Sex Drive After Baby

I'm in the same boat. Jake is 9 months old and I just don't have the time/energy for sex. Good thing hubs understands... most of the time. Went though it with my first son also and my sex drive started coming back around the time I weaned him (about 11 months).

That same thing happened to me after I had my first son it wasnt too bad but now after having the last one which makes baby number three 11 months ago my sex drive is gone. And I was one who loved sex I know me and my husband would have sex 3 or 4 or more times a day and now maybe once every couple weeks or once a month.

Since having my 2 children (3 years & 22 months), I definitely have less interest. I am also a stay at home mom. I love being a mom and being home with my kids, but by the end of many days, I feel like I've had little space to myself and that I've constantly had someone pulling or poking or needing me and I just don't have anything left.

Hi H.,

What you are going through is completely normal. After I had my daughter 21 months ago I didnt want to be touched either. then I started taking the Depo shot and it has wiped out my sex drive completely. It suspresses the hormones and I tell ya I still don't want sex even though I am completely in love with my fiance and we are attracted to each other. I plan on changing my birth control method so that we both have a sex drive. All of this is saying that it could be hormonal but it could also be from your birth control method if you are using one. Ok thats about it and I hope that this is helpful.

H.,

I have 3 children (3yrs & 22mos twins) and I still do not have my libido back. I have talked with my GYN and unfortunately there is nothing out there to help a women's sex drive. I sincerely want my sex drive to come back, just don't know when that's going to be. If you find an answer please let me know.

Chris

ok one it may be a subconscious thing you have recently had a baby and tho you know you husband was there thru it all you my still be insecure of the way your body looks and how you feel in your own skin right now and this my in the back of your mind possibly without your knowledge make you not want to be intimate with your husband it could also be a hormone thing as the doctor said but when i went thru it it was mostly insecurity

H.,
This is completely normal, so don't be down on yourself. It takes a while to be comfortable in your new body and your new role (as a mom). You have to redefine yourself in a way and you are usually so busy and tired that you sort of lose touch with your body. Plus your body was "for the baby" for awhile. I have two suggestions to help you learn to relax a bit and develop a new body awareness. You can take it or leave it but it's worth a try, and I found it works. Yoga and massage therapy. Both take you inside your body and into your senses.

Good Luck.

Hello:

An important way to keep the door open to sex is to maintain physical affection. This can be snuggling on the sofa while watching TV, a good hug in the morning or at bedtime, a backrub, or some other way to make contact with each other.

Sometimes holding him while he touches himself shows him that you do care about him, even if you don't share that sexual energy. And sometimes, if he does this, you may become inspired. Having conversation about this can be intimate in itself. There are lots of different things that need to be in place for a relationship to stay monogamous for a lifetime, none are easy and relate to open communication (stating one's own position without taking the partner's response personally) and a variety of sexual practices. It is easiest to start these different things earlier in the relationship than after years of habitual relations.

H.,

I hear you loud and clear! I was actually okay after the birth of my first child, but ever since my son was born in February, sex is just NOT something I want to think about, let alone participate in! I should probably talk to my doctor, but I keep making excuses ... too tired, long day, etc. I do try, because I don't want to lose any part of my relationship with my husband!

H.,

This is normal...in my opinion. I had my daughter 7 and a half months ago and am always too busy or too tired, or just not in the mood 99% of the time. When I was pregnant, I loved having sex with my husband, but since having my daughter things (life) just keeps getting in the way. And by the time I am ready (which is rare); he's not. It is true, we do need to think of our husband's needs...and they do seem to need sex more than us. I think for them they need that attention. My husband often gets his feelings hurt when I reject his attempts. I feel bad about it, but my level of energy or interest is just not there. But when I do give in I feel better and some of the stress of just being a mom and a woman goes away. So sometimes, for me, motivating myself to have sex is better for everyone!

I think your doctor is right...so don't worry about it. It is normal. Just try and remember how you feel afterwards and maybe that will motivate you to take time for it.

I am experiencing the same. First child, wanted sex ALL the time while pregnant, I mean three times a day, all the time, after giving birth, NEVER wanted sex. My second is 3 months, and this time I told my husband while I was pregnant, get it while the getting is good because afterwards I won't even want to touch you. And whalla, I don't. My midwife says along with the hormones, if you are breastfeeding, which I am, our vaginal canal doesn't go back as fast as when you're not breastfeeding and the lubrication isn't there either. I remember with my first, when we finally had sex, when our son was 6 months it was like the Grand Canyon, LOL. So do the kegels too, my canal did go back too. It took me a long time after that to want to have sex again. My husband and I talked about it, that's so important. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. In my opinion, if my husband wants it, he has two hands. I can give him love and affection in other ways too, like hugging and kissing and caressing. though I must admit, I have to make a conscience effort for that. I need to share my nuturing with everyone, its not just for the new baby in town. I also know, that when I am ready, I will be ready, and once we are into it for 2 minutes, I will be thinking, why did I wait so long, this feels so good. Good luck and you are not alone.

I have experienced this and still am after 2 and a half years.My libido just isn't the same since I had my last child. I have found that even though I really don't want to sometimes,I go ahead and have sex with my husband. Most of the time I'm really glad I did because I enjoyed myself, and it keeps my husband happy. For me though, it keeps me from worrying that he might stray. Men seem to need sex more than women, and sometimes we need to think of their needs too.

Don't feel bad a lot of moms go through it. I know that after I had my son who is 9 months old now I have had no sex drive either. The doctor told me the same thing. I lknow lots of mom's that go through it. It will take some time but eventually it should come back. I recomend taking some time to yourself and make yourself feel good and comfortable about it and then see if it works.

Oh yeah I had my daughter 6 months ago and I have NO interest in sex WHAT SO EVER.

Absolutely, I went through the same thing. Hormones are a wonderful thing aren't they? lol My daughter is 4, and it does get much better.

Hi, H. My husband and I have a three year old daughter. After I gave birth to her, I did not have the desire to make love to my husband. We use to make love all the time before she was born. Once she was born, I was tired all the time. I asked my OB/Gyn if something was wrong with me. Like your doctor she said it was hormonal. One day I saw this TV commercial about a pill that increased a woman's sexual desire. I contacted my OB/Gyn about the pill. She knew exactly what I was talking about. The Pharmaceutical Company who makes the pill supplied her office with a 30 day free sample. Oh, what the heck I tried the pill. It worked. This pill does not have any side effects. This pill cost $30.00 a month. It's not covered by any medical insurances. I'm no longer on the pill now, so I forgot the name of it. Maybe your doctor knows what I'm talking about. I also found out birth control pills have an effect on your sexual desire. I know for myself it lessened my desire. My husband and I do not want any more children, so I am off the birth control, and I now have an IUD. I'm loving my IUD. My sexual desire has returned, now that I am not on birth control. I also read romance novels and books by the author Zane. My girlfriend also had an adult party where I purchased a lot of fun and exciting things to spice up our intimacy, if you know what I mean. These are just some of the things that has helped me. You know, my husband was excited about the adult party I went to. We now have a drawer full of stuff. He also encourages me to read more books. He's reaping the benfits (smile).

I think that this happens to alot of moms. It happened to me but I think it had more to do with dealing with baby, house cleaning, cooking, and everyone else's needs but my own all day. By the end of the day, I was just too exhausted to do anything for anyone. I had no desire to do anything (except sleep). I would try to relax and do something for you. I would have my husband fill a bubble bath and light some candles. I would grab a book and just relax for 15 minutes. I usually felt better after. Everyone is different, find what relaxes you and makes you feel like a woman again.

Another thing is your changing body, not everyone feels very sexy with all those extra pounds after baby. Do you exercise? Even if you don't get your pre-baby body back, exercise can help you feel better about yourself and feel desirable again. This might help. Any exercise is good but if you want to meet other moms and bond with your baby at the same time find a program like Baby Boot Camp in your area. They have indoor/outdoor exercise classes that involve your baby. Even if you sneak in a few minutes while the baby sleeps, it will make you feel so much better to do something for you. Good luck, it will get better!!

H.,
I was/am the same way. With baby #2 (who is actually adopted), I again don't crave the physical with my husband. We are just so tired and worn out at the end of the day and weekends are so busy caring for a wild 3 1/2 yo and a new baby 4 1/2 mo, we just never connect. With my son, I breastfed and the last thing I wanted was to be touched just one more time...he was clingy. With my daughter, we fought so hard to have her, we both just want to hold her which satisfies our need for the physical (along with our boy being a cuddle bunny). If you can schedule an actual date with your husband and get a babysitter, you might actually relax and enjoy enough to want to get physical, have a glass of wine. At least cuddling with him may start a physical reaction for you!

Take care and good luck.
M.