4 Year Old Thats Too Social??

If the neighbors are on the same page aas you it would help... Tell the other parents that its ok to tell him no and tell him to ask you... But if they are like me, I am 100 percent ok with sharing anything my kids have with other kids... Or fulfilling their needs even if no other kids have any... I don't want to over step others bounds but I also want the kids and parents of the kids to know that my house is a safe haven for kids and if something happens that their kids are comfortable with coming to me for help...
Its one of those double edged swords things... Some people may get offended while others see it as no big deal...
Keep on telling him and he'll get it eventually...

I very much agree with the last post...you are doing a great job. My son is also very social and though it can be annoying at times, I would just keep doing what you are doing and reinforcing your expectations of him. He will get it eventually. I also agree that I wouldn't mind if I was the mom your son came up to. Most people are only amused by a friendly child, not annoyed.

Nancy...I really don't think it is a manners issue. You are doing all the right things. It not in his mind being rude by asking politely for his needs to be met. Maybe you could give him a stuff animal to take care of when you're out in public, so that his attention would stay closer to you at hand. I have triplet 4 year old girls and because they are always apporached by strangers it just seems normal to them to ask anyone to meet their needs. Another idea would be to give your son responsiblity when you go out to place where you don't want him meeting stranger...setting up the picnic table, and stuff like that. This way he might just want extra attention. I know the girls love to do little jobs and feel like a big help. But just remember you are doing a great job, just look how confident your son is about himself. Self confidence is a very important lesson to learn and that is very hard to teach!!!!

Hi, I think that what you are doing is great. When I am out at the park with my daughter, I have no problem with kids coming to say hi, especially if my daughter is playing with them. I do, however, think as you do that asking for things and getting into people's business is not cool. I had this happen to me at the park a couple weeks ago and it was very frustrating. Two little girls not only came over with their dog to say hi and play with my daughter, but sprawled out on my blanket uninvited and proceeded to help themselves to the snacks in our bag. My daughter wanted to share so she got out some pretzels. Next thing I know, these two girls are taking handfuls of pretzels and feeding them to the dog! I had to then take them away. They also threw a fit when I only had one applesauce cup that my daughter had been eating and they couldn't have any. They kept whining at her to share! The point of this, and the worst part too, was that the mom, instead of getting her kids to behave, came over and made herself comfortable right next to my blanket and didn't say a word about her kids horrid behavior! So not only did she not stop her children, but she made it perfectly clear that she saw no problem with the situation.
Anyway, sorry this is so long, but the point is that talking to other families at a park or similar place is fine in my opinion, as long as the parents make sure that their children are respectful of other people and set boundaries. I think that you have made it clear where the boundaries are and he will eventually gain the self-control to observe those boundaries without being reminded.
One suggestion I have is to tell him as soon as you go somewhere what you expect of him and what will happen if he does not comply. Also, try role playing with him at home. Use dolls or action figures and set them up on a 'picnic', then show him how to talk to someone while still respecting their space and when to leave someone alone, like someone with a sleeping baby or who is eating, reading or working.

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but I think what you are doing will work eventually, you just have to keep at it.
Good Luck,
K.

Hi Nancy, that is very typical for this age. They are budding socialites! My son is the same way and he's 3 and a half. Keep consistent and he'll get it. but instead of being embarrassed you should be flattered. Your son is so secure and happy. He sees you as being a kind, loving, nurturing and giving individual and just assumes all moms are that way. So when he sees another mom with something interesting he just naturally wanders over. Plus, it NEVER bothers me when a little one comes over to say hello. I enjoy my children making new friends. I, however, wouldn't give juice or chips or anything out of respect for the parents. I would simply say "go ask your mom if it's o.k.". So, you might be a little embarrassed but chances are the other mothers don't mind. We're all mothers, if anything we can sympathize with each other! Stick to it, be consistent like you have been and don't stress out about what other moms think! Have you considered starting to teach about "strangers" there's a video i've been meaning to order for my son, I heard it was good. It's called the safe side. Best of luck, sorry this was so long.

I agree with some of the others that you are doing the right thing. I also think that telling the neighbors is a good idea, too. That way they won't feel bad about telling him no, and can lend a hand in teaching him to always ask mom first. Im sure they will be more than happy to help, if they have kids, they've been there, too!

It's a tough situation and I feel your pain. My 4 year old is very shy around new people and we are always looking for the 'middle ground' on teaching him to be polite, but not TOO polite. There is a fine line between talking to strangers and saying hi to the clerk at Target!! LOL How in the world do you teach a 4 year old the difference without being confusing?!?!

Good luck to you!
~L.

Nancy,

At that age you just have to keep a vigilant eye on them, they aren't old enough to comprehend the consequences of actions like that. Also your son sounds very social and not afraid of venturing off by himself. Four year olds are a lot like toddlers still, almost there but not quite.

S.

My son was pretty much the same way at that age. My advice is to keep doing what you're doing...it will pass. Most people won't be bothered by it since you are on the ball and correcting him. It's the parents that let their kids do whatever they want that gets annoying. Seriously it's a phase and it will pass, but you will have to keep reminding him. When he gets a little older...start putting a little more fear into him about strangers.

I have an almost 4 and a 5 yr old... They are very social and don't have any fear. Recently, I started telling them of "worst case" stories. Like strangers taking them away and never seeing me again. I usually do what you are doing and just try to keep reinforcing, but once in a while I will throw in the stranger danger stories. They listen with wide eyes and want to talk about it; ask questions.
Recently, we were at cousins house and they were playing in the front yard. A minivan drove down the culdasac slowly and turned around to go back, all slowly...I watched as my kids and their cousin waved and walked towards the street. My sister tried to explain to me that she thought it was the neighbor from down the street and her son might know them. I was still scared for them all and brought them in for a pow wow. I told them that the van could easily stop, grab them up and drive away...never to see us again. I don't know if they totally got it, but could it hurt?
I wanted to tell u this because no one else mentioned it. I am very causious not to do it everytime cause I dont want them to be afraid of everyone now. The other posts are all great advice. I just wanted to give u another perspective. Good luck. He'll get it eventually.

have you thought about having another child? a four year space works really well, i am sure he will make a great big brother

He does sound like a delightful little guy. And I admire you for staying on top if it so other moms don't get the feel that you are endorsing his rounds of requests. My thought on this issue is that you keep gently, consistently reminding him, firmly, but still lovingly. He will get it soon enough. Until then, moms with understanding hearts will know you're teaching him. Moms who may be getting irritated are just going to have to do that without you worrying about it. You keep loving and encouraging him, he'll be just great!

Dear Nancy,
It sounds like you are doing a good job being a consistent mom reinforcing your rules over and over; you also set the standard that if this didn't stop, you would have to leave the park and then he conformed (Love and Logic) and that is good news. I don't have much advice except that truth be told our kids will embarass us and this will be esp so on the things that we were taught as "inappropriate" growing up. I am the mom of adult children and I had to "eat crow" many times for the things I always said "MY kid will never ___ (fill in the blank" - it is much harder being a hands on parent like you are. Much easier to sit in a chair and bark out orders then to go over and get him and rexplain your rules - you are doing a good job. While you may eat crow and get a red face from him asking the neighbors for some juice, just keep reinforcing what your expectation is like you have been doing. And someday his straightforwardness will become an asset since he will be able to speak up for himself and ask for his needs:) M.

I'm not trying to be judgemental, but why is your 4 year old able to walk off on his own in public places. For his safety, especially since he is so comfortable talking to strangers, you need to be with him and not let him wander off on his own. That would solve a lot of the problem. Good Luck.

I know how that goes. My daughter is the same way. It's not always easy to keep an eye on them when you're trying to teach them to also be independent, right?

Anyway, you don't want him to turn into a "scared kid" but have you tried instilling a little fear into him? Not a lot but just say "You know, even though some people look nice, they may not BE nice and you can't go up to people I don't know". And then just explain a little about how some people aren't very nice to children, even though they LOOK nice. Also say, "From now on if you want to go say hi to someone new at the park we'll have to go say hello together so I can meet them at the same time".