Seeking Help with Dealing with 6 Year Old and Daddys Deployment

M.,
You've got a whole lot of things going on at once. Wow! I am the military member in my family so I've got a bit of a different view point but I hope it will help.

My daughter was a bit closer in age when our son was born but I think these things will work for you. On the days when you are feeling good and you have some special time to share with your daughter, make a big deal of it... have a tea party, or go to the park, or something else that she loves to do. Remind her that even with a new brother/sister on the way, there is still plenty of love to share. Help her to practice helping mommy with the baby. Preparing the nursery and telling her what things she can help with will help her feel like she's still a valued member of the family.

Daddy's deployment... there are a number of things that can keep you busy... you can make a chain out of paper - one link for every week or month (depending on the deployment - you may not want to make the chain too long) & put the dates when she can tear the link off on each one. It will help count-down to daddy's return.

While I was deployed, I got to read books to my kids by way of video. I went to the library at the deployed location (sometimes it's a family readiness center) and they had a video camera in a room where I could read to my kids without being interrupted. I read the book and they would transfer it to a DVD from the camera. I got to send the book and the video home to the kids. My husband said it was like night and day. The kids were cranky before they got the book in the mail. Afterward they were better and they watched it all the time. They also looked forward to going to the mail box for more surprises. I sent a book home for each month I was gone. (depending on where he is there may be a limit as to how many books he can send home.)

another good suggestion is that every time she does something to help mommy while daddy is deployed or if she is good through the week, there will be a coin for her to put in a jar. When daddy gets home, you can use all the money saved to have a special party when he gets home.

I wish you the best during deployment and delivery; and over this holiday season and the next I wish you peace and joy.
H.

I am also German and married to a Coast Guard husband from the US. We just moved to the Netherlands and he is gone half the year for traveling all over the world. I have a six and seven year old girl and boy. I noticed it helps them a lot to have a calendar to show when Dad gets back and to be able to tear of or x- out a day getting closer and closer to when he gets back. Also keeping them busy with sports and activities and trying not to let them see how much I miss their Dad. I am honest about my feelings but do not bring it up every chance I get. I do not let myself go and cry or get depressed. I tell them I am using the time to get things done so when Daddy gets home we can have fun together. We try to plan trips for when he gets back and also do trips while he is gone to have them tell about it. My kids are enjoying phone calls, but I know for some children that makes it even harder.
I am also a teacher at an international school and have a lot of children where the parents travel and believe me, it does effect them one way or another. Mine never got extreme but one always gets more sensitive and cries easier, the girl usually gets more edgy and we have disagreements more often...
My husband also sends cards, even if it is just a quick I love you guys...The kids display them and pray for Dad every night.
I think they also sense if you get depressed, worried and stressed, so take very good care of you while you have a little time for yourself, do something that is really fun for you ( I love to horseback ride ;-), that way you have more energy for your little one (soon ones).
As for the sibling, your daughter might feel great if you make her realize how grown up she is for that little one, but that she will always be your "girl" and have special time with her too. Maybe have special "girl" time with dinner and a movie (because you are so glad to have her and be able to do this with her...)
Wish you the best of Luck!!! It is not easy, that is for sure and she is in for a lot of changes but it is also a chance to make her realize how special this time can be.
Keep your chin up and be strong for all four of you!!!
B. Rimbach

I believe that you will be your daughter's greatest strength while Daddy is gone and a new baby comes into the family. Use the ideas you get here along with what you may find in books, on the internet ect. Plan and do some that appeal to you. Your interest in her and her life will keep her feeling loved and safe.

A few ideas:
1) Send Dad a puzzle picture or postcard.
2) Find objects to form into words example, masking tape on a wall, rocks on the ground, frosting on the refrigerator, barbie dolls or other toys, chalk on pavement; write a message "Missing you", "Love You"; take a picture of your message and mail to Dad
3) Marbles, rocks, M&Ms, in a jar of the number of days Daddy will be gone. She can remove/eat one each night until Dad returns.
4) Give her a camera to take pictures of special moments to her she can mail to Dad. The kid's Little Tikes camera may make a great Christmas gift this year.
5) Crafts are always a hit. Buy paper, markers, paints she can get out at any time to make somthing for Daddy when she feels the need.
6) Daddys tend to love hand and foot prints of their babies!

Things to do together are endless. As long as she remains a focus of yours and Daddys she will learn of her importance. Reguardless of Daddy being gone or baby joining the family she will know she is loved, special and an important part of the family no matter how her family changes over the years.

Her being separated from her Dad is going to be a challenge. Knowing that her school hours are shorter than American school, that may be why the teacher said that, but I think being closer to you is going to help. however, having a 5 or so year gap between my eldest and my middle daughter, I will warn you that is going to be your bigger challenge. We all know how babies take up tons of time and attention and the eldest may get lost in the mix. Make sure you include her, but don't require her to help excessively. Helping is important, but cuddling with you while you are taking care of her new sibling is equally as key. It is quite difficult to go from an "only" to a child with a sibling. We are still working with our eldest on some days because of this. To top it off, we had a 3rd child 15 months after her sister and the two younger ones are close and the eldest gets lost on some days.