Thinking of Not Sending Wedding Gift Because of a Face Book Post.

I think it's pretty humorless and narrow-minded of you to consider this to be so offensive that you wouldn't send them a wedding gift. He didn't write the comic, and as Catholic married to a Jew, I find it funny and not at all offensive. Sorry you have no sense of humor.

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I love how the cartoon starts out making fun of the hypocrisy of Christians who say that you shouldn't judge people, except for other people, and then you prove his point by judging all over him and deciding he's no longer worthy of a wedding present. Personally, I wouldn't want you to send me one of you're so judgmental that a cartoon about how it's ok to leave people alone about their religion gets you all bent out of shape. How about you try not being a dick for Wil Wheaton's birthday? http://dontbeadickday.com/

ETA: I have a few friends who are anti-gay marriage. I still love them even though their views differ from mine, and we have grown-up discussions about it.

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A better reason not to give a gift is because you don't know this person well enough to know his name.

As a Unitarian I found the cartoon quite funny. To me it points out correctly the offensiveness of fundamentalism of any religion.

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It's called FREEDOM OF RELIGION & FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

The Bible says judge not lest ye be judged. But you who claim to be a devout Christian are judging him. In reality you are being a false Christian. He is being honest.

Not flaming --- just thinking.

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I read the whole link, and as a believer in God, thought it was kind of funny. He's basically saying that you are more than welcome to believe what you believe but please don't preach at him. That many wars and political mumbo jumbo are from people that are saying their "god" supports them. It really is kind of ridiculous.
Is he a good man? Will he be a good husband? That's what I would base my present on....not whether or not he believes in God the way that you do.
Laura
Edited after your SWH - I have quite a bit of family that is against Gay marriage. They post on their facebook all the time. I also post pro-gay marriage stuff on mine. I respect them enough not to comment on their posts and they respect me enough not to post on mine. It's okay to have different beliefs. It makes us unique.

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Really? What does his personal view of religion have anything to do with a wedding gift? Do you really think that he will change his views if you don't send a wedding gift? A wedding gift doesn't represent your approval of his views...just a well wish for his new union.

It is perfectly fine if you don't agree with his opinions. If that is the case, then simply decline the wedding invitation and no gift is necessary. If you cannot be happy for his wedding, then just don't go.

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But...by not sending a gift because of his post, aren't YOU then judging HIM for his beliefs? Isn't that exactly what your religion preaches against?

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I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! That comic was very funny! Just take it in the spirit of humor that it is being offered.

I'm going back over to TheOatmeal to read some more.

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Well, it sounds like after a long time of being deeply involved in the church, he is now an adult & has formed his own opinions about religion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You, yourself, also said that his family had left the church a while ago. So, they are not the same people you knew.

I agree w/Bug - chances are, during your normal, everyday life, that people that are close to you, or not so close, have differing views or opinions about important topics. Now, would you cease contact with a loved one because they didn't think the exact same you do? If so, I find it an unfortunate way to live, and is a guarantee to miss out on so many great people & rewarding relationships.

I am not religious, I do believe in a higher, spiritual power, and I found the comic pretty funny. If you don't, then I invite you to develop a sense of humor, and not to take things so seriously.

As far as sending the gift, that's up to you. I highly doubt he will miss a gift from the daughter of someone his mom is friends with, especially since you weren't close & there a huge age gap.

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Send a gift or not, that's up to you. But getting all bent out of shape because of something he posted on his FB page about religion is silly. He is allowed his opinions. He didn't send it to you personally. He didn't email you to make sure you read it. Did you read the whole thing? I did. Some was funny. The end part was pretty good, saying believe what you like if it makes your time here on this planet better.

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You may not like my answer, but I thought web page was funny! and, it was also right on target. Did you read all the way to the end? He isn't against religion, or christianity, he was merely against all the hipocritical bs that can go with it. I agree with a lot of what he had to say.

So, in answer to your question, NO I would not withhold a wedding gift. It would equate to you not approving of anyone who reads The Onion newspaper. One of the best ways to communicate to make change is to use comedy.

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He's not asking you to judge his choices, but to celebrate his marriage. I'm not sure how the two connect for you, but to me they are two separate topics.

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weeellllll....

my first reaction is that the "cartoon" (although in questionable taste) has some good points...and that if you read this and then got so upset that you decided not to send a wedding gift...you're kind of proving some of them right....

i'm sorry to say but basically you're saying that because he appears to be questioning or doubting christianity you are debating judging him not worthy of a wedding gift. is that the right thing to do? is it the christian thing to do?

i am assuming this is a younger person, it is in our nature to question, especially as a young adult. god gave us free will. he has to find his own way. it's not your place to place judgment.

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My 2nd cousin is a catholic priest... He sends these things out all the time. I'm forwarding this on, now too, to my Rabbi neighbor... Who will probably (knowing him) put the Jewish bit up on the bulletin board.

Oftentimes those who are MOST deeply religious find the humor best, and roar with laughter rather than get offended. Rather like how Jane Goodall adopted the Gary Larson cartoon as an institute logo, while supporters of hers were up in arms.

Instead of assuming the worst, why not hope for the best?

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I'm curious what part in particular you found so offensive? To me, the entire point of this cartoon seemed to be to think thoughtfully about your faith (e.g., don't just believe because someone told you to) and to live and let live. Sure, it was irreverent, but "brutal"? I didn't see that.

I have many friends who have different beliefs than I do. It would never even occur to me to withhold a wedding present based on a FB link to a satirical site like this one. I'm glad that you will send a gift.

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Sooo... you are thinking about withholding a wedding gift, because his religious views differ from yours, and he posted a funny comic about it...?

I'm sorry. I believe in personal freedom... I am VERY pro-gay marriage, but I have PLENTY of friends who are VERY anti-gay marriage. I am agnostic, and have many devoutly Christian friends... We all understand that we are not going to agree on these topics, and we don't try to force our views down the other's throats.

Unless he SPECIFICALLY targeted you when he posted the link (tagged you or posted it on you wall...) I would ignore it...

BTW... I LOVE that comic, (and most of his other comics...) and posted it to my own Facebook wall when The Oatmeal published it... To me, it really does illustrate all of the things that annoy the heck out of me about organized religion.

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You should send him a card and write in it: "I'm not sending you a gift because you posted a cartoon on FB that I didn't like and didn't find the humor in. I will be praying for your soul, Jane and Family." If you are willing to write that, then, no, you should not send him a gift.

That would be just as funny as the cartoon, of which I read the entire thing, laughed, and think he should get a bigger gift as a result of his post.

I'll be checking out oatmeal.com for sure :)

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Being that I absolutely adore The Lutheran Satire, I find it kind of hard to say that I am so offended by this that I wouldn't send a wedding gift.

I don't think the blurb at the very end ("keep it to your f__ self") was necessary, and that was a little offensive, but overall, I don't find it all that offensive.

It does seem though, as if perhaps he had a lot of "Law" imposed on him as a child/young adult? And now those imposing it on him have abandoned it altogether (left the ministry, divorced and abusing drugs/alcohol?) so it probably all seems like one big hypocritical fiasco of a childhood for him (from his perspective).

I would pray for him, and still send a gift.
YOU went to his page and followed up enough to look at the site you found offensive. That is very different than him tracking you down and SENDING it to you. You know?

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Sorry - but that is too funny. I am posting it to my Facebook page. I don't see what this would have to do with whether or not you send a wedding gift.

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Did you read the comic in full? If you did - you will see that is asked pointed questions about religion. Yes. It had foul language. Yes. it can be found offensive to others. however, read it in its entirety.

His facebook post has NOTHING to do with a wedding gift. They are two separate issues.

In my opinion, you need to keep the two things separate. If you want to give a wedding gift - do so. But don't NOT send one because you didn't like his facebook post.

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Unfortunately, people don't often consider all who may be looking at the things they post on FB. While it may have been something offensive, there is a good chance it might have been posted as a joke. Often people post just to get reactions out of others. I personally would not base wedding gift giving based on FB posts. However, it is your judgement call. How well do you know this person? Was this post a reflection of his personality? or just something that could be thought of as a "joke"? albeit a bad one. If you choose not to send him a gift based on the FB post....please do not tell him that. If someone told me that they chose not to give me a wedding gift based on a stupid FB post...then my gut reaction would be a very negative one. Just saying....

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I think you are reading too much into it. I am a very religious person and I just overlook these kind of things. Not everyone's sense of humor is the same.

Are you close to this guy? If not, you don't have to get them a present... Or you can even give your mom some money to help out with whatever present she intends to buy.

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It's a comic! Part of life is making fun of yourself and what you believe. I don't know this man, but it's a comic!

In fact, considering your response, it makes the comic even funnier! Thou shall not judge!

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i don't get why his personal beliefs or lack of beliefs has to do with whether they deserve a wedding present or not.

Either they are family friends that you grew up with and care about and want to send a gift or they are not friends that you have ever had a connection with and then they would not expect a gift.

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He posted something that humourously points out holes and flaws with the way many people think. I do not think this was posted out of hate but out of here is a funny take on and arguement that has happened for years - your thoughts?

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Well, for one, consider the source. The Oatmeal often goes to an nth degree on..well...everything. You said yourself that the guy has been through a lot and maybe feels like the comic speaks to things like his father not only leaving the ministry but the religion and his mom being an addict.

Maybe you shouldn't send the gift because you don't really know him. Or send it because his family's been through a lot and they meant something to you. But I wouldn't not send it because of this one post.

Further, I think there are many ways to spread the Word of God, and some of them are annoying and offensive. If this post is making you heartsick, that's a different issue than whether or not you should send a gift.

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Well, I attend a United Methodist church and it is not at all as this cartoon portrays. In fact, I didn't attend church for many years because this cartoon is too close to real life, including the Lutheran church I grew up in. It wasn't until I found this church that accepts everyone and truly practices what it preaches that I started attending church again. Many churches are intolerant and out of touch. I don't take offense at this cartoon -- I find it poignant, cautionary, and understandable.

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I can't help but agree with the Nickelback bit.

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I smell a can of worms... and I'm not sure you're going to like the answers your going to get if you expect people to agree with you.

Given the information you've provided I can see how you'd be offended by his FB post, but I'm missing the connection about the wedding gift. Does the fact that he has different religious views than yours mean that he's a bad person or that you don't support his marriage? Is it just shocking that he attended the same Christian University as you did and has views that appear to be polar opposite of yours?

The world is full of different people with different views and you can't control what people do think or say. I think it's a risk to post things like this on FB because most people have a wide audience of friends and there's a likelihood that someone will read your post and be upset by it. However, I have a good friend who has turned very religious after admitting that she's an alcoholic and is clean for 3 years now. Do I judge her because she posts quotes form the bible that inspire her? Or block her because she finds strength in her religion? I'm happy that she does and that she's now a happier, healthier person. Not everyone finds the same support and strength in believing and attending organized religion.

I hear you debating about your own feelings and what your religious views teach... If I were you, I would listen to my heart. Pray for him if it makes you feel better and separate the gift giving from your own religious beliefs.

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In my opinion, you should not punish him by refusing to send a gift just because you don't believe or have the same religeous views that he has. What he has posted on facebook has nothing to do with you or your friendship with the family. It would be in bad taste not to send a gift.

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What's the RIGHT thing to do? Your religious beliefs should not stand in the
way of doing the RIGHT thing.

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I don't understand what you would be trying to prove by not sending a gift? If you are so offended by this person, decline the invite...done. I mean, are you thinking of attending the wedding, but protesting his sense of humor /blasphemy by not bringing a gift?
Either way, the comic was pretty funny, while IMO making a point about believing what you believe and not forcing anyone else to subscribe to your religion. More to the point it talked about not persecuting them if they don't agree with you.

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Ah, a friend of mine posted this on FB too, and I did comment on it that I found it mildly offensive. Then I didn't think about it again. Of course, she's my friend, not some distant acquaintance.

The post does not claim that Christianity should be illegal, which would have been pushing her position on me. In this way, it is very different from being anti-gay-marriage, which is a position that inflicts one's own moral beliefs on others' marriages. This young man's religious beliefs do not infringe on yours.

However, I kind of see where you are coming from. If it had been a very racist posting, I doubt people would be asking you why you were offended.

Having said that, I don't see what it has to do with the wedding gift.

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Yeah Betheyskids - WWJD?

ETA - my step brother posts stuff that I am very against on Facebook all the time. I still gave him a nice chunk of change for his wedding and I plan to give for their baby shower coming up.

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I'm glad that you've decided to send a gift. In my experience most people who post things like that are really hurting and need all the love and support they can get.

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Many of my friends and I do not agree on a lot of things. I am talking very different views, but it doesn't stop us from being friends cause we understand that not everyone is always going to agree with us.

Send the gift...

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Honestly, I found the link too ridiculous to even be that funny, and I am someone who usually does think that sort of thing is funny. It was over the top in a way that just made it stupid, in my opinion.

If you are truly offended and don't want to associate with him anymore, don't. However, I think you're kind of missing the point. The gist is, believe what you want, but keep it to yourself. Some may believe very strongly in one view (such as creationism) whereas others may believe the theory is totally ridiculous. So, by taking offense and wanting to cut off contact with this man and not send him a wedding gift because he doesn't believe what you do, is basically doing exactly what the post is mocking.

Yes, I can see how you would be offended by the post if you are a very religious person. I get that it the things at says, and the way it says them, really bothers you. But shouldn't he have the right to believe what he wants, even if he doesn't share your beliefs?

If you only want to be friends with highly religious people, or highly religious Christians, go ahead. Just remember that if you want others to keep an open mind and be accepting, you need to do the same.

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I don't see what one has to do with the other. I would send a gift and wish them well on their new life together.

BTW, I love The Oatmeal and have their 2012 Calendar, which is hilarious. The guy has a quirky sense of humor, which I find refreshing. I happened to really love the comic of How You Suck at Your Religion. I especially love the Jews on bicycles. Cracked me up.

And really, if I were to make snap judgments on what people post on FB, I would either have all my friends hidden or no friends at all. One post does not give you any insight into what this person is all about.

It takes all kinds to make the world go round. You can't please all of the people all of the time.

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The part that is confusing to me is that you were given an invitation, but still went on facebook to check out the correct spelling. Were the names on the invitation not correct?

I read the page, and can see where some of it maybe offensive. Esp. if you consider yourself true to your faith.

Since you are obviously not close to this person, and are now put off by this person, I would NOT attend the wedding. I might send a card acknowledging the marriage, but would not include a gift card or money.

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I did not read the link you shared as I feel I can answer your question based on the information you provided. You are disappointed and offended by the tone and intent of his FB post (I get it). The thing is, even with family we love dearly, we don't always agree with them or even like them or their views. People are different and to some degree that is a good thing. It is a shame he has such a hatred for the religion he was brought up in but it is not for us to judge. As a Christian yourself, you are supposed to be understanding, forgiving, and accepting so to withhold love, affection, or even a gift would be hyprocritical. You say his father was a minister, left the church, divorced his mother. You say his mother has had more than one failed marriage and battles addiction. I am sure you can see where faith and religion could be questionable to him. He's struggling...you can't take it personally.

His family means/meant a lot to you. That shouldn't go away just because a rant on FB (which sometimes is not taken in the right way or is posted to stir conversation). Send the gift and if you can, attend the wedding. Just curious though, is the wedding in a church?

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Not exactly sure what the gift has to do with his FB...
If the gift has nothing to do with religion, why not give it to them?
I did not read all of the link but get the gist of it, I'm assuming your catholic and do not know what I think you said Christian Commission is, so with that being said, I think that this young man has many questions about how christian people live, think, and behave, and that is normal. When we grow up we have the right to question things when we see life past chruch doors and in our own homes. It's up to him to live his life by faith and seeing things as they are and not how others want us to see them is something that some people go through. I'm trying to be very careful with my words because I think that everyone has their own belief about religion and what it is to live by faith, to be a good christian and what is right and wrong and so on. I can understand how you may have concerns but what does this have to do with a wedding gift?

And Ditto about if you got the invitation and why your went on FB for the name spelling...really!

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I have friends who run the spectrum from the far right to the far left. While I don't like some things that get posted on Facebook, they are my friends. In this day of social media, people have the opportunity to get offended way too easily and way too often. I don't let someone's political or religious ideas get in the way of our friendships, so long as they don't preach to me personally.

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It's your MOM's Friend's son? Don't waste your time on a gift. If you don't know how to spell his name ..... then it's not like y'all are close enough that he's going to be expecting a gift, wondering "why in the world didn't Jane send me a gift?" Are you going to the wedding? I assume not. I wouldn't bother with a gift especially if you're not going to the wedding. But if indeed you feel like you should, then maybe just do a gift card (to Family Christian store?) and be done with it.

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You did not receive an invitation because you and he are close; you got one because your parent and his parent are close.

So by the same token, you send a gift, not because you and he are close and you are eager to please him and his bride, but because your parent and his parent are close, and you are showing respect for their long friendship. Not for him, and not for any friendship you have with him.

And that is all fine, where I come from. The adult kids often do these things because it honors the parents, and it's not really about the kids. If you are offended by the post, send a gift, and then send your regrets for the wedding itself. Say you have another obligation that day (because you do -- the obligation to be anywhere else, so it's true. If you are asked why you can't come, say you have an obligation and do not explain.).

Especially if he and his fiancee are having a Christian ceremony despite his comments -- well, that may mean she has faith, and maybe she'll change his heart over time. Sounds like he has had a LOT to live through, and seeing a parent who was a pastor totally lose faith would be enough to crush anyone, and he sounds very young and therefore probably too ready to snark about that faith. Ignore the snark and be forgiving, since you know his family's history with religion and addiction.

I'd send the gift for the parents' sakes and give cordial and well-wishing regrets for the ceremony unless missing the ceremony somehow would cause some kind of conflict with your own parents. And if it does -- then you need to deal with why your saying no to a ceremony for a person you aren't really close to would cause a conflict with your parents, when you're an independent adult. That's another issue altogether.

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I wouldn't base sending them a gift on the cartoon, which I do find tasteless. He could have made his point without such humorless humor and remembering his audience.

I wouldn't base it on feeling sorry for his past. His past is the past and should stay there.

I wouldn't base it on feeling sorry for his parents. They're adults and are in situations of their own making.

Chances are high that he's only sending an invitation in order to receive a gift. Period, flat out, "oh we knew this person peripherally and we hope they don't come to the wedding but if we send them an invitation then they'll feel obligated to send us money."

I'd base it on a few other things, one being that you're repaying old kindnesses to his parents and honoring the friendship they shared with your parents especially if they sent a gift for your wedding or they attended your wedding. I kept my list of wedding and shower gifts so that any relative who ever invites us to a wedding or shower will get a gift in kind in return. I learned to do that from my mother-in-law.

I wouldn't "not send a gift" because you disagree with how he's expressing his dissatisfaction with religion right now. That's punishing him for having an opinion you disagree with.

The last thing I really want to say is that really, if you don't want to send the gift you're not obligated to just because he sent the invitation. If you're not attending the wedding or any of the showers, then you don't have to give them any gifts at all. You don't owe them any gifts and they're not entitled to any. You have every reason in the world to refuse to send anything, but don't tell them why. You also have every reason to send something and be gracious about it. Neither choice is wrong.