A 2 Yr Old That Is All Ways Having to Be Put in Time Out

Hi,
we have two year old twins and when we began using time out it did seem like they were always there, but now it is something that my daughter especially will take herself off to when she needs to cool down! My son is less independent but will stay in the corner for his two minutes. Very occasionally we have had to put them straight back if they 're-offend', but mostly it has proven very effective for us. The keys are consistency, following through, and having a place that isn't too interesting and helps to isolate them from whatever else is going on. No toys or drinks in time out either!! Good luck with it, I think you just have to hang in there. the book 123 magic might help.
Cheers
D.

Are there other settings in which he acts different? Might want to try a few days a week in preschool to begin socialization and see if they have trouble too. Two is about the age my ADHD child began having trouble. I also took her to gymnastics about age two and that has been a lifesaver, but if you do have problems, these teachers can help evaluate them. Also see if the inattention continues for at least six months is what they tell me.
Then again, it could just be the terrible twos!
Good luck with this,
C. S.

My son does the same thing (3 1/2 yrs) and one thing I try to do to fix it so he's in less (and I'm still working on it less successfully than I would like) is to give him more choices. If he wants to do something that I don't think he should be doing I try to give him other options so he can have something fun to do without doing something dangerous.

Example: he likes to pick up baby sister or drag her by her feet across the floor. I might give him the option of feeding her some baby snacks, or letting him play pat-a-cake or something like that. Or have him push his teddy around on a push toy. If he's getting into candy that he's not supposed to be getting into, ask if he wants a snack and give him some choices that he can choose from. When he starts getting really crazy/wound up, it has to be choices like going outside to ride a bike, going to the library or changing to an active or out of the house activity (which we will be doing soon because he's got too much pent up energy).

The key is to give them choices YOU are willing to let them do or do with them, but giving them choices lets them feel like they are still in control somewhat. As they get older, they like to become more independent (which is good) but they still need the restrictions cause they can't make good decisions on their own.

When I manage to remember to do this, the day seems to go better. That's not to say it's perfect by any means. There are times when I give him choice A, B, and C, and he wants to do D, and I have to say "No, that's not something we are going to do right now. Pick A,B or C." A lot of times, he'll end up throwing a fit and going to time out and then he's more willing to pick A,B or C. Sometimes he gets a nap instead. It depends on how long he fights it.

The discipline book I love is "Adventures in Gentle Discipline" by Hillary Flower. It's full of stories from parents and at the end she goes through specific discipline problems (e.g., hitting, not wanting to get in the car seat) and shares narratives by other parents about how they have dealt with those issues.

By now your child has learned that he can push you around at will. I saw this with my nephew, who will behave for me but not for his parents. It may have helped to start out earlier showing limits, but you must not give up, as he is still very young and can learn new behavior. If time out is not working, try taking away another privilege (watching a favorite tv show, going to the park that day) and stick to it. He will learn very quickly, just as he learned his present behavior. Most important, discuss this with your husband. It is vital that your son sees that both of you are on the same page and that he cannot run to the other when one of you disciplines him.

Hi L., I am a mom of three boys (ages 22, 18 and 15) and an Early Childhood professional. I call myself the luckiest survivor in the world! I recommend a book called "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Jim Fay and Charles Fay. Their website, www.loveandlogic.com, will also have other books, CD's, and DVD's available. You can probably also find it all in a local bookstore. Many church's offer the Love and Logic class for parents. I agree with 99% of what they teach. It is basically a common sense approach to teaching children natural consequences. I strongly encourage you and his dad to take a class together or read the book together. Boys are truly a joy if you can keep your sanity during the early years! Good luck and God bless!

Read "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" by Tracy Hogg. Her advice works everytime!

keep up with the discipline ans the time outs. HE is still young but not too young for discpline.Tell him not listening is NOT AN OPTION. But remember time out is for one minute per age year .So his time outs are for 2 minutes. Buy a timer to set when he goes to time out,and tell him when the timer goes off time out is over( I went through a few timers with my now 6 year old son).Also, does he have a time out chair? He needs some thing that signifies time out. WE used a stool. Time out should be in his rom away from everyone (that is where the timer comes in handy. Yes, I have forgotten my son in time out before.)
good luck and let us know how ya'll are doing.

Hi there,

I have a 2 1/2 year old and we started time out when he was 18 mos (30 sec). There are days when he goes to time out more than he gets to play and there are weekends where it seems he has spent hours in the corner. We just have to keep doing it. His preschool has time out so we think its important to do it at home too. Now that he is getting closer to three he doesn't go to time out as much and he understands the rules. A couple of guidelines that seem to help us: we take him to time out when we are calm; we take him immediately for hitting, saying no, or throwing toys; we give him 1 warning for other smaller things to give him a chance to straighten up; the person who takes him to time out has to tell him why he is there and then go back and get him when he is done; he has to apologize to the person who took him to timeout;

our son even says yes, sir or yes, ma'am when he gets out of time out now. Keep doing it!!!

Also, its fine to disagree about the disaplining him, just don't argue or discuss it in front of the child because it will make him upset (we've had this problem before). also, it will give you a chance to think about what you really want to say to your hubby instead of just yelling at each other.

Good luck! keep doing time out!!!!

I think it's important to think of discipline as guidance and training, rather than punishment. A two-year old is pretty young to understand the reasoning behind time-out. How wonderful it would be if our children obeyed us just because we are the parents! When you see your precious boy doing something he ought not to do, guide him into doing some positive activity. It takes more effort on our part initially, but the reward will be much greater in the end. I have three boys (18-29) and have lots of experience in making discipline mistakes! Positive guidance at such a young age is one of the keys to success! As the child grows in understanding of what is right and wrong, it's important to be firm without getting emotional. Sometimes easier said than done! Remember, our children will emulate what they see. How we communicate with them will be how they communicate with us! Blessings to you!

Hi, L.!

I agree with Maggie and Sharla. Check out Love and Logic, and go through a series of seminars that are local to you (usually taught thru a church).

I also recommend reading The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell, M.D. As your child(ren) grow(s), you can read The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers. And, of course, to help you communicate with your husband (and others that are close to you), there is the "original" The 5 Love Languages.

And don't worry....at least your child will go to time out! My 2-year-old does NOT (has completely destroyed his bedroom ~ not doing that one again!) We are finding out that he is probably a "special needs" child and having him tested to find out exactly what disorder he has. His speech development delay does not help us any, either. He is frustrated because he can't tell us what he wants/needs or what's "wrong", and we are frustrated because he just does a lot of screaming.

Good Luck with the Reading...and be sure to get connected with a "Love and Logic Group".

I know it is hard and frustrating, but the key is to be consistent and loving with your discipline. No means No -no matter how much your little one may scream. Have clear, set rules- especially when it concerns his well being and then stick by them -lovingly. Place him in safe place for his two minute timeout while you go and take a breather yourself and cool down. Then when timeout is over, go over to him, hold him and remind him that you love him and that is why you are teaching him the rules. You can have him apologize at this time for breaking the rule and you move on with your day- a clean slate. As for you and your husband, you both need to be on the same page or it will not be easy. I suggest finding a parenting book you both really like and agree on and reading it together and no matter what back each other up!!! Your little guy will soon pick up on the division going on discipline wise and believe me- will master the art of pinning you two against each other in no time! :) Teamwork in parenting is must. I have read a few books but one that really stands out is PARENTING WITH LOVE AND LOGIC . I hope you find this helpful. Good luck and God Bless.
M.
Married for 11 years, mom of 3 girls ages 10, 7 and 4

Welcome to the club! MY 4 YO 3 YO and 2 YO are constantly in time out. i finally decided that time out just isn't do anything so now they stand in the corner with their nose on the door/wall and their hands on their heads. It gets VERY uncomfortable and when they whine that's what I tell them- time out is supposed to be uncomfortable! The 2 (almost YO) is in time out for 5 minutes, the others can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 10 minutes depending on the offense. If we only did the one minute per year suggested they'd laugh at us. That is NOT long enough.

Well, my 4 YO just brought me a pair of pinking shears and a handfull of hair, so I better run.

S., mom to four girls under 5!

www.nogreaterjoy.org

two books I absolutely love is Raising a Spirited Child and the Love & Logic books series. Very helpful!

Agreed that you and your DH need to be on the same page. What worked for us - a book called "1-2-3 Magic." It helps the parents as much as the kids - teaching you to be calm and not overreacting emotionally when your child is acting out. Their basic premise is that the child gets 3 chances - so if he's running in the kitchen, you tell him to stop running. If he persists, calmly say "that's 1." If he's still running, then "that's 2." On 3, he goes to a time out. We've done this with our wild child 2.5 yr old and within 2 weeks, he's stopped at 2. We've rarely had to count to 3, because he knows we mean business. And I'm a lot less tired in return! Both DH and I read the book and it's easy to follow their guidelines. And with a book to guide you, there's no leeway on you or your DH veering off course - you both have the same philosophy to follow, so there should be no arguments.

First of all,
I think you and your husband should get on the same page. If you have to... Agree to disagree, but if you argue in front of your son, he's won... they figure out really quickly how to manipulate. Manipulate sounds harsh, but it is what they do... we all do.
ANyway, I have read a few books. I like one called "how to behave so your preschooler will". But I think I will look into the love and logic one as well.
The truth is children push limits. Maybe you should put him in an MDO program and take the time to plan some activities that you all can do throughout your day. And remember, if they dont' do exactly what you want, how you want it... perhaps, in some instances there are other ways to do things. Picking your battles is a good thing to learn in parenting just like in other relationships.
I'm babbling... but I hope it helps a little.
Good luck.

Two-year-olds can take a lot of reminding before they learn...sometimes, they do end up going to Time Out quite a bit.

Three things you can do to make Time Out less common:

1) When the child is misbehaving, ask, "Do you want to stop that this instant, or do you want to go to Time Out?"

At first, the child will try to keep acting out, but after a few Time-Outs, they'll usually quit misbehaving when they are asked to make this choice--even if Time Out doesn't seem to bother them in other situations. Weird, but it works. :)

2) Present a unified front.

If you and your husband are arguing about discipline, then the child has reason to believe that the rules are in a state of flux. Also, adults arguing is disturbing to a small child, which will cause more misbehaviour. If you must argue, be SURE that the child doesn't know about it, much less see or hear it.

3) Talk to the child.

Don't just say, "Be quiet." Say, "Mommy's head hurts, and she needs you to be very quiet for a little while." Don't just say, "Do what your dad said." Say, "Your dad loves you, and what he's saying can keep you from getting hurt. You need to listen to him." When your son still misbehaves after this sort of explanation and the warning mentioned above ( and if he's two, then sometimes he will :) ), talk to him after he comes out of Time Out. Explain what happened and why he got in trouble...something like, "Daddy said not to put your hand near the stove because he loves you and touching the stove can get you hurt. I explained that to you, but you kept doing it, and I didn't want you to get hurt, either. So I put you in Time Out so that you could think about it. What do you think now?" If the child is belligerent, then back to Time Out they go. Once they are appologetic, then they can come out...but they have to appologize to any injured parties. In the scenario above, I'd ask the child to appologize to their father for not listening and promise never to touch the stove.

Best of luck!

hello there,

your 2 year old is definately pushing the buttons he wants pushed, as for you and your husband, it is called divided and conqore and your son is doing agood job of it. You 2 have to join sides and not let him continue these actions, he knows what he is doing at 2, what happens when he is 16. Tantrums- put him in his space where he is safe and let him trow it, after ist correction , let it rip-ignore him. My sis use to hold her breath to get attion- guess what dr. Said let her, she would pass out come to and then be have, no harm done and after about 3 times the breath holding quit!!! Your son is doing it to get attion; it's hard but praise good behavor and try your best tocorrect only once on bad then it is the time out and keep putting him ther until he has done about 5-10 for his age.!!!

Mother and grandmother and great grandmother

What has made the difference for us is the book "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

We tried a few different 'disciplining techniques' with dd. My parents and mil insisted that spanking was the only way we obeyed...sadly, we did that too. But dd's behavior got worse over time, not better. I'd heard of this book through my online AP group, as well as some friends at church, so I read it as well as "Your Guide to a Happier Family" by the same authors. I'm getting ready to read "Siblings without Rivalry" and am looking forward to it as it's gotten great reviews among my parent-friends. It's not permissive parenting, it has helped me with my temper (a huge bonus in my book) and we rarely have bad days anymore - a far cry from the horrid days that we used to have so many of.

HTH

K., mama to
Catherine Anne, 4yrs
Samuel Anthony, 1yr

Just be really careful about not getting into 'fights about discipline' when you are actually in front of your child. Disagree and come to resolutions in private with his dad and face him with a united front.

pick and chose your battles. he should be your gift, not your burden. a child development expert said something that has stuck w/ me...think of your child like a car. do a one on one activity w/ my kids (game, puzzle, book, whatever) i'm "filling them up" with my attention...and it keeps them content for a while...when their "tank of love" starts to run out...that's when they start to seek my attention, unfortunately negative sometimes. so keep filling it up thruout the day. and really give them full attention for those 15 min...so they know you really want to be with them.

Stop putting him in time out. It doesn't seem like it is working. Time out isn't effective for all children, and especially for 2 year olds. There is a book Understanding your 2 Year Old that is an excellent read for what to expect developmentally. He sounds like he is being a normal 2 year old, so I wouldn't worry that you are doing something wrong.

First, we expect our children to act their age. Two-year olds have melt downs, they have little self control, and enjoy the power of saying "no." This is behavior he is supposed to have. My job is to shape and guide those behaviors and offer a positive alternative. We try to set our children up for success. The toys they can play wiht our in their reach, we suggest and offer ideas, and so on. We redirect and distract often. We make requests simple and offer a reason. If the child is having trouble following through, we offer help. It could be guiding little hands or helping a child move elsewhere. We are consistent, which is important no matter what you decide to do. For us, discipline is teaching the right behavior, not punishing wrong behaviors.

That you can get him to go to and stay in time out is really great. I think it is time for something else. Are you and hubby fighting about discipline in front of him? If so, he is probably enjoying the fact that the focus is not on him when in trouble. Try taking up his favorite thing/toy/blanket/whatever he attaches to emotionally. BUT make sure that you tell him he will get it back when he . . .and stick to your guns! Be sure to make it age appropriate, but he will have to earn it back by not doing what got him in trouble, even if it is just until dinner/bedtime, whatever.

First off, most 2 yr olds spend most of their time in time out :-)
I swear there are days my son is in his room about 75% of his waking hours. It's the nature of the beast.

Your best bet is to read "Parenting with Love & Logic." Better yet, check the love and logic website for a local class or seminar.

If he's "always" in time out, then this will help you pick your battles more wisely (really, EVERYTHING has the potential to be a battle, so the key is to pick what hills you want to die on), and will help you know what sort of language and basic directions to use so that you can handle your child without losing your cool.

The reason the book, and class, are such a great idea is because this isn't just a phase. You're locked into this battle of the wills for the next 2 years before there's rest in sight. A 4 yr old is a much more reasonable kid than a 2 yr old. Of course, if you've let the 2 yr old steam roll you, age 4 might not be much of a reprieve!

Good luck!