S.P. asks from Avon, NY on January 31, 2007
Need Help Understanding My 17 Year Old
I have a 17 yr. old daughter (my husbands) whom all od a sudden thinks she doesn't have to listen to me. She will start fights and then go running to dad and tell him I am bering mean or other things. This child has gone to school and told them that I am mistreating her, I have been called from the school asking what is going on in our house. She is always looking to be the center of attention, no matter what. I need help or I may end up loosing my mind.
R.S. answers from Rochester on February 01, 2007
I had a step daughter who did the same thing,
when she was at our house on weekends she would say to me, my mom says i dont have to do that and she also told the school i was a mean step mom. i was tring to bring her up as a lady, cross ur legs at a table, clear ur plate and wash it when u r done ect. the school called as well.
the school did councling with her. the school stopped calling and we started to get along. her mom didnt help at all and her mom would not let us be involved with any thing in her life.
but when she was at my house she acted like a lady and stopped being rude to us.
please talk to school about a councer for her or bring her to a family one ur self. it helped us hope it helps u.
i now have 2 teen boys of my own, my 16 yr old is great most times and my 19 yr old went thu a mouthy stage but is now grown out of it for the most part.
teens r harder then little ones for sure lol
best of luck
1 mom found this helpful
M.E. answers from New York on February 03, 2007
Hi S., I am one of those moms that has had this same problem at one time or another. It sorta kinda ceased when our children got older. I have 3 kids 2 girls n 1 boy and my husband has 3 2 boys and 1 girl (the real brady bunch). I realized that all of our problems started when the kids noticied that my husband and I had didnt agree on certain things that any one of the kids was doing and the type of punishment dished out. We would voice our thoughts to each other out of ear shot of the kids (so we thought) but in actuality they were listening to us all along. Once my husband and I realized this we made it seem like regardless if we agreed or not we came off as if we both were on the same page. When children think that they are at a age that they can confront us I really don't think it matters if they are step children or our own. I forgot to say my children's ages are 24 and 18 X 2, and my husbands children's ages are 29, 20 and 18 so as you can see I have been there and done that. good luck w/the kidz.
A.P. answers from New York on February 01, 2007
Having gone thru this myself. My stepdaughter had her dad all to herself for many years. So for me to come along and be pregnant was a very big world change for me and her. We did alot of talking about her life, her goals, her boyfriend, her friends, College, what she wants to go after college and the relationship with her mom. Be careful with your words because girls can shut down in a heart beat. I learned the the hard way. It wasn't pretty. I always made sure she was in everything we did as a family. My husband and I were able to meet all her friends to see what she was like with her friends. But for me her mom was very open about her daughter coming to stay the weekends. I always made sure that she understood that I was friend but also an adult and you still have to repect this house. Though now she is older I've always told her that my house is always open to her and her mom. But I say talk while you a cooking just for conversation. NOTHING ELSE. I think once they see you want to talk is becuase you are in her business. So just bring up a conversastion and also talk about what you remember when you were her age. I did that alot with her. Now that I have a daughter I've thanked her for showing me how to be a mom for a daughter (I have 2 boys). I don't if it will get better but it can't get any worse. You'll see it will get better.... Good Luck
K.S. answers from Syracuse on February 04, 2007
S. i personnally haven't had to deal with a step child but my husband did. we found that not pushing helped. we waited for my son to go to my husband. by this i mean if he asked if he could do something or go somewhere my hubby would say not up to me go ask your mom that got old after a while because i always said no where his step dad would have said yes. also try making time for just the two of you. find out what she likes and doesn't like and connect that way. it takes time,love and patience. i hope that this helps you. hang in there it does get better.
S.R. answers from Utica on February 01, 2007
Remember being a 17 year old yourself. If you spend some one on one time with her and talk about things, she will most likely lighten up. A 17 year old girl will cry at the drop of a hat, act out, or generally be an emotional trouble making mess. It;s just the way things are.
Sending her to a counsellor may push her further away. Try just connecting to her woman to woman. You will probably find she loves you and is dealing with typical things a girl of her age has to handle.
Spend time, and don't push the conversation. Just let it come naturally.
S.M. answers from New York on February 01, 2007
Greetings S., before I tell you my OPINION, I will give some praise for being so real and concerned though she's not urs. You could tell her off and keep ti moving, it would not be hard to hurt her feelings she is only 17....hand clap for u!!! 17yrs of age is hard as u know in it self..for me it was cuz i was once in HER shoes. I thought that my mom loved her husband more than she loved me..I did not tell her I just Hated him...I did whatever I could to show it. If you or your husband is holding back disopline for her actions..wrong choice..but in the that she really needs to be in a sense ministered too. She needs the side her her that is wounded to be touched..like any wound it would hurt alot but healing would also begin. Her behavior is only express what she feels and can say into words...but simply ask her why she hates you..and remind her fo the love uv shown, take to dinner, a movie or if not, for a walk..u know her something that would interest her...a manicure ..pedicure..whatever. And break down how u feel too..she needs to know that u r not goin anywhere..so how can u guys make it work...this woudl take time but...iv been there and..though it was a journey...Iv gain alot through the way...thanks for reading...Again you may have tried this but I has to let u know...take care!!
p.s. My DAD and I get along great...hes one of my best friends!!!
T.C. answers from New York on February 03, 2007
Hi there. I an understand your situation however i'm not sure how to fix the problem. I have a 12 yr. old stepson and we have problems too. As much as you love them, it is so hard to try and parent them. I don't get much support from my husband when it comes to this. So, as i can't give you much advice, i can surely sympathize. Good luck.
D.L. answers from New York on February 01, 2007
First of all, let me commend you on accepting 4 children into your heart... especially since you didn't give birth to them.
Does the child (17 yr old) have any interaction with her mom? She could be trying to lash out because she misses her mom, maybe she's just testing the waters...(trying to see how far she can push you)...Do you discipline her at all? I would suggest a sit down with her, you and your husband... and set some limits... Tell her that if she continues to disobey & act up, then there will be consequences...Take it from there...