10 Month Old Sleeping

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to read the book The Baby Whisperer by Tami Hoag. I have bought several and given them as gifts. There are tips in this book specifically for sleeping through the night. I don't remember them exactly off the top of my head (my son is now 5) but it works!! The nice thing about this book is that you don't have to read it front to back and the chapters don't take very long to read. Good luck.

You may not want to hear this, but you need to let her cry it out. Both of my kids were breastfed and co-slept - but you have to get them in their own bed and sleeping w/o eating through the night. If she is eating 3+ meals a day, there is no way she needs to eat throughout the night as well, especially at 10 mos. By the time you start cereal (4mos. or so) is about the same time night time sleep should be increasing to 6-8 hrs. at a time. Once other foods and increased activity come into play, sleep should be increasing by another 2-3 hrs. As long as you let her continue to nurse on demand throughout the night, she will. The transition will be far harder on your conscience than it will be on her, but it will be so much better for both of you in the long run. Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing, not something you should be regretting. Get her on a sippy cup now - she'll resist at first but she'll come around (took mine 3 days or so). Once you've got her on that, you can begin the weaning process (morning, nap time and night - then begin to cut those as well). Don't bother with the bottle or pacifier either, these to will just have to go away at some point. Sorry to be so long, but I really feel for you and hope you can make some progress for your own good! Best wishes.

She may be teething, and certainly nursing is comforting her through this. Also, the transition I imagine has got her a little upset when she wakes up and realizes that you are not there. Unfortunately, it's going to be harder for you than her, but you will get through it! Keep up your routines, but put her back to bed and let her cry it out as long as you can possibly stand it. Try to let her cry for 5 min. at a time longer each time you go back in to comfort her. I know the experts say nurse -on-demand, but if you feel that she has had enough, then she probably has and this may even be aggravating the problem if she is overeating just to soothe herself. (I nursed both my kids for 10 mos. - 13 mos. and they liked to eat/nurse, but also had a bit of reflux which doesn't help at night.) Try turning off the monitor for this transition, too, or you will drive yourself even more crazy. Eventually, she will wear herself out and sleep through the night once she realizes that crying is not getting her anywhere. Good luck!

Hey W.,

Well, you've received tons of advice and opinions to sort through. The consistent message is that you have your work cut out for you! ha The reward ~ if you accomplish this ~ is a well-rested mom, who will be much happier and better able to handle the rigors of being a SAHM...and the toddler years are just around the corner! The reward for Allie is also the same...a well-rested, much happier, self-confident little one.

Since you've had so many responses I'm going to try to do this in bullet points:
* Work towards a better nap schedule. One morning nap and one afternoon nap where she puts herself to sleep - maybe with a pacifier, white noise, music, dark room, in her own crib.
* Work towards a bedtime closer to the 7 - 8 pm range. Again, after your bath routine...put her down awake with white noise, or soft music, dark room, pacifier, etc.
* At every meal and snack time offer her the sippy cup. Take a sippy cup with you on errands.
* Let Dad get up with her at night for the next few nights...take the human pacifier out of the situation. Don't pick her up when she cries, don't turn on the lights, just let her know Dad is there, reassure her she's fine, and to go back to sleep. If you must walk in her room, do so, but don't nurse her. Offer the pacifier instead. If you have to...put ear plugs in! If it helps...and it will...go spend the night somewhere else so that you won't hear her. Trust your husband to do the right thing and encourage him to stick to the plan. If you're the one who's been getting up every night for 10 months...it won't hurt him to do this. He can handle it!

None of these things will hurt your child in any way and will only help her learn to soothe herself and put herself to sleep. It looks like a mountain to you right now, but once you're all sleeping through the night you'll feel wonderful! Bad habits are hard for anyone to break! As adults we whine and complain about our bad habits, but as adults no one else can really help us break our bad habits. You have the ability to do the right thing to help your child because you're her mommy and you know what's best for her.

Whatever you decide...best of luck!

J.

My daughter started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. I firmly believe it's because she had to learn to cry-it-out and go to sleep on her own. I had myself prepared to deal with screaming for a week but it only took 20 minutes and one night. My husband put her to bed awake but drowsy. Of course she started screaming but after 5 minutes he went in there and patted her tummy telling her it was ok but did not pick her up. 10 more minutes go by and she was still screaming, he did the same thing as before. 5 more minutes go by...peace and quiet. She's slept in her own bed since 6 weeks (before it was her swing or bouncer! ;) ). A rested mommy makes a happier mommy. Don't feel guilty for letting her cry. She won't remember it in 5 years...and it doesn't damage their psyche.

I also believe a good napping schedule helps. A rested baby sleeps much better at night. Since Emme was about 9 months old she takes a short morning nap (only about 45 minutes) and then a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. I put her down in the afternoon at 1 and will not get her up before 3pm. Sometimes she sleeps longer than 3. She goes to bed in the evening at 7:30 and has since she was 7 months old. (We slowly worked backwards to an appropriate time)

The thing that worked best for me with weaning Emme from a bottle was giving her a sippy cup (she only likes the one with the straws) one meal a day slowing workings towards all meals. I'd give her her morning "cup" of milk for a week. Then the next week she'd get her cup for breakfast and lunch. The next week adding dinner. So and and so forth until she was off the bottle. We started weaning at 10 months but didn't take her bed-time bottle away until a year. (It was really for my sake...that was the only time she'd let me snuggle her!)

Everyone comments on how happy and well-behaved she is. I really think it's for these reasons! Hope this helps!

Your daughter is using you as a pacifier, don't let her. Buy her one, if she won't take it, keep trying. She will either go to the thumb (which is harder to stop) or a pacifier. Sucking is natural and it "pacifies" us to go to sleep.

Also, you need to put her down in her own bed while she is still awake. When she falls asleep with you and then wakes up somewhere else, that's scary. Think about when you sleep in a hotel, that first second you wake up and freak out thinking, "Where am I", then your realise, "Oh yeah I'm in a hotel room". Your daughter is doing the same thing because the last thing she knew was she was a sleep with you and now she's not "Waaaaaaaaaa". When you start the pattern of her falling to sleep on her own, she'll start sleeping through the night.
Find the book "Babywise" it will save your life, it's all about sleeping.

I have 2, and both were sleeping 10-12 hours a night by 12 weeks old, because I followed Babywise from the very start. I buy it and give it to all my pregnant friends.

I nursed my daughter until 14 months, it wasn't until about 12 mos old that she started sleeping better thru the night. I tried several times to cry it out and withhold the breast, but it didn't feel right to me.

If you are okay nursing her, continue to do so. This is a strictly personal decision and what others do shouldn't influence your decision. If you are tired of nursing all night, crying it out maybe your only choice.

However, you could try talking to her and telling her at her last nursing that this is it for the night. You should also not nurse her to sleep after her bath. Try reading a story after the nursing so that she doesn't associate nursing with sleep. Trying to get her to fall asleep on her own is the key.

Hi W.,

I'm gonna tell you first I don't believe in letting them crying it out. That does work but it sucks for you and your child. I like the slow and steady approach and sometimes you have to take 3 steps back in order to go forward, so here's a couple of suggestions....
Since she doesn't take the I wouldn't even start her on one being that she is now 10 months but I would start her on the sippy cup. By doing this you're moving forward but if you put it in her bed at night you are starting another habit you will only have to break later but you could go this route.
The 2nd option and I know this sounds crazy but like I said sometimes you have to take 3 steps back to go forward so get her a pacifier only let her have it in her bed at night. Since you're not having trouble during the daytime I wouldn't offer it then.

On your other post you say she goes to bed at 10 pm, you should try to up this so that you are putting her in bed awake and she has to learn to fall asleep on her own rather than by nursing. If you nurse her and then lay her in bed and give her a pacifier she can go to sleep with it. By the amount you say she eats this isn't for hunger it's for comfort and she knows mommmy will come and give her what she has established what she will do. She may not even take the pacifier but at this point it won't hurt. Also if this is what you offer you can have the approach take this or do without, I would put 4 in her bed this way she can find them. Avent makes some now that glow in the dark so she could find them on her own. If she does end up taking them you can leave these in her bed until you fully get her off nursing once you do that she will begin to forget how to suck and it is different on a sippy cup. This would be my approach and so what you have created a monster we all make mistakes with our kids and although some maybe haven't made this one I'm sure there is one in someone else's eyes they have. We all do what we can to get threw life wether it is right or wrong in other peoples eyes. If there was a "correct way" to raise children there wouldn't be so many opinions. And that is my opinion right or wrong. Do what is best for you and your daughter and take whatever approach you feel is best. Hope this helps, I have my own things that I have probably screwed up on and everybody tells me I'm to lineant may be I am but it's my problem I have to deal with. We are all un perfect no matter what. We still walk the same way and breath the same way. W.

Hi there,
I totally understand where you're coming from- the only thing that worked for my 23 month old son and 3 month old daughter was to let them cry it out. I waited until my son was a year old (I was pregnant again- that was my motivation!!) to cry it out and I am a believer, so much so that I've already started with my daughter and she is almost sleeping straight through the night at 3 months old. When we did it with my son, I would let him cry for 15 minutes and I would go in there (his crib in his room) and try to calm him... but that would usually make it last longer. With him, I just let him cry (in the beginning it sounds horrible- like they are screaming... but it IS ONLY TEMPORARY... they WILL GO TO SLEEP) sometimes they might even stop for a minute and start back up again and my son had a tendency to throw up when he cried... He would stand up by the side of the crib and throw up over the side onto the floor- so I put a towel down and that caught it. I know that sounds REALLY HORRIBLE... but it was worth it. He would cry like that for about 20-30 minutes for about 2-3 weeks and then it gradually got shorter and shorter- like just 5 minutes and then we got to the point about a month after starting where we would just say.."It's time for bed Sam, where's your bed?" and he would walk back to his room, right up to his crib and want in bed- and we would put him in and he would just lay right down and go to sleep. If he cried at all, he would maybe just whimper a little bit and then be right off to sleep for about 11 hours. Sometimes, he would cry in the middle of the night and we would just leave him and he would go right back to sleep. I would make exceptions and go in there when he was sick, if there was a thunderstorm or loud noise that woke him up.. but a lot of times he would cry out in the middle of the bed, if I jumped out of bed and went in there he would usually be asleep and crying in his sleep.. they tend to cry when the sleep cycle changes.
I know this sounds tough, but it was the answer for us and knowing that I was going to have another baby when he was 20 months old, I knew I had to get his sleep under control. Plus it makes it harder when they get older and can climb out of bed or cry out "mama"- the older they get the longer they can cry :) I've discovered that with my 3 month old. She doesn't cry very long at all and the whole process has been easier with her.

I have a friend who has a son the same age as my son and he still nurses ALL NIGHT LONG and they even had to move his crib into their room and when he wakes up in the night he has to be put in bed with them. I think it's really h*** o* their marriage and she is considering not having any more children b/c he's almost 2 years old and still acting the same way as a newborn- but he can talk now and tell them what he wants. Sleeping is a developmental stage but it also is a habit, and I really believe that you have to train them to create that habit.

When we did this with my son it was right around the time that I weaned him from breast and bottle and that worked well... but the sooner you do it the better.

A couple of books that I HIGHLY RECOMMEND are: Sleep Sense (http://www.sleepsense.net/sleepinfo.html ), Baby Whisperer, BabyWise is good- but it's really to0 strict for my liking- I found it was the best to combine ideas from different books and adapt them to what I knew about my own child.

You definitely know the best of anyone what's best for your child, but I am just telling you what worked for me and it REALLY WORKED! It's harder than you think it will be, but you HAVE to be consistent or it won't work. And both you and your spouse have to agree- because there's nothing harder than you finally working up the resolve to do it, and a few days into it, after 15-20 minutes has passed of hearing your baby cry.. and one of you gets emotional and starts to question the method and the other one of you feels guilty... It's not hurting your child to do this, it's training them how to sleep... and it really does work. I think it's one of those "tough love" things :)

Hope that helps,
E.

I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. I made the same mistake you are with my 3 year old daughter. She was born at 26 weeks and when she finally came home from the hospital I didn't want to let her out of my sight so she slept in a bassinet next to our bed until she outgrew it which wasn't until she was almost a year old and then she just moved to our bed with us. I waited too long to move her to her own bed and now she is three and still doesn't make it through the night in her own bed. When my son was born he too was early and was born at 28 weeks but we decided that once he outgrew the bassinet it was on to his own bed. He had some health issues that made it necessary for him to sleep at a steep incline so he has been sleeping in his bed since he was 9 months old. It was a hard transition at first but we figured out a few things that helped. We keep his room very dark with wood blinds on his window and dark colored curtains and no night light. If he would wake up in the early morning and it was at all light in his room he decided that it was time to get up even if he wasn't ready too. So by doing this he will go back to sleep until he is good and ready to wake up. Also, we play music in his room at night for him to go to sleep too. This seems to help my daughter as well. For some reason they relax with the music on. I was also told that if something helps put them to sleep if they wake up during the night and it is not there they have a harder time going back to sleep so you could just put the cd on repeat and it would play all night. There are also times that my son just cried it out and to this day if he is really tired at night he cries himself to sleep but it is easier to do that now than when they are three and can get out of bed. I hope this helps!

I wish that anyone could really give you an easy answer. But one thing that I see from what you are saying is that you wish to change several behaviors at once. Your baby is too young in my opinion to be on a sippy cup alone at this point. I never breastfed for long but I can imagine how close and warm it feels for a baby to eat in that way. She is using you not only as a way to drink but for emotional comfort.

You have been co-sleeping and I love co-sleeping. But to think you can just put her in her own bed and then stop nursing at night without her crying is unrealistic. You say you can't let her cry it out. Why? Is it that you personally feel guilty when she cries? Or is it your husband would be angry? Or is it that you live too close to neighbors and you are afraid to bother them?

I don't see any way at all you can get her into her own bed and off the breast in just a few months time unless you just bite the bullet and make it happen with a lot of crying. But I wouldn't personally do it all at once. I'd say keep her in bed with you but refuse to feed her overnight. Don't offer a pacifier because that becomes a habit to break later. You can keep her in bed and pat her on the back until she learns to make it through the night without nursing. Wear ear plugs if it bothers you that much. I used to put my baby in the bed next to me and put her back up against me and rock her and me both back and forth until she went to sleep. But who am I to talk? She still sleeps with me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'll be honest though.. I don't think I would start there. I would want her to be fully on either a sippy or a bottle before you stop nursing at night. Because if you can stop nursing at night you would be that much closer to weaning her totally. But you can't wean her totally if she doesn't drink well from a cup or a bottle.

Whatever you decide to do at first you just need to pick one thing to change at a time. It's cruel to just up and change a lot on a little baby. I've seen people do it for 20 years in my daycare. Some parent shows up one day without any warning and says they took the pacifier or bottle and or they decided to potty training when the child is not anyplace near emotionally ready. Usually in my case they mean they want me to suffer through the changes cold turkey during the day and then I find out weeks later that they are giving in at night.

I hope you figure it out soon. I don't blame you for being dang tired of breasfeeding. I truly hated it. I love my kids but I can't feel suffocated like that all the time.

Suzi

Have a look at this site: http://www.babywhisperer.com/smf/index.php

You can get her to sleep on her own and through the night. She will cry b/c her routine is changing but you will help her through it and be right with her. :)

You're right you have created your own monster. Mostly she has gotten used to being able to cuddle with you in the bed. Listening to dad's noise and being jostled. You are always there for comfort nursing. It's just something you have to decide to do, one step at a time though. You need to decide what you want first sleeping through the night, weaning from the feedings or sleeping in her own bed.

To wean night time feedings my husband took care of the boys. I could bind myself up in a blanket they couldn't pull loose. I would also sleep with my back to them. My husband would always have a bottle ready and waiting. You also have to stop nursing her to sleep in the evening. She needs to be awake but drowsy when she goes to bed.

To sleep through the night you need a better sleep schedule during the day. An overtired baby sleeps fitfully. Earlier to bed is better, all the night time wakings are a symptom of not reaching rem sleep. Darkness and white noise premote both of them.

Sleeping alone, well I've offered a lot of advice about that and in theory it's worked for me but not for more than a few nights.
A white noise machine, sheets or blankets that smell like you and more covers to keep her warmer all worked for a few days then each one would wander back in our bed and continue to do so for the next few months, until we put our foot down and keep putting them into their own bed. My middle boy didn't stay until he got his own twin sized bed. We're hoping doing the same will for our youngest will help.

So pick a night when dad has the next few days off and pick one to work on. This has to be a joint effort. She'll learn that she can turn to dad for comfort and nourishment as well as playtime.

W.,
I so understand your situation. It can be very frustrating and tiring! I read a book called "THE NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION" by Elizabeth Plantley. It is a wonderful book and supports mothers like you and I who can't let our babies 'cry it out.' It gives many options for all kinds of babies (breastfed, bottlefed, crib-sleepers, co-sleepers...) Good luck, and I promise it will get better with time,
K.