Teanager Talking on Phone Too Long

Dear B., You have had a lot of responses, this is an experience we've have all had or will have. I was this kid; my parents were dumb enough to give me my own phone number. They really had no way of monitoring my phone time because the only phone with my number on it was in my room! Duh! The phone was a problem. I say, having lived the same life as your daughter, nip it in the bud now! Do her a favor. Set limits and stick to them. My parents finally found out how late I was talking,way back then you got a phone bill every month with all the calls and times printed out. They flipped out when they saw some calls started at midnight and lasted until 2am! The phone came out and my door came off and I had to earn my privileges back, one by one. It stunk, but my grades were slipping cuz I was not finishing homework or studying as much as I should have been for a test. And the bottom line is, we all have to learn to follow rules and respect other people. It was my parent’s job to keep me on the right path and at that age, kids really just don't have the ability or knowledge to always know what is best, that is the parent’s job. It stinks and is very hard, but we want them to learn how to be responsible adults and it all starts at home. Maybe Saturday night phone curfew could be an hour later, especially as a reward for abiding by the new rules.

Definitely find out who Zach is. Maybe take her to lunch or out for a manicure and try to bring it up, if that doesn't work, then get tough. She cannot have a boy in her life that you don't know about, that just won't fly, right? This boy could be 16 or 18!! You have a right to know, and should know, who your 13 year old is talking to, even if she does not agree.

Don't feel guilty about being tough, just remember to reward her behavior when she improves and shows maturity. It will deepen her respect for you. Good Luck!

B. my name is K. and I have 14 year old daughter. My daughter is usually awake way past the time my husband and I go to bed except on school nights. On school nights my daughter has to give me her phone when I go to bed. I put her phone in a spot where she will not be able to find it while I am sleeping. When I awake in the morning I put it on the charger so that way it is ready for her when she awakes. When the weekend rolls around I do not take her phone and do allow her talk until she can talk no more.

Easy.

If you are able to do it put her phone on a plan that only has a limited amount of minutes, sort of like a pre-paid account, so that when she uses up the minutes for that month she is done. Now, this might not help out the first few nights when she is chatting away into the wee hours but if she wastes all her minutes then she won't be able to talk to him during the daylight either! She'll have to pick and choose when she wants to talk to him and make her minutes last.

This is just an idea, but, you may want to give her a pay as you go phone so that she is responsible for how much time she uses. Then, ask her who this boy is..it is not unusual for girls to start talking to boys, but, limit her time and find out who he is. Even if she shows you attitude like my daughter did and still does but, she is in YOUR house and tell her there are rules and she needs to abide by them,or NO phone at all. Phones are a priviledge and she may be too young to have a phone, and i am sure if you tell her this she will be mad at first, but, change her ways...Good luck

When our daughter (now 25) was young, we set telephone curfew hours at 9 p.m. If someone called for her, we told them about the curfew and to call back in the morning or wait to talk to her at school. We belive that we all needed rest and time to wind down from the day, before we went to bed.

Our son is now 13 and we have set the same phone curfew for him. He will be getting a cell phone this summer when he turns 14, and we will expect him to abide by the phone curfew on that phone too. Break the rules, he will lose the phone. It's that simple. We haven't had a lot of trouble since his girlfriend has a 7 p.m phone curfew!

Oh, and when our daughter was in college, she ran up a huge phone bill talking to her boyfriend (now my son-in-law) from college. I told her that one of them had to pay it or she would lose her car until it was paid for. He stepped up and paid it!

Boils down to this: Set reasonable rules with clear and appropriate consequences. Enforce the rules/consequences when broken. Even teenagers will get the message pretty quick.

Set the ground rules. Tell her she has to give her cell phone to you before she goes to bed.
That it is not accepted. She needs her rest for school. This is only the start of challenges of teenagers. You need to set grounds rules for their safety and your sanity. The challenges only get bigger. She needs to know there are rules to follow.

Hi B.,
In terms of the cell phone, last year I gave my son one month to cut his phone-time down or told him I would take the phone and keep it indefinitely. (I got the "family plan" contract and gave him a phone for his 17th birthday.) When the bill came I still saw way too many calls so I gave him one more chance...needless to say it happened again. I took the phone away from him for about 8 months now and noticed that he does just fine without it. Most of his friends his age have cell phones so he borrows theirs to call me when he's out to check-in with me. Also, a few times I have let him borrow mine for just in case scenarios when I knew he would be walking alone somewhere, but then he gives it right back to me when he comes home. When he's at home on our "regular house phone" there are also rules.

-What seems to work is that I keep the base of the cordless phones in the house plugged into my bedroom phone jack. I give him a cut-off time to talk at night (say around 10:00) and then when that time comes I'll tell him he has about 5 more minutes to say goodbye and then after that I just pull the plug out. Of course I put the plug back in right before I go to sleep without him knowing, as by this time he knows he can't use it anymore.

Hope that helps.

A little about me:

Fulltime working single mom, divorced 17 years, son who will be 18 in two weeks.

Teens are known for talking on the phone! I did it fifty years ago... though it was one phone in the hallway and everyone could hear what I was saying...so it had to be cryptic...so nobody would understand what I said... but much to my dismay... my teenagers had their phones in their rooms and I heard little of anything that they said!
Having three girls... I surely understand your situation. Advice: Tell her you love her. Tell her that she should be able to talk on the phone, that is why you got the phone for her. Ask her to do a little exercise with you regarding her 24 hour day... How much time should be devoted to 'grooming, such as showers, hair and make-up', 'school', 'homework', 'household chores', 'preparing and cleaning up after meals', 'preparing clothes for the coming day and laundry if necessary', 'sports activities if she is on a team', 'watching tv', practicing an insturment if she plays one', 'watching movies', 'being with friends', and last of all... 'SLEEPING'.
When she looks at this list... and figures it out... go over it with her... tell her that to be healthy she needs 8-9 hours of sleep a day as a teenager... then figure in all the things I did not think of in this little blurb... and ask her the question: How much time in one 24 hour day SHOULD a girl spend on the phone if she is responsible for all these things in life? If she gives you an answer that you can live with... let her be... tell her you trust that she will be off the phone by a certain time and that trust is the biggest of all the issues parents have with their children. Tell her you love her again and then... tell her you trust her again! Hopefully... she will live up to your trust. But as a parent... keep checking to make sure she is! And I really liked the idea of the basket on the stairs... phones there at a certain hour. That could be a helpful rule for your daughter, too! It is her way out when people insist that she talk to them late..."I can't talk! My mom has my phone!"

My daughter did the same thing. We tried reasoning with her and that did not work in the end we ended up taking her cell phone from her before we went to bed at night, keeping it in our room and giving it back to her in the morning.

I work with adolescents and I hear this complaint from parents all the time. I tell them to take the phone away, every night, so they know they won't be on the phone past a certain time. For instance if you don't want her on the phone past 9pm, take the phone away at 9pm every night. You pay for the bill, you have every right.

Get the book for her "Too Close, Too Soon". It is in the singles section o fany Christian bookstore. It may be inspiring to her. It was to me but unfortunately I was already in my twenties when I read it. I onlny wish I had a mother who had taught me things like the priciples in that book when I was in high school.

If you're paying for those phone calls, I'd suggest making her pay for it. If she doesn't have a job, you could create one where you pay her for tasks (like an allowance), and she can use that money to make those long-distance calls. Then, you'd be teaching her some responsibility (and getting some extra help around the house).

If it's free, just know that they don't do that forever. Since she's only 13, I'm guessing you've got a few more years of that before she grows tired of it. At least she's not sneaking out of the house and doing drugs and/or getting pregnant.

You can take the phone away, but honestly, there are much worse things your teen could be doing. I'd just be glad she's at home. You could ask her what sorts of things she and Zach talk about, though, and talk about her relationship with him to be sure that it's not moving too fast for someone who's 13. Know what I mean?

I do also like and appreciate the phone curfew idea. If it's applied correctly, I think that's a good solution as well.

I also seriously do not think kids should have cell phones until they're driving a car. That's just my opinion, though.

Good luck.

Every family in America that hes teens has the same problem. Sad to say, a lot of the parents don't care and allow the teens to run amuck with a lot of unnecessary things. Take the phone from her at bed time (whatever time that is) but let her know a day ahead so she can let her friend know. If her grade are dropping, dont let her have use of the phone until after homework everyday. Otherwise, your guess is as good as mine. Just don't think you're alone out there...this problem is everywhere.

Weel one thimg is you dont want to spy on her because she may be tempted to do more things. Plus the boy could jusy be a friend unless she is aloud to date.

taking away the phone sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Be the parent!

Take the phone away from her - tell her that there are "off" hours for the phone. I have this problem, too, and it gets out of hand. It needs limits. We wouldn't let them eat a bag of candy or watch TV for 6 hours, would we? They DO NOT need to have their phones in bed with them. They do not understand privacy. I hope this helps!
PS--watch the text messages--inappropriate topics can happen here!

Hi B.,
I have an 18 year old who did the same thing when she was a tween. She would be on the cell phone all hours of the night, talking to her friends, I would see it on the phone bill, tell her to stop, and she would for a night or two, but then she would be at it again.
The simple solution for me was, at bedtime, I would take the cell phone away from her, and she would get it back the next day. If for some reason she would use the house phone, then I would keep the cell phone an entire day.
I didn't want to be like that, but she left me no choice. Needless to say, I had to be consistent about this, for over a year. But she finally learned not to talk on the phone past a certain time. (She was doing this on school nights, and it affected her sleep and her performance in school.)
I hope this helps.
T.

I have a 15 yr old son who does the same thing (just turned 15 March 2) usually he does it on the weekend (he does'nt have a cell phone it's the home phone that a problem!!! for the last week i have been monitoring the calls (especially the incoming) but i have been telling the other kids he doesn't live at home anymore (he moved with his dad) for now!!! (lol) for now until i myself find a permanent solution (if at all any) but it's working for now because the incoming calls were as bad as the lengthy calls... (sorry about the lil white lie) but it's working for now!!! Good Luck!!!

I have teenagers. I thanked my son for being considerate enough to talk during free hours but reminded him he needed his sleep. Then asked him to give me the phone at night and charge it in my room. School work suffers with lack of sleep. Another idea, intentionally schedule time with your children in order to spend time with them individually. With 4 children (I have 5) it may not be possible to have a lot of time with each on everyday so, make a special effort with each one each day.

You were right to take the phone. She's way too young to be up until 1 am talking to a boy. Especially if you don't know who Zach is. Kids can meet people anywhere...like the internet. It's scary!!! I had a similar situation, I found out the boy was several years older...needless to say her phone time was monitored for awhile. I also talked to her and explained my concerns, our family rules and the dangers that could happen. Any you situation could be quite innocent, and Zach could be a classmate but if you have phone rules that your daughter should abide by them.

Actually this isn't necessarily good advice as I have a teenaged son aged 17 who also does this. He also stays up on the internet all night and text messages people. I have taken his phone AT TIMES. I purchased the unlimited text messaging package because that was hurting us and I need to have the phones as I have another son (23) in the service. I also have the internet. I also do not want to spend $200 to break my contract.SO I FOUND OUT YOU CAN SUSPEND THE PHONE!!! AND come September his phone will be gone and he will either have to rely on our land line or get a j-o-b. It is normal to talk on the phone ( I remember doing that myself as a teenager) but there was no way I would have been permitted to be up all night. But you see now our house phone never rings anymore and they are on it til 2 in the morning and they are late for school, hang out with the wrong kids. SEE IF YOU CAN SUSPEND IT. Just explain to your cel company why. They can stop it for awhile but not make you break a contract. I now know I have that one in case I need it.I did call and the phone co. was great. Am I allowed to say which one? It was TMOBIL. AND Zach can call her on the house phone or your cel. And now that I am giggling over some of he other responses, did you ever think we'd be going over some of this with our own children?

We set a basket on top of the piano, next to the stairs leading to our daughters' bedrooms. Cell phones are in the basket turned off from 8am-10pm. Our girls are older though. With a 13 yr old you could pick age approriate times and the whos as well. I just finished a parenting program that reminded us to distinguish between rights and privelages. Cell phones are a huge privelage! You can set your comfort level with the boy situation as well.

I was that teenager at one point so my advice is to reasonablly talk to her about the costs.... the money and the lack of sleep. Involve her in the bill and show her what she needs to pay maybe if she cannot get a real job yet then do work around the house to earn it from you. The lack of sleep on weeknights is bad for school, is she keeping up with grades? Set some limits but try not to push is my opinion because with teenagers don't they just seem to push back!!! I have two little ones so I I cannot speak from experience but from being that teenager.

Take both phones away for a week or two, maybe cell phone permanantly, or get one of those plans where the kids can only dial numbers alotted by the parents. Good luck, I can only imagine what I am in for when I get to that point with my children.

I'm sorry, but this made me giggle.... I remember those days. I think the only thing my parents were able to do to stop me was take my phone away. I guess you can just try to set a limit with her, tell her no more talking on the phone after a certain time, and take her phone from her at that time. Good Luck!!

Good morning B.,

I hope that teenager is really talking a boy because they are alot of things going on and we as parents are not aware of it and remember children or kids are not like we were when we were coming up. They are different in many ways and it hard I have a 16 year but I guess I am blessed I have never had to go to the school for fighting or stealing no gangs activites or anything. But I can say this one thing at least you know where she is at home on the phone count it a blessing because she could be outside and you don't know, but she is at home on the phone. Call the phone company they have all different types of packet that are cheap. Don't complain about the phone that's nothing. Hope that things work out for you. Pray for the children of today.

When my 13 year old goes to bed, I take her phone and charge it over night. No phones allwowed in her room at bed time. She is not allowed to talk or text after 9:00 on weekdays and 11:00 on weekends. I also monitor the amount of time she is on the phone during the day.

It sounds like most of us agree, either get her to abide by the rules or take it away.

I'm of the mind, that teaching our children to be responsible adults and take responsibility for their actions is our job. I am NOT your friend. (at least not at that age...)If she can not understand that talking on the phone (in secret) is NOT allowed then you need to teach her.

Here you have some choices as to how to handle it.

1. come to an agreeable amount of time for her to be on the phone each WEEK. Now she can either use it all in one day and then have nothing for the rest of the week, or she can divide it up. If she goes over that time...she loses, pays for (what ever you feel is a good punishment).

2. Set up a Curfew, any incoming or out going calls after that time, unless expressly given permission results in...(what ever punishment)

3. Take the phone away everynight at X time.

4. Sit down and show her your phone bill, show her exactly how much she is spending. Now ask her what she thinks is a reasonable amount of time / money (depending on your plan) she should have. Once you have agreed on this, explaine that ANY overage (that she uses) she will have to find a way to pay for. This payment can be in money, or chores around the house. This will help show her that the phone and her actions are NOT free. (this is my favorite)

5. Just be happy she is not out running the streets and doing other things.

Good luck and let us know what you decided to do.

I have had the same problem with my daughter, now 16. My solution has been to let her have the phone in the morning, because it has proven useful when problems arise at school. After school, she has to relinquish her phone until 7PM when the minutes are free. She then has the use of her phone until it's time for bed, at which time she again gives it to me, and I take it to my room at night to charge. This has eliminated over useage and late night chats with her girlfriends and boys. I too had caught her on the phone late at night, only for her it was 3AM. Friday and Saturdays I let her keep it with her.

I remember being a teen and talking a lot on the phone. we couldnt get calls past 10 but i would stay on with my friends kind of late. I was a good kid and got wonderful grades. My dad was a lietenant colonel in the army and we lived on an army base. He was strict in ways but we respected our parents and didn't do anything bad. What does talking on the phone hurt if you have unlimited minutes and the phone doesn't ring after 10 and they are takling quietly with a good friend? I'd rather have my daughter talking with her girlfriends on the phone then sneaking out to talk with them. I think if you try to control to many things and don't let them have any freedom, you'll be sorry later.

It is important to set limits on phone use. She w/not be happy but take the phone away at 10pm and if she complies with rules, she gets it back in the morning. This is a cell phone generation and if they're not talking, they're texting, or on myspace. You can drive yourself crazy tracking every step. If you're paying the bill, it is your phone and you are gracious to allow her to use it. She needs to realize that. We want to be nice to our kids, but these teenagers need a lot of structure. If you think it's bad at 13, in a year or two you'll be horrifed. Take control now. Set a schedule for phone use. If she does not comply, take it away. Assuming you have a family plan, you can always put on a block.

In our house cell phones are not allowed in their rooms (yes, sometimes to talk during the day) and must be plugged in on the kitchen counter (on mute) every night when we go up to bed. End of story.

Then sometimes I will read through the text messages to see what they are up to.

My neice turned 13 recently and has become quite the chatterbox among other things. My sister had to lay down time zones that she could use the phone. I believe she put a 45 minute limit between 8pm - 10pm after all homework was done.

I come from a family of six kids and I am the youngest. My father had a strict rule of not being on the phone for more than twenty minutes, yes he actually timed us. None of us had a phone in our rooms and had to talk right in front of everyone else. Let me tell you I never hung on the phone for hours and I never talked on the phone past nine o'clock, unless it was homework related.

I remember when I was a teen and I did the same thing my mom took my phone out of my room and put me on punishment for 2 months after she gave me the 3rd degree questioning. Let your child know that there is a time restriction on phone use and what her hours are let her friends know that time restriction. But if she is a very trustworthy child she will let her friend know that she cant' talk after her time frame. But you have to be forceful if you show any liency she will be on the phone late again. Just let her know you will not tolerate disobedience.

This is typical, we all went through this as teenagers too.

However since you and your husband work very hard, pay the bills for your house that your children live in...you're in charge. If she's going to sneak the phone in the middle of the night, take ALL the phones out except for the one in YOUR bedroom. Hide them, take them out of the house, or put them in YOUR room. Make her earn the phone back...meaning do extra chores so she can talk for 30 mintues a day. Start small. She will hate this, but it's tough love. Later she will appreciate it.

If she continues to sneak it and gets away with it, worse things will come later with sneakiness, trust me.

Remember if you give people an inch, they want a foot...so start with a millimeter.

I was this kid! My opinion is if she isn't waking anyone else up, she gets up right and grades are good, and she isn't making the bill bigger let it go. I was always in trouble for this, back before cell phones. Rule was if our phone rang after 10pm and it was for me and not an emergency...I was grounded for a week. I quickly learned to unplug the phone jack in my parents room! If this is the worst she is doing its nothing to worry about! Teenage girls have thier own little support groups, they are growing and helping eachother in those late nite conversations!