I'm a single mother of three, a 7 year old, a 3 year old and an almost two year old. Lately the two younger ones are becoming so hard to deal with. Their father is MIA and I'm angry. I'm becoming this anti-social, feisty person. I don't like who I'm becoming, but I don't know how to stop it. Lonliness, frustration, and anger have begun to take a toll on me. Anybody out there feel me?
I am so thankful for everyones support and advice. That day I had two crying attacks, 1. because while in the bathroom my children opened the door and went outside jumped in the pool, along with the living room pillows. This had been the second time that day. The second happened when I tried to put my children down for a nap and when I checked on them, my son had smeared bowel all over the floor. I lost it and yelled at him, he then got scared and fell and smacked his head on the ceramic floor. I cried my eyes out not knowing how to handle it. Sure enough I went into the guest room and cried and prayed and asked God for help in order to cope with my children. I wanted to handle this like a good mother and soon enough I was able to attend to them composed. Later in the evening I asked for help from there grandmother and she kept my son for the night. I seem to have realized that I am angry with people in my life and the bottled up emotions are beginning to affect every aspect of my life. I have come to a point where I have zero tolerance for the things that I allowed before, although they bothered me. Now my obstacle will be to deal with facing the people I have this ill feelings toward. I feel like a bottle that wants to explode. Life throws so many curve balls and it's really nice to know that there are people who relate or just care enough to send a message. For this I thank everyone.
Kudos to you for not giving up! I advise you see a psychiatrist. Not because you're insane but these feeling you're experiencing can be moderated with medication. I saw one when my daughter was 3 months old and it helped a lot.
Good luck and keep on keeping on.
I feel you. I'm not single, but I do have three kids and a lot of stressors in my life. If you ever need to talk, send me a message. It's nice to have a support team you can lean on.
L.,
Your not alone, you do have God and your family. Being a single Mom (as I am) is exhausting, not impossible. We all need someone to talk to, and I don't mean our children. Find anyone to talk to. AND TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, a healthy happy mom has healthy happy children. E-mail me if you need to talk ,I would be happy just to listen.
God bless and take care.
I am a single mom with one and I feel like pulling my hair out...with just one. Three must be very difficult. I know when I am feeling like I'm losing hope and not seeing the positive in my life I turn back to that love of God that you mentioned. Once I re-focus on the faith that God has an amazing plan for my daughter and me then I am much more able to handle the world..knowing what I'm worth. (and I surround myself with people who also have faith) You have no control over what "that man" does, you do have control over how you live your life and what your children are going to learn by watching you. You have the choice!
I guess I could go on and on...I'd love to grab a cup of coffee, go to the park, etc. All you can do is pull yourself out of the hole. I'd love to help.
L.
I am a single mom of two (soon to be 6 and a 2 year old), there father is now living in Texas but when he was here, he was never around anyways....actually my life is somewhat less stressful with knowing he is out of state. I don't have any family here other than my boys so I understand how you feel. Thankful you have your parents here. I think I've finally gotten past the angry part, I realized it is what it is and I just need to do what it takes to take care of me and my boys. I've made friends with some of the parents at the school that the kids go to and we hang out on the weekends, it's nice to get out of the house to let the kids play and have someone to talk to. The only thing I can tell you is keep your chin up, things will get better. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can email me at ____@____.com
Take care - I'll keep you in my prayers
I totally understand where you're coming from! I have 1 child--a 6-year-old. And I agree with some of the responses you've received so far--that children feed off our moods. When my daughter's acting up, it's usually because I'm in a funky mood myself. We're human--we're entitled to moods and feelings. I go through stretches where my attitude is horrible. And that's when my daughter and I clash the most. About 5 years ago, I decided to start everyday fresh. No attitude and all smiles. I chose to look for the best things that were happening in life and that my daughter was doing. Believe me, this is harder than it sounds. Like I said, I still have my stretches of bad behavior. But then I remember that promise I made myself to start the day fresh, and it really makes a difference in my interactions with my daughter. You do need the time to hang out with friends sans kids. So try to make plans to meet at a bookstore or something with your peers with your parents sitting for you. My daughter's dad still sees our daughter, so I get most weekends to myself (which I consider a bad thing). But it gives me time to get things done that I can't do with her. I do a lot of cleaning and then, if the opportunity's available, I go out with my friends just to dance and have fun. Can your parents watch your kids after they go to bed maybe once a month just so you can have time with your friends and other adults? No matter what, just remember to breathe! And when the kids do good, pat them on the back and thank them for it. You'd be surprised how good that makes you feel!
I'm not single but I also have 3 kids. Ages 10, 6 and 3. No one ever said it would be easy. You just have to take one day at a time. Just breath some deep breaths when things are getting hard. It will get better. My husband works so it is up to me to handle the kids and get through our days.
Hi L.!
I'm S. from Lisle. I grew up with a single mom, older brother and grandma living with us. Everything revolved around Mom's moods and well being. So I can only guess that the 2 younger ones are feeding off your state of emotion right now. There are support groups out there. The hardest thing to do is reach for help. But your note was a first big step. PACES is a nice support group of moms and dads. Google for single mom help and support. And if you belong to a church - there is help there.
Best of luck! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
S.
Hi L.,
I can't say that I understand what you are going through- I have a 6 month old son and a very loving and supportive husband. However, I do feel how you feel in many ways, but for different reasons. I attended a 2-day conference about 6 weeks ago and it literally changed my life. It changed how I see myself as a person, my relationships, my relationship with God, and I honestly don't feel like I could have spent those 2 days any better way. I have no incentive if you were to choose to go to it, I just truly feel that strongly about it. I'd would love to take you for coffee to chat more if you'd like. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sincerely, A. V.
L.,
I applaud you for being brave enough to ask for support. I have no idea what you must be going through, but you are on the right track with God in your life. It is hard now, but it won't always be hard. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel...and no, it is not a train! Keep praying about your situation and things will get better. God bless...
S.
Liseees,
I feel ya honey..Iam also a single mom of my 2 children now 3&7.
Their Father has pretty much been MIA for 2 years now. I however live alone and work fulltime and let me tell you there are some days, I could just freak out. But honestly it does get better. Do you like to read at all? Are you religious? Well the reason Iam asking is because: One, I find peace in reading poetry, and two, I also have found alot of insite in the bible.
I was not very religious myself but at the advice of a friend (who at the time I thought was full of it..) I picked it up and started looking things up in it that you may find helpful.
The other thing is remember this: Everything in your life, happens for a reason! There are no mistakes! It sounds easy to accept, but it's not it took me along time, but just keep telling yourself, this is my life and it will get better!!I have found that Iam a good person and Iam alot....stronger than I ever thought I was...I can do this and L. so can you!!
Without sounding corny let me resite something for you:
"IT GETS BETTER"
GOD blesses the people who patiently endure testing.
Afterward they will receive the crown of life that GOD
has promised to those who love HIM..... (James 1:12)
Well I hope I have been of some help, without preaching
of the bible etc. too much. But as I said I was not a believer before myself. And I am not a finatic now either but I
do now believe and through the hard days I can calm down, and find some piece of mind!!
L. if you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to contact me, I know where your at in life, I was there. L.
It's always wierd when the emotions take over and even though you don't want to feel this way, you can't stop the rage. I haven't dealt with being a single Mom but I have dealt with the emotions that you are, really stemming from anger towards my MIL. I get so upset that I get anti-social and fiesty whenever she comes around. I am reading books to try to help me cope with her and to learn how to better deal with her.
You have your hands full right now with all that you have going on- and probably zero time for a "social life". I assuming that your parents are supportive- what about trying to get away for a two hour time frame to do something fun with a friend once a week? If your parents are willing to watch the kids, it would be fun. Hang in there- I hope that you feel better soon so that you can enjoy life and your kids!!!!
L.,
I'm not a single mom, but knowing how hard it is WITH two parents in the house, I can't imagine how hard it is by yourself.
I am so impressed with the fact that though all you have to go through on a daily basis, that you got through school. That is such a huge accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself!
Hang in there and if you ever need some moral support, feel free to email me.
*HUG*! Dear even people that have two parents in the home feel that way, you are not alone! Since you say you live with your parents why not ask them for one evening a week where you can leave the kids and just have some private time? If it is a set time every week they are less likely to grumble about it and if you make it for just 2 hours then it isn't so long they feel used. Do it after the kids go to bed. Join a reading group (we have one in Buttonwood, Naperville) or walk the mall, or sit in a park, meet with a friend. Do something that isn't kid related. Even if you don't want to leave the house, go in another room and read or watch a movie. Find other moms in your area and do playdates at the park or their house so you can get out. There are solutions to feeling lonely and frustrated. And last, don't count on the dad for ANYTHING. Love your kids and try to remember that they won't be little forever. Trust me on that. =) God bless!
I feel your pain. I am a single mother of a one year old and a 3 year old. There father left us last September and it has been extremely difficult. I too was angry and exhausted. I was taking it out on my boys and decided that it was not fair to them. I have been seeing a counselor and she is helping me get over the anger and realize that me and the boys have our whole life ahead of us. Maybe not exactly how I had it planned but it still will be good. Good luck to you.
Hi L.....I know exactly how u feel. I have a 6 yr old and i have gone through so much with her..the anger i feel towards her father for not being there has made me take it out on her on many occasions. I have had to turn to God to guide me when no one seems to understand. My parents are there to help also so when i feel like i need a break i can drop her off with them. Things are gonna be hard because u have three kids and the last two are very close in age...so they are gonna test u and see how far they can go with their behavior. Keep ur faith in God strong and depend on him at all times because there is no other way that ur gonna get through this hard time....just know that it will get better and u guys will come out better people. If u want u can also try counseling so u can rant and rave all u want....thats what i do. I see my counselor every other thursday and we dont really talk about one thing, i just go on and on about everyday things i.e work, school, friends, exs, daughter, the dog, i mean u name it we talk about it. If its gonna make u feel better and be a better parent then find someone to talk to....hope this helps...good luck and God Bless u and ur family!!!! F. M.
I ma not a SM but my husband is a Police Officer and never home, so I can;t imagine what youa re going through.
As for ditching the kids..I mean coping once ina while, Try swapping with a neighbor or friend for free childcare time. Also, try a local churcha nd see if they have an inexpensive kids day out program. Also, I have mother's helpers, some 10-13 year old who for $1 or $2 an hour, while I am home, come and keep the kids occupied and out of my hair so I don't go crazy. Have you tried CAFEMOM for support? IT's a grea tonline site for all kinds of mom's with similar issues. Good Luck!
L.-
You are stronger than you think. I just had a baby girl and if I didn't have my husbands help I would be a wreck!!! I know it sounds cliche, but why not take some time for yourself? Sounds like you are really busy with your kids and school. Treat yourself to something really nice or just stay away for one night to get some well deserved rest at a nice hotel and get a massage. Something nice that you deserve would put things back into perspective when you get back. And lastly, from your response, it sounds like you are spiritual. Why not pray? Pray at the church and ask God to get you out of this funk you are in. Someone once told me that I chose to get down and I can control how I feel. So get happy and then good and darkness will be gone.
Best of luck and God Bless.
Sylvia
Sorry to hear that you are becoming bitter. As a mom of three boys, I have gone through this a lot. I will continue to do so. I don't go out, my husband works constantly and I get no breaks. BUT, I grin and bear it. I decided to have these kids, I love them, and will give up all I have for them. Through the years things have gotten a bit easier. But above all, I thank God that they are a part of my life!
Hey L.! I took a look at all the responses that came to you & I am awed by the kindness and support coming from this group! I am not single and only have one child, and sometimes feel super crazy. Lean on your support network - so that means us, your friends, your family, and God. It will get easier. I know that it is easy for me to let my feelings/emotions rule my actions - but really, when you think of it, feelings are fleeting. They come and go quickly. I have to remind myself to hang in there and that the anger/sad/ whatever feeling will pass. Sometimes it is nice to get out and have your own *mom* time. If you can make it a habit, it really helps to look forward to that *mom* time in the challenging moments. Those moments do pass. Feel free to send me a message - sometimes it helps to have folks just listen. Take care - R.
Hi L.,
I'm a single mom (one 6yr old son) and I can totally relate! I'm not in school, but I work full time and live on my own with my closest family living 830+ miles away.
It's hard to carve out time for yourself but it's definitely something you should try doing. If every week is too much, then maybe you could get away once every other week or once a month. Your outings could be alone or with a friend. Maybe your parents could take the kids out for awhile and leave you home alone for a bubble bath. If you like to read, you could go to the library by yourself and find a book you want to read and get started on it while you're there. Meet a friend for lunch - either at a restaurant or at their house if you dont have the money to eat out. Join some sort of club that meets monthly to cultivate an interest you have beyond your children - you will get to spend time with like-minded adults which might halp with feeling anti-social.
It also might help you to speak with a therapist. If you have health insurance, you can find out from them what kind of mental health benefits you have. If not, the state has a program for mental health () more info: http://www.dhs.state.il.us/mhdd/mh/)
Becoming anti-social is pretty serious.... I've been that way for a few years and now I see my son picking up on my habits... and it's making it hard for him to make friends. I'm seeing a therapist to help me deal with it, and one of the things she suggested is that I force myself to say hello to every person that I make eye contact with. This will make me appear more friendly and outgoing, so other people are more likely to respond, which helps to break the cycle of anti-social behavior.
Good luck with however you decide to approach this issue :)
