Should I Be Upset?

I think that what I would do is write down how I was feeling, practice saying it outloud and then get up my nerve and tell him how he's making me feel.I'm not very good w/confrontation esp. if my feelings have been hurt and I find that for myself I do better when I write it down. Was there a particular incident that made him start acting differently towards you? Did something trigger this behavior? Did his daughter say something to him about your relationship with him? I think that the most important thing in relationships is communication, as difficult as that may be sometimes. Pray about it, let GOD give you the right words and then sit down and talk. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can get your father back.

It might be really hard, but have you tried talking to him about it. I would lead off with telling him how happy you are to have him in your life and how grateful you are that he takes such good care of your mom. I would then say something like "I really enjoyed our relationship and was very appreciative when you... give a specfic example of him being a good dad to you... but I have noticed that we don't seem to be as close anymore and I would like to change that. Can I take you to lunch?"

If you say all of that (or something like that) you will probably avoid him feeling attacked and you might be able to bridge the gap. You can compliment the behivor that you want to see more of and focus on the future state of the relationship without pointing fingers.

I wish you the best of luck, and at the end of the day if he does not want to be your Dad and your kids Grandpa then he is the one that misses out.

Have you spoken with your mother about your relationship with him? She might have some clues or she may know the reason.....the bottom line is......no matter what the reason or even if you never discover the reason....he's your father (I know he's not your biological father) and you need to demonstrate love and respect to him and not expect a response or return on your love. I know that this must be a very difficult situation and very painful and hurtful to you. But, also remember your children, think about the example that you're setting for them. Through your forgiving actions, they will be taught a selfless love. What a blessing for your children to have a mom like you. Try to shelter your children from the way your father treats his other children/grandchildren. They don't need to be hurt, too. Someday, you never know, your father will give in to your selfless love. I'm saying a prayer for you know.

Hi C., I'm so sorry about this stressful situation.

Can you talk to your mother or sister about this? Do you remember anything, however insignificant, that might have caused a shift in his attitude? Mom's job is to care for her family, and she should be doing something to help you figure out why this is happening. She can't change him, but she can help you understand the situation better. Also, ask your step-sister if you have a decent relationship with her.

Maybe it's his health, his age - mom or sis need to help clarify this. Once you have a clear picture, then you can chose a path with less guilt, regardless of what you chose to do in the relationship. You can be honest with your kids when you know what's going on.

You have to do what is best for your family, and if the relationship is hurtful in a major way, then you have to minimize the negative contact. Polite but infrequent - sad, but sometimes necessary (I'm living this relationship with my bio-mother). It's not fun, but it's healthier for everyone than continuous pain.

Good luck and hugs to you all.

C.,

First of all let me say how amazing I think you have acted in this situation, a lot of people would have lost their patiencet and given up. I dont know why he is acting this way but could it be his health? Whatever it may be I think you should always be who YOU are no matter how he acts, I also think you should tell him how he makes you feel and after that do what you feel, tell your daughters the truth not in a mean way but tell them Granpa isnt himself right now and that they should love him anyway. If you feel like visiting him, do it withought expecting anything and if you dont, then dont. Do what you feel in your heart, it seems like you are a great person.

My husband's parents got divorced when he was about 12. His father remarried not long after that and somewhere along the line, he developed psychological issues. He has 4 children from two previous marriages (including my husband) and his wife has 4 children from her first marriage. To make a long story short, he plays favorites all the time. There's always a child who's on the "outs" and there's always a child who is on the top of the list. It's been this way ever since his dad developed bi-polar tendencies, which we can trace back to a major heart-attack and subsequent illness. He was even hospitalized for psychological issues immediately after being released from a long hospitalization due to staph-pneumonia. Is it possible that his recent illness has caused some sort of manic-depression or other mental illness? The psychiatrist told us that powerful medicines, like powerful antibiotics or pain killers, can cause people who are susceptible to mental illness to trigger it. I'd talk to your mom and voice your concerns. Maybe she's seen other signs of a mental illness. Maybe she can talk to his doctor about it and he/she might refer him to a psychiatrist or prescribe antidepressants.