What do other mamas do in this situation? Do you make your birthday boy or girl share all their new loot on the day of the party, or do you let the birthday child "set the tone" on whether they want to share their new toys with cousins, etc.? I've seen it done both ways, and would like to get other perspectives on this.
Thanks Mamas! (And dads...!)
Thanks for all the responses-we've never had this issue for a "friend party", more so for the family birthday party, where there are about 25-30 people here, and about 2/3 of that are kids. Family lingers, as we don't really set an "end time" for the get-together. Its hard to gauge when to open gifts, and sometimes I have very little control over it, if the birthday child is young, and everyone is urging him/her to open their gifts. Its also a little harder to control what actually gets opened, because I have seen MORE THAN ONCE, an aunt or uncle open the item they bought and hand it to the birthday child. I'm okay with that (and its kind of rude, I think, to say, hey don't open that because Tommy won't want to share-he's 3), but that's exactly where the issues arise. Now there are open birthday toys, kids grabbing, the birthday child crying because he's been looking forward to "his" presents for days, and its a sticky situation. I do urge the sharing, but also realize its really h*** o* the birthday kid who just got all his new things, and kind of wants a chance to "check it all out" before handing it off to other kids. Plus, we have definitely had the lost pieces happen in the past.
I was surprised how many of you don't have your kids open gifts at friend parties! I always thought that was a "no-no", but if this is accepted now, I am all for it! Saves us from people noticing duplicates, having bored party kids, etc. Love that idea!
We have always waited until the end of the party to open presents, and never taken anything out to play with until after the party, so it was never an issue.
I have never made my child share their toys with anyone. Forced sharing is rude, I would not appreciate it if someone forced me to share my things!
That being said, I have let my daughter know that it is rude to bring out a toy in front of someone if you aren't going to share it. If you are rude to someone, they may not want to play with you.
For birthdays we don't open any of the new toys. Too many chances for pieces to get lost or broken by another child before the birthday child gets a chance to even play with it. New toys stay in the packages. We've had directions get thrown away, etc.
We open gifts as the very last thing--if at all. New toys are put up right after they are opened. If someone wants to open it we say "Sorry, too many kids here. But you're welcome to come over another time and play with it!"
Its saved a lot of heartache!
Good luck!
We always make sure that there were other toys available to play with. The birthday girl is never forced to share her brand new toys. I never saw the benefit of letting other children play with my childrens' toys before they got a chance to play with them or really even get a good look at them just for the sake of appearing polite. Why risk the toy or whatever the gift is breaking before the birthday child can play with it herself?
Therefore, toys are never allowed out of their packages until guests leave.
The next time they have guests, however, those toys/gifts are just as much fair game as other toys that are in the public living space if they're not already using it themselves. Treasured possessions that they don't want anyone else using or touching stay in their rooms in a special place when guests are over, and if a guest goes into their room and sees that item and asks to play with it then the girls are allowed to say "no." If it's in the common living area, then they're not allowed to say "no."
It totally depends on the kid. Some like to share and others want to have the opportunity to play with them first.
I think you should play it by how they want to do it.
We typically don't take the gift out of the box/package. As soon as the paper is taken off we put it in the largest sack so it is out of the way. When the gifts are opened the kids go off and play.a
I've always had my daughter open her gift as each guest arrives one on one so she can personally thank the giver. I hate sitting through a massive gift opening where the kids are all antsy and/or bored. Then we put the gift away so the kids can go play
We wait until the end of the party OR if the party is at a venue do not open them there.
Basically, I do not put my son in that position.
We open the presents but don't open the toys out of their boxes and packaging. That way there is no issue with kids wanting to play with them.
Plus, we usually try to open gifts at the very end of the party and then we put them back in the house or in the car.
L.
open the presents at the end of the party and dodge the issue altogether.
khairete
S.
Most of the time my sons toys are still in packages. But last year he got a battery powered ride on motorcycle (used from by my brother in law). My son and his friends had a blast sharing this. Infact, his one friend asked him if she could try (he was not even around the yard once) and he jumped off and let her have it. So I guess it depends on what it was. We did have him start it first, but then we let all of them have a ride.
We don't open gifts at the party at all. We often do a party at a venue and the party is usually only 2-3 hours long. The kids would rather enjoy the venue than sit around watching someone open gifts. I like not opening the gifts at the party because you don't end up having to deal with kids who don't share, or have kids comparing who got what etc. The party stays a celebration, not about the gifts. If my kids wanted to open gifts in front of their guests then I would expect them to share with their guests.
In the past, my kid would unwrap the gift but not take the toys out of the packages.
At my son't last birthday he didn't even unwrap things at the party. He did it later, alone, and I took a photo of him holding each item. We then printed the photos he wrote thank-you notes on the back of each.
Here is the best advice I can give you - always have a party End Time in the invitation. With a firm start and end, you can easily decide when it is time to have cake, open gifts, etc. Schedule it - either by the timing or in a location away from your home - so it does not encourage lingering.
I haven't let them open their presents with everyone else there. unwrap yes. open packages, no.
If my child opens the present, then takes it out of the packaging we share. If they unwrap and put up for later then there is no need to share.
P.:
We typically do not open presents at the party - they are too busy playing. And when they were younger and got things with pieces...I didn't want them lost within hours of opening up.
There have been times we have invited the kids to our home afterwards - and they could open then. Typically, they would share. We did this when they were older.
When kids are younger - especially 5 and under - seeing all the new toys is overwhelming and they WANT to play with them...so you've got high expectations....and kids who are just starting to understand it's a gift for someone else...
Now that they are older? They typically get gift cards and XBOX games. So they all play together.
It's a tough call.
I do not open the presents at the party. I do it after. I can see a child wanting to have some time with their new toy before sharing.
I don't make them share everything and I always let the birthday kid go first. If there are things that can be played with together, I encourage them to share. But, if things can only be played with one at a time, then it's up to the birthday kid if they want to share it or not. For example, something like blocks or accessories for a play kitchen can easily be shared and they can have fun with them together. But, a new scooter or a doll stroller is up to the birthday kid if they want to give their sibling a turn or not.
Son's bday is tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes!!
I just made unwrapping gifts the last event of the party, and didn't open packaging until after the party was over.
Maybe it would just depend on the setting. Last year we had my daughter's b-day party at a local outdoor swimming pool - she got some gifts that were wrapped and some in gift bags and there was no way I was having her unwrap anything while we were there. I told her we would unwrap everything once we got home so we would be sure we didn't lose the card that said who it was from, etc. There was just no reason for her or anyone else to start playing with any of the toys if they are there to swim. Same thing the year before when the party was at an indoor play place.
If the party was at home, then we would see about unwrapping gifts at the very end, and then it's time for everyone to go home anyway - I just wouldn't want a bunch of DD's friends tearing everything apart that she just got and then stuff getting broken, lost, etc. (I am kind of anal like that). Plus, it seems when she has friends over for a play date, no matter what they start playing with, they can only do it for 5 minutes before they are into something else. I am just picturing sharing gifts with her guests as being more chaotic than anything.
If there is 1 kid who is going to be hanging out after the party is over, like a cousin or best friend, then I would encourage them to play with the new toys together. Anything that could not be shared (whether it was not "sharable" or DD refusing to share) would have to be put away until later.
You know, at our son's birthday we opened presents after serving the cupcakes and about 10 minutes before kids were heading home. I've witnessed a lot of meltdowns at other kids parties regarding gifts (esp. with some younger kids-- I think it is very hard for them to see the birthday child get to open nice toys/books etc. while the guest child feels they've got nothing). So, we opened gifts and I had the goodie bags all ready to go for the kids, too. This was in order to have something to hand them immediately in case emotions ran high.
A couple boys lingered at the party, and my son was more than fine with letting them look at his new books and check out a present we'd given him a few days earlier. He grew up having to share a lot (we used to have a preschool at our home) and so there are very few things which are a 'big deal' for him. Sharing is just 'no big deal' for him. If it was a hard thing for him, I'd have him open the present, say thanks and then put it in a bag or box until later to play with it then-- and I'd have other options for the other kids.
Definitely share! People are more important than things.
No they just play games.
Totally agree with all the responses that say that they unwrapped giftss as the last thing for the party (and thank the giver when the gift is opened) don't actually open any of the packaging and just set the gifts to the side.
We always used this method and never had an issue.
My daughter is 11 now and so the most common gifts are gift cards and cash.
If DD opens toys on her birthday in front of friends (or cousins on Christmas), then we may simply put them up if she doesn't want to share.
I used to think it was odd to not open presents in front of the givers, but more and more I see that it's not a bad idea. Then the kid gets time with his/her gifts alone and nobody is handing them unwrapped items, etc. Also, as kids age, it's less and less a family thing and more a friend thing.
