My 11Yr Old Is Lazy

Anne hit the nail on the head. Link it to something valued, not money though.
I have also made mine redo rooms. Sometimes this backfires and it takes longer, but my oldest is in the Navy nad has been complimented on how well he can clean. I have also put dirty kitty litter boxes in the bedrooms. That opens their eyes and noses pretty fast.
She'll get better, and if you value cleanliness she will too, just maybe not this year.

I have a 13 year old who is the same way. We came to a compromise - I won't get made at her for "forgetting" her chores or not doing them according to my standards, and she won't get mad at me for reminding her to do them or for asking her to redo them correctly. I also changed the way I word my answers when she asks for things. If her chores are not done and she asks for something instead of saying "No your chores are not done" I say , "Yes, as soon as you do your chores, or yes, as soon as you re do your chores".
Now some things like sleep overs require chores being done consistantly for the week. In this case during the week I remind her of that.
One thing we have to remember is that this is normal behavior for children. They live for the here and now and they don't want to do chores. We have to find a healthy way to help them be an active part of the family. On days where my 4 kids are really having a hard time getting motivated, we all do our chores at the same time.
Also remember that kids are kids are we are adults. They will hardly ever do their chores as well as we can do them. Depending on the chore perfection shouldn't necessarily be the goal at this time. As they get older, they will do their chores better.

Good luck and remember to praise her for doing the chores without being asked!!
T.

She's right on target developmentally. ;-) I'm sure you know that at this age, they have so much going on physically/hormonally (and socially/emotionally), that they use up a lot of their energy just growing.

It's great that she still wants your approval. What have you tried already? Linking getting chores done to something she values, like time to talk on the phone, computer time, trips to the mall, etc? Has she had a say in what she thinks would be a good system? Maybe she'd be more invested if she helped to "set it up"......."When I do my chores on time and well, I'll be allowed to _____. When I don't do them without reminders, then I'll lose the privilege of _______." If she's "artsy", maybe she'd like to design her own "chore chart"; if she's a morning person, maybe she'd like to get up earlier and do chores before school; if she loves choices, maybe she'd like to choose between doing this chore or that one.........

I'm sure the other moms will give you lots of great ideas.

Have fun with her and good luck!

Try the "house fairy" from Flylady.net Even though at 11 years old, your child will be well aware that you are the house fairy, it is still a fun way to reinforce good habits rather than getting into power struggles.

If the house fairy is a bust (I've never known it to be, though, even for teenagers), then try rewards that are tied to what she values. If she is motivated by achievement, then earning 'stuff' works, even if it is a fancy ribbon or a title (i.e. queen of the most gorgeous bedroom). If she is motivated socially, then tying fun things with her friends to the chores will work. If she is motivated by control, then allowing her additional choices when she has done the chores may help.

This is probably the greatest single source of parental tension in children older than toddlers. Adolescents, particularly, have entered a new phase of life where things are changing so fast for them physically and socially that they are tired (especially in the morning) and distracted. Family life may feel annoying and irrelevant to them, particularly where rules, chores, and nagging are concerned.

I've found that if we really leave room for kids to express their feelings and perceived needs, really hear them with sympathy, kids discover that they feel less reluctant to participate. They know Mom or Dad really cares about their experience.

So I'd find an opportunity to sit with her and say something like, "You know, sweetie, I've been remembering how hard it was when I was your age to care about my chores. Would you tell me how you feel when you're vacuuming, what you're thinking you'd rather be doing?"

After hearing and repeating her main thoughts back to her (shows you've really listened), you might follow with, "Wow, yeah, I still feel like that sometimes. Wouldn't it be great if the chores would just go away and nobody had to do them? Sometimes I wish I had the time or energy to do it all myself, but I'll tell you, I know I would resent that. Since you and Dad (and siblings?) all get to take advantage of the comforts of our home, I think it's only fair that you help keep it clean and comfortable. And I am so grateful when you do your jobs. Did you know that?"

If you keep the conversation relaxed and non-judgemental, and report your own feelings and needs honestly, she may well get it that her participation is an important part of your family dynamics, and that YOU DO APPRECIATE her help.

We often, as busy parents, forget the "thank you" part, though that may not be a problem with you since she still craves your approval. But maybe you could be extra-careful to notice even her smaller moments of cooperation. You may have to train yourself to watch for those. And don't make a huge deal out of it – just a smile and thank you or quick hug may be just the acknowledgement she needs.

There's a very helpful book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can learn how your children can propose their own solutions to all sorts of classic family problems.

Read a sample of this wonderful parent-workshop-between-covers here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081.... I think you'll be impressed with the possibilities.

If you firmly established no TV, no computer, no games, no fun stuff before homework / chores are done, it sort of takes care of itself. If everything IS done beforehand, I'm good with surprising with a special treat now and then. I tell my son a parent has a hard time saying 'No' to anyone who takes good care of his business without any trouble. He get's straight A's and helps me with whatever needs doing around the house, so I get him anything he wants at the book store.

When she comes & asks for things, (can I have a coke?, can i go with so & so tomorrow, etc....), then your answer should be, Did you do all your chores today to the best of your ability? If she says no, then she's got her answer, unless she decides to go & correct it, if there is time. If she says yes, then she's got her answer, but i would say, oh great! I'm glad, show me what you've done. This way she learns that her chores are her part as a family & is what allows her to get & do the fun things. My kids are 4 & 5 & I do this with them. It is how they earn tv time, one on one mommy time etc. I swear I am not making this up, but my 5 year old actually folded a load of laundry today on her own without being asked & she put her things away & had her brother put his things away. She even hung both their clothes as he is still learning how. Just one thing you don't want to do is let her do something or have something without the chores being done to the best of her ability, cause she will make promises to do it when she gets back etc... then you will be back to nagging etc. This will give her self confidence & a sense of self worth. She learns that what she does or doesn't do DOES matter & that she does too. Reward her unexpectedly so it all has value. I will get my kids something at the store that I know interests them specifically & I let them know that I'm buying it cause I want them to know that i noticed that they did their chores without being told for the week & i think that is awesome. If one does it but not the other , then the one gets recognition. Hope this helps you.

My mom's philopsophies:

Philosophy 1: If you want to be a part of this family, then we ALL pitch in. (Make sure all members are actually pitching in.)

Philosophy 2: "B" won't happen unless "A" happens first. "A" is the specific chore(s) in question. "B" is a sleepover, TV privlege, computer game privledge, cell phone privledge. If the family has a fun outing planned ("B")and she doesn't do her chores ("A"), DON'T GO on the outing. It's a bummer for the whole family to suffer, but peer pressure (the rest of the family miffed at her because she's lazy), should do the trick and it shouldn't happen twice.

Be very specific about chores. Don't say, "Do your chores." Say, "clean the bathroom countertop," "sweep the basement floor," etc. Then PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE!