Too Many Toys! - MIL Vent

My MIL Cleans my house, she knows exactly how smally my 2 br 2 bath condo is...... Complains to me that the kids have too many toys.. and yet.. we got 2 really big gifts from them.

I am leaving my 1 year olds gift (part of it) at her house.. there is no room to put it in my house nor to store it.. so we are brining it to thier house.

Tell them, that Santa is the only one who is to bring toys.. and if they don't like getting them clothes, shoes, bedding.. then cash for thier college fund will be appreciated.

Since it's about the kids and for the kids-- I would offer a suggestion of doing a 'cleanout' in the weeks before Christmas next year. I understand the excess of toys (I'm a preschool teacher with lots of stuff in storage), and so I have learned to avoid having a post-Christmas breakdown by taking out a lot of the less-played-with toys and putting them into an easily-accessible storage. Then, my son can ask me for what he wants to play with for the day, it gets put away before the next activity comes out, and I have the benefit of A. limiting mess, B. intentionally chosen play and C. I get to see what he's most interested in.

This helps me whittle down strategically.

And I do "get it". A couple years ago, the day after Christmas, I asked my husband if we wanted to drive me to the brink of divorce because he had gone nuts at Christmas and I was overwhelmed in the same way you are today. He's since seen the benefit of "less is more"-- including a happier wife!;)

I knew it was coming this year. Hubby got a call on christmas eve that they were shopping AGAIN! and that they went way overboard. The shopped about 4 days. At least they bring it all to us Christmas morning. I have scaled WAY back on what I buy them. This year I told hubby we will fill in the holes after. if needed. There are things I am taking back because I do not want them to have them. but other than that at least I do not have to foot the bill. =0)

How about some perspective?

As someone whose child has no grandparents at all on one side (both dead) and whose grandparents on the other side live in another country and are both elderly and very infirm: I would be delighed to have your problem.

Your kids' grandparents are healthy and can interact with your kids and live at least somewhere you can visit them at Christmas. Count your blessings, not the toys. Suck it up, donate, don't insult them. They will ramp it down as the kids get older. And just picture your life with no grandparents at all for your kids to know, or grandparents who are not well enough to really be part of their lives as you would like.

Does that give you a new way to look at this "problem" over mere toys?

Been there done that. I use to go through everything when we got home and return a ton of toys to the stores the week after Christmas. Then I'd put the money in the kid's bank account. I would have boxes all the toys up and thrown them in the attic to donate to a toys for tots drive the following year but I knew I'd probably forget they were there.

So take them back to the store and don't feel the lest bit bad about it. They had the joy of giving and once a gift is given it's up to the receiver to decide what happens next.

We have very generous grandparents also..

Before Christmas I always went through everything and got rid of all of the clothing, and toys our daughter had not played with in a long time.. When the new stuff got there, she would play with all of it a little, but within weeks, it was obvious, what she was never going to play with again.. I either donated it or gave it to other neighbors,, if they felt their children would play with it..

It is hard to get people to just stop giving.. Or to giving less.. Instead of banging your head against the wall, come up with some solutions that YOU can do to get this under control. You cannot control these other people..

I guess I would just have your husband have a firm talk with them after the holidays. He needs to tell them that you are donating much of what they gave, and that's probably not what they intended. That if they *really* want to be generous, they can buy a few toys and put the rest in savings bonds or some other savings account that the kids will really appreciate later when they need money to go on vacation with a friend, or buy a guitar, or buy a used car, or for books and expenses in college. Or, they can buy experiences - take the money they'd spend on toys and instead, take the kids to the zoo or the children's museum, or buy a year of Netflix so that you can have weekly family movie night courtesy of grandma and grandpa, etc. It may hurt them to hear this, but your husband has to let them know that their generosity is being mis-directed and that there are other ways to give that will actually be treasured and enjoyed instead of donated to someone else.

We've had great luck with channelling the generosity of my parents, siblings, and in-laws. There's not a gift that arrives in my house that we didn't help select and isn't needed, wanted, and used. Group gifts over the years have included a swing set, expensive ride-on toys, a Wii, a PS3, expensive professional sports jerseys, music lessons, lots of movie gift cards, trips to museums and zoo, etc. Your kids are still young, but if you can nip this in the bud now, you can get to a point where you actually enjoy the holiday giving and can allow your kids to get things that otherwise would be out of your own gift giving budget, or experiences that they can share with their other relatives and remember forever. You have to play up the lasting value of well thought out gifts vs. the fleeting enjoyment of an excess of toys that will get donated or tossed aside and broken because there are too many of them to take care of and value.

I have realized that this is going to happen to/for my kids...they are to only children on one side of my family...and who doesn't want to get a kid a fun toy for Christmas. So they have adult first cousins with no small children to buy for and second cousins who are adults who have decided not to have children.

We came home Christmas day with out trunk jammed full of stuff for the kids after only one celebration...we go to three...

I am not going to deny my family the fun they have in buying for my kids...but I do try and do a few things each year.

I purge their rooms down to just the bare minimum, to toys they actually love love love and play with all the time. This happens usually right after Thanksgiving.

Then they get to open one new toy a day and it has to find a place to live in their room...if it doesn't fit something has to come out to make it fit.

They are five and eight...

Also, after they go to bed...I do pull toys that will be returned and then I return them and get gift cards...I use those cards through out the year for birthdays and other things for the kids, school clothes/supplies, etc...

I get the vent...and I know the only thing that keeps me sane is only one side of the family does this...the other just sends gift cards and those are great for helping get the child above mentioned items for school, etc...

Sending you a huge hug!!!

I would sit down with them in the summer and say, "The kids do not need a bunch of toys and it's become a burden on DH and I to deal with them. Rather than being a fun gift, it's overwhelming for the kids and there's so much we have to give things away. Here are some alternative suggestions. We honestly do not have the room and the kids will appreciate a few really wanted things more."

Then suggest things like outings, kids' magazines, and other things that don't take a lot of room.

I had to talk to my mom b/c DD is her first grandBABY and Mom was bringing us a ton of large items. I said that she didn't have to bring something with her all the time and that we didn't have room for the big items. I told her what we needed instead - clothes! And she has been buying clothing for DD instead and I am very appreciative. I know she loves DD. But DD doesn't need 50 toys. She needs her Nana.

Your kids are still really young. In the grand scheme of things they have really only celebrated 2 or maybe 3 Christmases with you. As the years go on and the toys become more expensive (because believe me they do!) they will probably slow down!
I like the idea of donating them. ALSO, what I have done when my kids get something they already have or they don't want....I save them. Then when they get invited to a birthday party or something they need a gift for I can just pick from what they already have! Yeah! Don't have to shop.
You have already explained how you feel. There really is nothing else you can do. Darn....guess they will just have to keep showering your kids with love and toys. :)
L.

Just my 2 cents! You can't make them stop! I have tried for years! I have noticed that it gives my parents great joy to "spoil" their grandkids. I find it obnoxious but it makes them happy and I adapt. We do a big purge of the kids room each year before the holidays to make room and rotate out toys they no longer play with. Also, my husband and I only purchase a few gifts for the kids. Try not to let it ruin the holiday for you. I know too many people whose grandparents have "checked out"! Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Donate donate donate. Some good ideas here already and some good perspective. I hope this adds to the perspective - I truly don't mean to dismiss your issue. I can tell this is about trying to manage your home:

I was really glad that my MIL sent my kids presents this Christmas. They were even age and child appropriate. Now that her liver no longer works, she seems to have stopped drinking and it looks promising that she won't live in a fantasy in which I am "the competition" (or alternately Satan) anymore. I am hopeful, but cautious, because having her vist my home in the past when she would pretend I didn't exist (literally), call herself "Mommy" to my sons, and make advances towards my husband - her son - was MORE than stressful.

So - if things don't work out with her alcoholism the way I hope, could we trade problems? Please? I don't mean to be flippant - clutter frustrates me too and we've had to come up with many an alternate plan for that - but I'd really, really love to have a MIL problem the Salvation Army could help me resolve. You don't have to keep it just because it was a gift.

*hugs* and good luck to you!
e

I don't think you're ungrateful, and I don't see this as a "my diamond tiara is too heavy" kind of thing.
I know exactly what you mean. I used to dread schlepping all that stuff into our house and thinking "where the HECK is this all gonna go?"!
You really cant change them.
It gets better as the kids get older and everything they buy is a $50 bill and the "items" get smaller -- electronics, Xbox games, etc.
For now, put aside the guilt. They have been warned.
Don't make it an issue with them.
Go through the existing stuff and get rid of any old, never played with stuff.
Go through the new stuff. Two piles: keep and donate.
Put away anything you want to save for later.
Immediately DONATE the excess.
New, unwrapped toToys For Tots.
Church nurseries and private/church child cares and MOPS were always glad to get toys!
Then let go of any guilt.
Like I said--you warned them!

Excess toys live at Grandma's house. Pick a few of the most-loved and leave the rest.

Ask them to buy the kids savings bonds or stock. Ask them to contribute to the kid's college funds instead of mountains of toys. Tell them that you just donate the toys anyway.

Seriously, you need to get over hurting their feelings if you want them to stop. Otherwise this will happen next year.

If it does happen next year, get a garbage bag and throw the new toys into it and say that the local women's shelter is going to love these!

Have your children select the five presents they want to most and donate the rest to a shelter, subsidized day care or children's hospital (perhaps a Ronald McDonald House or something similar in your area).

Send a nice thank you to your family and let them know what you have done in their names and the names of your kids.

This may seem like a lot of work, but the outcome will be MORE then worth the effort.

If your family doesn't like it....perhaps they will listen to you next Christmas.

PS...You actually may get some charities to come to you to pick up brand new gifts.

I really tend to think of this "issue" as a "My diamond tiara is too heavy and my ruby slippers are too tight" sort of thing.

Prior to every birthday and gift-giving holidays like Christmas, just have your children go through all of their toys. Throw away anything that's broken or old and disgusting and unsafe. Put aside toys that they don't play with any longer that can be cleaned to look like new and donated to a shelter (a children's hospital won't accept toys like this, generally, because of the risk of infection).

When your children get "too many" gifts don't let them take everything out of the packages. Store some of those gifts to open later. Donate some of those gifts to Toys For Tots.

I understand you! I have these same in-laws. I have ridden home (more than once) in a huge suburban packed full, where we all had stuff under our feet and all around us, it's kinda disgusting.

After the first few 'polite' conversations about not wanting them to get too spoiled went un-noticed, I eventually had a much more frank conversation about how it is pretty sad when the kids still have un-opened toys from the year before in their closets, when the next Christmas rolls around and my MIL finally got it. She toned it down a LOT and we have been very grateful.

~It was doubly hard for us b/c we have 4 boys and 1 girl and all 4 of the boys have October b-days so it was gifts on top of gifts for the boys and well, with the girl being THE ONLY girl on both sides she was (and still kinda is) pretty darn spoiled.

Your husband is going to have to handle this with his mother, or you will be the bad guy.

He should let them know that any more than 5 toys (and we're not counting the boxes they put them in no matter how amusing they think they are) will remain at Grandma's house for the kids to play with when they visit.

He should let them know that the kids will be crying when the gifts don't come home with them, and that the kids will begin to view Grandma and Auntie and everyone else as just a gift supply source and not the wonderful nurturing relatives you two want for your kids. He should tell them he is NOT interested in raising spoiled, ungrateful kids who expect a gift every time they see someone, and so he will be cutting back the visits significantly.

Your kids are too little to understand donations right now, so that's not a great option - it's terrific for needy kids and daycare centers, but it's going to be a nightmare going forward.

Mainly, he needs to communicate to them that giving too many gifts is all about THEIR need to shop and feel important, and not about what's right for the children. He needs to be willing to put a stop to it when the 5th gift is opened.

Meantime, just pack what you can in the car and stop. Tell his parents there is no more room and that's the way it goes.

If they really want to do great things for their grandkids, they can start a college fund. THAT'S what your kids will need in 15 years, not an attitude of entitlement.

Good luck Mama, it's not easy to stand your ground with your husband's family.

My mother was out of control sending us boxes of stuff for every holiday and birthday. Not just toys, but clothes and all sorts of things. My mother has a little shopping problem. My family is currently living in Japan. Japanese homes are quite small in comparison to homes in the States. We finally had to tell her that she was only allowed to send us one box that weighed under 10 pounds at a time. Of course we did this as nicely as we could, explaining that we were grateful for her helping us so much, but that our storage space and living space was small and that it was sometimes difficult to find new homes for any duplicates. We also asked her to clear anything she bought for our son with us first, because she was often sending duplicates. We gave any duplicates to other kids we know, but I would prefer my mother to save her money and buy a plane ticket to visit us. I think I must of hurt her feelings because she didn't talk to me for a while. Things have settled down. This last year she only sent us five boxes total. Yes, they were all under 10 pounds. She also checked with us first before sending anything for our son. The gifts are still a surprise to him, and we don't have to worry about where to put things and if he already has it. She sounded so happy when my son told her he liked his present. Less sometimes is more... a difficult idea to get across to an only child or someone who didn't have much growing up and can now afford more. Being honest might be hard at first, but hopefully things will settle down. My mother seems ok with not sending so much to us now. Be brave and speak up.

Have them come to your house next year. Maybe they will change their tune when they are lugging all those boxes.

They need to make a visit to your house and see you try to put away toys.
In their mind, the more toys the better! Is there anyway they can stay with you the night after they unload on you? Maybe then they could get in some REAL loving and not be so driven to buy the toy store out.

And yeah, boo hoo. My parents are dead, my FIL is dead, my mil is crazy. My sis, bil and sil live in different states.
Would that I had your problems.

:0) I have an only child and frankly love toys. We had to learn to cull and I regret not keeping the main ones, like the Little People sets. I passed them onto disadvantaged kids. Some treasured them and are passing them around the extended family. This makes me feel very good about parting with them. I would do the toy rotation and then if the inlaws ask for a specific toy, it might be in the tub or it might have found a new home.

My daughter is the only grand baby on both sides of the family. She has aunts and uncles and three sets of grandparents, all who send many many gifts. I used to get upset but all it did was make everyone feel sour so I decided to just deal with it. We'd get a mess of stuff, delight in it, rummage around and pick out the cream of the crop then take the rest to good will.

Not one person wondered or stressed about where a particular gift was. The one thing I made sure to do was to tell people that when they buy clothing, try to get things not just in the size they are now but in a size or two bigger because kids grow so fast and it's always helpful to have a drawer of "to grow into" clothes on hand.

I am kind of laughing because I thought my husband had written this about my mom and sister. :)

I think you are thinking about this in the wrong way. After all the presents are opened the kids can play with them for a while then leave them at the MILs house for the kids to play with when they go over to visit. This will put things in perspective for your MIL. She will have to find storage for the toys and realize how much she is purchasing. It will make it easier for you when you go to visit because you won't have to pack up toys. And they will realize that you were serious. You can even discuss it before you go. If they object just be sure they understand you will only be taking 3 toys per child home. If they still want to spoil the children ask them to do it with plans like a cookie making day. Discuss how wasteful it is to spend money on toys that they don't have time to play with and encourage them to put the money in a college fund instead. Good Luck!

With that many toys I'd put a bunch away and bring one or two new ones out each month. Donate duplicates or return them immediately. Sounds like a nice problem to have, but I do agree that it is a problem. Kids really don't need all that stuff and it actually stresses out the family if you have no where to put it all.

It is a grandparents privilege. Put some away. When kids get tired of the toys being out new ones. Put old ones away. There are many people out there that wish they had half your problem. Let the grandparents have some fun. This obviously brings them much joy. Smile and say thank you. The children are so blessed to have such generous grandparents.

*Donate what you don't want to an organization to give away for xmas next year!
*Pick through them and select gifts for you to give away to family, friends kids next year (thank you MIL for saving you so much money on next years gifts!)
*Dont worry about next year, let them buy what they want for your kids. Why? see above!!

Maybe explain to them that you'd prefer they spend their money on something more practical? My mom went nuts when I had my daughter. Now (pregnant with number 3, and 5 years later), she only bought the kids 3 presents each, and only put a few things in a stocking. Instead, she gives me money for their college fund. I must have spent 2 years just saying to her, " I don't have the space for all this stuff, if you wish to spend money, please just contribute to their education." I even said to her one time, "if you continue to show up at my house with a toy every time you come to see the kids, you will have to buy me a bigger house!" I really think it finally sunk in!

Another option is to only buy your own kids 2 things. A friend of mine does this. Since her mom goes crazy with presents, she doesn't buy the kids much of anything, and instead just gives her mom a giant list of things they will need throughout the year.

I don't think there is a such thing as too many toys. We have more than any family I've ever known. I rotate them. I love toys! I remember the toys from my childhood. Oh, such good memories!!! I even take pictures of our toys so the kids can look back.

Now, if you have no space that is a problem. We have a basement. Stuff them together somewhere and rotate them?

I will be so sad when the kids are too old for toys.
We've had it where every room in the house you could not walk in, when we had a smaller apartment. And...it was so colorful and fun. I just loved it!

Next Christmas, have the festivities at your home, this way they will have to lug all those gifts to your house and you won't have to make secondary trips to donate the toys.

Also for next Christmas, find out where either police stations or fire houses are giving out toys for Christmas. They are usually my go to places to find out where immediately needy people are that could use some new toys. On your way home swing by there and drop the unwanted toys off.

Some of my family members thought it was funny to give my kids the loudest and most annoying toys made. (I had a standing NO NOISE TOYS rule at my house.) At the time there were 6 little children in the house and all of that noise coupled with them fussing over toys and all the holiday excitement it could get to be more than a bit much. Noise toys got to stay at the house for a few hours before mysteriously vanishing.

I actually just began to welcome all the gifts and thought of genius ways of making them vanish or end up at someone else's house for a home. Perhaps a local competitor's day care could use the new toys, your local doctor's/dentist's office, the local library. Or perhaps you could re-gift them to the kids you take care of in your home again another way to get rid of them from the comfort of your own home.

When the 6 kids I was raising were small I just opted to host Christmas, this way I didn't have to pry them away from their toys and then cart toys back to my home. Everyone brought things over to my home instead. This was the best solution to my problem and may work very well for you. If your home is small stagger the times the guest will come to your house to make it more comfortable for everyone.

I haven't read the other responses but here is what I'd do. I suggest that you need to show them that you mean business. I would donate half of them in your in-laws name and then thank them for the gifts and tell them that many poor children are also thankful. Be kind, not snarky or sarcastic.

When my daughter kept telling me to stop spending so much money on toys she suggested that I open a savings account for the grandkids. I haven't done that yet but I did stop buying them so much. It took several times of my daughter talking to me in a kind way for me to really understand what she meant.

I haven't read all the responses, and I know that some have suggested donating the additional toys. I'll go one further on that - tell your MIL well in advance that any toys above the five-toy-limit will be donated. Respectfully remind her before Christmas as needed, and then stick to it. Once you donate the toys, let her know that it has happened. It probably will only need to happen once in order for her to get the point.
Also, perhaps you can suggest to her that instead of putting the money into toys, she could contribute to (or start) the kids' college fund. Over the years, that might really add up. Then, she can brag about how she helped send her grandkids to college.

I agree with Patty K. A gift is a gift which means you say Thank You and do with it what you will. Donate it, store it, throw it away even. But I don't like the idea of telling grandparents to buy less, buy this not that (unless it's a toy gun or something dangerous), or put money in a college savings account instead. To me that is rude and ungrateful. Perhaps you could say, Gee, we're really running out of room at our house - could we keep these here as a special toy for when we visit your house?

I would let them know just how happy you are that the kids will have so many toys to play with when they visit the grandparents. We leave all toys that are larger, louder or otherwise unwelcome in our home at MIL's home. Saves us from packing toys to travel and they are special because DS only gets to play with them when we visit.

Donate some new and older toys. That would be a very thoughtful thing to do.