2 Year Old's Weekend Behavior

This is the time when you husband has to be the one to talk with your son about being kind to Mommy. If he asks for his Dad that is ok, but if he is physical or rude to you in the process that is not. When these moments arise if he is rude or unkind to you your husband should simply stop whatever the activity is and put him in time out or alone so the attention from his Dad is removed. He can simply walk away. Once he has calmed then he should be the one to say " you make me sad when you talk to Mommy, hurt mommy etc..." Boys always look to their Dads to be the protector and director in their lives. Little ones in the end just want to please and if he knows his dad is sad or dissapointed he may be more likely to change his behavior. We went through this with our son at that age. It was very hard for me emotionally but after a few months the tables turned again and I was back to being the star. This is normal and happens over and over as children grow up and we just have to have thick skins when it is happening.

I hope this helps :)

It sounds like he is frustrated at not getting enough time with Daddy. Can you work out a plan with him (and maybe make a chart with pictures to remind him) of certain activities he can do with daddy and certain ones he can do with you?
It is important that bad treatment of you doesn't end with him getting attention from Daddy (even discipline from Daddy)...that will only encourage the bad behavior.
But he needs to know that there is a plan for time with Daddy, so he will feel less insecure about whether Daddy will be with him..

Some might not like my answer but when I had a similar problem with a toddler who was running our house with fits and demands an older mom, who had succesfully riased 10 K., calmly told me I had a "Diaper Dictator" and needed to nip that in the bud. She helped me decide which behaviors to ignore and which needed remediation. We decided to not get mad to keep my voice calm and anytime the child was screaming, demanding, mean or out of control to simply and calmly place her in a safe place by herself. This took several weeks before we had regualr results and I needed daddy on board too. I agree that it might be best to just let daddy do naps and bedtime when he is home, jsut make sure that is YOUR plan not your sons.

I'll tell you what a counselor told me once..."he feels secure enough with yours and his relationship to be able to go to his dad". I hope that makes since! My 8 y/o sons father and I are not together so when he would say he wants to be with his dad it used to hurt my feelings because I thought "hey i'm the one taking care of you and making sure you're going in the right direction" but that's what the counselor told me. That he feels secure enough in our relationship to be with his dad.
I'm not sure how "strict" you want to be with him but i'd say if dad wants to take care of him on the wknd that gives you the break that i'm sure you need. I'd love for my husband to take over sometimes. We have a 2 y/o son too!

Hello JS, I am the mother of 5 and the Nana of 12-- the fact that you have a 2 yo boy nearly potty trained is a real feat!
I have a set of 2yo that we are getting interested and the boys will only do it for me or daddy.
You are talking about normal everyday stuff for a boy aor girl at this stage. We have learned over the years that DADDY gets to be the HERO and the child really doesn't want to share him with anyone. I am guessing that you generally work since you say you have the summer home , so he is going thru changes as well in that area and also the changes of going from babby hood, to toddler hood and soon at some point young childhood. If this is a 1st child it can be even harder. I have one granddaughter that will follow her dad everywhere and he had to set up her own tool set, lawn mower etc. so she can work along side him. She even gets to the point that when dads car is coming up th estreet she changes personality. It is a bit of specialness that all children that are blessed to have 2 parents get to go through. You used the term Manipulative-- of course they are that is all part of the growing up process. The thing about my son with Aspeger's Syndrome is that he never learned that process and it has been painful his whole life. BUT they learn it with in the family where it is save and has boundries and a foundation. It is all about the teaching and growing process.
Remember that 2 yo oly have the attention span of a rock unless its really interestig like Veggie Tales, but they remember being taught by a mom that wisphers in their ear how much you love them and glad that they are helping out in some way. I'd give anything to get any of our 2y/o or 3 y/o to nap on a regualr basis so we insist on quiet time for a t least 45 minuets so mom can rest-- lots less truma that way. As for bedtime.... try shutting things down early. We always turned off the TV and the radio/music came on 1 hour before bedtime. We got stories read, bath done before that and just started calmig the home enviroment down. REMEMBER that they are at a age they do not want to miss a thing. So endure it for a little while and know that this is all normal. Just teach the right things that you want taught ans your child will be a great 6,8,16 year old!

Hi J S, I think your first mistake is using tricks, we need to be real with our children. When your son acts up and treats you the way he does, then daddy needs to get involved in discipline. My husband was very involved as well and did not tollerate ANY type of disrespect towards me from our children at any age. When our children were small we did the bed time routines together, we both went in the room for prayer time and story time WE BOTH tucked them in at night. and he was very involved taking the boys to the potty, they were 21 and 19 months when they were potty trained at 2 daddy taught them how to stand up and go. Parenting is a partnership. If daddy is home then at certain times mommy and daddy need to be available, and he does understand and he is manipulating, but as a mom of 26 years I will tell you, some maybe even most, children will do what ever they can get a way with. My husband was a very loving, nurturing and involved father, but he was also a strong disciplinay father. J.

My husband is gone from 9 to 7 every day of the week and my daughter's bedtime is around 8 so there's not a lot of time for them to spend together between the time daddy comes home and she goes to bed therefore weekends are very exciting and revolve around daddy. He does a LOT with her but he needs some time for himself as well. When he does take this time for himself she gets belligerent and demanding.

When I would tell her it was time for lunch, she'd give me my own patented "stink-eye" look put her hands on her hips and say she wanted daddy to fix her lunch. And oh boy did daddy have a laugh. I went round and round with her about how I was going to fix lunch while daddy played on the computer but she wasn't having any of it. She didn't want anything I fixed and only wanted lunch daddy made. I was sick of arguing with a nearly 3 year old but I told her that daddy was too busy to make lunch right now so making lunch was mommy's job and when daddy was finished with what he was doing, he'd come down and eat the lunch mommy made too. She wasn't buying it. And continued her mantra of "I WANT DADDY TO DO IT!!".

Sometimes my tone of voice will put her in line but as she got older her misbehavior and head-butting with me would escalate. One day I'd finally had enough and told her that if she kept acting this way, not minding mommy and yelling all the time while her daddy was home, he was going to get in his car and drive back to work. That shut her up. Seriously. I said, "Do you want daddy to get in the white car and go to work right now? If you keep this up that's just what he'll do. No one likes to be around someone who is acting the way you are right now. You need to be a good girl or daddy is going to be very upset with you." I had him come downstairs, cross his arms in front of his chest and frown at her to emphasize my point. Then he said, "I will be done in a little while and then we can play but only if you do what your mother tells you to." Then he went back upstairs.

She started behaving immediately after that and said, "I'm a good girl today!"

I have to constantly remind her to use her words to express herself instead of just hollering so she's taken to saying, "I'm very darnit to you mama!" which loosely translates to "I'm unhappy with this situation you've put me in mother, but I must persevere or you will get angry!" This is usually said when I ask her to change into her pajamas to go to bed for the evening or when I want her to lie down for an afternoon rest.

I don't believe that a child this young is manipulating – that is the final result, of course, because of the way parents respond to it, but he's not "planning out" his behavior in the usual sense of "manipulation." So responding to him punitively will get results, but perhaps not the results we hope for, or the underlying emotional reaction that will get the best, healthiest, long-term results.

All behavior is a means to get some need met. Especially in such a young child, behavior is pretty spontaneous and based on underlying needs – in this case, your son longing for as much quality time as possible with the daddy he adores.

It's so important not to take a child's behavior personally. He's really not rejecting you, he's expressing a strong preference and longing for his dad during the limited time he's available. It looks and feels like meanness toward you because a 2.5 year-old's emotional repertoire and vocabulary are so limited. In truth, if YOU were the parent available more on weekends, he'd probably be pushing daddy out of the way to get to mommy. And if you were to disappear from his life, he'd be devastated.

Rather that give him the message "X behavior is unacceptable and will get you punished," K. generally respond more positively and quickly to "I see by X behavior, you want/need more of Y. I really, really understand. I wish we could give you as much Y as you want. More, even! Now, let's go and do Z, so you'll have some time to do Y afterward."

My grandson never has reason to tantrum, and his acting out has almost disappeared since instituting this approach a couple of years ago (he's now 4.5). Though he does receive the logical consequences for his choices, punishment has virtually disappeared from his life – there's no need for it. His parents (or grandparents) don't have to coerce or manipulate him, or seldom even raise our voices, to get his calm, respectful,or often even cheerful, cooperation.

If this sounds as wonderful to you as it is, I hope you'll google Emotion Coaching to learn more. Here's one very informative link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... . There are also some terrific books working with these techniques. One of my favorites is by Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So K. Will Listen, and Listen So K. Will Talk.

K. have thoughts and feelings too and if we are imposing something on them and if it is resulting in unpleasant consequences for them, it is indeed time to explore and reconsider our techniques. The bottom line should be how can I meet my child's needs that is respecful and is a win-win situation for both of us

I have ready many many books on the subject of behavior (including some that offered ineffective popular advice with reward and punishment model) and will only recommend just a few of them for you to read at this time.

- How to talk so K. will listen and listen so K. will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish,
- Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn.
- Raising your spirited child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
- Smart Love by Martha and William Pieper

Best,
-Rachna