Nasty Rumors Would You Tell the Person Its About

uummm defensive much??

If you are going to "repeat a rumor" to the person being talked about be prepared to find out if they are a friend or not...

he was too defensive in my opinion and if he's miffed at you? Then, baby, he has something to hide. ESPECIALLY if he "THINKS" you are trying to cause problems...no, you are NOT trying to cause problems...you are trying to keep him informed of what people are saying about him...

Usually people get defensive and angry when there is some truth to the rumor. Yes, I would tell. Good for you! Sounds like he didn't like you "outed" him.

I know this is controversial. But I wouldn't pass a rumor on to anyone. It's just passing on more gossip. I'd want to squelch the rumor: "You're talking about my friend! Don't mention this again!" I wouldn't even say, "Please."

On the surface, it might seem like a rational - even a kind - thing to tell a friend what is being said about him or her. But it really isn't. It's just adding to the flames and linking yourself to the chain of loose tongues.

What is true will show itself in due time without your or my help.

Honestly, if his reaction was to get defensive then the rumors are probably true. That said, unless the person was a really close friend I would not mention rumors, only things I know for sure about.

we always say in our house "loose lips sink ships"

Nope my lips are sealed either way of telling or speaking to the person about the rumor I just walk away

One Sunday morning, sitting in a coffee shop with my family and friends, I
mentioned that my son who was househunting was going to try for my
neighbors house down the street.(foreclosure) The notice was in the newspaper. Un
beknownst to me, a friend of the owner of the foreclosure, was sitting behind me. She was shocked that she did not know this. Well, apparently
the husband somehow never told the wife that the house was being foreclosed on. So she goes home and calls her friend to tell her that her
house is being foreclosed on Thursday! Both women no longer speak to
me!!!! How you like them apples. What did I do. It was public notice. Can't
figure people.

Personally, I would WANT to know if there was a nasty rumor about me going around.

In fact, I would be PISSED if I found out a friend knew about the rumor, and didn't tell me.

I do NOT see it as 'passing on a rumor'. After all, I am not passing it on to any random friend. I am telling the person it is ABOUT what is being said about THEM... I would not discuss the rumor with anyone other than the parties involved, except to say that I don't have an opinion on whether or not said rumor is true.

Of course you don't tell the person the rumor is about, especially if you know the rumor is not true.

You tell the person/people spreading the gossip, "I don't feel comfortable gossiping about friends when they're not here to defend themselves. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to hear any more about it. I hope you don't talk to people about me like that."

That way you're setting some very clear boundaries with the gossiper and setting yourself apart from them as well. You're also defending your friend at the same time AND letting your gossiping buddy know that you don't trust them not to talk about you the same way.

Seriously, if someone will gossip with you then they're gossiping about you.

the thing is a lot of people who SEEM like they wouldnt cheat cheat
to M. defensiveness sometimes means they are guilty of something (maybe not full on cheating but possibly)
if i was accused of cheating I would be upset and hurt by the rumor and feel a need to get to the bottom of it and let my partner know about it...generally people who are guilty get mad and defensive and then start creating lies

UNLESS the person making them aware is someone they see as a meddler then they could get angry and defensive

Totaly depends on your delivery, if it's coming from a place of concern i would tell, If it's to cash in on some drama, now way, but probably too late because drama people don't know they are drama people.

I've always wondered this. I guess its split. Some people want to know, some people don't. I see your point though...you care about your friend(s) so you wanted to say something, maybe to protect them from more embarrassing rumors. You were just trying to make sure it wasn't going to get more out of hand than it already had, right?

Hope it all works out.

uh yea- he is Guilty!

well with his response do you think the rumors could be true?

I think it depends on how close I am to the person, how I think they would take it, and what the rumor is.

I told a fellow I worked with that some others in the office thought he was having an affair with a gal he was friends with. Instead of acting like your friend, he thanked me for telling him. He was big into rock music, could talk circles around it, and this gal could too. They just really meshed where that was concerned, and I think between that and her punk hair style, he thought she was really cool.

I don't think they were having an affair - he told me that he wasn't. I told him that he was my friend and he didn't owe me any explanations, but I felt that he needed to know what was being said. I appreciated that he didn't shoot the messenger. I think that I helped him by letting him know.

Too bad that your friend didn't act this way with you. I kind of wonder if maybe the reason he struck out at you might be because it's true and he's defensive about it.

Anyway, I guess you have to decide now if he really IS a friend, or not.

Dawn

If the person the rumor was about was my friend, I would absolutely tell them. I would also say something to whomever mentioned it to me about passing along untrue information.

Just because he gets defensive does not mean anything. Rumors hurt and it's your good name out there in question. If I don't hear about it, it doesn't exist. I learned in HS to just ignore rumors. I let one depress me for a while in HS and one day I just said screw it. You can't fix it by trying to fix it. Just live your life so that if anyone does hear something of you, they will assume it to be false.

So I would not say anything. People go on with their lives and there is no reason for knowing. What are you going to do? Try to convince the world the rumors are false? If you do that, you are being "defensive" and thus "prove" you had something to hide. This behavior is shown by the comments that the guy was guilty. Best thing to do with a rumor is to let it die. You stress yourself out unnecessarily when you know a rumor.

Unless I had seen it with my own eyes, then I would consider it a rumor, and gossip. To pass the "information" on is only spreading something that could very well be untrue.

I would not tell, but I would tell the person who is talking about other people to shut their mouths or go directly to the person they are talking about.

Whoa he was defensive, huh?

Depends on how well I know the person... and their personality.

Consider this.. IF you tell the person what was said about them, are you also prepared to tell them who said it?? you know they will ask and if you say you can't tell them... then that might put you in the middle of something here that you don't want to be in..... If anything, consider your reasons for telling the person... are they near and dear to you so much that this information needs to get out. Also, are you sure that they don't already know about it?
I am not saying don't have a backbone and not speak up, but just make sure that you are speaking up for the right reasons... sometimes, people repeat gossip and or rumors because they like to cause drama... not that you are.. but know that you might be getting yourself into a MAJOR drama.. Lastly, say the person does find out about the affair.. what if they still decide to stay with that person.. then you are probably out two friends.. I don't know, but I'd say think more about it before you strike..

good luck

well for me it just depends on who its about, like if it were my sons godmother i would tell her. I know for fact she wouldn't get mad
Good luck

People aren't defensive, unless they've done something offensives to defend.

But, , yeah...I probably would have said something to my best of friends. (Only because, I KNOW they would want to know.) Anyone other then that select group of friends, I would have kept my lips sealed.