4 Year Old Not Playing by Himself!!!!

Hi
Well, you sound like a great mommy. How about inviting another mom and her child over for a play day. You two go in the kitchen and sit and have lunch or tea while they get to know each other and start playing without you. Take them to the park maybe together. Gradually he'll detach from needing you for play altogether all the time. I know those Disney Sing A Long videos were my lifesaver when my child was that age. They learned so much from them too.
T.

Our area has a VPK program. My daughter was that way for awhile, but is in school mon-fri, for 3 hours a day. It's free through childcare services, and it's fun b/c she gets so excited about her friends. You could try gettin him a leapster too. It's educational, and it would entertain for awhile.

Do you have any friends you can trade out with?? I have a few, we swap kids all the time. It gives mine someone to play with, which means they leave me alone for a little while, and it gives the other mom some quiet time. We trade out, about 3-4 of us, for date nights, mom nights, or just to have an afternoon to run errands. It's awesome.

You could try puttin him in sports to. Most of the things at the rec center, they only have to be 4.

HI W., I am about to give birth.. and do not speak from experience but I would say find..playdates a few nights a week or take him for a walk to burn some of that energy..so he knows that is his time.. and when you get home he can sit and draw while you work.. or help you with chores.. Gees. I am sure its not easy and I wll soon find out for myself. Best to you.

I have an almost 4 year old (3 1/2) and you would think that with the zillions of toys he has -- he could play by himself. No.

In my experience, with my 5 & 7 year old, that skill doesn't appear until kindergarten or really 1st grade.

If I set my son up with cars or trains or coloring, he's happy for about 10 min? maybe? I have had the most success with playdoe (at least an hour)......he plays with the playdoe & cutting with scissors (great for the hand muscles & writing development). But I am in the room & he's chattering away which is fine (language development):)

I go nuts sometimes when I am trying to get some work done or just household duties.......and he wants to play. But I realize that I haven't spent enough time with him & moreover, who wouldn't want to play with someone else? We, humans, are social beings!

Of course, you want to develop their ability to entertain themselves, but just like the mom who asks if she should let a 3 month old infant if she should let her baby "cry it out" at night because the baby shouldn't be hungry........you just shake your head. Experience has taught us better.

Now my 7 year old is my "teacher" & her 5 yr. old sister behind her. My 5 1/2 year has JUST started wanting to read in her room & draw, build with legos and basically, have alone time.

So, my 2 cents, 4 years old is still too young to expect that behavior. Of course, there may be some 4 yr. olds who develop this skill early, but in my mommy groups -- i haven't met them. That's why they invented preschool/VPK & other 4 year olds!

Oh, and parking in front of the t.v., of course, is not good - -but you can steal an hour in the a.m. & p.m. to accomplish some things......the leap frog learning videos & other educational videos are great. Also, we are dazzled by superman lately.

my 2 cents
of course, i'll be interested to see what other moms' experiences have been,
p.s. our 3 1/2 year old goes to bed at 7:00-7:30, still a lot of time to get mommy work done

Repitition, repitition, is the key. Try figuring out something he is interested in and show him how to play with it. Then you just walk away. If he seeks you out, just calmly and silently return him to his toy. You have to keep doing this until he understands that you want him to play alone. I had to do this with my son. My daughter was even worse. Some days my 5 yr old daughter still won't leave me alone. Repitition and consistency is the key factor. Good luck!

My 2 1/2 year old is very similar when he is home. He'll even play on his own when I'm in the room with him, but he can only keep himself occupied for maybe 10 min on his own.
I don't think there is anything wrong with either of our sons thoug--I think it's their age. And with you being a single mom, I'm sure he wants to see you all he can when you are home! But of course you need some time too, so I would bring him along on any chores you can--laundry, dishes, etc.
If you need time to cook or do something where he can't be in the room with you, find a good 20 min or 30 min educational show for him to watch (I love, love, love the DVR for this reason since I can play educational shows when I need them). There's nothing wrong with a little TV and age-appropriate, commercial-free, educational programming can be very beneficial (in limited amounts, of course). Check out PBS and Noggin, and if you have TiVo or a DVR and cable, the Disney channel has some great morning programming that is commercial-free and geared towards pre-schoolers.
Also find other moms to hang out with that have kids a similar age. Local parks are a great place to start or if your child is in school look there and see who lives close. I find that having just one mom over and one child is awesome because the kids really do entertain each other. Or swapping is great too because many times--two kids are easier than one!

Hello.
Have you ever thought of a drop-in daycare. I am not sure of any around your area, but near me there are a few that allow for social-time. A few hours a week just to mix and mingle with children his own age. Also, maybe there are some local playgroups around you to introduce him to some friends and maybe a few of your own! Good luck!

Just so you know, four years old is not too young for a child to play by themselves. It's all in their personal developement. My three year old little girl, will play dolls, princess and will sit and color or play with puzzles all day long. Just yesterday, she stayed in her room looking through all her books while I cleaned my room for two hours.

Now, my cousin's son who is a few months younger than Lily is not like that. He is wide open and hangs around Mommy all day. I've always wondered if that is just one of the differences between girls and boys. My advice would be to let him watch an hour-long program on the tv so you can get some work done and then you take a break and play with him for a while. Or let him hang with you while you work (color while you do paperwork, fold a towel while you fold laundry...).

Get creative and have some fun.
Good luck

Hi, Have you tried getting him involved at church or anything where he can play with kids his own age? I don't know if you are interested but, the church I go to has a wonderful children's program and all kinds of things to do for kids. It is important for him to have others in his life besides you. Which I am sure you are aware of, so I am not trying to talk down to you or anything. We go to First Baptist Jax and love it (FBCJax.com). Our daughter loved it right away (we had just moved here) she was 4 and instantly loved everything they had to offer. There are lots of caring nursery workers that could give your child some extra attention if they knew he didn't have a dad around. I will keep you in my prayers. :)

Get him enrolled in playgroups or a Mommmy and Me class where the kids learn to interact w/ others and Mom's are there w limited participation. The older he gets and when he starts school he will want to play with his peers and not look to you for attention as much. Trust me, you will miss it too! They grow up so fast and before you know it they are teenagers and you are wondering why it went so fast. Play, Play, Play with him as much as you can you are developing a beautiful Mom and son Bond and teaching him about playing fair and fun! When you have to stop playing to do your house work or your own work give him an option to "help" Mommy so her work or give him his own "work" to do your teaching him about time for fun and making time for responsibility. If he does not want help you with "work" (ie pick up his toys,make his bed on his own it wont be perfect but praise him for it anyway) give him another option or something for him he can easily do independently but he needs to learn you have to have your time too and he will.

I am a 43 year old mom of a 14 year old. We played and played in those pre school years and I miss those days! The older they get the more independent they become on their own and the trick as a Mom is recognizing when to let them go. Trust your heart and gut your doing great!

ok ready deep breath in !! lol. I am in the same boat as you until I found a mommys morning outprogram my son went 3 days a week from 8 to 12 and i could get things done. IF that isnt what you are looking for then one thing that also helped me was I started playing with Brody then about 5 min into it I would say mommy has to go do this I will be right back build me something. I would swap the clothes and then check him and say you building for me. it would keep him excited to continue and slowly doing things like that made him play on his own. Not sure if you have direct tv but channel 295 is great!! it is called the goodnight show. my son is 5 and loves it. also disney is great. 2 hrs of tv a day is ok. you arent a bad if he is gaining something out of it...at least i dont see y not =] Diego, Little Einstiens, handy manny!! they are just tooo cute!