No Sex Drive - Dallas,TX

sound like me except I don't believe in BC and with me it is back and forth month to month from wanting a lot to not at all...lol...you might be having problems because of the BC and hormones or...you DO have 3 kids so maybe you are just plain tired...lol Good Luck :)

"I give my husband sex on an average of twice a week because I know it is my job as his wife, so I do it."

That is very sad. Sex is something that should be enjoyable for you too, it's not a job like cleaning a bathroom. If you feel that way, there is a problem, and it needs to be resolved. I agree with what all the other ladies say - start with a medical doctor.

But I would also consider talking to a therapist. Even if you get your sex drive back, all of the negative associations you've made with sex are really going to impact how you are both in and out of the bedroom. I know I would have a very very hard time loving my husband if twice a week he were using me to fulfill some need regardless of how I felt about it. I'm not a bathmat or a dishtowel - I'm a person with my own feelings, and they're equally valid.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that working on improving your sex drive and YOUR enjoyment of sex is something that you should do for you, not something that you should do for your husband or your marriage. You are missing out on an important aspect of self.

I struggled with this too.

Quitting birth control was an absolute necessity for me, and as difficult as it was to decide to go off it and try fertility tracking for bc, I haven't looked back and I'd do it again 100 times. It absolutely KILLED any ounce desire for sex that I may have had. And I feel like a new me since I stopped.

Since I quit, I find myself on much more of a natural rythym, whereby at the beginning of my cycle through ovulation, I do actually desire and enjoy sex. After ovulation, that desire wanes a bit, so I do kind of go through the motions for those 2 weeks, but it is not nearly as bad as when I was on bc. I don't feel those strong feelings of 'violation' that you describe anymore. Then, as soon as my cycle restarts, I'm right back to desiring sex again. It's rather primal, actually, desiring sex during the time period in which one can conceive. Anyhow, since being off bc, this pattern is extremely consistent, so I do *enjoy* sex at least 2 weeks out of the month, and the other 2, well I don't hate it like I used to. Heck, sometimes, I even enjoy it then too...

The other thing I do sometimes, especially if it's in that 2 week period when I may not be desiring sex as much, is have a glass of wine to relax. This will sound contradictory, but I do not drink. I don't go to bars, I don't order a drink with dinner, I just don't ever drink. But I found that having a bottle of wine in the house, where I can have glass after putting my son to bed, allows me to relax a little, move into adult mode a little, and just ease into a different mindset. I don't always have a glass of wine, and I never get intoxicated, but sometimes, if I feel like my finance might be wanting a little more of me, and I might be feeling a little resistant, a glass of wine does help me to relax and not be so uptight. It might seem counterproductive if you are tired, to drink a glass of wine since that can make you a little drowsy too, but I don't find that to be the case as much... I find it relaxing, but not necessarily sleep inducing, since I'm not drinking all that much.

Best wishes to you... I can definitely relate on a very personal level, and it is a true struggle. Don't beat yourself up about this because most likely there are things you can do to change things up, at least a little. Lastly, don't discount the NORMALCY of your feelings, with 3 little ones at home. That is soooooo normal to have sex as the LAST thing on your mind. That, coupled with your bc, and perhaps post partum hormones - well, that combo is a veritable recipe for disaster as far as sex drive goes!

Hormonal birth control kills my sex drive. It doesn't matter what kind. THings that up it are going off birth control, staying active and fit (weight lifting and cardio), and relaxing. I second Molly B.'s suggestion that you talk to your doc and also get exercising together. I have 2 small kids and a baby on the way -- and I know how you feel being exhausted but the rest of it sounds like the birth control pills and the chubbiness issue that need to be explored....I would NEVER say that orgasming is a waste of time :)

I would def talk to your doctor. And maybe you and your husband could start exercising or going to the gym together. It would give you more energy, and him less fat. :)

You need to talk to your doctor.
I am very tiny and my huband was big. Not obese, but I actually enjoyed his body.
You definitely have a right to be tired with children and everything else, but if you have no desire at all, it might not be that you are tired or your husband could lose a few.
Imagine how you would feel if your husband didn't want to touch you because you could lose 30 pounds?
The thing about being married is that you should be comfortable with each other no matter what shape you are.
Feeling like you're screaming inside to just get it over....feeling invaded. These are valid feelings, but you need to get to the bottom of them.
Do you feel affection for your husband otherwise?
Do you just not like him and it creeps you out?
I think you should talk to your doctor, seriously. Your birth control could be messing with your hormones, I don't know. It shouldn't feel like a chore to be intimate with your husband. Not when you can enjoy it.
Hey, I think sex is highly over-rated myself sometimes, but I've been divorced a long time. I dont' have sex by choice right now. But, when I was married, I admit I enjoyed it quite often. I even initiated it.
Sex burns calories, helps you sleep and relieve tension.
Maybe you just need to reconnect.
If it's nothing medical, then perhaps look into psychological reasons.
You shouldn't have sex with your husband because it's your "job".
It's an intimate connection that only you and your husband can share and I think you should explore the reasons you don't want that.
I've heard the more sex you have, the more you want it. I have no scientific studies on hand to back that up.
I'm just saying not to give up just yet.
I know people who have been married 50, 60 years and they are still "active".
Ask the questions about your "drive" and also ask yourself the questions about where affection comes into play.

I wish you the best.

Birth control KILLED my sex drive. I can relate to the "screaming inside" comment.

Not only did BC ruin my desire for sex, but I realized I was rather unhappy with other parts of my life. Self reflection, keeping a diary, even when I was just unhappy with something, helped me recognize a pattern with my depression.

I stopped taking BC altogether, made goals, "faked" happiness for a while and in turn it helped change my mind set. I still get depressed from time to time, but I notice my sex drive is still alive and kickin' now that I don't take Orthotricyclin-lo (somethin' like that). Oh, and the depo shot ruined my sex drive as well. Bye bye birth control!

But it's usually a combo of the BC and constant stress for me :/

Edit: after reading a few of these replies I was reminded of something. After going without sex for so long in a relationship, I started to feel uncomfortable with the idea of having sex again with my boyfriend at the time. I was worried things wouldn't be the same, I was worried that he was no longer interested. To get back my courage, I'd have a glass of wine or whatever and that helped me get rid of my anxiety and allowed me to be...me. I am in no way encouraging drinking to solve this problem, but I can say in my situation, it helped me break out of the shell I had put myself in. I suffer from anxiety, and you know those stupid worries can lead you down the road of stupid "what ifs".

It probably is the birth control so I would discuss it with your doctor to see about switching. Also, you need to stop "letting your husband do it because it's your duty". That really makes it worse. You need to explain to him how you feel or you're really going to become bitter and start resenting him (sounds like you already do). That can lead to a lot of trouble in your relationship. (I know, been there, done that.) I didn't have any drive at all for a long time after my second section and I'm still not where I was when my husband and I first met. But that was 10 years ago and four children later. Sure, my husband is disappointed when I turn him down (he's very sexual and would like it every day if possible; ha!) but on the rare times that I don't, it means so much more because we both enjoy it. It also really depends on where I'm at in my cycle. :)

Sorry I don't know of a pill that can help as it's been so long since I had to used them.

like everyone else says talk to your doctor. i have similair issues dunno if its due to bc or not. i'm tired, got kids stay at home mom ya know. sometimes i just make up my mind it seems that "i'm not in the mood" i would figure well i gave it to him tonight so i tomorrow i'm off the hook...yadada and thats so sad ya know? i didn't like feeling that way since i knew he loves me and obvisiously still finds me attractive and when i'm not in one of my moods he looks pretty good(a little chubby too) haha. he works hard to support our family and i do too. so i really try to think about what i love about him and really try to make my mind want to do stuff. sometimes i request a massage to release my tension and feel his touch in a good way, get some music goin, have a glass of wine or have a long bath/shower before hand. i know its hard with kids and schedules but you gotta ask for things for yourself. when i ask my husband knows i'm trying to find a way to get myself in the mood so he is quick to help if he knows i wanna have some fun! at the end of the day we can feel emotional drained from the kids, work, stress. its easier for guys to wanna get to "it" than us because we need to feel emotionally connected, loved and secure. they don't always get that part...so you gotta help them along. and i always advocate looking into toys, cards and other adult goodies. it keeps it interesting that way its not mundane or you feel like you're always giving and not recieving.
I also use aimols all natural oils, google them. i use the fsensual oil. you just apply it to your intimate area and the soles of your feet and it helps your body get groovin' plus their guarentee policy is solid!
good luck! that part of your marriage can really help or separate you guys.

Yeah, start by getting off the pill. I did, and went to a copper IUD - no hormones at all - and it was like flipping a switch. I've been on the pill since before hubby and I were married, and we conceived so quickly with our kids, that we honestly didn't realize how much the pill had been squashing my sex drive.

Also, why sex so much if you don't like it? It seems like things are getting worse instead of better - is it really your "job as his wife" do participate in an activity that makes you resent and - by the tone of your message - dislike your husband?

Who says you have to go to bed at the same time, anyway?

Presumably, there is something about the man that you like, or you wouldn't have married him. Is it all touching you don't like - sometimes it gets to that, when all touching leads to sex. So, have some non-sex touching. Cuddle on the couch. Take a walk and hold hands. Make out in the closet for a minute, if you feel up to it.

But, definately see a doc. If you don't have an ObGyn that you are comfortable talking about stuff like this to, than find one you can talk to.