Seeking Help from Moms of Teen Boys

G., I am going thought the same thing with my 15 year old son & the youngest,last year he was in the 9th an faild to of his classes , this year he's in 9th & 10th grade & is failing even more this year ,but he is very smart he just dosen't want to do the work ,I even have him in cansoling, it like the more we push him the more backs up on his testes he makes A's I just don't understand it eather, I NEED ADVICE TOO

I have 3 grown sons. My sons thought I was the meanest mom on the block. If he wants to act like an elementry school kid then treat him like one. Inform the school you want weekly report on how he is doing in school. What subjects he did not complete and turn in. Then make him do them at the kitchen table (old fashion way - no computer) where you can see them getting done. Take away all video, phone, computer until he brings his grades up (don't give in). I had a son who was grounded for one semester until his grades improved. That meant no visiting his friends either, after school activities, etc. If he had no homework he did chores. I made him check out a book each week from the library and give me a book report due on Friday. There is a lot you can do. When I was in school one mother that stuck to my mind (form of punishment) was to follow her daughter around all day at school while wearing just her robe, hair in curlers, house shoes. She did this to stop her daughter from skipping school. She told her daughter that she would do this every day until she felt she could trust her. Embarresment works good at this age.

the problem with grounding your son for one semester is that it will take a toll on you and your husband. you will get tired of it and it will be easier to just give in. it will be worth it if you stick it out.

Last, there is nothing wrong with flunking a grade. Sometimes that is what it takes to straighten out a kid.

I suggest an excellent book titled "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" By Faber Adele. I got some really great tips in this book which could apply to all ages. The basic theme is parenting with empathy and learning to ask the right questions and phrase things in such a way that your kids will communicate with you. It gives great suggestions on how to get kids to come up with their own solutions (with your guidance). REALLY recommend this! I re-read it at least once a year. J.

Hi G.!
You and I have something in common. I am the mom of 2 teenaged boys and an 11 year old girl. My eldest child is very intelligent and never socialized much so we haven't had difficulties. The second son is the complete opposite. He would rather be the class clown and the Don Juan rather than settle down and excel academically. Like your son, he is very smart. I was at a total loss and had NO IDEA how to redirect his behavior. After the last "bad" report card came home, we placed him on phone restriction and we do NOT allow the girls that are calling to speak to him. We are very upfront and tell them that he is on phone restriction. In addition, our son understands that if he prompts them to call, he gets ANOTHER day on phone restriction added to what he already has banked up. We have changed the password on the computer meaning that he can not use the computer without our expressed consent. The TV/satellite is locked and only will allow Fox News to broadcast unless WE unlock it. HOWEVER, you can't take it ALL away. Use a bit of reverse psychology. My husband suggested the below action be taken, and it actually worked. It got rid of most of the girls, and motivated my son to do his school work. The answer is X-box LIVE. LOL. Little girls HATE video games and little boys LOVE them. Use it as a reward. Everything else has been taken away. You have control over the phone, TV, and computer. Allow him to play it when he brings in good grades and actually ask him questions about the games and show interest in the games. Even if (like most moms) you DESPISE the games, it is a far better alternative to the GIRLS. If your child sees that you are interested in something that he is doing...it makes a much bigger impression than ANYTHING else you can do. You will soon see that you have a new best friend in your child. You will also see the grades improving and the little girls tapering off. Encourage him to invite over some of his male friends to play...have a gamer party. Trust me. We did this and we have a NEW KID with increasingly better grades. My husband is a genius.

I am the mother of 3 boys. 1 grown, the middle child is 16 and the baby is 5. First of all boys are harder to raise.They also don't respond to emotional battles. In the future let him know your concerns and then allow him to tell you how he feels about the problem at hand. You may not like what he thinks, but if the two of you can find a compromise, you will walk away feeling like the pressure is off. Also, have you ever heard the expression, "pick your battles". That has worked wonders in my home. Hope this helps.

Hi G.,

Don't feel rained on, I am going through the same thing. My son is 16, very popular, on the football team, track and basketball. I feel that I am at my wits end also. I know that in the last few years he has become more mature about things and has changed alittle. I guess with age they will come to their sences, that seems to be what is happening with my son. He has actually started to think and act as a young man. He has become alot more responsible about his school work and has now gotten himself a job working 2-3 days a week. I believe all we can do is express our concerns about their education and all the time still preace what we know and expect out of them. They will come around. Remember when we were that age?