Talking About Strangers

I highly recommend "The Safe Side: Stranger Safety" DVD by John Walsh. It gets the point across very well without scaring kids at all. My kids loved watching it and practicing the techniques. It also gave me a new way of approaching stranger safety that feels right.

L. Mirante

I'm happy to see that someone else also recommended the video "The Safe Side". I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old who totally stop what they are doing and watch that video from start to finish. It's funny, goofy and serious without being scary. I highly recommend it. In fact, when my son was 3 one his preschool teachers borrowed it for a week-long lesson on stranger safety and the kids really got it.

I also agree with the other poster here who said to teach the difference between a "surprise" and a "secret". Even if he doesn't completely understand the difference right now he will eventually.

Good luck!

We have always told our daughter not to talk to strangers unless we give her permission to talk to them.
For example, if we are at the grocery store and someone says 'hello' to her. It's ok to say hello back, but only after her dad or I say it's alright to do so.

She is almost 10 and she is still cautious about who she speaks to. We were at a gathering a few weeks ago where we stayed at a hotel. The desk clerk said Hello to her and she wouldn't acknowledge him until I told her it was ok to do so. I then explained that she doesn't talk to strangers. He completely understood and knew she wasn't being rude.
Most people will be understanding if you let them know that your child isn't being rude by not talking to them. Just tell them that your child doesn't know them, therefore he won't speak to them without your permission.

Also be sure to talk to him about 'good touch and bad touch'. Kids are very intuitive. They know when something doesn't feel right.
Also, never force him hug or kiss someone he isn't comfortable with. Even if it's your favorite Aunt. Have adults ask his permission before they get a hug or kiss on the cheek from him. Tell them that if he refuses, that it's ok.
Many times kids are forced to give an Aunt, Uncle or whomever a hug even when they don't want to. Parents are afraid of offending family members so they force the kid to tolerate it.
This teaches the kids that the adult always is in control and has to be obeyed even if it doesn't feel right to them. It makes it easier for adults who are up to no good to get a kid to go along with what they want.
A child should be allowed to tell an adult 'no' in certain circumstances without being punished for it.
You have to teach him the difference in saying 'no; because something doesn't feel right and saying 'no' because he doesn't want to do something he should.

I agree with Nan and Stacey; it is NOT only strangers! In our family, we have taught our son the difference between a surprise (something that people will find out about later and it will make them happy, like a present) and a secret (when someone never wants you to tell, that people get hurt when people keep secrets). He totally gets that and whenever someone casually throws out the word "secret" (even his pre-school teacher) he declares that secrets are bad because they hurt people, but surprises are ok. I have realized how often people use the word "secret" when they really mean "surprise"! But he knows the difference and is quick to correct people. I have heard good things about the DVD Stranger Safety and intend to get it for my son as well.

My mother gave me the best advice on this topic. She did this by using it on me when I was a kid! It's simple and effective. Here it is:

Be nice to every one you meet, just don't go anywhere alone with them!

Children of all ages can understand this as well as use it. My mom said this to me throughout my entire childhood as well as when I first went off to college!

Good luck!

K.,

I would say talk to him now, you can never be to safe with your childs safety. If someone is looking to kid nap a child they wait for you to take your eyes off him for even one second and that is all it takes. You can axplain it is ok to talk to someone if mommy or daddy is there but ever to go to some. Also explain what a stranger is. I have always talked to my son and my nephews about strangers (especially if we were going to a place where alot of people would be) and there was a woman at a local movie theater that tried to kidnap a little girl and to on lookers everyone thought it was her mother by the way she was talking to the child till the father yelled. I sat down to ask all the boys what a stranger was and I was so surprised at what they said to me. I had always talked to them about it but they didnt even know what a stranger was. Good luck and I hope this helps.
J.

K....3 yrs old, IMO, sounds good. Yes...in today's world it is a challenge to properly warn children without making them fearful of interacting with people and being friendly.
R. Conte

I started talking to my son (now 6) about strangers when he was around 3 years old. I had a Winnie-the-Pooh bedtime story book collection that addressed the issue nicely and had the "Stay Safe Rules" listed in a chart. Although he is now six, I continue to talk to him about what is safe and what is not. You can't be too careful!

I have been talking to my son about this since he was your son's age. I don't always talk to him about people either. Stange dogs or animals are strangers too. My son is very outgoing and talks to everyone everywhere we go. But I am cautious and tell him to be on his best behavior anytime we're in public. I don't give the "anyone you don't know is a stranger and people can hurt you" bit. But I have explained to him what strangers are. They don't always understand but you have to start somewhere. He's 4 now so he's starting to get it.

i agree with nan d. at this age, it is your responsibility to keep him safe from strangers. but realistically, children are abused constantly by relatives. no one can ever say "oh my (father/brother), etc would never do that. its been said before and has still happened. yet you can't keep your kids in a bubble from friends and family, thats rediculous. better to smarten them up about appropriate behavior. good luck :)

Safe Side Superchik in STRANGER SAFETY

and Safe Sife Superchik in INTERNET SAFETY

Good luck!!!

Hi K., I guess you will talk about this as the opportunity comes up. I know my 5 year old granddaughter says to me after I have said hello to someone "do you know her"? I tell her that I am a grownup and I know mom said "don't talk to strangers" I guess it is most important not to walk away with a stranger. Maybe you can start when your son is a little older. Grandma Mary

K., I don't think is never too early to give the basics, but I wanted to tell you that one of my friends told me about a video something called Strangers Safety or something like that made by John Walsh (the guy from Most Wanted) it is a very nice and also funny movie for kids. I got it at the library or you can buy it.

Hi K.,
This subject is an ongoing dialogue with kids, and they really won't get it. If you ask kids whose parents have talked to them about stranger danger, they're likely to say a stranger is a big scary man. They dont' understand that a stranger could look like mommy. They think that if someone knows their name, they aren't a stranger (it doesn't occur to them that it says "Dylan" on their backpack or that someone could hear their friends on the playground call him that). They see YOU talk to strangers. It's really a tough subject. It is something that is addressed in school. At this point, I would tell him (repeatedly) that he is not to talk to any adult who you have not told him that you know. But adults make it hard too, because strangers (nice strangers, the supermarket cashier or a granny at the park or someone on the subway with you) talks to a kid and then comments on their shyness, when the child is following parent's directions in not talking to this person. So the kid really does not know who to talk to and who they shouldn't.
Good luck

K.,
I would start now. My daughter started nursery school when she was 2 3/4 years old and they talked to the kids about strangers, first it was by reading a story and then they talked about it. The director had a parents meeting so that we could follow through at home. When my son was her age we started talking about strangers and got the book ourself; we did the same thing with the other 3 boys and found it worked great. One thing did happen, one of the grandparents that would pick up his grandson once in a while loved my daughter's curly hair and touched it, my daughter and her best friend freaked out that a stranger touched her and finally they showed the director and us who touched her. Although it was quite funny at the time, as he really wasn't a stranger to us parents or the school, he was to the girls. Trust me when I tell you this guy was not just anyone, his son-in-law was an internist in town and he was a retired physician as well, but they came from Italy and as an Italian myself I know that is just the way they do things. Anyway we ended up introducing the grandfather to the girls and all was fine afterward. We did learn that the kids got the message, even though they were under 3 years old. I say start now, it isn't too early.
Hugs,
T.

K., I don't have any first hand experience with this (yet), but there's an article in August's issue of American Baby that discusses how to teach your child to find you if they get lost, and touches on the stranger topic. Check it out.

http://www.parents.com/preschoolers/socializing/social-gr...

Good luck - and be sure to post how you went about talking to him - I'd love to hear how it went!