Need to Get 3 1/2 Yr Old Under Control

is she in a playgroup? or small preschool playschool... this can help with her acting better. They teach children how to behave with others.. and 3 1/2 is the perfect age to start some type of preschool or playgroup type of atmosphere.. good luck..

Hi S., You are not alone. I think you should first sit down with your husband and discuss what you will do. You need to be on the same page for HER sake as well. If she does not learn to listen and respect, others will not want to play with her. I'm sure some of it comes from jealously over the babies and some is her own pesonality. I have no advice except whatever you decide, be consistant. Being a parent is not easy, we want to raise good people. Keep strong and let others in the family know what you are doing. Grandma Mary

Check out the book "1, 2, 3 Magic." The key is consistency and getting your husband on board. You have to knock down one annoying behavior at a time and do it without anger. You can breeze through the book in a night and it will give you some great tools!

Hi S....I have a 3 year old and 18 month old, and I had some problems with the 3 yo as well. The only thing that worked for us is when he does something naughty give him a warning - right at his level that next time he does ________ (fill in the blank of what you don't want them to do) he will go in timeout then if (and when) he does it again we follow through and put him in TO for 3 minutes on the timer on the microwave. The first few times he REFUSED to stay in the chair but we didn't give in...we kept putting him back over and over (it was litteraly over an hour of this...I know it SUCKS!) until he finally sat there until the timer beeps. Then go and tell him again why you put them in timeout and have them say sorry and give hugs and kisses. After a few times of this he learned and he now knows when I give him a warning the next step is timeout and he usually won't do it again. I think that supernanny is a great resource too...there are a few books and a website. The one thing that I have learned is if you make a threat of something you HAVE to follow through! They learn very quickly how you work and know when you don't mean it! GOOD luck!!! I can't imagine what a third would do to me :) you are very brave and a great mommy to seek help before she gets too old!

My first question to you, when she misbehaves, do you talk to her and explain to her in understandable terms (child)what she is doing wrong? If so, the next thing would be to ignore her when she starts acting. All kids that age are looking for is attention. Maybe she feels like she is not getting enough attention from you, so she acts out to get attention.

If ignoring does not help, begin taking her toys away. I just did my research paper on Parenting and Child behavior. It can be tough on her because she is the oldest and she may feel like the other two get more of your time and attention. We know that the baby needs more attention but kids don't understand. If that is the case, maybe you should try to let her help you do things for the younger ones, this will make her feel helpful.
Good luck and I sure hope this helps you. Always remember, yelling at the kids will only make matters worse. Remain calm and find other things she does good and give her praise and reward with little things. She will more than likely continue that behavior because she will like the outcome.

First of all you will NEVER have your kids under control. They will constantly push your limits and theirs. Parenting is a life long job. When they are grown and married and you see them doing something wrong in your eyes, tell them...they wont listen. Sorry to be telling you sad news. But we really want them to become independent and thats what your 3 year old is starting to learn. Already she has learned how to get around daddy. Good practice for her, bad for you.
She seems to be an smart little one and I would try talking to her BEFORE you visit with relatives. Tell her if she misbehaves she will be punished when you get home. Figure out what is her favorite thing to do and then tell her she wont have it for one day. Then follow through with the consequence no matter how much she pleads.
As for the time outs, some kids dont mind sitting in a chair and watching the activity around them. Other kids hate it. Your DD seems content to watch, soooooooooo you need to find a corner and make her face the wall for 3 minutes. I have had kids that refuse to stand in a corner and I simply stood in back of them for the entire time-out time. they really didnt like that and after a couple of times went in the corner by themselves. If you have a high chair she will fit in, you could try sitting her in that facing a wall. The idea is to prevent her from seeing what is going on around her. It drives them nuts, especially if there is another child having fun.
Remember to be patient, pick your battles and above all ENJOY your babies. They arent young for very long.

I can only imagine how hard things are with a new baby and a 3 year old acting up. I have a seven month old and a 3.5 year old and my son is still adjusting to being a big brother. I suspect your oldest is reacting partly to the new baby neeeding so much attention. I have done time outs and tried 123 Magic. I think 3 is too young for some aspects of the 123 magic (sending my son to his room backfired and he gave us a hard time at bedtime and wouldn't play there either). The basic idea of always giving a direction, 1 warning and then a time out of consequence works well if it is consistent. Establishing the time out at first can be a big fight before it starts working. I used to put my son in his highchair but also have read an old car seat will work as well. Now that my son is a bit older it does help to tell him what is expected before going out or suggesting an acceptable alternative to a disruptive behavior. But some days he is overtired (or I am LOL) and it just turns into a bad day.

I think it's an attention issue related to the birth of your newborn and it's totally normal. Around 2 weeks is when the baby stops sleeping so much and starts needing you more. It's also when siblings realize that this baby's not leaving. My adivice is to be consistent with your discipline and not to give in. You have to be strong.
Good luck and congrats!

By the way, I have 2 children as well - 4-1/2, almost 3, and 10 months. We had your same issues when #2 came and when #3 came.

S.,

Just curious, but do you have any back up on behavior issues with the male side of your family? You didn't mention whether she acts up when your grandmother/aunts see her.

My solution isn't instant, but it does work over time. Simply redirect her, explain to her what you do. Don't emphasize the bad behavior, emphasize what needs to be done, and how to do it correctly.

Keep on trucking. :) email me if you want more ideas of what to say or how to make it work. I work by the seat of my pants, because what works one day may not work the next.

Get as MUCH rest as you can! That helps too, especially with your consistency, and especially if you have no help from the rest of the family.

Good luck,
M.

PS: Attachment parenting might work out for you, especially with all three. Again, good luck.