27 Month Old Won't Use Utensils!

Updated on March 27, 2009
A.C. asks from Charlotte, NC
8 answers

My 27 month old refuses to use utensils. The only time she will do so is when I give her yogurt (which she loves and can't eat with her hands). Otherwise (despite that I give her a utensil with every meal, and despite that she sees the rest of the family eating with utensils) she flat out refuses to do so. If you scoop the food up with the fork/spoon and hand it to her she will put it in her mouth properly but only for a few rounds, then she'll get mad and start using her hands again. Ironically, she doesn't really like to get her hands messy and she asks me to wipe her hands multiple times throughout her meals. I have started refusing to do so, giving her a napkin and letting her wipe her hands herself if she needs to. She has a very strong personality and I'm hoping it's just that she doesn't WANT to use utensils (not that she CAN'T). However, I'm starting to worry. Anyone else experience this? Any ideas on how I can encourage her to use them?

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H.F.

answers from Nashville on

This is a little scary b/c I also have a 27 month old daughter that does the same thing (but she'll actually use her hands to eat her yogurt)!!! A friend (nurse) told me to watch how she colors. If she colors like she's holding a pencil (properly) there most likely isn't a gross motor issue... it's just a typical 2-year-old trying to be Miss Independant & Miss Defiant! i hope this makes you feel a little better. My new mantra is "this too shall pass and someday I'll miss her being this small" In all honestly, a part of me can't wait for it to pass!!! Feel free to send me a message if you need support, to vent or would like to hear stories about somebody else's daughter so you don't feel so alone (most are sure to give you a laugh... it's always funny if it's somebody else's child!) Good luck & best wishes!

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T.C.

answers from Fayetteville on

I agree with Karen and we did the same thing, kind of. You can actually buy spoons and forks that are bent so that your child doesn't have to turn her hand funny and lose all of the food she worked so hard to get onto the fork. Here is a link to what we use...http://www.diapers.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product...

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R.G.

answers from Louisville on

It's been quite a few years since my kids were 2 years old but some things don't really change. It sounds as though your very strong personality wants to do things her way ... period. There is a learning curve with anything new and tableware is no exception. It can be quite a challenge for some kids either physically or psychologically. Your daughter may well be on the high side of the intellect scale and simply refuses to accept compromising her ease of eating with the less simple, slightly more complicated process of using tools.
I doubt seriously it is an issue of ability vs desire so I wouldn't worry about that right now. I do believe you are on the right path. Make napkins available to her but don't kow tow to her and wipe her hands for her. If, after a period (a few months maybe), she continues to resist use of utensils, try taking the family out to dinner at a sit-down restaurant (as opposed to the paper bag/cardboard box variety) which would require use of utensils... perhaps for her next birthday or some other big family occasion. Several days or a couple of weeks before you go, tell her of the plan and let her know she will be expected to use her spoon & fork and turning everything into finger food is not allowed. Prep her and coach her day after day on the "proper way of eating in public" and each day remind her of the big event and her requirement of eating with spoon and fork. As the day draws nearer, let her know she has to show you how she can eat with her utensils before you go out to dinner.
This approach may not work for her but giving children a tangible goal of some sort helps in getting them to achieve. "Tangible rewards" should not be confused with bribes which don't work in the long run and set up unreal expectations of 'getting something' just for doing the right thing. In any case, don't stress over this. It is a small bump, not a mountain. Eventually, she will decide to use her utensils and, when she is sixteen you can torment her with stories of when she was two and a half and still eating with her hands like a Neanderthal! (Yeah. She'll 'hate' you but she'll be telling the same stories to her friends when you're not around.)

The suggestion to ergonomically adjust utensils to make them more comfortable and easier to use is excellent and may be a great help to her. If, by the age of three and a half or four she is still eating with her fingers, you might want to have her tested for both physical and psychological impairments but I doubt that will be necessary.

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R.M.

answers from Nashville on

If she can manage to get yogurt to her mouth in a spoon, it sounds like her motor skills are fine. She probably is just impatient to get the food to her mouth. Utensils are hard work. I wouldn't pay too much attention to it, then it won't be a power struggle anymore. Bent utensils might make it easier for her so that she won't have to work so hard.

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K.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

Have you observed her eating around any of her peers? She might be more agreeable to utensils if she sees other kids eating correctly.

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C.C.

answers from Knoxville on

I do agree with the other moms that you can try the new utensils - but imho it could just be a power struggle. You say that she has a strong personality, and sometimes kids like that pick odd things to fight about. I know, I had a son like that! My suggestion would be to do what you are doing - let her use her hands but make her wipe them herself. If she makes a mess, you could also make her help clean up the mess. If you honestly think that she is not comfortable using the utensils you could give them to her to play with, to pick up beads or use them with play doh or something like that. That is what they do in montessori schools, they let kids play with things to learn how to use them. Give it a try and see if it makes a difference. And above all, don't sweat it! It's a stage, it will pass!

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G.W.

answers from Clarksville on

I still have to remind my six year old that all food is not finger food. Gently reminder her once per meal, play tea party and use extremely good manners as part of it, and let it go. It is not worth the headache. ( : Do have her wipe her own hands.

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K.A.

answers from Nashville on

When my daughter first started using a fork and spoon she was about a year old. She would hold the spoon or fork in a way that the contents would fall off and into her lap. She hated it falling off and then I bent the spoon so that the way she held it made the spoon level with her mouth. She ate with the utensils just fine after that and when she got older we gradually gave her a regular fork and a regular spoon and she did great. My grandaughter loved using a fork and would use it at every meal. She loved stabbing the items and putting them in her own mouth. The restaurants use to look in horror when we sat a full plate in front of our one year old, but she would eat and not spill anything. On the other side, I do know a little girl who still won't use utensils and she is 7. Every kid is different, not slow, just unique.

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