8 Year Old Attitude Problem

B., I have an 8 year old daughter who exhibits the same behavior for the most part. She stays in trouble at school for talking no matter what ways we punish her. She does not listen and then uses it agnst us when we discipline her saying that we pay her 4 m onths old brother more attention. I am at my whits end. I want so much better for her.

Hello B....

I have a niece that is 11 years old now that is doing the exact same things your daughter is doing...

The thing with her was this, at 6 years old she started these "mood swings" so my sister took her to the pediatrician... turns out, "Katie" was going through these mood swings the same time every month... she had a "cycle" at the age of 6.... no she wasn't menstruating yet, but she was going through her cycle... it started early... and girls are going through puberty earlier and earlier these days thanks to all the damn hormones and gunk that is put into food (another soapbox for later).... anyway... y the time she was 8 years old these mood swings had gotten completely out of hand... she was throwing temper tantrums and just being a flat out little B**CH... well, the doctor put her on PMS meds and BAM it all went away... She is 11 now and has been having her period since she was 10... she still has the mood swings... they are every month at the exact same time... usually a week before she starts her period... soooo now every month on the 21st of the month she starts taking her PMS medications... cause by the 27th or the 28th she will be on her period... the PMS meds have made a WORLD of difference in her behavior and her attitude...

I am not saying this is what is wrong with your child, but I would sure look into it... And people need to stop jumping on the BI-Polar band wagon so damn quickly... more than likely your daughter is going through the beginning of puberty early and a doctor will know this if this is the case... if she does this behavior every month for no reason, more than likely this is what it is...

Hope I have helped...

Good Luck

H.
Da Mamma to Jaidyn 7.5 months old...

It's early, but watch for development. By my granddaughter's dr.'s advice, we noticed mood swings about that age. She started early development, too. Keeping a calendar/journal may alert you to if this is hormonal or maybe a reaction to some food or medication or environmental stimulus. Alynda reacts behaviorally to some allergans.

Hi,

Certainly hope all is well. First off, I am used to hearing of attitudes during the teen years...has anything unusual been going on at school that she may be reacting to of some sort?

First thing I would suggest is make sure that your child does not have a medical condition that may affect her behavior. Make an appointment with her Doctor. From there have him refer you to a couselor. The couseling should involve all family members. Negative behavior can reinforced by attending to the behavior. Child will seek attention even if its negative. Then you are caught in the cycle. Contact her school. Does her teacher see the same behaviors? Or is this a situation that only happens at home? Good luck to you and your family.

hello B., I'm a mother of two-8yr ol boy/8mo old girl. BUT I grew up with an older sis by 4yrs. We always had ups & downs! Who was Daddy's girl, me-too young/uncool to play w/her, she was smarter, I was more athletic-etc etc. & I know what saved me from jealousy was sports & my OWN friends! I played softball from 4yr-college & I cheered from 4yr-8th grade(chose sports for HS). I wonder how you know she's jealous-seems big of her to say but either way-figure out something she's good at & do it! Art, swim, soccer, softball, dance..whatever. take plenty of pics-plenty of bragging-plenty of time w/her friends! but don't 4get the baby-she'll be the jealous one before long. just let it be a different 'hobby'. good luck! my Sis and I are best friends-it took some growing up to do-I wish you the best--this is a very important relationship!! *positive words last a lifetime*
L. C.

Dear B.,
it could very well be a stage she's going through , but it's the "knowing how long it will last",that's the mystery that we as parents sometimes can't wait on . getting counseling for her will be very advisable. it's something that she'll start noticing that she has one on one attention & still learning how to love her sister & not see her as the attention stealer & then things will fall into place about the other kids. I had that problem with my son & i would always tell him to be careful about being jealous of other people because you don't know how they are really getting things or how they parents are & everybody's house whole is different. i hope things work out.

B., I am a single mom of two beautiful daughters also. My eldest had a little more trouble adjusting to the little sister. My advice, in addition to possible counseling (like at school maybe?) is to always make sure to have some time during the day for just her and then time for just the youngest; this lets them each know that they are special all by themselves.

hi, B. r. i am the mom of a 12yr old girl who did the same thing at that age. I took my daughter to counseling and was told that this too shall pass. At the time i didn't realize that my daughter was pre-pubescent. The counselor told me that her daughter did the same thing and she didn't know why but she got better as she got older. My best friend told me get ready she was about to start blossoming and it was her hormones raging. It was the latter. could have saved some money right? she really is getting better she has her moments but it is when she is about to start. Just try to remember when you were the same age and all those things started happening to you how anxious you felt. well she is feeling all of that right now and her other friends may or may not be. she probably feels all alone. this doesn't mean she is going to start right away. you probably have a few years 2-3 but it is coming and just stay calm and don't react give her space and be supportive and you all will make it through.

Hopefully it is just a phase but if not the counseling couldnt hurt.maybe she feels compared to her sister?or she wants to be or behave more like her sister.you could try something that she likes to do that you or your husband could take time to do with her individually to give her extra attention right now.try to talk with her and see if something has happened- maybe she is being bullied at school- there is a reason why she is acting out whether she can control it or not hopefully you can find out soon.

It is definitely a stage, and tho you shouldn't tolerate the behavior, you can know you aren't alone. I have two daughters, 11 and 9, and the older one has been having mood swings for about 2-3 and the 9 year old just started. The 11 yr old I went to her school counselor who assured me it was normal but got me a referral to a counselor, cause she is awesome in school. My younger daughter likes to scream real dramatically and then say I don't listen. @@

One thing that I found that works with all my kids- is some one on one attention with each one. I call them mommy dates. Take each one alone to Braum's.

B. my name is Kati and I had the same simptoms with my middle son. We also tried everything including counseling and it turned out that he was ADHD and unable to control himself and that also includes his moods. When we got him on medication things really calmed down and after about a year we took him off his meds for the summer and he did so well that my husband, I and his counseler decided to try this year in school without the meds and he was able to learn enough while on the meds to continue to control his behavior and that includes his moods. Now I am not saying that your daughter is ADHD I do not immdiately jump to that conclusion but put this out as a possible reason.

My daughter is almost 13 and I have been fighting my battle with her since she was about 7-8 y/o. I have taken her to counseling and done just about everyting I could think of. It wasn't until I just told her I had had enough and took everything from her. I just left her about 5-6 shirts in her closet, 3 pairs of pants, one pair shoes, all decorations from her room and even her door. I have stopped letting her go anywhere with friends and took away her phone priviledges. This is the only thing that worked. Before I would discipline her and give in. She knew she could work me and I would give in. Now I have shown her that I mean what i say and she can't win and she has finally began to calm down and listen alot better. She just tried to push me as far as she could. It was tough but it is finally pleasant in our home.

Hi B.,

Is there a possibility that your daughter is beginning with puberty? I started my own cycle when I was 8 1/2. Could also be something else going on with her causing some stress, and most kids just don't know or haven't learned how to verbalize what's really bothering them.

During my lifetime I have watched, listened and observed as I lived all over the world, different cultures, different age groups different family sizes. As a military wife, I never had the opportunity to be near family while I raised my daughters and was determined to do the best I could and since there wasn't the interenet then, and not many books other than SPOCK to refer to (and I didn't care whole heartedly for his concept)I decided to draw my knowledge from others whom appeared to be successful at parenting. So whenever I saw families out and about whom were obviously successful at behavior issues within their families, I would approach them, and ASK how they dealt with certain issues (like yours, or temper tantrums or whatever the case may be). What I found was common denominators across the board in the way these issues were identified and handled. ALL families seemed to have a "step" method, meaning, for each new, negative behavior, the parents would first simply say, "now that is NOT pleasant, kind, acceptable behavior.I'm surprised and disappointed. Please don't do that ever again". The key being, the tone of their voice being that of shocked, unhappy surprise, and then they would turn away from them and walk away. The second time the same behavior was displayed, again the parent would show immediate expressions of shocked, disappointment, pull the child to the side and say, "I know we had a talk about this before. I told you this was unpleasant, unkind, unacceptable behavior that we don't like seeing anyone in our family developing as part of their character and we are concerned about this and want to understand why you are choosing to behave this way." WAIT and LISTEN to the response. Then, continue the conversation with an explanation, such as, "ok, I understand what's bothering you now, but there are other ways to deal with this that will settle the circumstances without you having to become so, well hateful to others. What I need you to try to realize, is how other people see you when you behave that way. It's not a good thing sweetheart. It is looked at as a bad personality, someone who doesn't have self control, is unkind, or even MEAN. Do you want people to think that of you"? Let's try to work on another way to express the things that frustrate you or make you annoyed without you having to act out in a way that makes people want to run away from you ok? Let's make a deal, when you feel like that, we'll have a quick sit down and talk it out so you don't have to keep all that inside and let it get the better of you. Then we can move on and you can keep on being the beautiful person you are inside and out and everyone can keep seeing that. But please understand, now that we have had this talk, you are going to be expected to honor and respect the good behavior rules or deal with the consequences after OK"?
Typically, you will have an occassional repeat offense, but a gentle reminder that others are observing their behavior usually sets things straight.
I believe we sell our children short in their ability to comprehend life and the explanations there of. If your children can master a computer and complicated games, it is reasonably safe to assume they can comprehend life lesson in small increments if you take the time to explain and tell the truth. And the truth is that bad behavior is frowned on and not embraced as a good quality. SO we should tell them that. If we allow that behavior to continue, they will only have more difficulty as they grow older. At that age, it's about self control and self expression which they are trying to develope but have no foundation for yet. A counselor would be the last resort to me and I would absolutely tell her that. Explain to her that her behavior concerns you so much that if you could work things out your concern would be that something may be WRONG with her and you would take her to a doctor to see if there is something else to be addressed. She should be able to understand that her behavior is worrying you and viewed as worrisome. But you have to be able to listen and actually HEAR what she says. And if what she says throws you off guard, DON"T knee jerk answer, always say,"let me think about that for a moment so I can give you the best answer. That shows her that YOU have self control and YOU take the time to think before you speak which is the goal you are trying to help her reach. Hope this helps a bit. JF

It could very well just be another stage of your daughters behavior. You could try special dates with each of your children where it is one on one and you just do something fun together. Go get an ice cream or your nails done together. This also gives the opportunity to open up communication with your daughter which is so important throughout her growing up years. If it is just the two of you there are no interruptions I wouldn't even answer your cell while you are together it will just show your daughter you are interested in her and only her for that time. Chances are you and she will both begin to look forward to these outings. It doesn't have to be every week or anything.
Beyond that, has anything changed lately, new people in her life etc. sometimes severe attitude changes can be cause for concern. Good Luck

Purchase the book "Reviving Ophelia". Also "Queen Bees and Wanna Bes" might give you insight. With two girls...you are going to need it! haha (Mom of 11 year old daughter)

check with your doctor and find a good counselor.

Hi B.,
I have a soon to be 8 year old and from time to time she has an attitude problem. When I say attitude her facial expressions, tone and body gestures, etc. just get stinky at times. She "knows" everything yet fails to remember simple stuff (stuff she does every day). That's how I define attitude, it comes for a while, but after punishment and spankings, her attitude is better. Yours sounds a little deeper but then again it could be normal to have some sibling rivalry. I don't know that because my other child is a boy. But you mentioned jealousy, why do you think she's jealous?

Have you discussed this with her doctor? It could be bipolar which there are meds for. It could be a number of things but best discussed with her doctor.