Even as old as I am , I don't like sleeping alone, so why would I think that my baby would? She has slept with me everynight since birth- and I wouldn't do it differently for anything. She nurses when she wants to- she sleeps, and I sleep, it is great for us.
All this to say, that I think it GOOD for you and your husband to rock your baby to sleep! Letting him cry is not good for him- listen to your baby and do your best to meet his needs. He is not trying to manipulate you- he wants to be near you... so enjoy this time with your baby!
He will learn to 'self sooth' when it is appropriate for his age- which I think it not for several years. We cannot expect our babies to have the reasoning and abilities of an adult. Your baby relys on you for everything else- why should his comfort and security be any different?
I hope you find a solution that is best for your baby!
H.

Your baby's behavior sounds perfectly normal to me. Of course he prefers to be cuddled and held to being by himself, who wouldn't? Personally I am very against letting a baby a"cry it out," exactly what is he supposed to be crying himself out of? Need for human contact? Just keep cuddling and loving your baby, that is what he needs the most! He will only be little once so make the most of this precious time when he acctaully wants to be with you!

Hi B.,
Congrats on becoming a new mommy. It's perfectly normal for you son to not sleep through the night anymore; it comes and goes in phases, especially as they're breastfed only. Growth spurts, sleep patterns, teething-- just about everything changes once you get used to it. It's better not to "expect" a baby to do what you think they should, but just let them be a baby and do what you can to best nurture them.

He may actually be teething (under the gums they drop and bounce back before you ever see them). Try Highlands Teething Tablets. He may just feel unsafe and lonely--does he sleep in your room? Sometimes they need to sleep next to you in a cradle or cosleep with you in bed. Many parents are afraid they'll roll on top of the baby--I've only known of this actually happening with parents who were intoxicated or physically impaired by alcohol or drugs. There are little things you can place in the middle of your bed to help this too.

If you're feeling too tired, it may help you to have the baby close by at night so you can breastfeed laying down...My children did not completely self-sooth (in the middle of the night) until around a year, but I used pacifiers to help that.

J.

My baby Boh used to be a great sleeper when he was about 3 months. He would sleep 5 hours one stretch, then maybe 3 the next. I thought, "By the time he's 6 months, he'll be sleeping 8 hours easy!" Yeah, right! What a fool am I! Here we are, a week away from 6 months, and he has gone back to waking every 3 hours. We have been on solids for about a month, along with breastfeeding. I don't buy into the whole "make sure they're full" bunk, because I've stuffed this kid with food before and he's still up in 3 hours.
It could be that he's reaching a milestone, and that makes him sleep less well. It could be that he misses time with you if you are gone during the day, so he makes up for it at night. It could be that he is just a higher need baby.
Needless to say, I've read a lot on the subject - from other moms here at Mamasource, to Babycenter, to Kellymom, to Dr. Sears compared to Ferber. I, for one, refuse to let my baby cry. It goes against every fiber of my being to do that to my child. Sure, it's tiring to have to get up with them over and over, and go to work in the morning (especially for us mommies who are no longer in our 20's and don't bounce back from sleepless nights!), but I've taken on the attitude that 'this too shall pass'. I am enjoying this quiet snuggling time that only we get to have all hours of the night (even if I do end up dozing through some of it!)
What it comes down to - from everything I have read - is that your baby does not have a sleep problem if you are okay getting up with him. If, however, it is driving you batty and exhausting you, then you need to start trying to change his habits. Some babies are just high need babies (like mine) and need to be held and cuddled more than others.
But, as some of these other ladies have said, trust your mommy instincts and only do what you feel comfortable doing.

If you bath him at night just before bed and give him a good relaxing time by rubbing him down with lotion, he should settle down after being fed and sleep through the night.
I have learned that a night bath is more helpful in getting them to sleep than anything else.
Plus it is very soothing and relaxing to be rubbed down from head to toe.
Just a thought and good luck
Give him a kiss from this granny.

There are two different thoughts out there about this situation. One is to always be there for your baby and let them know that they can always depend on you, the other is to let them cry it out. We went through a similar stage where our baby was sleeping through the night early on and the older he got the more he got up during the night. And of course because I was nursing I was the one who got up. I personally could not handle the idea or thought of letting my little one try and cry it out. I side more along with the side of Dr. Sears where you need to be there to give comfort and support to the baby. My son is now 8 months old and still gets up during the night, especially on the nights where I've been working the day before, but when he has the time with me all day then he sleeps just fine at night, but it takes some time to get to that point. Just remember that this time that you have with your baby is a short amount of time compared to his entire life. Do what you feel is right inside, the mother's instinct is always the best for their child. Check out these two websites for the different thoughts: www.askdrsears.com and www.babycenter.com I found these two places very helpful in different ideas as to why he might be not sleeping as well as how to help him to sleep longer. Hope it helps!!

When I read that you have white noise playing all night, not sure what that is -- music? It may not allow him to fully fall asleep. When my now 1 yr. old was in the car w/ us and trying to sleep he screamed until we turned off the radio and then fell asleep. Sometimes, they just need it quiet. I agree that allowing him to cry so long is not the solution. If he doesn't stop in 15 to 20 mins. you need to go see him and find out what else he needs. Sometimes they have gas and need to be burped, are hungry or tired. He may be ready for solids and not getting enough to eat during the day on just your breast milk. Boys especially eat a lot and need the nurishment. I started feeding mine rice cereal w/ some formula and increased it to add some fruit as well for the taste, around 5 months. He was doing the same thing and this seemed to help tremendously to sleep better through the night. He still wakes up 1 to 2 times a night and wants to nurse, more for comfort and a drink. They get thirsty at night like we do. Around 8 months I started putting him down for naps and at night when I could tell he was tired but fighting it. He would cry for a few minutes and then settle down and go to sleep. This has helped him learn how to put himself to sleep, but 5 months may still be too soon to try. Hang in there.

I did the cry-it-out method when my 10 month old was 6 months old. The longest she cried was 45 minutes and now she hardly ever cries, just maybe a few seconds and falls asleep or just lays there till she falls asleep. I would say to try it again, but if it doesn't work after an hour or so, give it a month. Good luck.

Hi B.,

I also have a 5 mo son, strictly breastfed. He has gotten so that if we leave him to go to bed and he isn't tired, he starts to cry as soon as he realizes that we're leaving. Do you have a set bedtime routine? This is what we do:

As soon as he rubs his eyes (usually around 7:30 or 8) we know he's tired, and take him into his room. I turn on the white noise machine to ocean sounds, get him changed into his pjs and then take him to the rocking chair. I read him a story while I nurse him, and I nurse him til he stops eating (he may still be sucking, but no longer swallowing, and not sucking very seriously). Then I gently burp him, and lay him in the crib and put him in his wearable blanket (he is no longer swaddled at night, he sleeps better out of it now). I give him his teddy bear and turn on his mobile to rainforest noises, and he usually is very quiet and goes to sleep.

If he isn't quiet, and is fussing, I will pick him up again and rock him a moment, then lay him back down with my hand under his head, then gradually move away from him and leave the room.

We will let him cry for up to 5 minutes, but no longer, and usually even if he's screaming he falls asleep within 3-4 minutes. Don't let him cry for more than about 10 minutes. If our son is still crying at 5 minutes, I go back in, see if he's still hungry, and then either feed him more or put him back in bed like when he's fussy. Your baby will learn how to self soothe, but it is helpful if he has access to his hands to suck on in order to soothe himself to sleep.

I hope that helps! Good luck!

T.

Try feeding him some cereal. A lot of moms will tell you that it's stupid, but he really is old enough, and having something solid on his tummy will help him sleep. I don't think he is too young to cry it out, either. The first few times it literally can take hours, but once they learn, it only takes a few minutes, and you'r enot a bad mom for teaching him this important life skill. And please, please, don't follow the suggeston of the woman who says to co sleep until they are two...good heck, who wants to have sex when they have a two year old in the bed? Not only no fun, but also, I don't think thats right.

Please consider trying something other than letting your baby cry it out. I recommend the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" or do some research on the benefits of co-sleeping. (Dr. William Sears is a great resource.) Not all babies are self soothers. My first one most certainly was not, and no amount of letting her CIO would have worked. Thank goodness because there are better ways to get your baby to sleep, and I became a better parent because of it. All four of our babies have co-slept with us. We have never had any problems transitioning them into their own bed, around age 2, and letting them learn to fall asleep on their own at that age. Your baby will go through many changes in the next couple of years, and his sleep patterns will change often. Respond to his cries now (it's the only way he can communicate at this point), and he will learn that he can trust you to take care of his needs.

There's a great sleep book out there... "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. My DS1 was never a good sleeper (and high needs all day long, to boot) and I finally found that book when he was 15 months old. My, how my life changed then!! :)

The author actually studied sleep (her method is not just anecdotal)and includes some useful information about sleep cycles, and how babies' cycles are different than adults' cycles. There are different sections for different ages because of developmental differences that might factor in. I used the book successfully when my DS1 was 15 months old. I told 2 friends about it & it worked for them, too. And one of them told her sister, who also had success with it.

The best news of all? You don't have to "let" your baby cry it out. Okay, he'll probably cry a little bit, but you get to be *right there* to soothe him... and you can still get him falling asleep on his own in just a couple of weeks!

I should really charge the authors for all the plugs I give their book! ;)
O.

PS. From an allergy standpoint, please ignore the suggestions to feed your baby cereal. Current recommendations are that you wait 'til at least 6 months to introduce solids.

let him cry. He'll be ok

O gosh, that is so hard. With my 3 yo my husband had to hold me while I cried. Eventually the 3 yo got it, and I survived. It was so hard. I have to say though, 2.5 hours does seem like a long time, maybe there is something else going on, like an ear infection.

I agree with Michelle, every baby is differnt and has different needs. It sounds like Colby needs to be held and that is ok. My little girl Morgan is the same way, she is just not a self-soother. So I don't put her down until she is full and has fallen asleep in my arms. Sometimes she sleeps 5 hours sometimes only 2 before waking. I just pull her into bed with me (I have a bedside co-sleeper)feed her and she is usually back to sleep within 15 minutes.

There have been studies that the CIO method can leave stress hormones in the body. Thus leading to mis-trust and even learning problems like ADD down the road.

Hi B.,
Congratulations on your new little one!!

In my opinion, 5 months IS a bit too young to cry it out. I'm ALL FOR crying it out; I used that method myself when mine were little. However, he's still pretty young. I believe he still needs your reassurance that he's not alone and that you're still there for him. Have you tried to just rub his back or tummy after you've put him down? I personally don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with him falling asleep in your arms (at this age). Enjoy it! It will all come to an end, before you lnow it.

If he's still giving you grief when he's say... 9 or 10 mo's old, THEN is the time to cry it out.

That's my opinion, anyway! Good Luck!

M.

B., in my oppininon your baby is still to small to cry it out. what I have learned is that you should put them to bed let them cry for 15 min and then sooth them and repeat.
You could also try the putting your arm threw the crib and rubbing his back trick. he just might feel insecure about being alone.
good luck

B.-- I'd have to agree that 2.5 hours is way too long to let a baby cry it out. I also think it is great that you are breastfeeding exclusively. It is my opinion that babies do not need anything else for the first 12 months. And, 5 months is probably too young to learn to self-soothe. I think you are doing just fine by picking him up and then placing him back in his bed when he's asleep. You could try doing that when he's just almost asleep. Place him in bed and maybe rub his back. You could try not swaddling him too-- maybe he wants to kick around a bit. Perhaps he doesn't like the white noise anymore--

One thing you want to keep in mind too is that if you always have it dark, quiet and perfect at bedtime; you might find it more difficult to put your child down later when you can't provide those perfect conditions; like when you are traveling or even just having some friends over for dinner.

Co-sleeping works for some people, but that wasn't an option for me. I couldn't sleep a wink that way and I witnessed far too many of my friends who had a major battle re-introducing their child to their own bed. So, as a result I often found myself with a pillow and blanket lying on the floor next to my child's bed, till they fell asleep or got over their nightmare phase. This made it a lot easier for them to be used to staying in their bed.

B., Hi Good Day, Sounds like the little one is not full. If you ever been around children and even adults. When we have a full stomach, we fall asleep. My little one was put on baby cereal at 3 months.He than slept all night long, We would give it to him around 11p midnight, and he never woke. I use to get up all the time, checking him. It was amazing. Check with your doctor and see what he/she says about it. Yes, breastfeeding is great, but sometimes, not enough, Some children it is great, easy, and then there are those who are needing more. Healthy he was.*my son*. Good luck

If he has been sleeping through the night since 3 months olds, I doubt he is waking up because he is hungry. The whole feed him cereal to make him sleep better is actually an old wives' tale. If you give him cereal before his digestive system is ready, it can actually make him wake up more because it may make him uncomfortable. The problem is that he is more self-aware now. All of us - at all ages - wake during the night. It is part of our normal sleep cycle. If we don't remain awake for more than a couple of minutes, we just don't remember it. Babies, like the rest of us, get used to certain routines & conditions to help us fall asleep. That's why you may wake up more during the night if you are in a strange place. If your baby doesn't learn to self-soothe, he will need whatever he is used to to go back to sleep - in the middle of the night. So if he is used to being held to fall asleep, as he gets more & more self-aware, he will need you to go in and hold him whenever he wakes at night to get him back to sleep. If he learns to self-soothe, he will put himself back to sleep when he wakes at night. That being said, every kid is different in when they are able to self-soothe. It can be as early as 4 1/2 months - but average is probably around 6 months. With my kids, they were ready around 5 to 5 1/2 months. Then I would start to sleep train them. It's a kinder, gentler way of letting them cry it out. If you just leave them to cry it out for too long, they can feel abandoned & scared & then they may learn to not like their crib. First of all, have a bedtime routine - it can be anything - just do the same thing every night, i.e. bath, bottle, book, song - whatever. And have a consistent bedtime & nap times. Even if that's not really your style, doing it for a while will help him learn it's time for sleep. Consistency is key. Then lie him down in bed with no noise, lights, bottles or things that won't be there in the middle of the night when he wakes. Leave the room and let him cry for a couple of minutes (2-3). Come back & soothe him but don't pick him up. I sing to my babies, pat their back, let them know I'm there. Then leave again & stay away for a couple of extra minutes (4-5 total). Come back & soothe again. Repeat this process until he falls asleep. He will be comforted knowing that you always return, but kids eventually feel like it's not worth crying for a long time to may it happen. Do this process every time you need to get them to sleep - naps, bedtime, nighttime waking - and have him sleep in the same place with the same conditions every time. He'll figure it out. When your baby is ready, this system goes pretty smoothly. If he cries for more than an hour at a time, he may not be ready to self-soothe yet. Go back to what works & try again in a week or two. If he gets to about 8 months & is still resisting it, you can be a little more firm & let him cry for longer because you will know he is ready - just stubborn. For my kids - all three - the first night was the hardest - each night got easier - until within a week, I could put them in their crib & leave & they wouldn't cry at all - they'd just put themselves to sleep. They are 4, 2 & 8 months old now, and they rarely wake up at night. We literally have our sleep interupted maybe a handful of night a year. It's fantastic. Hope this helps & works for you. If you need more information, check out books by Ferber & also books by Mindell. They explain all of this much better than I. Good luck!

i also have a 5 m. old. Do you sleep w/ him? I understand the lack of privacy, but it could help. maybe he just wants to be w/ you. I would try going to bed together then sneaking
away for mom & dad time.: ) Z.