25 answers

Punishing My Teenager

My daughter is 16yrs. old she is failing everything in school, so I grounded her and took her phone away, my sister thinks I should return the phone, what should I do?

Just thought I would clarify a few things although I appreciate the feedback from all of you this isnt so cut and dry, she is a very well behaved child she doesnt give me any trouble, I have three kids so I dont have all the time in the world to stay on top of what just one of them is up to at all times, I am a single mom their dad passed away two years ago, and this is when it all started to go down hill, I have tried to talk to her and explain what the real world is all about, and I myself am new at this whole punishment thing, yes they are all older but I have carried around alot of guilt for them for so long that I have tried to give them everything and guess have lost my way in doing so, And yes I feel really, really bad for taking her phone, and grounding her.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You are the parent. Personally, I would have grounded her for the summer and required her to go to summer school. But I'm a "meanie mommie"!

2 moms found this helpful

I think that taking the phone away at the end of May is a little late, myself. That phone and computer would have been gone a long time ago...
But - better late than never.
LBC

1 mom found this helpful

She needs to earn her stuff back. If she wants her cell phone so bad - she can EARN it back.....same with computer time....

16 or no - she has responsibilities and she needs to get her education. I would find out why she is not doing better...talk WITH her - not TO her and find out what's going on....

Find out what she needs in order to thrive in school....is she distracted by boys, friends or what?

Talk to the teachers - find out what they are observing in school....

Find out what she wants to do with her life...does she expect the "state" to take care of her or does she expect that at 18 or 19 she'll still be living at home rent free?

What responsibilities does she have?
Does she participate in sports at school? If she does - then she's in jeopardy of losing those as well.....

WORK WITH HER - NOT AGAINST her....communicate WITH her...don't talk TO her....find out what's going on...help her.

Updated

She needs to earn her stuff back. If she wants her cell phone so bad - she can EARN it back.....same with computer time....

16 or no - she has responsibilities and she needs to get her education. I would find out why she is not doing better...talk WITH her - not TO her and find out what's going on....

Find out what she needs in order to thrive in school....is she distracted by boys, friends or what?

Talk to the teachers - find out what they are observing in school....

Find out what she wants to do with her life...does she expect the "state" to take care of her or does she expect that at 18 or 19 she'll still be living at home rent free?

What responsibilities does she have?
Does she participate in sports at school? If she does - then she's in jeopardy of losing those as well.....

WORK WITH HER - NOT AGAINST her....communicate WITH her...don't talk TO her....find out what's going on...help her.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Take away the phone and do not return it until you see some progress made in her grades. I remember when I was that age of 16. I was grounded from February-end of school for bad grades. No phone, or going out. I got straight A's for the last quarter .

4 moms found this helpful

Who cares what your sister thinks? She is your daughter.

2 moms found this helpful

You are the parent. Personally, I would have grounded her for the summer and required her to go to summer school. But I'm a "meanie mommie"!

2 moms found this helpful

I think that taking the phone away at the end of May is a little late, myself. That phone and computer would have been gone a long time ago...
But - better late than never.
LBC

1 mom found this helpful

I would suggest therapy to help her deal with the aftermath of loosing her father. My mother died when I was 13 - it is a difficult age to loose a parent. Possibly combine individual therapy with family counseling - therapy was invaluable for helping me cope with my mother's death. Check out your local health department for referrals - there is probably an agency in your area that offers this service for free or on a sliding fee scale basis.

I would suggest you talk to her school and teachers about her academic performance. Find out what they recommend - should she repeat a grade? Do they have tutoring available? Summer programs?

I believe in consequences for poor academic performance. My son will be 15 this weekend, and he knows that his "job" is school. With that being said, he flunked freshman English this past term. I have opted against summer school, and he will retake it next term, giving up an elective to do so. But, I will also download English worksheets, and give him a reading list for the summer. Once school starts again he knows that he will have no privileges Monday through Thursday nights until he proves that he is being academically responsible.

If you do not have a system of expectations and consequences for your children it is very hard to institute one. But, since your children are older, and your daughter is failing, now is the time to make a plan. Figure out what your expectations for your children are, write them down. Then sit down with your children and go over the list with them. Let be a part of the process, since they are older, and let them also help figure out the consequences. But, you always reserve the right to the last "say so" on what those consequences are.

As for staying on top of what they are doing. My Dad wound up raising two teenage daughters on his own after my mom died. He instituted a rule that we had to have a least one sit down family meal together per week without interruptions. The phone got unplugged (this is pre cell), No TV, etc. This gave us a time to reconnect and check in with one another. We also developed a system of leaving each other notes on the kitchen counter - where were going, what we were doing, etc.

Don't feel bad for enacting consequences for her academic performance - that makes you a good parent.

Good Luck
God Bless

1 mom found this helpful

She needs to earn her stuff back. If she wants her cell phone so bad - she can EARN it back.....same with computer time....

16 or no - she has responsibilities and she needs to get her education. I would find out why she is not doing better...talk WITH her - not TO her and find out what's going on....

Find out what she needs in order to thrive in school....is she distracted by boys, friends or what?

Talk to the teachers - find out what they are observing in school....

Find out what she wants to do with her life...does she expect the "state" to take care of her or does she expect that at 18 or 19 she'll still be living at home rent free?

What responsibilities does she have?
Does she participate in sports at school? If she does - then she's in jeopardy of losing those as well.....

WORK WITH HER - NOT AGAINST her....communicate WITH her...don't talk TO her....find out what's going on...help her.

Updated

She needs to earn her stuff back. If she wants her cell phone so bad - she can EARN it back.....same with computer time....

16 or no - she has responsibilities and she needs to get her education. I would find out why she is not doing better...talk WITH her - not TO her and find out what's going on....

Find out what she needs in order to thrive in school....is she distracted by boys, friends or what?

Talk to the teachers - find out what they are observing in school....

Find out what she wants to do with her life...does she expect the "state" to take care of her or does she expect that at 18 or 19 she'll still be living at home rent free?

What responsibilities does she have?
Does she participate in sports at school? If she does - then she's in jeopardy of losing those as well.....

WORK WITH HER - NOT AGAINST her....communicate WITH her...don't talk TO her....find out what's going on...help her.

1 mom found this helpful

Still keep up with discipline regardless of the guilt you feel. Family counseling is a good idea too to overcome the loss. She is acting out because she does not know how to handle her feelings and emotions in a healthy manner.

Ha! Absolutely not. How did she get to the point that she was failing everything without you knowing? Asking because my daughter is only 7 and I don't ever want that to happen - but we check all of the work that comes home from school and preschool. I'd take away everything if my kid was failing - and I wouldn't give two hoots what anyone else said about it.

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