3 Year Old Won't Poop on the Toilet

I'm in the same boat. My daughter is three and pees on the potty with no problem. She refuses to poop on the potty, to the point we are starting to have problems with constipation. I'm going to try a sticker chart and after she gets a certain number of stickers from pooping on the potty, she'll get a prize. I also know I tried gummy bears every time she peed on the potty, maybe I'll try that with just pooping on the potty. We'll see. Good luck!

HI R., My advice to you is DO NOT switch her back to diapers or pullups, it just confuses them. Since you have her in underware, I think you just need to keep at it. Hopefully you will get some good ideas! Best of luck to you!

My daughter was the same way. She would not poop on the toilet. We tried several different things. Treats, surprises, reading books, etc. She was in panties and would come to me and ask for a diaper when she needed to poop. I didn't want to force the issue and create a bigger problem, so I would ask if she wanted to poop on the potty. She would answer, "No. Just a diaper." Until one day, she came and asked for a diaper. As usual, I asked about the potty. She stood there and thought about it for a minute. To my surprise, she said "Ok." From that day on she was pooping on the potty. It just had to be in her own time. Be patient, she will get it. She is not going to go to high school in diapers. Good luck.

Do not go back into pull-ups or a diaper!! My son was the same way. He was terrified of falling in the toilet like in the disney movies like Flushed Away. The toilet seat inserts move around a lot so he never felt comfortable and would not poop on the potty. I finally found a toilet seat called the potty pal that has the kid seat built into a normal size toilet seat cover. As soon as we put that on the toilet, the problem was solved. No more movement and his fear went away and we have never looked back. I highly recommend looking into the Potty Pal. We got ours at Target.com I believe. Good luck!

Hi R.,
I understand your frustration. If your child is as stubborn as mine, bribes will not work. Somehow they get it in their heads that it will hurt to poop in the toilet. I made everyone stop talking about it for a week. I handled the messes matter-of-factly, and low and behold at the end of that week he was pooping in the potty. My child is the type, the more you push the more he will push in the opposite direction. You have to figure out what works best for your child then do that. Good Luck

My four year old was still the same....at 3 she was potty trained except that she found ways to hold it until bed time, till I put diapers on etc. We finally told her wet wipes were for babies, as she was no longer a baby, if she filled her pants then we'd hose her off. We live in southwest Colorado and have very cold well water. I showered her bum off in cold water. It only took 2 times and she was "trained"...

Have you tried reading the book Everyone Poops? It worked for our son, once he saw that he was not the only one who pooped he was not as scared about using the potty. I know you don't want to buy a small potty but some kids are scared when the poop comes out and makes a splash and hits them!

We actually used plain old bribery : ) For every successfull delivery, our daughter was able to pick up a match box car from a lot we had sitting in plain sight in a basket in the bathroom. We also made a big deal about it everytime it happened and called the parent who was not home to relay the good news etc. We bought cars as long as needed, and once it became fairly routine, we used up the stock. To us, ths worked well, because it helped her being somewhat in charge of the events, but she also understood that there was no car, if the delivery did not happen into the toilet.

Hope this helps!
D.

Hi R.,

This could be something called Encopresis. Sometimes this isn't due to stubborn or manipulative behavior but might rather be physiological or psychological. Just a possibility! You can do some internet research on it, but go to Wikipedia for a definition, causes, diagnosis and treatment information. Just a thought.

We had the same issue with our son. Except he holds it in. Occasionally he'll let us know, but most of the time he waits and waits. I'm kind of thinking it's a control thing, but I don't know. I just tell him he's a big boy now and big boys go poopy in the potty. When he does go in the toilet we make a big deal out of it. We have special "poop" candy, we turn on the water fountain (to help him out), and we sing a song. When I know he has to go, I'll ask him once or twice and if he tells me "no" then I say "well if you change your mind let me know." It seems to work for us, but every child is different. I wouldn't stress too much. As my friend always says, "If they're walking down the aisle in a diaper, then there's a problem." She'll get it.

I have been potty training my little boy for the past 2 weeks. He pooped on the potty for the third time today. He has been going every morning right after breakfast. I keep trying to catch it but he has been going when I am cleaning up the breakfast dishes. So today, he went pee and I told him he needed to stay until mommy finished the dishes. I would then come back and check on him. His sister went in to read him a story, they are usually playing together at this time anway, and it worked. I have no idea if it will work tomorrow. This is only the 3rd time in 2 weeks, imagine the number of poopy undies I've had to wash, UGH! So, I guess I am trying to say, keep the faith, it will get better. And, figure out how to stick with her routine as much as possible. Good Luck!

my 3 year old, who is now 9, revealed that she was scared of the toilet! She is still leery of some public toilets, and wants her big sister to go with her. I didn't realize at the time that was what it was....It was something she couldn't communicate at the time.

Hi R.,

I'll say this as simply as possible: time to stop talking, and time to be the Mama.

This is really common, but you're also "putting up" with it.

My son is as resistant as they get, but I didn't let him make #2 an issue (and trust me, he tried - LOL!).
T

My son did the same thing and so did my brothers son. Kids sometimes will go #1 but not #2 and some will go #2 but not #1 on the toilet.

We struggled for several months with our little one and nothing made him go when he finally did other than it was his choice. We were so frustrated we didn't know what to do. We tried bribing him with candy, toys then we tried taking things away or time outs and in the end we just felt bad. We finally stopped getting frustrated and let things happen as they may. If he went potty on the toilet great, if he didn't we just reiterated what a "big boy" was supposed to do. (in your case a "big girl"). Then one day he did it---he went #1 and #2 on the potty. I know this is not what you want to hear but just hang in there, she will do it when she's ready.

Be consistent with your potty routine, don't give up, don't stray from it and don't get mad at her or you will scare her from wanting to potty. That's the best advice I've got.

Trust me I totally understand what you are going through......

I wish you the best and keep us posted on how things go.

:)

My daughter - she trained in 2 days, no problem peeing in potty, went right to underwear, but wouldn't poop in the potty no matter what! She wanted a pull-up and would only go in one. UGHHH! I tried EVERYTHING, bribes, rewards, etc. I went back and forth between "no pressure, honey" and "this is gross!" but it didn't matter. Every time I tried to encourage her, it ended up in a fight. Easier said than done, but I bit my tongue and backed off.

She would never really articulate "why" and I think it was some fear, but also some stubbornness. One of the big issues was that she always pooped standing up and really wasn't comfortable sitting. We tried major and minor bribes and nothing seemed to work. She would cry and scream and have such a fit! She was really frightened and upset. She never pooped in her undies, though. She would hold it forever. So the idea of just "not giving her a diaper" or saying "we ran out" didn't work for us. She'd hold it for so long that we'd end up with a very constipated kid and it'd hurt when she finally did poop - 4 days later!

SO - here are my 2 BIG RULES: no pooping in underwear, no pooping anywhere but the bathroom!! First, we said she had to go into the bathroom - that's where people poop - not grunting in the corner of the living room... (why do people let their kids do that? lol) She would go to the bathroom, I'd help her put on a pull-up and she'd stay in the bathroom and do her business. So she had to miss out on whatever else was going on - playing, etc. She was not allowed to wander around in that diaper, going when and where she felt like. I'd clean her up and then put her back into underwear.

We then gradually worked on SITTING on the potty (in the pull-up.) We wrapped up about 25 small presents (playdoh, markers, little toys, etc) and every time she went sitting on the potty with the pull-up, she got to pick out a package. She knew that when the presents ran out, it was time to go without the pull-up. She really wanted a "real" camera, so we said she could get one the day she pooped in the potty. When that day came, she was very upset and cried and didn't want to, but I really pushed her and stuck to my guns. After she did it ONE time, that was it. We bought the camera and never had another problem.

I've also heard of people using this tactic and then cutting holes in the pull-ups, so they'd wear it and sit on the potty and end up going IN the potty, "wow, honey, look at that! what a surprise!"

Sorry to say, this went on for nearly 8 months after she was potty-trained! But once she finally did it, she never had an accident and never had a problem after that. I kind of wish that I got tougher, sooner. But then, it wasn't worth having her get horribly constipated and in pain. And really, once I got over MY anger and frustration over the whole thing, I realized that she only pooped once a day, never had an accident and was in underwear the rest of the time, so it wasn't such a big deal to do this one diaper change a day. I have known and heard of lots of kids with this pooping issue!

Is your daughter strong-willed? My oldest is and I swear everything was (and still can be!) a power struggle!

I would recommend taking the big girl panties away and put her in a dress at home. May sound mean to others, but it worked for me. I had tried everything else and was so frustrated! I had the special potty, the special potty seat that went over the toilet seat, the stools, the wipes, you name it! Taking away the pull-ups was the only thing that helped with my son. I told him, "poop goes in the toilet, not your pants" and left it at that.

If she messes on the floor, make her help clean it up. After a couple times, I'll wager she'll stop. It sounds to me you have to be firm and just not budge on this one. Worked for both of my boys! Thankfully my daughter was a breeze!

Good luck!