11 Yr Old Daughter Need Counseling? Depression?

Updated on March 14, 2011
A.G. asks from Tecumseh, MI
8 answers

My daughter is 11 & acting grumpy & tired most of the time. She used to go to her room to get away from her brother, but now she stays in there most of the time. She only wants to eat pasta/pizza, candy & other bad for you foods. I try to make sure she gets something healthy with the mac & cheese. She doesn't seem to really want to do anything active, or anything at all. I know teenagers are known to act this way, she just got her first set of "bras", can she be going through normal puberty, or should I seek professional help? I try to encourage her to talk to me, or go outside & play with the rest of the family, but she is not excited about doing that. I'm not sure what to do with her. Anyone have experience or advice?

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D.M.

answers from Grand Rapids on

While it's possible that it's just normal teenage angst.. it's also possible that there is something bothering her. I'm a little concerned that you say she's tired all the time. That could be that she's not getting enough sleep, or needs more than she realizes at this all-too-hormonal time of life... but it could also be a symptom of many medical conditions.

If the doctor sees no medical reason for her behavior and sleepiness, perhaps it's wise to seek counseling..

Have you tried asking HER if she'd like to have someone to talk to like a counselor? Many young people feel uncomfortable telling their parents there are things that they don't want to discuss with a parent so they don't ask for counseling. However, if you approach her with the idea of having someone to speak to outside of the family, she may jump at the chance.

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B.T.

answers from Detroit on

I am 36 and I have 2 daughters that are 16 1/2 and 15. Be careful how you handle issues with her. It is very important to give her time alone in her room, if that is where she wants to be. However, you don't want to let her stay in her room all the time. Invite her to join you in different activities. I have a close relationship with both of my daughters now. They both went through a stange where I couldn't do anything right. There were times when it upset me and I just didn't know how to get her to like me. At that age their bodies are turning into a woman but mind tells them there still a kid. It is very tough for girls that age until they "find themselves". I wish you the best of luck and make sure you walk the find line just right until it's over! Feel free to contact me if you need any more advice.

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J.S.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I have 3 daughters. I started a notebook with my oldest when she started high school. In it, I wrote to her that this was ours, I would write in it a short note and then leave it for her in her room. She LOVED the idea and she is a senior in high school now and we still write back an forth. It disappeared for a while and then I found it on my nightstand...She was so excited to find it while cleaning her room and had fun reading back through the pages. It is a great way to talk about things and has really brought us closer. I am very lucky she is a remarkable young lady and I have never had the issues others have with teens. One of my younger daughters, almost 12 left me a note this morning. In it she wrote, "Mom, can we please get a notebook too...I really think it's time. Middle school is a lot harder than I thought it would be". I am getting her one today. Sometimes the messages are short and sweet, sometimes funny...sometimes more in depth. I always make sure to express my unconditional love for them while at the same time offering empathy for what they are going through and sharing stories about my own teen years. I think it's easier for them to write without worrying about our initial reaction and then we as moms have more time to absorb what they say and write an appropriate response without rolling our eyes, raising our vocies or even unintentionally allowing that look of dispproval to cross our faces! Just an idea...it has really worked great for us! Good luck!

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M.C.

answers from Detroit on

I have a 13 year old girl who is still going through what your daughter is experiencing, only mine needs a major attitude adjustment. I have to admit, once she started her period 2 months ago, she's getting better with the attitude, less hormonal, more rational. All of what you are experiencing is normal with girls this age. In fact, a child psychologist told me that 12 is the hardest age for girls (starting middle school, puberty, etc.) Leave her alone, give her space, but let her know she is loved and you are there for her.

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L.N.

answers from Portland on

I have or had, the same problem. What I did was occasionally took her out on a fun day. Since I knew she need some energy and exercise, we went floating down the river. After that, I encouraged her to eat some healthier foods by having a 'tasting session', where we went to a couple different restaurants and tried appetizers. And then we went to the park and played frisbee and boomerang. She loved it and it really helped. I then would usually give her some kind of a treat like ice cream or candy. We do it 1-2 times a month. It does not cost a lot of money at all.

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A.I.

answers from Lansing on

11 yr old girls grrrrr what a age they are down right rotten i have brought three pass that age and i much rather have a root canal with out pain meds it will get better they all go thur it talk to her make a special day once a month for just you and her go it nail done or eye brow or just do lunch it a rough age thing grow in ever way and can be a little hard to deal with good luck

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M.M.

answers from Detroit on

LOL welcome to the beginning of teens! All perfectly normal in my opinion. Just do the mom thing and monitor her but nothing wrong with a little alone time especially when there are siblings!

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B.B.

answers from Detroit on

AHHH, puberty.... What a horendous time of all of our lives. I am so NOT looking forward to my daughter going thru it. lol
If it wern't for weight gain I'd love to eat nothing but pizza and candy... :-) I would suggest asking her to help you make dinner... While your making it make comments about how too much junk food is bad for your future skin... How its good to get healthy foods in you... Keep your eyes open for any kind of major swings in moods or personality. Those would be clues to seek help out. A sudden change of style, friends, language, etc...
Other wise i guess its just buckle up and keep your arms and legs inside the hormone car...
My daughter is 6 and starting with the whole teeny bopper stuff... I am quite a bit older than my sisters and it was annoying when they started in on it... Try to do some supervised teeny bopper stuff... Make it a priority to spend time with her as a family... As a last resort you could do what my mom did once to my younger sister and said "if you won't come out, then we'll all just hang out in here with you". Got everyone out in the living room pretty fast on that one... :-)But also give her some space...
See, thats why i'm not looking forward to daughter going thru this... Theres no black and white answers...

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