3 1/2 Month Old Not Sleeping Well

Hi! My name is B. and I have a 6 1/2 month old. Mine is up and down like that also. I know that people say that routine is good for them. My daughter Maggie had to establish her own pattern for sleeping. I found that some nights she would sleep better if I bathed her in the Johnson's Bedtime Bath followed by a good massage with the Johnson's Calming lotion. I wouldn't and still don't give her a bath until I know she is good and tired. That way by the time you are done with the bath and massage, they are usually ready to eat and by then they will be ready to sleep. We try to keep Maggie up as late as possible without her becoming to fussy. This has worked for us. But if for nothing else, try the calming bath and massage. If I can give you any other advise, please feel free to email me. Hope it helps.

B.

Hi J.,
Has he been diagnosed with reflux at all? Does he spit up frequently? I'm just wondering if maybe it's acid reflux and the car seat is more comfortable because is more upright. I used to put my son's carseat in his crib because he had mild reflux and it helped a lot.
Other than that, I can't help much. My son was a horrible sleeper.
Good luck.
L.

He is probably going through a growth spurt. If he drinks the bottle, continue to offer it at the first waking, you can also try to get him to eat more during the day. Growth spurt can disrupt sleep at any age. I'm in Bolingbrook to so you can call me if you want to talk or if you want some info about Bolingbrook's MOMS Club. ###-###-####

Hi J.,
I had one thought while I was reading your email. Your situation sounds familiar. My daughter, who is now about four months old, went through the same thing. Being a first time mom, I am not the best at giving advice myself, but I will pass along what my friend (mother of 3 AND a labor and delivery nurse) suggested. Her thought was that my daughter might have what she called "regurge" (I don't know if that is the medical term or not). I guess that is like spitting up, but not as forceful. She suggested allowing her to sleep upright, in her car seat. She said she knew of several moms who did this and it worked like a charm. I was not comfortable with having her sleep in her car seat. Even though my doctor said it was perfectly fine, I just can't imagine it is comfortable for her. Anyway, I heard about an item called a Crib Wedge. You slip it under the crib mattress and it allows your baby to sleep at an incline. They are about $15 and you can find them at Babies R Us. Or, you can put pillows or towels under your baby's mattress to raise it up on one side. That is what I did and it worked! She now is the BEST sleeper.
I hope this helps.

J.

Hi J. -
I have a 3 month old and a 2 year-old.

You might try swaddling your baby - I know it's getting a little late in the game for that, but it worked with both of my kids. Music also helps. We have been easing into an early bedtime but for the first 4 or 5 months with my two year-old, we had to feed her around 7 and then let her be up in the house with us. She would fall asleep around nine and we would feed her again at 11 (sometimes she wouldn't even wake up during this feeding) and put her down for the night. We are doing the same with our 3 month-old. We leave the lights off in her room and run the fan and have music because the noise soothes her. She's swaddled up too so she doesn't startle herself awake either.

Another thing that might be going on with your baby is cutting the first teeth maybe? My older daughter got her first around 4 months or so and she started waking up frequently in the night because of the irritation.

I know that it is hard to be up late with the baby at first but eventually around 6 or 7 months or so, they start going to bed around 7 or 8 and sleeping through until 6 or 7.

Hang in there!
A.

J., First of all, I'm sorry that YOU are still not sleeping well at night. I know that makes everything more difficult!

I have two daughters, 25 months and 4 months, and have relied heavily on a book called "healthy sleep, happy child" by dr. marc weisbluth (sp?). The book teaches techniques to help your child develop and maintain healthy sleep habits through the different stages in their lives (baby, toddler, school age, etc) and how to trouble shoot problems. Dr. Weisbluth cites his own research on how sleep. The book offers parents a number of alternatives for dealing with sleep problems based on what you as a parent can handle (eg having the baby cry or not)

I can tell you that by the age of 31/2 months, both my kids were smart enough to cry to get my attention even in the middleof the night. My kids are both extremely social and didn't like being left alone to sleep. We had to let both of them cry it out so they could sooth themselves. our two year old is now a FANTASTIC sleeper and the baby is on her way. She now sleeps 12 hours straight at night and we are now working to sleep train her for her naps.

Good luck! Feel free to e-mail back if you have any other questions.

A.

Hi J.! I have had some similar episodes on and off until I read the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. She has a few books out but the one with the most detail is The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. You're little one could be experiencing a growth spurt that could have transitioned into a habit. This author suggests the EASY method & it may help you get started on a routine that will help break the habit. I wish I had done it sooner, but I hadn't read this book until my son was 5 months old. I had him sleeping through the night in less than 2 weeks!! Since then he has been a steady 10-12 hr sleeper unless he's ill, hitting a milestone, or teething. It really works, but it takes time and patience! You can also read through the website suggestions at www.babywhisperer.com. It's a wonderful forum with moms from all over the globe! Good Luck! -Judy

Maybe your little one is used to be in a reclined position (car seat)? What if you put yellow pages book (or some reclining gadget)under his matress?
My kiddos loved being swaddled, and have a white noise on (well they still have it on) and they sleep well.
It wasn't like that though :) My boy finally slept through the night around 10 months.
But he has nights when he still wakes up and he just turned 1.

J.,
My son, now 14 months would wake during the night also. He also did not like sleeping on his back. I bought one of those curved foam things to put him on(see url http://www.onestepahead.com/product/27205/794/117.html)
The one here is much fancier than the one I bought at Target. It did not have the head pillow and was about $8. But the thing sort of gives them a sense of swaddling, without a blanket. My son doesn't like being covered by a blanket either.

I hope this helps!!
D.

J.-
This sounds like the same situation that we were in with my son. He had to sleep in his car seat or he would not sleep at all!! I did tons of research on the internet and incidentally I am a registered nurse and finally got him treated for "silent reflux". I could hear the milk coming up his esophagus and he would swallow it back down (not spit it up) and that would cause pain and he would cry and cry and cry. When we would put him down in his crib lying flat would cause the gastric contents of his stomach to come back up and he just couldn't sleep peacefully. He was prescribed Zantac and our entire world changed after he started the meds. He is now 8 months old and was weaned off the Zantac about 4-6 weeks ago and is doing great. Sleeps 10-12 every night.

Hope that helps. Also, I had reservations about the safety of my son sleeping in his car seat. Many people told me if the car seat is the only thing that works then let him sleep in it!!! He probably spent the first 5 months sleeping in his car seat.

Hi There J.,

If you are breastfeeding your baby, you might find that attending a Local La Leche League meeting to be a help with nightime parenting. Go to www.lalecheleague.org to find a meeting near you.

It is completely normal for a breastfed baby to need to wake at night to nurse. It is completely normal that a breastfed baby will sleep through the night at two months, but not at 31/2 months because you are heading towards the big 4 month growth spurt. Almost all breastfed babies still need to nurse at least once at night.

As babies head toward 4 months they are also beginning their teething. It may be months before you see or feel a tooth, but if you are seeing a lot of drool, the baby's shirts are wet, and there is a little rash on the chin or neck then teeth are most certainly coming.

If you are expressing breast milk, why not nurse the baby at night? Just like many adults awaken in the middle of the night to have a drink of water or use the bathroom, so do children as they grow and develop. Children do nothing but change and grow for years and sometimes it can keep them fussy and wakeful at night. For years!

You can create for yourself quiet and thoughful nighttime routine that includes nursing and rocking a wakeful baby back to sleep. If you also include a snack for yourself, you will wake up in the morning feeling better.

Nightime Parenting is a challenge, Dr. William Sears has written a good book about it.

Research has shown that too much time in baby seats and car seats can cause developmental delays, as children just don't get enough room to stretch and move around. Give your baby as much "rug time" and snuggle time as possible during the day and the baby might sleep better at night.

Hang in there, the next six months are the most delightful time with a baby.

C.

get a pregnancy test. It may be your 3 1/2 month old is sensing some stress or changes coming. Let me know. Be patient and accept all the help you can get.

Hi J.-

I'm starting to be a big advocate of Dr. Sears Baby book. He talks about the benefits of "co-sleeping" or "family bed". I'm not sure what your preference is but you may want to have your child sleep with you the entire night. I actually started to do this when I delivered in Elmhurst Memorial- the staff recommended it. My sister-in-law has also done co-sleeping with her two children and they both weaned themselves from the bed eventually. I have a 4 month old- I'm starting to have him sleep by himself a couple hours in the evening, but I don't plan to make him sleep by himself for a long time- he likes sleeping in bed with his parents too much!

good luck!
H.

Hi,

Maddening isn't it? I know that this has fallen out of favour a bit, but have you tried a pacifier? My daughter had similar habits and we caved and gave her one. she only used it for another four months and doesn't need to suck now (she's three). She was an early teether and although not hungry, the sucking seemed to soothe her.

Other things which may amuse and soothe him is lavender scents, or simply a light globe that puts light on the ceiling whie emitting soothing music.

Good Luck,

W.

Hello J.
my first thought takes me back to my second son he just did not like his bedroom I could get him to sleep through the night or for longer periods in a playpen in the livingroom but never his bedroom. another trick to try,elevate one end of his crib I used a small blanket folded in half and just put it under the matteress some babies don't like laying flat. I also just read in parenting magazine about babies not sleeping it said they need more direct sunlight during the day. Also if you can sleep while the baby naps during the day so you don't get to woreout.

J.,

I think the important thing to remember is that a 14-weeker is still very, very young, It's not easy for little babies to sleep in a room by themselves and being on their backs makes it all the harder.

There is no way that either of my kids would have slept on their backs at that age. Their startle reflexes were still so strong. My son slept in my room in his carseat until he was 5 months old (his pediatrician said that her son was in the carseat until 6 months, which is why we were comfortable doing it), and my daughter transitioned to her crib at about 4.5 months from sleeping in a bed next to mine. Some babies do well with swaddling.

Is there any particular reason that you want your son out of the carseat at night? Because it seems like he's doing a great job in there. Trust me, when the time is right, your son will transition to a crib quite easily. A well-rested baby who feels comfortable and secure at night is much more likely to deal well with any new situation - sleep or otherwise.

If you want to keep him in his own room and on his back, and he continues to wake up many times after midnight, maybe you could just change the dynamic by letting him get up the first second time he wakes. Spend 45 minutes in a dim, quiet room; maybe even give him a bath in a barely-lit bathroom. (No big smiles, games, anything else really stimulating.) Could help...

Both of my kids (3 yrs and almost 6 mos) are now fantastic sleepers. I think it's due to being sensitive to what was appropriate for their age, and then being very consistent (perhaps, dare I say it, even strict) with sleep routines once we'd established those guidelines.

Have you read Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, by Marc Weissbluth? Super book - we've used many of his suggestions.

Good luck!

K.

J., Have you read Dr. Weisbluth's book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby? (not sure of exact spelling and title but a search on Amazon.com would take you to it.) He is a Chicago area dr. and actually was the pediatrician of my nephews years ago. I read the book when my now 3 year old daughter was 4 mos. and it took three challenging nights and she has slept 11-12 hours a night straight ever since. The only interuptions to her sleep were the handful of times she's been sick. She even napped beautifully twice a day. I also used that method on my son, but it took him closer to two weeks to sleep thru the night, but at almost two, he is still a perfect happy sleeper. Weissbluth describes a method some refer to as "Crying it out." It may sound mean to a new mother, but honestly, it is the best thing you can do for your child: teach her or him how to sooth themself back to sleep. It really works. I wish you the best of luck. M.

It may sound odd, but is it possible your son is starting teething already? My daughter just turned 4 months old and she's been teething for about 3 weeks now. She gets very fussy at night in particular and starts chewing on her fist and drooling a lot. While most babies don't start this early, it can still happen. My older daughter (now almost 4)also began teething at that age and had pretty much all of her teeth by her first birthday. Our doctor told me to alternate baby tylenol and motrin every 4 hours when Maddie seems in pain. It's worked wonders for all of us!

The only suggestion I can give you is to let him cry it out. He will eventually fall back to sleep and that is the only way he will learn to soothe himself. DO NOT PUT HIM IN YOUR BED! My son, who is 7, sleeps best with us. He will go in his room and stay asleep but it is always a project. My daughter, who is 5, didn't get the same quick response my son did as an infant. She was always and still is good about taking naps and going to sleep on her own. Her conversion from crib to toddler bed was never an issue, my son HATED his crib. She would always initiate nap time and bed time by going into her room herself. I know it is hard to let him cry it out but in the long run you will be much better off and well rested.

I highly recommend getting the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Babies (or something like that) by Dr. Weisbluth. It's the sleep BIBLE! It worked great for me and my 7 month old has been sleeping through the night for months. There are several anticdotes that help and I'm sure you'll find one for you. Good luck. C.

HI. I know what you went through. My son, who is now 5, did the same thing. It turned out that he was in the beginning stages of teething. He didn't sleep well at all until his teeth broke through. But, his boughts of wakefulness started when he was 2 months old. His first tooth broke through at 3 months, second one at 3.5 months and it just escallated after that.Now, my 3 year old didn't go through any of that. He slept well all the time even through teething etc. Also, check to see if it is gas related as well. If this is still bothering you, check with your pediatrician to see if he can give you any recommendations. I hope that this helps a little bit.
Anna

Hi - My son also did not sleep through the night until he was 7 months, and at that age I finally let him scream and I mean scream for 4 nights in a row and up to 4 hours at a time. However, I wouldn't change a thing as now he has been since a wonderful sleeper and he is turning 5 next month. Anyway, unfortunately I feel your baby is a little young to let completely scream, but I do think letting him sleep in a car seat in your house on the floor is not a bad thing, he probably moves around to much otherwise and wakes himself up. We noticed our son slept best in the bouncy seat and many nights spent the entire night in it. However, my bit of advice is to buy the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Weissbluth and read it like the bible. I still refer to it now and then and it gave me the realization that sleep is taught, you have to teach your son to teach himself to sleep so you don't have too. Unfortunately, I think you really have to wait until he is 4 months +. But remeber baby's cry so if he is safe, feed and has a clean diaper, he may be crying because he is tired and can't fall back to sleep, he'll learn. Good luck!

Hi J.,
I remember those days...My son is 16 months old now and he has slept through the night (8 hours at first and now 11-12) since he was 4 months old. I would ask your doctor first about what you can expect as far as - can he go for 8 hours now without food? and if s/he suggests anything for the sleeping issues. My husband and I did that and our dr told us our son could go 8 hrs without food - and we read up on all the sleeping books - about letting cry vs. sleeping with us and everything in between. In the end we decide to let him cry it out as I had to go back to work and we needed our sleep - it took 2 nights - and he then slept at least 8 hours. He used to go to sleep around 7-8 and wake up at 10, and then we gave him a bottle and then he slept until 6AM which was perfect for us. At some point he gave up the feeding too. It sounds harsh - I know - and it was hard to do, but I do not regret it one bit. And I swear it only took 2 nights! He occasionally wakes up still (I think in reaction to a loud noise or a bad dream), but he goes back to sleep and we are all more rested and happier.
Good luck!
A.

I had a similar problem and I must warn you - dtop bringing him into bed. He is learning that all he needs to do is cry longer. I have a one year old that I am now finally doing sleep training with so I have sympathy. You must create a bedtime routine and follow it exactly. I would also consider giving him gas drops as this could be the culprit - especially with breastmilk. If you dedicate two weeks of bad sleep for yourself - you will gain more sleep in the long run. Also - make sure to examine his gums for the telltale signs of teething (whitened gums in tooth area - babies can start as early as 3 months)

You might also try swaddling still as the car seat makes a nice cocoon and that might be what is missing.

I also suggest getting any one of the books on the market as they all have pretty much same ideas. It will help you tremendously and remember - if you don't do this now - it will only get harder.

Best of luck sweetie!!

J. - as a pediatric nurse I thought that I would be ahead of this parenting game. After reading the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc MP Weissbluth, I have MUCH BETTER understanding of sleep patterns. I'm usually not into the self-help books. . .but much to my negative thoughts about self help books, I found the information in this book extremely helpful! My daughter is 17 months now and my husband and I still refer to it! She has been sleeping through the night since she was about 5 months old! Not bad, huh? Take this advice if you wish, I'm just letting you know that it worked for me - even though I was really skeptical about it. If you do decide to read it, let me know what you think and how it worked for you. To this day, I still refer it to my patients and tell them that I wish I would have read it from day one! Take care! Nancy

Does your baby show any of the signs of reflux, like discomfort while spitting up? I don't have any direct experience with this, but I've heard of other moms needing to use a carseat or swing for babies with GERD (if you had heartburn while pregnant, you know how uncomfortable it is). Try looking up the signs of GERD online, and see if your baby fits the profile.
Otherwise, I don't know. My daughter always wanted to be in our bed too, so we just co-slept.

J.,
I would suggest swaddling him if you aren't already. He may be waking himself up by flinching or twitching. They don't have great control at that age. In the car seat, he is held in tight so he doesn't have as much wiggle room. Same for your bed. We used a blanket called a miracle blanket (you can find them on the internet) and it worked great. If your not swaddling, try this it worked well for us.
Good luck,
S.

J., So many of us mothers feel your pain. The resource I am sharing with you was not around when I needed it (my kids are older now)....but for sure I would have contacted www.fussybabynetwork.org
They even have a 'warm line' to chat. It is a collaborative effort between Erickson Institute and University of Chicago - I believe. Good luck to you. And always remember you are not alone! J.