Used Goods!

I grew up with a grandma who was always bestowing these kinds of gift to me and my brother and now have an older neighbor who brings boxes of these things to my son. I suppose I would suggest taking it in stride. Let her enjoy the act of giving and if you don't want you daughter to have it take it away when your aunt leaves--we usually have a box of items to return to the thrift store after our neighbor visits. Furthermore, some of our favorite family stories are talking about the things Grandma Jean would bring for us--she once showed up with a lamb (a real live lamb), but our favorite was the "I Love Bingo" pin she lovingly wrapped and gave to my brother--he foolishly chose it as the gift he wanted to open on Christmas eve.

Hi P.,

Your aunt sounds like my uncle.. Lol.. We just had the same thing happen on Saturday. My uncle came over with some toys, which personally I think that he picked up at a garage sale or just found somewhere. They were dirty and really needed a cleaning prior to my son touching them. This is how we cope with the situation whenever it has occurred.
First: We made it very clear to our friends and family that we like to clean all of his toys prior to giving them to him, even the new ones in boxes. (I know sounds a little maniacal, but we have become germaphobes).
Second: We request that all used toys be given to us in our hands and not his. When he is opening new gifts, we go with step 3.
Third: We have shown our son that toys need to be cleaned first and then we can play with them. At this point we usually have the Clorox Clean up Spray ready with paper towels and clean the toys in his presence.

For board books, we wipe down the covers and pages. If they are hand me downs, as long as you clean them, I don't see why kids can't have them.
Now if it's just that you find it disgusting to have hand me downs due to fear of not getting the items clean enough, express this to your loved ones. I think that anyone who knows you well enough and whom you have a strong relationship with should not find it insulting that you express your concerns. You could also suggest that due to the fact that you feel your daughter has enough, that if they want to visit your child, they do not need to bring a gift along.

Take care.
D.

I have this problem with my mother-in-law, and we handled it just as Deb said - unwrap/unpack, then encourage your daughter to help wash the items. I also make fun of my "germ-a-phobe" tendencies (though I'm really not a germ-o-phobe!). It took a while, but the message sunk in. I never had a "talk" with my MIL, and she doesn't seem to mind that my dd can't play with her 2nd-hand gifts right away.

One other suggestion I have: If you're trying to emphasize that your daughter doesn't need more stuff, you can soften the message by letting well-meaning gift givers know that there's a new rule in your house: one in, one out. When a new toy comes in, an old toy must go. It makes them think twice about the gifts they give - is it just junk that will get tossed soon or is it really something worthwhile?

Good luck!

I would speak with your aunt and let her know that you and your husband are working to teach your daughter the value of spending time with treasured people rather than with "items". Tell her that you appreciate her spending time with your daughter and that 1-2 books are wonderful, but you are hoping that she will not come to expect a gift with each visit (which is true).

If she continues to bring the gifts, then I would take the bag at the door and let her know that you are going to bring them out little-by-little so that your daughter has surprises spread-out. That way you can look through, clean and get rid of things that your daughter won't use!

I think if you phrase it coming from a "value the person, not the thing" perspective you may get further. Perhaps she has a special cookie recipe that she can make with your daughter- how special to have pictures of that when your daughter is older!

Next time you Aunt calls to say she's coming to visit with a bunch of gifts. Tell her great, you can't wait to see her and spend time with her...but in terms of the gifts, let her know you are overwhelemed at this point with toys...would she mind if you put what she is bringing away with out the child seeing them first until you have more time to go through and get rid of what the child already has out, that she has out grown or doesn't play with anymore to make room for the new toys she is bringing....it's a process you do while the child is sleeping and you haven't had time to do this lately and mention not to worry when you give the new toys to her you'll make sure she knows they are from her favorite aunt.

Hi P.,

Try having your Aunt give these gifts at a time when your daughter will have very little time to play with them, like before bed time or dinner. That way you will have a chance to inspect and wash them first.

You could try talking to your Aunt and explaining that you would prefer that your daughter only receive one or two very special gifts rather than a large quantity.

Good luck.

Well maybe you could just put the items on the side and occupy your daughter with something else until you can look and clean the items. Like with books... maybe put them to the side and tell your aunt that you will read them to her when she goes to bed. Same for toys. Change the subject and then your daughter will play with other things. I had a simular situation. My Aunts cousins are mentally challenged and one of them gave my daughter a butterfly keychain. Now mind you they are not the cleanest people but it was the thought that counted. I just told her that I will put it in my pocket so that she doesn't lose it. I then brought it home and scrubed the heck out of it and then gave it to my 20 month old daughter to play with.
When your "aunt" leaves look it over and if you are not satisfied with the condition then just throw it away. Since your daughter has so many things and she only visits occasionally then she won't ask about the items.
Hope that this helps. Good Luck!