Please Help Me... - Rochester,MN

Love is a choice. You must remember that.

Have you cut off all contact with this other man? Because it is just human nature to want things we can not and should not have. So, you need to remove the temptation.

Go to a Pastor and ask him to counsel you (and maybe you and your fiance' together.) Christian counseling has helped some people that I know -- who were not Christians at that time..... They also went to regular counseling and they said it did more damage than anything.

You should watch the movie FIREPROOF and do "The Love Dare" on Nick. You can get it from your local library or a bookstore. (This movie is also a good movie for couples to watch together but since he is already making an effort I suggest that you watch it by yourself first and do (or at least start) The Love Dare on him BEFORE you watch it as a couple.)

Sounds like your just not in love with the guy. It's one thing to love someone it's another thing to be in love.

I know this firsthand and am in a similar position as you. I am still inlove with my ex and we've been seperated for 7 years. I am with someone new and have a child with this guy and love him but I'm not inlove with him. I'm unhappy as well for many reasons and trying to figure out myself what to do. Going back to my ex I'm in love with is not a option. I don't want to settle for less and stay with my current guy either but I also don't want to be alone I was a sinlge mom for 6 years and it was quite lonely.

I would talk to your doctor and/or a therapist about the possibility of you being clinically depressed. I was unhappy for several years about my relationships, my job, my apartment, my family, the weather--you name it. Only after doing a short course of drug treatment and talking with a counselor did I feel better.

If you are not happy with you, you will never be happy in any relationship. Write a gratitude list (things you are thankful for) every day (keep it simple - air to breathe.. clothes to wear...you can move your body...), and a list of things you like about you - more than physical, make it character traits. Also write out what your priorities are in life and put that in check, if you don't know what you want you will never get where you want to be.
Also when my hubby spent all of his time on the computer I was mad, and even when he stopped it took time to let go of my anger and forgive him for what had happened and trust he would be there for us. Things don't change and poof all is perfect. One thing changes, then another thing changes and another and all of a sudden things are DIFFERENT and if you have done positive action normally better. It takes teamwork to be in a relationship, but one will only work if both players are totally committed. Half way won't get you any where. But before you can commit to him you have to commit to yourself that you are a good person and deserve wonderful from you and your partner. So you need to work on you inside so you have something to offer him, right now you don't. If you are bouncing and can't decide, you can't commit to anyone and have nothing inside of you to give to another person. So meet up with a counselor and start working on you, learn to like and love yourself and become the woman you truly are. Then you will be able to be comfortable alone, and when the time is right give the man of your dreams all of your heart and soul without question.
Take care and if you need talk let me know

to me it sounds like your not happy with yourself, not who your around or not around....

comparing one guy to the other isn't going to really work...you could end up going to the other guy and end up with the same issues your feeling now...therefore the answer of you 'unhappiness' lies with you...

I am not saying this to be rude to you, I just think if you find your own happiness doesn't rely on someone else or who your with you will be happy no matter if you end up by yourself...KWIM