Mom Seeking Advice on 13 Year Old

well I must say i am no good example but it might help.All i know is forbidding is gonna make it worse,you need to find a compromise.My mother did the same thing to me when i was 15 and i did as i wanted even when she took my phone my car and my money,and made me quick working.needless to say we never broke up and i got pregnant at 16.i am still with this man now but i am sure my life would have been different.I t may be worth setting certain times to talk then unplugging the phones,and maybe some time they can spend together at th mall or the library,something in public and being watched.Maybe trusting her just a little and giving her just a little she can learn from that.Then if she still doesnt listen or she takes to much,go to extremes,scare her take her to a shelter take her somewhere to see young people who have made bad mistakes,get her involved in stuff so she doesnt have extra time,anything.Girls are very hard,believe i know i have done everything you can think of,but i turned out to be a hard working mother of 2 boys and one on the way and i couldnt be happier.Good luck and I would love to talk or help in any way I can

If bedtime is 10:00, and that is a set rule, then she should ommunicate to this boy that she isn't allowed to be ont the phone with him after that. Start with THAT rule!

I have my daughter and son-in-law living with me. I set a 10:00 telephone curfew when they first moved in, and we ALL stick to it.

I admit, teenagers today are a lot harder to raise than they were when mine were that age. True, that if you make demands, they will only rebel. Try to get her to work WITH you. ASK her what SHE feels would be reasonable. Then negotiate.

DON'T use the "As long as you live in MY house..." line. That will only push her to leave. Try, "You are still not of 'legal age'" routine...That blames the STATE laws! and gives you more responsibility! She cannot argue with that!
The Other Girls At School don't live there with you.

With any luck, she'll outgrow this SOON. Discuss the rules CALMLY, maybe at a restaurant where she can't get up, run to her room and slam the door. ;)

If you tell her not to talk to him, she will want to do it even more. Maybe you could set up a block of time that she can talk on the phone to whomever she pleases (within reason), but then set a curfew. My friend's son can talk on the phone from 7 - 8:30. Before that, he has to get his homework done (or mostly done) and after that, he has to finish his homework and prepare for the next day. They see each other at school, so it's not like you're forbidding her to see him. My parents always had a 10:00pm phone curfew unless there was a special reason -- we were on a date and were running late for curfew, etc. Try to involve her in the process, but steer the conversation to where you want it to end. Remember to keep the lines of communication open. She may be more involved with this boy than you think. Good luck!

These are always the hardest years, aren't they? I remember that age and the hormones. My suggestion is to set certain amount of time for her to use the phone and if she breaks it then take away all phone priviledges. If she has a cell, take that away as well. We've gotten a little lax this generation with all the technology available to us. No phones should be in their rooms and you should limit the amount of cordless phones in the house. Unfortunately, the whole family has to modify how their lifestyle for a while. Getting yur point across is more important than having a phone in every room or the convenience of a cordless. If she sees that you're serious about changing the phones, she might be more inclined to cooperating with the powers that be.

Take away the phone priviledge completely. If you need to get rid of your cordless phones and only have a corded phone in one room, maybe the kitchen, and if you need to one in your room. This will make it a lot easier to control if she cannot take one of the cordless phones and sneak into a closet or someplace and continue talking with this boy. It sounds to me like she is pushing to see how far you will allow her to go with this young man, and you need to be extremely harsh and stop the contact. I don't know if this young man is in her class at school but you may even want to get the teacher/pricipal involved and let them know your wishes regarding this relationship. She will kick and scream that you are invading her life, but there are worse things. If she has a cell phone take it away. If she continues to sneak around talking or other stuff with this boy, ground her from all school and personal activities. I would hope it would not become so bad that you needed to move her to a different school, but that is an option if she cannot obey. I do wish you the best and hopefully if you can get this under control now when she is 13 you will not have to have such a hard time when she gets older.

Dear P. G:

We are going through the same thing with our 14-year old daughter and we went through this with our 19-year old boys. We stuck to our curphew of no telephone usage after 9:30 p.m. unless it was an emergency. We eventually took the phone out of their room and explained the importance of respecting our rules of telephone usage, at our house or someone else's house. It helped when they understood if the phone rings after a certain time most people think something bad has happened. Good luck, this seems to be one of those things we just have to stick to our rules and let our children know that consequences come with decisions, both good and bad.

I have a 13 year old son who's hormones have also gone off the deep end truly believed it was the cause of him having to go to summer school last year. We are planning a very special vacation next year and I am trying to use that as an incentive to worry more about the books than the girls.

He also loves the phone. However he knows my rules and that is homework first and no later than 8:00 and only 30 minutes as someone else said they see eachother at school there is no need in spending your life on the phone. I don't know what kind of activities your daughter enjoys doing if it is watching tv, computer, games , etc., but take it away from her if she disobeys about the phone. That has worked for me Good Luck!!