$25 Adult Birthday Brunch

Ridiculous! True testimony to the lack of proper etiquette and manners. It's like my sister's mother in law wanting to invite people to showers and the rehearsal dinner who were not on the guest list for the actual wedding. Bizarre. I'm with you on this one! Don't go and no gift!

I don't see anything wrong with it. We did that for my grandmother's 90th birthday - everyone paid in advance for their own meal. I guess we're not all as well off financially as you must be. I would rather pay for my own meal, than not have the party!

How tacky.

If I invite someone to anything, I pay. That is proper etiquette.

I don't get some people.

I wouldn't go either.... nor would I give her a gift that I suppose she already detailed that she wants...

We do birthday dinners in our group of family and friends. Is it possible that she wanted everyone to know in advance of the cost since it is a bit higher than a normal meal (I think $10-$15 for a regular chain restaurant meal per person). I would never expect my friend or family to pay for me if they invited me to a lunch or dinner out - but that is just the way we do things. Also, with most of the people, the meal is instead of gifts. I do have a few sister in laws with whom I do still exchange gifts but my close girlfriends and I consider all of us getting together and eating out a gift in itself.

So to me - it sounds like she invited you to brunch and wanted you to be prepared at the pricetag. Honestly no big deal in my opinion!!

Depends, is there an open bar?

;)

Yeah, I don't understand it either. It's one thing when the birthday girl's friend calls you and says, "I thought it would be fun for all of us to get together and take Susie to brunch on her birthday. It would be $25 per person. Do you want to go?" But when they birthday girl is throwing herself a party, she really should pay - and if she needs to have it at a less expensive place in order to do so, that's fine. The main difference is that in the first instance, brunch IS the gift, and in the second instance, you're not only paying for brunch, but you're more or less obligated to bring a gift as well. This falls into the same category as parents throwing a party for their kids, and making it pot-luck. We have received a few of those invitations, which I usually decline.

Whenever someone in our family or our friends has a birthday meal of any sort at a restaurant the guest of honor is paid for by the group and each individual pays for themselves. Gifts are always not an obligation but something given from the heart, regardless of attending or not, if one chooses.

What the frack???? Even if the party was for my BFF, this approach is 27 levels of tacky, if not ridiculous. I mean, its not a fundraiser, is it???? I haven't worked in an office in a few years so PLEASE tell me this isn't what co-worker parties have come to.

It seems to be fairly understood these days that if you ask people to get together at a bar or restaurant to celebrate a birthday, everyone pays their own way.

For people who think $25 is expensive for a brunch -it's actually very reasonable. Many are upwards of $50 or more!

Sounds like she isn't expecting anyone to come. lol It's soooo tacky. But people do it all the time.

So you are expecting the birthday person to pay for your meal on their birthday? I assume this is at a restaurant. This is just her way of saying everyone is going Dutch. If you expect her to pay for you at her birthday brunch then you are off.

Yes it's a little tacky. I would not bring a gift. I think gifts are for people who are having a party and providing foods, drinks, etc.
My friend did something similar a few years ago and I brought a gift, but if I had to do it over I don't think should've, especially since this place turned out to be $50 per person with drinks and all. Tacky.

Fortunately, it's an invitation, not a summons. So you don't go- no big deal.

At least she was up front with you ahead of time. We have a friend who has the habit of inviting groups over, ordering food and splitting the bill after the fact. I boycott his shindigs now.

It depends.
If I got an invitation in the mail or an evite and was asked to pay, I might find that tacky. If my friend called and said - hey a bunch of us are meeting for drinks or a bunch of us are getting together for brunch do you wanna go? I would know I was paying for my own.
And I would appreciate the heads up - hey the brunch is $25 do you want to go with us? Then I could see if it's in my budget or not. My extended family will often get together to celebrate somebodys birthday at a restraunt. It's understood that each family or couple is paying for thier own.

I don't think she's thinking of herself as a hostess or that this is an offical "party" and I would say DEFINITELY no gifts.

It sounds to me like she either doesn't have a friend to do the set up for her or she is a little quirky. She may not want to be alone on her birthday and just wants some people to join her for brunch to celebrate.

I don't see anything wrong with that. I actually did that a few years with family for my daughters birthday dinner with family when I was really incredibly super duper poor. I just called everyone and said "daughter and I will be having dinner at xyz123 to celebrate her birthday, we'd love if you could join us and we picked somewhere that would be affordable for everyone". Then, it's up to them.

For my co-workers.... we all went to lunch on the Friday before their b'day. We all paid for our own lunch and pitched in to buy the b'day lunch (or we all went in on pizza).

I think if it's a close friend or relative I would assist and just pay the darn $25 bucks, but perhaps you feel this way because she's just your co-worker. I don't think it's that bad...it's only 25

When I go out to a meal to celebrate a friend's birthday, it is usually with the assumption that all of the guests pay and treat the birthday girl. I don't expect the birthday girl to pay for everyone's meal in that type of situation.

However, if I were to receive a formal invitation in the mail from the birthday girl herself, I would assume that she was paying.

Pretty standard these days. At least it's only 25. We went with friends once and most of the guys kept ordering bottles of wine for the table of 20. Then they started ordering shots for everyone. When the bill came our portion was close to 200.00 for my husband and I. I was pregnant and was not drinking so I was kind of pissed.

I think it's a little weird that it's HER birthday brunch she's inviting you too. If someone else were organizing it it would seem OK to all chip in. But if a friend invites me out to a meal I don't assume it's their treat. So I guess I would go to the brunch if I liked this person and the restaurant. And bring a small gift. NBD.

Well, if it's a birthday brunch, I would expect I would have to pay for my own meal. However, that means I'd probably spend less than $12 on my food. It's pretty common in our friends/family circle to have little get togethers, and parties at restaurants, it's always understood people paid their own way. But yes, I think to have a set fee of a $25 ticket is very tacky.

I think, as long as the hostess tells people in advance, it's fine.. IMO....

We often do this - in general the only person who doesn't pay is the guest (birthday person, pregnant shower recipient etc). I have been to numerous showers and birthday parties like this. In my experience MANY of the people invited to a bridal shower are not on the wedding list. When I was a student, most classmates would attend a classmate's bridal shower but not expect to attend the wedding.

And $25 for brunch is about standard here to. Lots of places are more.

we always pay for our own meals in regular restaurant situations. If it's a party room, given by someone else.....then we just follow the lead.

Ha ha! I think you are a great black Emily Post :-)

Back when I was working, any time someone had a birthday, we would get a group together to take this person out to lunch. Everyone had to pay their own meal and chip in for the birthday person's meal. Unless is was a cheap gift or a gag gift, we didn't do gifts.

I'm guessing that your co-worker's party is occurring on a non-work day. And it sounds like an actual party where gifts are expected. I agree that this is tacky. I had a friend who used to throw a birthday party for herself every year and expect everyone to foot the bill. Every year, she had fewer and fewer people show up. To this day, she probably has no idea why no one wants to help her celebrate her birthday.

If you really really like this co-worker and genuinely want to help her celebrate her big day, then go ahead and go to the brunch. Otherwise, just decline the invitation and wish her a happy birthday. I personally decline these types of invitations because I get annoyed by bad etiquette.

We have done this before, because we all know we do not have enough money to treat everyone.

You have a choice. accept or do not..

FYI. $25. is average for a Brunch.. Mimosas, Bloody Mary's Omelets all made to order. Waffles, all breakfast meats. All you can eat.

Heck we have a restaurant in the hood that charges $50. per person for their brunch.. You HAVE to make a reservation.. it sells out every Sunday.

When we do a lunch for a friend usually someone or some of us pay for that person and everyone else is on their own to order what they can afford. I have gone and just stayed a few minutes and only had water. I have also saved up and planned ahead so I could enjoy a special treat at someplace I enjoy.