4 Year Old Acting Sneaky and Stealling

We made our then 6 year old do community service when she stole a $20 necklace from EXCITE gymnastics.

They were great! The owner was willing to say thanks for bringing it back, and of course I paid for it since she had worn it in hiding for a week. I talked with the manager and we worked out that she would come in for four hours (min wage being about $5 an hour divided by the $20 she took) over the next month while her sister was in class.

She cleaned the bathrooms, wiped down the tables and chairs, cleaned the doorknobs, the ballet bars, the mirrors. Needless to say, Lesson Learned, and she also reminds her sister of her community service when she tries to "sneak" things without paying for them.

My son when he was around this age tried to take some candy from walmart, we caught him before even getting out of the store and my husband took him right down to the police station where we live (he called first to let them know what we were doing) and the officer there was so wonderful and talked to our son about what happens to people that steal and of course we go to church and so when we got home we had a lesson from the bible about stealing and the ten commandments.....needless to say he has never even tried to take anything else and he's now 12.

More for you than him - watch the movie "Time Changer".

My 4 year old hasn't taken anything from the store, but he has gotten sneaky around the house. He's even snuck an extra banana and eaten it on the sly. How he managed this in our little apartment is beyond me.

However, be did make him go to the store and buy one banana with his own money. He only gets money by doing chores for pennies and nickels. This was a huge blow to him as he was saving up for a snack he's only allowed to get with his own money (french fries).

You've had lots of good advice. I hope you get this licked quickly.

I think that a 4 year old knows about cause and effect well enough to understand what might happen if he continues to do this. I would sit him down and tell him that this is absolutely unacceptable behavior, that you do not take things without asking, tell him that you know that he knows it is wrong or he wouldn't be trying to hide it. I would then tell him how much you love him and that you know he can make better choices. From there, if it happens again I would make him confess and apologize, have him explain why he did it and why he should not do it again, make him take responsibility for his actions. Help him to have an understanding of what he is doing. HTH!

K.
Helping MOMS work from home!
http://www.stayinghomeandhavingfun.com

It must have something to do with the age. My 4 yr old is doing the same thing. She took a jewel from Hobby Lobby the other day. She hid it under her dress. I sent her to bed early and grounded her from cartoons for a week. Everytime she wanted to watch TV I would remind her about stealing. She has seemed to have gotten the idea now. Good luck, I;m pretty sure he will grow out of it. I dont even remember my other 2 oldest having this issue.

When our son was about that age he took candy from a store. He got in the car and said look - My husband took him back inside and the man was going to say oh, that's ok...but my husband shook his head and the man got onto him and made him put the candy back. This made a big impression on him and of course we talked about it more ar home. Maybe try that.

I'm going another way here....I don't know that this is a stage. My kids didn't do it, but they did other things!

However, I don't think it is so weird. He is only four, after all. Keep in mind he is only four and still learning about "right and wrong" etc... I would recommend that you speak to him and kindly explain why it is wrong, but I would not take away everything. Might be too harsh and will backfire.
If you haven't already, consider asking him why he took what he did from your office or room? Let him tell you, and don't just him. Then, ask him how he would feel if you went sneaking in his room and took his things. You want him to learn about mutual respect. If you become too punitive he will focus on being bad and how to circumvent the system.

Model the mutual respect and Tell him (and nicely in an explanatory way...avoid anger) that in your family you care about each other and don't want to hurt each other. For example: we don't take what isn't yours without permission.

He will see that you follow these rules, model that, and should grow out of it just fine. I doubt he even gets the concept of "stealing" yet.