Baby Shower for a Third Baby? Whats Your Opinion?

Updated on January 21, 2014
K.T. asks from Martinsville, IN
31 answers

Hello.. I'm pregnant with my third child. I had baby showers with my first two who were both girls.. but the second one a lot of my family claimed I was being greedy because I should just use the stuff from before. I wasn't really aware of this rule and feel like every new baby deserves a baby shower.. it almost like a birthday party for the baby early since you can't wait until after. I don't know the sex of the baby yet but I don't know if I'm gonna have a baby shower.. I would like to have a celebration regardless. A few girls at my work say I should but I have family members who think its silly and should just buy my own stuff. What do you think?

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So What Happened?

My mother threw my first one (even tho I payed for the facility) because she didn't have the money to... and my friend from work threw my second one but I invited my family to it.. my friends at work want me to have one but like I said I wasn't sure about it. I NEVER had a registry. We bought the big stuff ourselves.. I would never put that on a registry.. to me that's greedy... our thing was diapers wipes and clothing basically...
THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE ADVICE! I probably won't have a "shower" but still going to celebrate with a cake and some friends.. I hadn't intended on a shower but the girls at work want a reason tto buy baby clothes... again thanks for everything :)

Featured Answers



answers from Portland on

Honestly, if it were me, just have a 'meet the baby' open house, period. Do it a few weeks after the birth, keep it low key. People who will want to bring gifts, great. People who don't, won't.

I'm kinda old-school-- I believe people shouldn't have babies unless they can afford them...and all the things they need.

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

You already know the answer if you have to ask us...

NO, tacky tacky... most especially tacky for family members to throw a shower. You may truly feel like it is not this way but it is perceived as a gimme gimme.

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Yes, let's celebrate every baby. Celebrate away!
Just don't cross the bridge from "celebrate" to "tacky grab for gifts"!
Congrats on #3!

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from San Francisco on

Traditionally a "baby" shower is for a new mom, not a new baby, and your baby isn't going to know or care one way or another.
With my second (who was girl, first was a boy) and third, my closest girlfriends and sister and aunt took me out for a celebratory meal at a restaurant, we had cake and of course they gave me presents but it wasn't a full on shower.
And of course you should buy your own stuff, it's YOUR kid!
If the girls at work want to throw you a "shower" it's fine, but it's kind of like a second or third wedding, don't expect everyone to be as excited as you, and whatever you do DON'T do a registry, that's just tacky.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Albany on

My sisters threw me a shower for my first, a boy. There was no talk of a second shower for the second boy. The third was a girl, and they wanted to throw me a shower for that. I declined. They pressed, in lieu then, they all pitched in and bought me a triplet carriage. Which I put more miles on than my car.

I guess we're all different, but yes I agree with your family and co-workers, I would feel, self involved expecting people to go to a third shower for me, baring gifts, no less. And I can't imagine throwing my OWN shower.


10 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

No shower for a third baby. How much stuff do you really need. If you want new things go out and buy them. I would never ever agree to a shower for a third baby. if someone wants to give you a shower say the thought is nice, but that is not appropriate. If anyone wants to give you a gift they will do it after the baby is born.

Baby showers have gotten so out of hand these days. Before people got greedy, the couple always purchased the crib, crib set, carriage, carseat, etc. if you had a shower you got a couple of little outfits, stuffed animals. Never would anyone request things that are put on registries these days.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from McAllen on

Terrible, terrible, terrible. Bad idea. Do not. Of course, every baby deserves celebration, but that's not what a shower is, so it does not apply to your third (or your second, even). Let me repeat: THE SHOWER IS NOT A CELEBRATION OF THE BABY. The shower is not a celebration of pregnancy. The shower is--STRICTLY--an official welcome into motherhood/parenthood. It signifies a rite of passage, NOT merely the presence of offspring.

I'm always amazed when people don't want to call it a gift-grab, but they still mention that they don't have all the stuff that they want/need.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Down here, we throw a shower for each and every baby unless the mom really does not want one. We love parties and celebrations..

We WANT to celebrate the mom and this baby. This baby deserves some of their own gifts. I have always been surprised on here that friends and family would see it as a" gift grab"..

Heck by the third child, the clothes can be stained, the blankets faded.. the carrier, the crib, the swing, the stroller, all recalled by the company!

If someone is offering and you are excited by the idea, I say go for it, Maybe have the hostess say that "gifts are optional.. this is a celebration for the new expected baby"


9 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Gamma, what a sad story in your ETA. I hope that this makes an impression on everyone who reads it. I think this would have been a good sermon for your bishop to admonish the congregation for their lack of kindness to that woman.

I'm all for showers. Other people aren't. But here's my caveat, K.. Family isn't supposed to give you a shower. You aren't supposed to give yourself one. You're not supposed to ask for one. Your work friends who say that you should have a shower are the ones who should offer to give you a shower. If you know that someone, like the family members you are talking about in your question, thinks you should not have more than one shower, than you don't invite them to the shower. You don't even talk about having it with them.

It is interesting to me that you think it's not greedy to have a third shower, but you think it's greedy to have a registry. That makes absolutely no sense to me. A registry is to HELP people pick out a gift that you need and want. It's to help you not get 10 of something you only need one of. It's not a demand to only pick from the registry, either. You never include in the invitation that there is a registry - that's word of mouth only.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

I have no problem with a shower for every baby...but I kind of get the feeling I am in the minority. I would not do a registry (which you already said). Just celebrating the mom and baby to be is so fun...and of course oohing and aahing over cute baby clothes. :) It's a fun and happy reason for women friends to get together.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Um, I say no baby shower after the first one no matter what. If people want to give/get you a gift, but you shouldn't make them uncomfy and have yet a third shower.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

No shower. The second was tacky (sorry you didn't know). A third would be appallingly bad taste. Celebrate the baby, definitely - after she or he is born, with you and your husband as hosts.

The shower isn't for the's for new parents. Once you *are* parents, there's no need for a shower. That's why they're inappropriate. Of course you should buy your own stuff. People will still send you gifts (usually clothes or blankets) but the rest of it? Use what you have and buy what needs replacing.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Personally, I agree with your family. If you want to have some sort of celebration, have a "meet the baby" party after the birth but with "no gifts please."

If you work friends want to do something at work for you, great. But really I wouldn't do a home baby shower.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Richland on

Are you throwing yourself showers? If so tacky and greedy. I still think it is tacky and greedy if you are not throwing it mind you but that is me being old.

I mean if you are throwing it yourself then you are budgeting next to nothing to make it profitable which is not a birthday party, it is a give me free stuff party.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

In my experience (and this is just me -- it's not universal) people throw baby showers for other people. I'm not familiar with the idea of someone giving herself a shower. So, if someone (say, one of your coworkers) wants to throw you a shower, great. If they ask about inviting your family, politely decline. There. Problem solved.

Congrats on your pregnancy, btw.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

If you invited me, I would buy a big ol' gift and show up with bells on-people are just hideous-every child coming into this world is a blessing!!!! It's almost like you put people in a position to look cheap-and, by God, they rose to the occasion!!!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chattanooga on

In my family, every baby gets a shower.

Granted, the first shower is the big one. After that, gifts are usually in the $10-20 price range (usually clothes, blankets, diapers... Stuff like that. Not everyone brings gifts either.) To us, it's not about the gifts but the celebration. Of course, our family also tends to pass everything around. There is always a new baby who can use the clothes, toys, and equipment as other babies grow out of them, so we never really "hold on" to stuff other than things that have special sentimental value. Even our car seats and cribs get passed on when needed... So we really don't need much new stuff. If somebody wants a new crib or car seat or whatever, a few people will usually pool to help with it for the first baby. After that, they can buy it themselves or accept one of the used ones up for grabs.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I am so shocked that people are so adamantly against having a shower for and second or third and so on. I think that EVERY baby should be celebrated. Sure what I bring to a 1st might be different than a subsiquent. And the party may be on a smaller scale or differently themes. (I had a friend who had a 4th and her sisters did a family shower w/ cinnabon for brunch on a saturday morning. We hadn't met yet when her first 3 were born and I was excited to join in the celebration for the 4th) Oh and I hate calling them sprinkles too. The person being honored (most often) does not expect to have people spend a ton of money on them/their child.
I found out last night that my daughter's old soccer coach's (new) wife is preggo. It is her first baby and he has 1 girl from a previous. I was so excited for them. They are on my daughter's softball team this year. I wasnt at the team meeting so I didnt get to talk to them but I went straight online to see if I could find a registry to see if they were having a boy or girl or what theme they were doing. (hubs didnt ask and the results were inconclusive) But why? Oh because I am going to make her a blanket. Is she having a shower. I imagine so. Am I invited? Maybe not. we lost contact for about the last year after season was over and we live in different areas. DO I care. Nope. Im gonna give her a gift (whether she likes it or not. Hehe) Which I am sure she would be thrilled. When my friends have babies I get them gifts. If they have a shower I can attend it provides me a venue to participate. If not oh well. But I like to celebrate new babies and think that every baby should get a little something new. If someone else doesnt want to participate that is on them.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

A shower for any child except the first one makes the mother to be seem very very poor or a person who doesn't value their material possessions.

A person who plans on having a family, more than one child especially, would keep their items so that the following children can use them too. Everything.

If a person just gets rid of all those baby things then they should be the ones to go out and buy and replace the items they received free the first time around.

It does make that person seem incredibly greedy and not a very good planner if they're pregnant, have other children, and they don't have everything they need.

SO no, a mother does not get a shower every time she gets pregnant. People will bring gifts to the hospital when the baby is born. That's what you get, those gifts. The other stuff you should buy yourself. IF IF IF you got rid of everything, or had a fire, moved and lost a bunch of stuff off the truck, or didn't plan on more kids and you simply had an accident and have nothing, then if someone offered to hostess a shower for you then I'd say it's the right circumstances.


I've been thinking about this question. I'm a member of the LDS church, they teach that the more kids you have the more blessed you are...all my friends have at least 4 kids and some have 10, one has 12. I'm not especially active anymore.

I had a friend that was a super kind, sweet woman. She stayed at home with their 4 boys and longed for a little girl. Her husband worked at Walmart. He wan't a manager or anything but was requesting to be considered for management training.

She finally got pregnant with a 5th child. She hoped and hoped it was a girl and it was. She was so overjoyed. She was dirt poor. Having a husband make little more than minimum wage is hard enough on anyone but a family with 4 boys and another on the was tough.

My friend and I thought we'd have a shower for her because those boys had worn out everything. She had a bed and stuff like that but they were so old...

We offered to host a shower for her. We let everyone know we were having it then sent out over 100 invitations to every lady at church.

We fully expected some would not come due to the "not the mom's first baby" thing but expected sisters to realize how much every little thing would mean to this mom.

Out of over 100 invitations only 1 person showed up. The only reason she came was because she was the Bishop's wife and felt she had to attend the activities. Not one other person even tried to RSVP.

It was completely humiliating for the mom to be and for me it reeked of selfishness and meanness. I asked several people who I'd respected before this shower, I asked them why they didn't even RSVP and they mostly said because having a shower for any situation except a first time mother was rude so there was never any assumption they'd be attending.

I felt so bad for this lady. She started begging her husband to transfer to any other store in the USA. They were gone before the baby was born. I never saw her again. She was so embarrassed. I had never really thought about showers for additional babies until then but I got a lesson in a big way taught to me.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Boca Raton on

no baby shower for 2nd 3rd or any except for the first one. i personally think it's like asking for stuff, and put people in a bad position. it's the same as calling someone up and saying buy my baby stuff because i am having a baby.
yes the baby is the reason to celebrate so celebrate with your husband and two kids.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

People have their own set of expectations about this kind of thing. You're probably going to get a lot of not so warm and fuzzy responses so I'll just share what I've commonly seen in my community.

Green light:
first baby
shower is thrown by a relative or friend not the parents to be

Yellow light
second baby
first time parents to be asking someone to throw a shower
expensive registry items
potluck (this varies a lot by community. My understanding is that it is common in the MidWest, but I don't see it happen here without a lot of resentment)

Red light
third or subsequent baby
parents hosting own shower
anyone hosting who charges an admission fee or insists on particular gifts.

There are exceptions to this of course. My 2 children are more than a decade apart in age, so everyone in my social circle encouraged a shower when I was pregnant with the younger one. My cousin had a boy after 4 girls and we happily threw her a party. A coworker moved here from Hawaii, had no family or friends here (except her husband) invited a small group of us to her house to see the nursery. When we got there, her Mom and sister were on skype! There was a table of traditional shower foods (little sandwiches, cupcakes, etc.). Luckily, we'd all brought gifts anyway.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

If your friends at work want to host a little shower or just a casual lunch for you, then you should let them! Only the close workers who are dying to buy you baby clothes should be invited. My husband's co-workers had a diaper drive for him when I was pregnant with #3. I didn't have to buy diapers for the first two months. It was wonderful!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I think you shouldn't invite those family members!
I had 3 baby showers and felt the love from my family and friends.
Booo to the neigh-sayers!
(I guess I should say. My showers NEVER had big gifts. Ever. We got the big stuff. The crib, the stroller, the bouncy seats...all that stuff. But there was a party for each of my kids and I got cute clothes, butt paste, diapers, wipes. It was lovely. I am blessed to have friends that wanted to CELEBRATE with me and not think that we were being greedy. Of course, my husband is Mexican....they have parties for EVERYTHING! lol)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

I didn't want a shower for my first, last, and only, but people gave me a surprise shower anyway.
Baby showers aren't to celebrate the baby - they are to provide new parents with the things they will need to take care of said baby. If you already have stuff that is still usable from your other kids, why would you need a shower?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I do think that every baby should be celebrated. You might not need a shower, but you could have a lunch and say no gifts please on the invite. I had a shower with both of my kids. My first was a girl and my mom threw me a huge shower with all our friends and family. With my son we just had a few close friends at my mom's house. I mostly just got a couple onsies and diapers and my mom got me a double stroller. I re used everything else I had because I got neutral colors for stuff.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

I agree that each baby should be celebrated but how they are celebrated may differ. I think it depends on several things...parent s (are both parents the same or do they have different fathers), age gap (are they two years apart or 15), gender (same or different), and need (do you NEED a shower for the necessities).

If your children close together and especially the same gender, maybe just a diaper shower or a book shower for the second one (IF someone offers to throw it for you. If you have a large age gap, especially of a different gender, a shower would be fine (IF someone offers to throw it for you).

I think you should tell the girls at work that because you have had two full showers and have the big necessities you aren't aware of anyone throwing you a shower. My guess is they will have a work celebration for you on their own.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I think if you aren't finding out the sex, there is no need to have a shower. (If it were a boy, then MAYBE).
There are a few different things you could do:
1. Have a Sprinkle, which is like a mini-shower.
2. Have a PARTY, but do not call it a shower, and be CLEAR on the invite that gifts are NOT allowed; (do a girls thing, like pedicures, luncheon, movie night with "baby" themed flicks-Knocked Up, She's Having My Baby, Baby Mama, etc)
3. Have a "birthday party" AFTER the baby arrives, so that people can meet the baby, and give it a gift if they choose.

From your post it kind of sounds like you are contemplating throwing your own shower? IMHO, that's a big no no. If your work people want to have a shower for you, who's to stop them? If your family doesn't want the expense of a third party, who's to blame them?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

I don't have a huge problem with a shower for subsequent babies and it doesn't offend me when I get invited to one. You ALWAYS need stuff for a new baby...whether it be diapers/wipes, onesies etc...I would probably lean towards buying stuff like this for subsequent showers. That being said, I have a friend now that is having her second boy...her first is 3 years old. I just got a shower invite with registry information and I did kind of raise my eyebrows when I saw that she had registered for an entire new crib set, curtains, mobile, highchair etc... I also raised my eyebrows at the woman I know that had 3 boys in less than 5 years and posted on Facebook about how she just registered at Target...but only to get the $20 giftcard for registering..yeah right....

Personally, my two children were born 2 years apart and different genders. I used the same "big stuff" and kept the nursery the same...I had picked out a gender neutral pattern anyway. I reused as much stuff as I could for my 2nd child. I didn't give away anything until my 2nd child was done with it. I did not have a formal shower with either child. I was kind of surprised and hurt though and the number of people that bought a gift for my son, but neglected to celebrate my daughter in any way because they had bought for my first child....



answers from Philadelphia on

Every baby deserves a celebration! It's not about getting gifts. It's about celebrating a new child. Why does the first baby get to be celebrated and the rest don't? Ask for diapers, wipes and other consumables that a baby always needs and cannot be reused. If family doesn't approve let them know they don't have to come! And add some guilt on top of it!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets



answers from Kansas City on

I've had an aunt make noises about a baby shower for my second baby that I'm currently pregnant with. I said I had no plans to throw myself a shower, but I would go to one someone else threw me, really because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Our other child is seven and a girl, and this new one will be a boy, so I think she thinks we need another. My sister recently threw herself a 2nd baby shower and didn't find out beforehand if it was a boy or a girl. Many of us were disgruntled with not knowing and I felt like it was a tacky gimme grab.

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