3 Yr Old Not Sleeping Through the Night

my son is five and still comes in to snuggle us in the night after using the potty or after bad dreams. Not sure if you have all the background on this child or what he has been through, but even children suffer trauma and stress and the subconscious works it out in the night, which may be what is happening. So this is why the child will want the reassurance that someone is there to keep him safe and secure.

I agree with the previous mom's post... this is a touchy situation and you have to build that bond - and it takes a while to build. I would just have patience as it sounds like this little one has been through quite a bit.

Even with my son now, I really don't mind if he comes in. We snuggle for a bit and I put him back in the bed. I feel the bigger deal I make of it - the worse the issue is. (as it can be for most cases.) However, if he is sick, he does understand now that he can get Mommy and Daddy sick if he comes into our bed at night. These are the nights he just wants one of us to snuggle in his bed for a few minutes for that reassurance. I see nothing wrong with it as it is the beginning foundation for them - it establishes trust, faith and security. When they are old enough to fully understand and comprehend the matter - then I will explain it more to my son that Mom and Dad really need a full-nights rest to feel our best as he just does not put the concept together yet...

Also - you may want to take the nap away or reduce it to thirty minutes. My son gave up naps at that age, to my dismay, but it helped him sleep better.

E., it really does sound like you have made huge progress and this calling out is just another step on the pathway to him feeling secure enough to sleep by himself. He is only three, and to be honest when my 12 year old was three he would still wake in the night several times. Some kids are just like that. I am sure that it will gradually improve. Also, you are lucky he is still napping. If he starts to show signs of not wanting to sleep, let him drop the nap and see if he sleeps better at night. Good luck -Alison

My almost 3 year old is doing the same thing. Walking the floor at 3:30 in the morning wanting comfort. I give him a hug, put him back in bed and the next thing I know he's with daddy doing the same thing. Continue encouragement. He will grow out of it. My 5 year old did the same thing.

You can TRY a comfort toy, a stuffed animal with a recording of your voice inside (helped with my granddaughter), a nightlight, etc., but it sounds like you have done a wonderful job with him and you may just have to do all this comforting until he's older. God bless you for taking in this needy child.

I can only speak from my limited experience, but I'm guessing it's his age. So much goes on in their little heads that wakes them. Or maybe he is just a light sleeper like my boy? Nevertheless, I, too, recommend the few minutes of reassurance and comfort, then retreat to your own bed leaving him to his. My 3 yo had a spurt of a few weeks of waking and it's (mostly) now passed, and he is sleeping through the night. Good luck; you sound like a great mom.

Awesome! Good for you! Just continue to reassure him and love him and it will happen. There is a reason that he wants to check in with you. Meet that need and it will pass.

Congrats!

S.

This is touchy because you are in the process of adoption. If it was a kid that you have had for 3 years, I would say just don't repsond to the calling, however, you are establishing a bond with this child (and an awesome job it sounds like you are doing). I think you have to just keep plugging away with it. Reassure him that you are always here and you don't need to call us. Try not going in every other time he calls. Or tell him if he wakes up to just snuggle with a stuffed animal and pretend it's you or your hubby. Maybe give the child something with your scent on it. Good luck with it, I know how frustrating it can be with kids that should be sleeping through the night... I have two of them. LOL

Hi E.!
We adopted a boy (along with his 2 older sisters, ages 8 & 10 at the time) 3 1/2 years ago. He is almost 7 now. We went through the exact same thing so I will tell you what we did and hope that it helps you.

First of all, we were his 4th home at 3 1/2! Secondly, at the last foster home (the only one he remembers) he was the only boy for a while so he was in a room by himself. The foster parents went to bed and locked their door so he was completely alone at night. It must have been beyond scary. It makes me cry to think of my boy being so alone and so scared. For a long time, he would crawl into our bed in the night and hold on to either me or my husband for dear life...like he was afraid to let go for fear that we'd be gone when he woke up. It was getting harder and harder for us to sleep but we felt so bad for him.

I started doing this ritual every night and it really worked! First I would lay in his bed and read to him-this helped him associate his bed with something happy. Then, I would rub his feet with peppermint lotion. It would totally relax him and it feels all warm and tingly-even after I've left the room so he could still feel my presence. Then I would spray "monster spray" around his room because 'monsters don't like pretty smelling stuff'. It was actually a lavander spray. Lavander is supposed to be good for inducing peaceful sleep. I would also tuck him in nice and cozy with several "friends" (stuffed animals) that he picked out. It would take a while to get it all done every night, but I got pretty efficient at it and he started sleeping through the night. One-by-one, he decided he didn't need each one. First was the reading, he wanted to read in the living room so he could sit on my lap and get rocked, then he decided that his feet felt pretty good so I really didn't need to do that anymore, and just this week, he decided that he was so big & strong, that monsters should be scared of him so he didn't need the spray anymore. Yeah!

We've come a long way! Now, he sleeps like a baby! Hope all that helps and please feel free to email me (____@____.com) if you have other questions or if you just need to vent. I felt so alone when I started out because people really didn't get what we were going through. I hope this has been helpful.

Best wishes to you and your new family!

L.

You have made great progress so far! Keep doing what you are doing, be reassuring by letting him know you are there for him, he will get it. Lots of toddlers go through this. How wonderful for him that he has you! No worries.