3 Kids and Have No Interest in Sex

"His Needs Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley. The introduction has a lot of stuff about affairs, but if that doesn't apply, just keep reading. The rest of the book is very useful.

Who has the energy to have sex! I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old. Sex has been mostly non-existent in this house. Even got pregnant with both the first time we tried.

We've been married 9 years. Love my hubby tons, but I just have no interest. I read somewhere that to have a libido, you have to use it.

I think it may be a matter of waking it up, so to speak. We are spending increasing amounts of time cuddling and kissing. Maybe sometime soon I will decide I want to have sex ;-)

Time to put your marriage first!!
I saw that someone suggested The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I very much agree!
Get the kids out of your room and out of your bed. Or get you and your husband out of your room and be creative.
People are suggesting date night once a month-sorry, but when you have young kids, that just doesn't cut it! I have seven (oldest is 11, #8 is on the way), and trust me, if we didn't put each other first, life would be a nightmare for my husband and I. Don't think that to have a date night you have to hire a babysitter and add to your expenses. It only needs to be time with the two of you together just focused on each other. Sure get out when you can, but don't skip "Date night" just because you aren't going anywhere. Most of our date nights consist of putting the kids to bed earlier (they can stay in their rooms and play or read or sometimes we'll even put a tv in one of the kids rooms and they watch a movie together), and dh and I get our "date" together. Whether it's making a nicer dinner, playing games, sitting and talking or just popping in a frozen pizza and a dvd to watch without kids, it's OUR time. The kids have learned over the years that mom and dad's date night is mom and dad's time, and they respect that. I have one friend who even went so far as to call it "king and queen's night". lol Whatever works!

I remember when I first hit that point of feeling like my husband was just another thing to check off the to-do list....it was rotten. We had 4 kids 4 and under, he was working full time and in school, we lived in a place where I didn't feel like I had many friends, and things were just hard! Life isn't easy, but unfortunately it is easy to let the everyday stresses step in and get in the way. For me there came a point where I realized that if I just continued to go with the flow that we were headed in a direction I knew we didn't want to go. It was about that same time that I was watching a talk show (it was kind of like The View but it was all guys-Dick Clark, Mario Lopez....can't remember what it was called...), and they had a marriage therapist on. There was a challenge given to a handful of married couples that they had brought on the show. The challenge was to be intimate every day for seven days. It was not to have sex every day, but to show some form of intimacy; cuddling, holding hands.....something that included physical contact and focused your attention on your partner. I figured I had nothing to lose so I thought I'd play along.
It was a real eye opener for me to see just how much my husband needed that physical reassurance and affirmation. It sparked a complete rejuvenation for us and really hit home for me how much he needed that from me and that I had been so focused on things that I did or didn't want and the areas where I felt I was being slighted and not supported, that I hadn't bothered to really focus on what he needed for quite some time. I was floored at how much more he was willing to do to help me (without me saying a word!), when my focus was shifted even just a little bit more to him and his needs as my husband.
Give it a shot-you've got nothing to lose.
Take a little more time to take care of yourself each day too so that when he gets home you feel like a real person and not just the mom and the maid.
You certainly can't quit all of your responsibilities for a while, but it sounds like it's time to reevaluate your priorities and make some adjustments.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want different results, it's time to do something different! GL!

Sexual desire begins largely between the ears. Sounds like you have what one doctor I heard on the radio called the "Angry Vagina" syndrome, to point out the connection between feeling loved, supported and valued and good sex.

Find ways to talk about your issues with him. Counseling might be helpful, and I'll bet there are a thousand good books on the subject. He probably "knows" most women need TLC to be attracted sexually to their mates. But he may not have internalized that knowledge. And there could be things he'd really like you to know about him and his emotional needs, too, though men aren't usually so good about talking that through without help.

You and I have a lot in common. I have three kids, work at home, keep up a large house on my own (very little help from hubby), have another baby on the way, just turned 40, I am wiped out and do not think about sex whatsoever. Oh yeah, I get bitter too.

Here are a couple of things I have done to keep bitterness in check. First I found a site called flylady.com. The site helps organize your day and life so house chores do not become overwhelming. Second, I make sure I have date time or alone time with my husband so I can be sure I remember the person he is and why I fell in love with him in the first place. As far as sex, I just make sure that I do not say "no". I totally get the whole pulled all directions and being sick of the demands but I also know that the more you let it go the worse it gets. The last thing I do is find something for me that makes me inspired. It changes all the time from books, to a mommy-show, to a personal place to go. Right now I have a daily book by Joel Osteen called "Your Best Life Now" that I read each day.

The hardest part is to look into yourself and deciding who you want to be. I hate feeling nasty and bitter (which I do still feel once and a while), I don't want to be that bitchy wife and mother that forgot to enjoy the gifts put in front of her (which I am sometimes). I want to look back and remember that I loved making dinner for my family and eating together and laughing, I loved just sitting on the floor with my kids and playing and yes even loved that I had a beautiful house, children and a husband to take care of (which I forget sometimes).

I call my negative thoughts my demons and when I am feeling nasty, I just take some time and try to think myself out of it. I know it sounds silly and cliche but you are the only one that can change you the rest of the family relies on you and they just don't get it.

Good luck and I hope you find your happy place.

I was just like you, and I almost caused the end of my marriage. Men get action, not talk, so you can tell him you love and desire him, but every time you turn him away he feels you are lying to him, because if you did love and desire him, than you would desire to be with him. If you keep this up you will push him away. I am not saying one has to always say yes, we do have a right to be tired, but you can not always say no and expect him to just accept that as ok.
When you do say yes, even when you do not feel that desire, do you end up having a good time?

Read "the proper care and feeding of husbands". Some of it may seem outdated, but the simple concepts she points out are things too many woman have forgotten in todays society. Ideas like the fact that we do not stop being wives when we become mothers, and that if we always put our men last, they may very well leave. We treat our men like they do not matter, like we can get around to them later, if and when we feel like it, but we know full well that if they treated us that way we would never stand for it. I have also found that when it comes to sex, the more you have it, the more you want it. Sex really is a very important part of a healthy relationship, especially to men.

Some may speak out against this book, saying it degrades woman, but that is not true at all. In fact, I have found that most of those who say it is a bad book, have not read it, and are simply going off of what they have heard. It does have some old fashioned ideas in it, but as with anything, you take what works and leave what does not. I have used some of her concepts recently, and the results have been amazing. My husband now showers me we love and respect, and affection, and all I had to do was make a few small changes in the way I treated and related to him.

Wow I used to be like that too, but it was because I was severly anemic. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Even if there is nothing medically wrong with you, your husband needs to understand that you have one of the hardest jobs there is (well actually three) Wife, house keeper and mother.

Your hubby needs to compromise a little bit. If you can't sit down and talk to him, write him a letter and leave it here he can read it alone. Let him know that a maid is a small compromise compared to the benefits he would reap in the long run in the bedroom.

Count your blessings and be grateful. You have a husband who supports you so that you do not have to go out and earn money to support yourself and your children. You have a house to clean, and a big one at that! You have children to take care of. You have a husband who is willing (albeit grudgingly) to rub your back. What a lot to be grateful for!

I have been in a similar situation - less a house of my own and the husband to support me. So, believe me, you have a lot to be thankful for. And, I am here to tell you that exhaustion is a fact of life no matter what you do, so deal with it.

Take some time to rest to deal with the exhaustion and tiredness, and make a deliberate choice to look for the positive and to be thankful for what you have to deal with the bitterness. Your attitude - and your consequent happiness - are your choice. You can choose - by choosing your attitude - to be happy or miserable, regardless of your circumstances. And, if you choose to be genuinely grateful for what you have, you have gone a long way in choosing to be happy.

If you choose to be happy, positive, and grateful, the effects of this will come back and bless you and your relationships amazingly (I can attest to this from my personal experiences.) If you choose to be negative, self-focused, and bitter, the effects of this will also come back to you, and will corrode and destroy your relationshps and experiences. It is totally your choice.

Good luck! And good choosing!

Lots of good advice below, so I won't make mine too long. I would definitely read the Love Dare, and also highly recommend the "Five Love Languages." It is amazing to me how much better my relationship with my hubby became when I started really affirming how much I appreciate everything he does for our family. Once he felt appreciated/loved/RESPECTED (big one for men), he stepped up with the kids and the house even more.

Also, I have to strongly disagree with the person who said it's all about being a "GOOD MOM" and that they come first. A very important part of being a good mom is making sure that your children are raised in a home with parents who are still in love. I always think of it this way: "Do I want my children to grow up and have the same type of marriage they see my husband and I having?" Years ago, the answer was a definite "NO." Now, I can honestly say yes.

Also, I agree with the poster who said to have your thyroid checked. I have been dealing with feeling exhaustion for years, but there was always something to blame it on: other health problems, stress in the marriage, death in the family, etc. I finally got checked about four months ago and found that mine was just a little low, but I CANNOT believe what a difference it has made. I actually feel like a real person again! Good luck... I'll be praying for you.

You are doing everything for everyone all of the time.
You feel unsupported (back problems).
You take responsibility for everyone elses feeling and thus guilt runs your life.
Of course you don't want sex. One more palce where it is in your face that you must show up for someone else no matter how you are doing.
I highly recommend "The Art of Extreme Self-Care" by Cheryl Richardson.
You have become lost in your world and you need to find yourself again, care for yourself, get your needs met, and then maybe you can truly show up for everyone else.
You need to give from the overflow, you certainly can't give from an empty cup.

Wow, other than the stay-at home, and the kid's ages, I could be reading my story right there... All I can say is you're not alone, my husband stays at home with our youngest son and barely does anything but the yard work and then wants the biggest praise about it... He's negative towards me most of the time, and I'm with you on the feelings. I work full time and have to come home and clean, do the laundry, dishes, cook dinner most of the time... I could go on and on... When it comes to sex I'm hardly ever in the mood, I just want to sleep when I get the chance. I feel it's a chore too, I even look forward to having my period every month, that's really sad... I've read so much on here about showing him this extra attention and try sometimes to do it, but so much bitterness is built up that I don't know how to let it go...
Hopefully some of the other mommas can give you advise, I just want to let you know you are not alone... and at least your husband works...

I used to have no interest in sex. I was 35 and thought my sex life was done. I had really bad pregnancies with my boys. I was pregnant 4 times with boy and 2 times with girls. All my boy pregnancies ended in premature, or stillborn births. I was estrogen dominant. after my last baby was born, I just didn't desire it at all. Then I was reading about hormone imbalances. I knew by reading the symptoms, I was estrogen dominant. I had major mood swings, horrible PMS, lack of sex drive my breasts were sore all the time. I was introduced to wild yam cream. It helps my body produce more progesterone. Since I was introduced my life has changed. I also got off everything that is shot with estrogen like beef and cows milk. I have a very active sex life about 6 days a week. Not too shabby for a women married more than 30 years huh? Now going through menopause, I find I need a little wild yam cream to make sure I don't get hot flashes. I haven't had a cycle for 6 months, and I feel soooo good. I hope that this helps a little. The other women have made fantastic comments as well.

wow you sound just like me except i have 2 kids. I do work a full time job and tend to all aspects of the house except for the outside work but that is like once a week to mow a pretty small area. We all get home from work and I have to cook, clean, get everytihng ready for bed, feed the dogs, take them out the list goes on and on and then we hit the bed and he puts the moves on and im like 'really?" It is like a chore and i have read the 7 languages of love and explained to him what my love language is. His is apparently physical touch and mine is whatever having people help me is called. I need help and ive expressed it and i still get nothing. I will give into his "love tank" twice a week just to keep him from turning into an a-hole. It is not enjoyable and its not very comfy due to a 4th degree tear and a side episiotomy. I really hope that as the kids get older and more independant my urges come back too.

You need to make time for you and your husband. It may be your responsibilty to do everything but sometimes the husband's need a little push to help out more than they do. I would find a babysitter once a month and have a date night just the two of you. You need alone time to build your relationship. I find myself feeling the same way sometimes, I work full time, take care of house, and kids. The husband tries but I have to encourage to help out more because I have taken that responsibilty away from him when they were born. I find myself trying to surprise my husband when the kids are asleep so we can enjoy each other. I would recommend trying to have your kids sleeping in their own bedrooms so you can start working on your relationship with your husband. It can be very exhausting being a mom but some how we manage to make it through the tough times. Good luck and make sure you start going on dates frequently with the hubby.

Your hubby is just another person in your life but he is the one you have to thank for being blessed enough to be home with the kids and for the 3,500 sq. ft. house. He must work his butt off. I have 3 kiddos 7,5 and 2. I have a 2,600 sq.ft. house I clean by myself plus I do all the errands and about 1/2 of the yard work. We have been married for 8 years together for 13, and we also never leave our kids with anyone. My hubby works his butt off at a job he hates because he loves us and wants me to be the one to raise our kids. He comes home dirty tired, achy, and hungry. BUT I am blessed to have this man come home to me. I let him rest while I finish dinner then I wake him so he has enough time to shower before he eats then in the evening I rub his feet/back/shoulders, why? Because I love him and I love that I get to stay home. I am not often in the mood for sex but I never turn him down. I also try to initiate sex once a month (could be better I know) Just Do IT!! Orgasms are awesome for stress relief and If you connect to you husband sexually your emotional connection will be better too. Don't be bitter and resentful, or you won't be the woman he wants to come home too.

please dont be too h*** o* yourself, or feel bad. i felt like moms dont do that and was grossed out too. also wasnt getting moist either. then i remembered how great it was to be with my husband! you know why? cuz we went to fam counceling. She said date nights once or twice a month for mom and dad was good for the family as a whole. talk to your personal doc, also, as 9 years after my 1st was born, i had to have a moisture duct reopened, cuz some sort of infection got in during sm. episiotomy! i didnt even know about it til i started riding bike this yr and irritated it! it was then big enough to be uncomfortable. i just thought it was scar tissue til that point. if you have someone you trust w/ your kids, and i know youre tired, but remember the fun yo!u had kissin and anticipatin? date nite is TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!! hope this helps. by the way, my friends would come and help me cuz theyre my friends! not alot, but they kept kids busy so i could get my stuff done quicker. usually my kids were ready for nap after. we all piled into "worlds largest bed" ie mom and dads for nap. letting kiddos play outdoors about half hour to an hour between dinner and bedtime routine also helped them get to sleep by 830 before daylight savings begins. long days of summer not helpful at all, but then they get to play out there most of the day.

You don't say how old you are, and I suspect you are just exhausted - who could have a sex drive with all of that - but I still think you should have a general physical with a hormone work up to make sure that your hormones are OK. Low estrogen can cause a drop in sex drive. Low Vitamin D can do the same. Same with a thyroid issue. Have all of them tested just to be sure. If that's not the issue, perhaps it's time to hire a babysitter and head to a therapist. It is not normal and healthy to not want to have sex and be resentful in your marriage. Can you hire a teenager to come give the house a good cleaning once a month? There are SO many people unemployed right now, I see people all the time on craigslist offering great deals on cleaning houses. I am single and a mom-to-be via adoption and I am having a teenager come over to do a major house cleaning. I work full time and when I'm home I have to do laundry, cook, run errands, take care of the yard and pets - and I'd like to have a social life. The cleaning is not done as regularly or as well as it should be but there's no way I can work full time and do this. Taking care of three kids is a full-time job. Also - your husband won't "let" you hire a maid - ummm...that income is both of yours and you both should be deciding how to spend it. I'd write up a list of what it would cost him to hire someone to take care of his house and kids weekly - a maid, chauffeur, personal shopper, cook, nanny, etc.- and give it to him. Tell him that only having to pay for a maid once or twice a month will be less expensive than hiring all of those people.

There is a lot of great advice here. I would add another great book which is Hold me Tight. Readit as a couple as it discusses your needs to bond as a couple on levels before sexuality. He will help you more and you will be able to enjoy and meet his needs more. Best wishes.

honey, i have no interest in sex and i have ONE child.
Of course, after age 3, its gotten a little better.
Seriously, if I'm not drinking alcohol, Sex is the LAST Thing on my mind.

Its all part of being a GOOD mom ;) Putting your child first ;)

PS: I would change the habit of lettin' the 2YO fall asleep in your bed. Trust me on this one.

I hear you loud and clear! I'm in the same boat and wish I had some good advice for you. I'm 46, have 1 and 3 year old boys, and work full-time myself. I could care less about sex. My husband is also a good husband but I'm just not interested. I'm exhausted and resentful at having to work fulltime. The best advice I've heard is from the person who responded that you have to make a choice about who YOU want to be. Do you want to be bitter and bitchy? I know you don't and neither do I. This is just a season in our lives and things will change as the kids get older. I wish I had better advice but I'm struggling with this issue myself. I just don't want you to think you're the only one going through this!

Oh honey I had been going through that for years and I finally started using daily affermations like "I want a healthy sexual relationship with my husband" . I would say it 3 times a day and at first after saying it I would cringe at just the thought. Slowly but surely the cringe went away and was replaced with a smile and now we have a more balanced sexual life.

My husband and I have been toghether for almost 10 years, I am a stay at home mom who does most of the house hold chores as well.
When I read your post I felt this
tug at my heart because I always thought it was just me but I realize that lots of couple if not all go through this.

All I can say is that every day three times a day I would say my affirmation (what ever it is for you) and it has helped us.

I enjoy it more now and my husband has a little more understanding and pacients for me and where I am.

I hope this helps,
B.

Another thing to consider besides being just tired, is that Thryoid malfunction will definitely cause a lack of sexual desire. I had a freind who, the thought of sex with her husband grossed her out- She was suffering from hypothyroid bigtime! She also had uterine fibroids, which are further proof that she had hormone issues (too much estrogen) and needed iodine (which can shrink them).
Your hormones are produced by the thyroid and the adrenals. The adrenals can be burnt out from excess stress and exaustion, or kidney infections or other illness near the gland.

There are things you can take to help adrenals: "Adrenal Stress End" is one idea. Liquid iodine (lugols) a few drops in water daily can help your thyroid.
Taking raw virgin coconut oil, 2 t a day from the spoon, is the basic building blocks for progesterone, which can help balance estrogen and testosterone.
Keep grains to a minimum , and keep soy and corn products off your plate (they are estrogenic). Buy hormone free beef and milk.
Take magnesium citrate or malate- 500 mg daily, and vit b complex liquid drops under the tounge, daily to help create serotonin, support the adrenals, and help with stress. Magnesium gets depleted when a body is under stress or sickness.
There is a product called Progestille that you can find online. This is a form of progesterone. You rub it on the skin, and it helps to lower estrogen. it can help raise libido in men and women. High estrogen levels are libido killers.

I recommend a couple of books:

For him to read " If He Only Knew, What No Woman Can Resist" (get that man to love you the way you really need to feel loved and cherished)

and for you to read: "Sacred Influence, What a Man Needs From His Wife to be the Husband She Wants." (the wife needs to understand what the husbands deepest needs are, once she can show him that support , he will walk on water for her)

Another book that might be worth reading is THE LOVE DARE.

And lastly the Bible was a great help to me.

You've got to get your sex life back, or you may find yourself in a divorce situation before you know what hit you. Take it from someone who thought her husband would NEVER NEVER EVER even think of leaving her, and then announced 2 yrs ago he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. If sex is one of your husband's highest need, and it most likely is, he will not go on forever with a spouse who holds out and finds sex with him revolting. Eventually, someone will come along who will think he is quite charming, who will laugh at all his jokes with a twinkle in her eye, puff up his ego, make him feel attractive again, and can lure him out from under you before you even know what hit you! My own freind did that to me- and she equally enjoyed the flirting and having her ego stroked by my husband because her husband wasn't giving her the attention she needed at home either.

Fortunately thier emotional affair never made it into a physical affair (i stepped in and cut off all contact with her when my husband said he wanted a divorce) but the whole thing was enough for my husband to see that he was still attractive to other women and not so enamored with his fuddy duddy dull wife anymore! Sayin it was a wake up call for me is an understatement.

Get yourself well and try some of those supplements I suggested. Your 7 year old needs to be trained in how to help you clean the house. Invest some time in that training. Although it takes more time initially, it will pay off richly. Then let some of the cleaning go. Hire a babysitter to come on a weekend so you can go out on a date, and slip her some extra money and ask her to do some cleaning too. I bet the hubby won't mind that If he thinks a little love and attention might be paid his way. When you kids get a little older, find another mom who has kids your age, and swap date nights (with sleepovers). If all else fails, find a church and a teen in that church who can babysit for lowered pay. Also- get rid of stuff. Toys and other things that end up all over the house. just get rid of some of it- a good bit of it. The less stuff you have the easier it is to clean a house! Every item you own takes up some of your thoughts. lighten your load.

Get your kids out of your bed. You've got to make the effort to get the toddler into her own room and out of yours! Do it now, the older they get the harder and harder it becomes. You don't want the child in your room/bed when they are six. Don't use the child as a convienient block in the bed to keep your husband away from you. He is no dummy, it hurts his feelings and makes him feel rejected and pushed away.
Give your kids magnesium malate or citrate. There is a product called kidcalm or babycalm which is dosed for their size. it helps induce sleep.
Kids who eat more protien tend to be better sleepers. Kids who are protien deficient and who have a limited diet and eat way to much grains/carbs also sleep much less.

I hope this all can be of help to you. Marriages are very close to my heart, having almost lost mine. I thought I was loosing my whole world, and I was.
I'm glad you were brave enough to reach out and be open. You are not alone and I think your situation is all to common. I am praying for you, momof3, I dont know your name, but God knows who I am praying for. Wishing you a world of peace as you trust your Lord to do a good work in your marriage,

Gail

You need a weekly date night and some girl time. I felt EXACTLY this way before and some couples counseling worked miracles! Also, move your 2 year old out of your room.

One thing our counselor told us, was that "men are like microwaves, woman are like ovens... they need to be preheated all day.. sometimes even days in advance!"

So, when a women feels exhausted and under appreciated, she does not have that desire or ability to even become turned on.

That means he needs to gently talk to you help you out, take you on dates... all week long, and you need to feel valued again, and allow yourself to acknowledge that he still desires and appreciates you.

I agree with all the advice about taking time for yourself, planning time with your husband (and he can help plan that too, btw) etc. I just wanted to recommend a wonderful book called "The Sex-Starved Marriage" by Michelle Weiner-Davis. It really addresses all the issues you mention about how you feel about sex, and how to change that.

I am pregnant with our third, married 6 years, and cannot imagine not wanting sex. I'm sorry you're going through this. I never think about the house, whether or not I'm getting help, when the kids are waking up, or that I'm tired when I'm in the mood. Usually my husband makes fun of me for always being interested in sex (I tell him I'm not perpetually horny, just always happy to become so if he is). We hardly ever go out without kids (a few times a year) and we work opposite schedules, so we both watch kids, work, and try to find time in there for each other, even if it is just a "quickie" before falling asleep or when we try to put the kids down for a nap.

It really doesn't sound as if there is anything to resent your husband about, just that you are worn out. It sounds more like you need a mom-vacation alone to energize yourself and catch up on some rest. We take vacations from each other sometimes (usually that means he goes camping with his parents with the kids while I stay home for the weekend and then go to work, but I get some extra sleep and time to clean). There are so many things that people might recommend to help you feel sexy and interested, but if exhaustion is making you bitter and resentful, then dressing up is just going to make you more so. I think you need to try to talk to your husband about how you feel and what you really need. Moving the toddler out of your room might be a good start--I would not feel like having sex in my kids' room, and you might unintentionally just see your own room as an extension. If you can't find some way to let go of how you feel you are not going to be able to relax and start wanting intimacy with your husband. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way... :(

Only read a few answers, but a little advise. Making yourself feel sexy goes a long way in the bedroom. I know your tired, but after you put the kids to bed, go take a shower, put on simple makeup, come out in only a towel and suprise the heck out of your husband. You will suprise your self how much fun it might be. When the little one falls asleep in your bed, walk her out to the couch for a bit then bring her back into her bed when your "done". Not like you have to do this all the time, but its a start...try it, wouldnt lose any more sleep than you would with a sick child.

I completely understand kids staying up late and feeling overwhelmed and just wanting to sleep rather than stay up and have sex. But it's also important to understand how much of a need it is for your husband. I think of sex as one of the principle ways I can adultery- and divorce-proof our marriage. Even if I don't feel like it, I do it because I know how much he needs it.

It might help to start out on a sort of schedule. Maybe you could tell him that you will have sex once a week on a specific night each week (and maybe even suggest that in return, you'll get an hour or two another night to go out by yourself). Then he will know that you're not ignoring his needs and you will know that's the only night you have to think about it! I would bet that once he feels like his needs are being met, he won't feel like he needs to demand sex all the time.

There are lots of other good suggestions here. Begin with small steps. Just the fact that you cared enough to ask for help is an important first step. Keep seeking answers and continue to communicate what you learn with your husband. May God bless and strengthen your marriage!

First, check with your insurance. They may cover massage therapy. If not, they may cover a chiropractor that has a massage therapist on staff.
Second, why can't you hire a maid? Is it the cost? Is there something you could give up like cable or a second cell phone to offset the cost? Is he willing to help you clean the house if you can't afford help?
Third, have you told him all of this? Talk to him and tell him why you aren't interested in having sex. Women need physical affection just as much as men, they just need it expressed differently. You don't have to change for him unless he's willing to listen and change for you.

Can you take a trip to visit family or something? Could family come for a weekend so you can get away for a night?