Manipulated by Nana

Please please do not take this the wrong way, but I think it's great that grandma was willing and able to do this for her grandkids, especially if it would be difficult for you to do financially. And yes....there was probably an ulterior motive for it - getting the boys into their own beds - but you saw that when you accepted the beds.

Now, I am also a mom of 4 boys, a grandma of 5 boys and I myself would probably have done the same thing. Maybe it's just "old school" but at 8 yrs of age (in my opinion ONLY) your son needs to be in his own bed. He is getting to an age where alot of questions will be starting, not to mention that talking to his friends in school, I'm sure that the subject of sleepovers, etc has come up. And kids can be CRUEL....if they found out your son still "slept with mommy" it could be a problem amongst the kids and you wouldn't want that to happen.

Leave the bedroom doors open - it's not like they are not in the same house as you, have snuggle or cuddle time before they go to bed when you read to them, watch tv, etc and then "enjoy" having helped your sons gain some independence and sense of security sleeping in their own beds in their own rooms.

I do not mean to sound mean and I'm sorry if it comes across that way - I really am trying to explain my thoughts and sometimes it comes across in typing the wrong way.

Good luck with this and it is great that you are so close to your boys!!

5 moms found this helpful

With all due respect, it seems like there are some other issues here at work than just a set of bunk beds. Nana asked first. You could have said no thanks or asked if she would be willing to postpone the purchase until you felt better about it and/or more prepared. I think it was a kind offer. Accept it with grace and gratitude. Use this as an opportunity to establish new and special bedtime routines that are just between you and your sons. Life is too short for these sort of things.

Best of luck!

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M.,

I can appreciate that you feel undermined by your mother. I wonder why you said yes to the beds. I know that you mentioned you did it for financial reasons. I wonder if part of it too might also be because you have mixed feelings about sleeping with them. I know the whole thing can be confusing and so many people have such strong feelings about family beds vs. sleeping alone. So here I go with one more opinion.....
Maybe there is a part of you needing them to sleep with you. Your boys might be picking up on this and they may be feeling guilty about being in their own bed. I know that family beds work for some families but I also know that they can become problematic as kids get older. Also, learning how to fall sleep alone can provide a child with coping skills that they can use outside the bedroom I.e., learning to deal with being alone, learning to comfort oneself, learning to handle fears.... the list goes on. I know they can develop these skills other ways too but sleeping alone is one forum they can gain those kinds of skills.

Good Luck.
K.

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Since you agreed to have your mom purchase the beds, truthfully, there would have been no easy way to make the transition, emotionally. This would have happened sooner or later. Just because she purchased the beds doesn't mean that your children won't eventually want to "visit you" back in the big bed. They are getting to the point in their lives that it is important for them to become more independent. Your boys will still need you in many ways.

You need to be gracious of the gift that your mom gave you. She may have just been excited to be able to do something for your/her family and acted in an overzealous manner. If you can, let it go - let the boys be excited... However, the next time you find yourself in this situation, you need to be honest with yourself, you will see that there is more going on than just your mom "buying you a gift". If you believe that your mom manipulates you, then you need to take a good, long look at your relationship, with her and re-examine yourself, and wonder why you allow her to make you feel inferior. A book on "co-dependence" is a great start. The cycle can be broken, for the future. Unfortunately, now that she has bought the bunk beds, your "young children" really won't understand your frustration and you'll become the "bad guy". It is also an emotional time to see your children starting school, if you are like me, I love seeing them grow but, I also, miss my kids and wonder where the years are going.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently said, "No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent." It's a great mantra.

Best of luck to you.

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Sure I think in a way your Mom was trying to send a direct message and make some changes that you aren't ready for. I can see how you would see that. BUT, I think that sometimes Grandma's do that. It was pretty clear what she was doing when she offered to buy the beds for your boys. At that point, if you didn't want it, you should have politely declined and asked if she could hold off until perhaps next year. Unfortunately, by accepting the gift, you accepted the intentions that came with it. Please don't be so upset with your mother over it. As a single Mom, I'm sure you value the loving family relationships your boys can have.

At 8 and 5, if they want their independence, let them have it. You can still have cuddle time on the couch, reading books, and just in general. If the boys HATED the beds it would be a little different.

I'm not sure what was intended by the "who, by the way, has not slept in her own bed in a few years either!!" comment, but I really hope that you aren't comparing your mother sharing a bed with another adult to your situation?? I'm confused.

Best of luck to you. Try and see it as a generous gift from Grandma to the boys. It's not hurting them. :)

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I am not going to get into the debate if co-sleeping is right or wrong. It is based upon parenting preference. This is not about whether you should or shouldn't co-sleep. The true issue is dealing with your anger towards your mother. Your mother was not thinking about taking your kids away from you, and you should get that thought out of your head. Yes she had an angenda to get the kids out of your bed, and I can see why that upset you. But try to see what a wonderful and expensive gift it is that your mother got for the children. You could have waited to put it up, and now that the kids love it, maybe they were ready. There seems to be a deeper issue here with your mom and it sounds like the both of you need to talk it through. I know a few women that lost their moms to breast cancer and they wish they had a mom to fight with right now. Try to see how wonderful your mom can be and talk to her about how she makes you feel. Remember, she never wanted to take your kids away from you, she probably loves the bond that you have with them, she just doesn't agree with co-sleeping. My mother doesn't agree with all my parenting choices but she has learned to step back and keep her mouth shut when it is needed. Maybe you need to talk to your mom and let her know that some of her advice should be kept to herself and not shared with you. It sounds like those boys love you very much and don't forget that. Just because they don't want to sleep with you anymore does not mean that they love you anyless.

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Your feelings may have more to do with your youngest starting school and leaving your side. I grieved the loss of the time with them when each of mine came of school age. Your children really need their own beds even if they dont spend the whole night there. Its important for their development for you to allow them to begin to separate from you.
Focus on the generosity of your mother's gift and the support of your family.

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Forget about the whole feeling of being manipulated by your mom. Your a big girl.. if you really didn't want it.. then you could have said no.

Not everyone is going to support an 8 year old boy still sleeping with his "single" mom. If you had a husband or male figure that you slept with in your bed at night, I would more than likely assume your children wouldn't be there.

Your whole letter sounds like it is all about you and YOU not wanting to let them go and letting them grow up. If you are seriously thinking that your boys will sleep in your bed with you till they are well past 9 or 10... that is just not right. They are going to be made fun of and not be able to handle sleepovers with friends as they get older. (trust me, invitations to sleep over will start happening soon!)

You said the boys were happy.. so let them be. New beds which show they are growing up and getting big is a great milestone for them. Why would you want to stifle that for your needs. Part of being a good mom, is letting them "go" once in awhile to let them grow up. Coming back to your room at 4 am is natural because they are already used to you being there. I don't think their wandering back to you is anything else but a habit. Let them be excited and start the transition to their bunk beds. And as a good mom, you should be excited and encouraging right along with them.

Also about your mom - if you are referring to her sleeping with someone in her bed ....and are trying to compare the two situations... that is just wrong. You have no business judging your mom's actions. She is a grown woman who raised you and can do whatever she wants at this point in her life. AND, I don't think you can compare that situation with growing boys still sleeping with their single mom.
You can cuddle,read stories, play games, etc together before bed...but give them their independance by letting them sleep in beds they are comfortable and happy with.

For the record (since I know my words are kinda harsh).. my parents did the family bed thing. My parents wouldn't even sleep together because I slept with my mom till I was about 11. It was horrible for their marriage...I shudder at the thought of sleeping with my mother till this day! I actually have an adverse relationship with her for most of my life after all that. She wouldn't let me naturally grow up and it honestly made me crave having the comfort at night even as i got older. I really think that attributed to my early sexual activity as a VERY young teenager. I needed the closeness after I FINALLY (but very happily) went to my own bed...and just found it elsewhere. I am a product of attachment parenting , extended breasfeeding, family bed...and more. Although I am okay.. I missed out on ALOT of growing up early on in small NORMAL incriments. I think the "extremness" of it all is just wrong. My mom was wrong to do things that made me not naturally grow up because SHE wanted certain things ....and it sounds like you suffer from the same mentality.
It is HARD to see our children grow up. I have three myself. All happy and secure in who they are. Mine are 14,13 and 9. They are JUST where they should be emotionally and love me and their dad to pieces!I didn't need to sleep with them or keep them attached to my hip to show them love and they respect me for the freedom I do trust them with.

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This transition probably should have happened a few years ago and I can see your Mother's point. But she should have respected your wishes, after all it is your house.
I was a bit surprised to see the ages of your boys and unfortunately you have created this problem. Of course he was upset, he has never learned how to sleep in his own room.
I also have two boys ages 8 and 5 and 80% of the time my 5 year old is in my bed when I wake up. I love to lay around and cuddle with my kids watching movies or reading stories but it is important for them to have their own beds. It will create some independence for them. They are little boys, not babies anymore. Are you sure you are not just doing this for your fear of being alone? Who does this really benefit?
Sorry if I came off too harsh.

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ok sweetheart i know you're looking for sympathy and sensitivity on this topic but i'm confused...why are your 8 and 5 year old "boys" sleeping in your bed? I understand that you're a single mom and you feel that they are all you have and that you want them to stay babies as long as you can keep them babies, but they don't stop being your babies because they sleep in another bed. I could be stretching a bit here but it sounds like you treat these boys more like they are your husband/male friend and that is where the real hurt is steaming from. If this is not the case, then it's best that they do sleep in their own room in their own bed because if and when you do start to see someone on a more intimate level, your babies are gonna feel abandoned and you're gonna have a much bigger problem with any man you decide to see.

Developmentally, with them becoming dependent on you to sleep, you could be hurting their chances to develop into strong men for their wives...which will make you even more unhappy.

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Who cares if they sleep with you!! I bet they won't forever!! Mine loved to sleep with me and my husband too. Alas, this came to an end as they got older. You will work it out with your boys and be fine. Of that I'm sure. Regarding being manipulated by your mom....you said yes to the bed. You could have said no, you didn't. You wanted that nice bed for the boys. Maybe you wanted it later but it was offered now and you said yes. I believe the mature, proper response is "thank you mom". The end.

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If the kids are happy with them, you should stick with them. They are definitely old enough to be "alone", especially if they're now sharing a room.

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Hi M.,

You have plenty of responses stating basically the same opinion. One thing for you to keep in mind is that you said the boys are excited about the bunk beds and wanted to sleep in them right away. I think this should tell you everything. You are the only one that is upset about the bunk beds so I do believe this has more to do with you. Of course the first night and probably many afterwards will be difficult because of how long you have chosen to co-sleep. Be excited about it with them- they will appreciate and remember that...encourage them that they can do this. If they see you are hesitant and don't believe they can make it through the night without you...they will feel that lack of belief. It will not only affect this situation but others down the line that several have mentioned in other responses.

I think your mom is trying to help you and your children. I wish you the best.

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I believe in a family bed, and my daughter was in ours til 1st grade, but we kept me in the middle. I have to be honest that an 8 year old boy seems old to share with you as a mom, with no male adult figure there. Just saying my feelings. The question is do they need you, or you need them? It sounds more like you need them, so maybe you can find a way to let them come into your room for ten minutes in the am or something. Think of the future when you might have a boyfriend or just as they get larger and take up more space...this will give you more space.

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Dear M.,

You've gotten so much good advice, even from the people who were concerned about your boys' age. I recently got an earful from a Mamasource request, and I've had to really examine myself.

I think your last sentence says it all, as someone pointed out. Your boys are not babies and you need to raise them to be independent young men and not continually dependent upon you. Focusing on what our kids need rather than our own emotional needs is critical. This is hard for me with my cuddly four year old guy. I'm still barely nursing, like I am holding on to the last part of his babyhood.

Those of us who have subscribed to attachment parenting, co-sleeping, extended nursing, etc. need to be ever ready to let our kids move on to a new phase of development (and ourselves as well!).

Best of luck to you!

B.

P.S. I'm one of the moms who wishes there was a grandma alive to help with my kids. If you're single, you probably really need the support and I hope you will work through whatever the issues are. Find a way to let your mom be generous with her time, love, and resources as you find a way to feel secure in yourself as a single parent and not resent her involvement or her motives.

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Grow up M.! A boy 8 years old should be sleeping in his own bed and his 5 year old brother should be following by example. Maniputation, call it what you want, but be thankful for those beds and put their butts in them at night. It is not healthy for a growing boy of 8 years old to continue sleeping with his mother. While co-sleeping or whatever you want to call it may be acceptable for awhile, BUT, there is a cut off point that every parent should come too. Deal with the issues with your mother as an adult and try to work things out. In this day and age to have the support of a parent with raising your children as a single mom is a blessing - WORK IT OUT!!!! Every kind gesture is not about control or maniputlation. Your mother may see something you don't. Grow up M., you are raising 2 young boys that need stability and maturity.

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How is providing your children a new cool bed "manipulative"??? If they didn't want to use it, they wouldn't. It was a very generous gift.

This is all about you, and nothing to do with the boys. You must have some other history with your mother that would make you feel she is controlling what goes on in your home.

Let your school age boys act their age, and sleep in their own room. At this age, the 8 year old should be having friends sleep over.

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M. in this case mother know best, my dear it is time for you to let go. they will still love you the same and will be as close to you as they were when they slept with you. They are boys and you cannot hold them too close especially the 8 y old. Let them grow up. Your mom helped you to began to let go so say thank you and continue to encourage them to sleep in their own beds. a month from now you will thank your mom for the good night sleep in your own bed....... Alone, as it should be.

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M. I am sorry but I agree with your mother. Your boys are already too old to be sleeping with mommy in my opinion. Your oldest is in 2nd grade and you are saying that in about a year you will get him in his own bed. That just seem strange to me. He is definately too old to still be in bed with mommy and the 5 year old is too. It seems that you are not ready to let them grow up, or you don't want to sleep alone. Your mother didn't take your babies time did that, they are not babies any more and they haven't been for quite some time. The older child could not sleep alone because he never has so it was different. You mentioned that your mother doesn't sleep in her own bed but I don't think she is sleeping with her sons.

M., I don't have any advice for you but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. My mother has been at odds with my parenting from day one. She does whatever she wants, with no regard to the fallout. Hang in there and stick to your guns---your kids will thank you later.

Hi M. At 8 and 5 years old children should be sleeping in their own beds. I sense there's something else going with you and your mother. Buying the bunkbed was in my opinion not a bad idea.

Dear M.
i think most people on this post are right, you need to learn to let go it might hurt a little at first but your kids need that so they will be okay to sleep in their own beds.

I agree that being at home Mom turns into your sole focus and if you lose that you think you lose your identity- that's not true. You are still their Mom and will be forever. Make sure you let them have their beds and also try to be there for new experiences, but not so clingy.
I am soon to be divorced with 3 year old and it's really hard so i can definately sympathize with your situation.

Have a good day M.

M., sounds like a tough situation. All I can offer is that you embrace this new option. My sister in law's family did not have a family bed to my knowledge but never really exposed my nephew to staying with other friends/family (like sleep overs). So as he got older, he couldn't go camping with the boy scouts without one of his parents being present. He'd have anxiety attacks. He doesn't spend the night anywhere without one of his parents. He is almost 20 and still lives at home and to my knowledge has never spent 1 single night without one of his parents present in the same building. I love my nephew but I feel for him because as a young adult, he is lagging behind in some skils that are important that many of us take for granted. Maybe to make the transition better, you could put an inflatable mattress on the floor for yourself for a few nights and then move to everyone having their own beds.

call me crazy, but your kids are big enough that they should be sleeping alone. I don't think that having them sleep with you, at their age, is the right thing. I think having them come in and cuddle with you in the mornings etc. is a great thing, but they should be sleeping alone.

Your mother did the right thing. I was expecting to see that your kids were much younger than they are. At 5 and 8 they should be sleeping in their own beds. They'll probably get a much better nights sleep and be happier in many respects.

Graciously accept her generous gift and please don't be upset with her. She's only trying to help and I think did it in a very sweet way.

B.
Mother of two boys ages 7 and 10, who personlly could never sleep well when they crawled into my bed in the middle of the night (nor could my husband). Glad those days are far behind me!

Whew, glad to see the other posters are of a similar mind. I was afraid I was going to be the mean one :)

Yes, you had your chance to refuse your mother's generosity, or to ask her to wait on it.\

Moms never stop mothering us, as I am sure you never will do with your own sons. This includes occasionally foisting upon us things/ideas that we don't want.

My mom recently insisted on buying one of those backpack leashes for my toddler. I told her that I didn't need it and that I would never leash my kid. Well, 3 months later we use it almost every time we leave the house to run an errand or walk to the park. My son LOVES not having to hold my hand as we walk through the mall, and it gives me the ability to not haul the double stroller with us every place we go. I can push my infant's stroller while my older son happily walks along side.

I also agree that your feelings may be more about your needs than your sons'. I am oftentimes in a position where I FEEL like a single mom. There are weeks where we rarely see my husband due to his work overload. I find myself clinging to my boys more and more during those times. It's not fair to them for me to cling to them when I am lonely. The same tendency often occurs with single moms--especially single moms of boys.

I can understand you being mad at mom but you are also in charge of your life. You need to say no. To mom and kids. You put up the bed next time when you are good and ready. Then you don't hate mom or the circumstances or the treehouse or the swingset or whatever. Do not establish this path in life or you will feel horrible a lot more times. You have my permission next time to put the bunk bed out on the back porch/garage and wherever and tell the little darlings that they will get it when you are good and ready and that you are excited also. And where is dad? Someone also needs to help. If you are single I also give you permission to meet someone nice who will help you put up the Christmas tree and all the other stuff they will beg you for. Do not worry about where mom sleeps. She is your mother. She can sleep where she wants. AS the mother of boys, somewhere in life your babies will be taken away. Mine happens to have been taken away by the U.S. Military and the other by getting older and starting college. It is going to happen. Your mom is your only mom. Don't hate her for your kids growing up. Hate other things. Like gangs. And drugs. You are overwhelmed. And you can underwhelm yourself by picking different battles. And you are so nice. So tell yourself you are allowed to protect you and the heck with the bunk beds for awhile. Believe me, neither one of my sons wants to sleep next to me now. And I am jealous, my mother didn't buy anything. See if you can enjoy what she gives you and try to erase the part about her trying to take them away. She might be able to help you with other necessities. Believe me, they will need them: football, baseball, singing, Halloween, soccar, tennis and music lessons all cost money. Perhaps she can help with those in the future. I think you sound like a great, kind and nice caring mother. So enjoy your babies. They don't stay babies ever and say a prayer for my son who will go on a deployment Sunday. I'd trade with you just for a moment if I could have mine climb back into bed with me at 4 a.m.

M.,

Why so angry about this? Your mom did a nice thing for you, and you are twisting it all around. I wish I had my mom buy our bunk beds, but I had to buy them instead. I think your mom was being really nice and you should appreciate her more. Oh well, the bunk beds are great. I have one for my 9 and 7 year old, and we got them since my oldest was about two. They too have been sleeping in my bed for a long time, and it was getting too crowded, but I encourage them to sleep in their room. They don't like sleeping alone either, so I tend to hang out with them in their rooms until they go to sleep. I have a Spiderman night light lamp so they don't get scared. I also have problems with them sneaking in my bed too. But, my oldest one comes in around 5:00am, which I don't mind since I get up that early. As you put them in their beds at night, they will crawl in your bed less and less. If they still don't like sleeping alone, I had my boys share the bottom bunk so at least they have each other, but eventually they crawl into their own beds as they got older. Plus, your mom didn't take your boys away...you still live with them right? Boys need their own space too.

Hi M.
I was out of town when this posted. I hope things are better with you and your boys now. My 5 year old Daughter sleeps with me and has for a very long time and it won't change untill she wants to go to her bed. She takes her naps in her bed and every night I tuck her in and she goes to sleep on her own (which i do agree is most important) however most people have not co-slept with their children and do not realize how wonderful it is for everybody. again as long as they can fall asleep on their own! I really agree with Elizabeth R good for her for responding, people were much too negative toward you and I'm sure there is much more going on.
anyway just wanted you to know there are people who support you. I do hope they are enjoying their beds though!! My daughter was very excited when we did her room, she even thought she would sleep in it at night but she was not ready and again that's ok she will know when she is. I also think most people had such an issue with it because you have boys and are single.

Good Luck
ps try to enjoy your Mother, I would do anything to have my Mom and Dad here for this journey I'm on with my Daughter!!!!

V.

This seems more about you than about the children. If they are happy sleeping in the new beds, that is great. You will all soon get way more sleep and feel much better rested. Mothers often offer you what they think you need - not necessarily what you think you need - that is really just the way moms are and always will be. So your choice is to decide if the thing they are offering is what you want. If you say yes, then the next response is thank you. good luck.

I don't understand why you are upset with your mother. It sounds like she was just trying to help you out. Your boys are way to old to still be sleeping with you. It is not going to get any easier in a year or so. It probably would get worse.
I think you should keep trying to let them sleep in their own beds. Sure it is going to be rough at the beginning but I really think that is what's best for you kids.

My feeling is do what you feel is best, you are the mother. The bunk beds are nice, you can leave them there, the kids can sleep there if they want, with you if they want.

My sister was also very much into sharing the family bed with my niece. She slept with my sister until she was almost 9 and at that point, had an extremely hard time getting her to transition. I know and have personally studied all the literature there is on sharing the family bed, how it's better for bonding, better for their physical and mental health & development, etc. I considered doing this when my first was born but decided that having him sleep on his own was just as good of a behavior to to establish too. He slept in our room in a bassinet until he was 4 months old and then into his own crib he went. I believe there is something to be said for a child who can function independantly too.

At 8 years old, my niece was completely unwilling to try to sleep alone. She would scream, have nighmares and most of the time, my sister would awake to my niece sleeping in her bed in the morning who had snuck in during the night. SHe realized she has created this situation and looking back, she said she never would have let her sleep with her that long. But what's done, is done. It's entirely up to you but I think your mother was onto something. Think of it this way - if you're not willing to give up on it now, when will you be? Having bunk beds was a great idea, they just have to adjust. Maybe put a mattress or sleeping bag on their floor and sleep in there until they fall asleep, then go to your own room. Just a though. Surely you don't seem like the type of person to just let them deal it out on their own. There are compromises everyone can do to make this work and I do feel it's time.

And this is something to remember - they will ALWAYS be your babies. They will not love you any less or be bonded to you any differently because they're sleeping in their own room. To this day, my niece cannot spend the night at other people's homes because of this. There are many great things that come from that kind of bonding but there are also negatives. I'm not saying this is how it will be but imagine how it will be for them if they can't spend the night at a friends house because they have can only sleep with their mommy. For boys that will be very tough. Likely they won't be spending the night out if that's the case and then they could possibly miss out on sleep overs and all kinds of fun things that every kid should have the opportunity to experience. My niece has NEVER been to a sleep over, she just can't do it. Again, she is not every case but that's a shame, I think. That's a part of being a kid. It's like taking away the pacifier or getting them off of the bottle, it's hard at first and everyone's miserable but after a little hard work from both of you, it can be accomplished.

Oh my gosh, M., I am so so sorry. :( I know how you must be feeling.

As a cosleeping mom myself, I know what you mean about family not understanding. Which is really sad because it is so none of their business.

That said, think of this from your boys' point of view which is all that matters. They are excited right now about their beds, and it's a novelty. I had the SAME thing happen, my mom bought my oldest son a toddler bed when he was 2. Of course I was no where near ready for him to leave our bed. He wanted it for a couple of nights, then the novelty wore off, and he came back in my bed. It's entirely possible that your boys will do the same.

Logically, you know buying the bed was good for the future because you will need it ONE DAY. And right now, there are a lot of changes happening with school, etc. You feel like your boys have been taken away which is completely normal to feel. I felt that when my oldest wanted his new bed, too, and sometimes he still asks for his own bed, but more often than not he wants to fall asleep in mine.

I think they will come back, but even if they don't, it doesn't mean that you can't make a new bedtime routine of all laying in the bed together, reading a story, snuggling, and then off to their own beds. You can work this out.

Maybe tonight, order some pizza, get a movie, and eat pizza in bed and watch the movie. It will make you feel so much better having that cuddle time.

Hugs to you mama, I know what you are feeling.

ETA: I can't believe all the negative responses by people who obviously have never co-slept with their kids! Co sleeping is a wonderful way to bond with your children and it is a documented fact that kids who are bonded to their parents by co-sleeping are better adjusted people. Read something on the subject before chastising a mom for doing something that will make her kids better people for life!

In my opinion your boys are WAY to oldto be sleeping with mommy. When your older sons friends come to the house and want to play in hi room do they play in your room? You wnat him to stay there until he is in 3rd or even 4th grade?? I'm sorry that's just wrong. If his friends ever find out that will be a huge problem for him to deal with, he will be made fun o. Don't get me wrong it's nice to hve a family nite in bed andwatch movies but on a daily basis it's just not right. I think it's more you then the boys. YOU don't want them to grow up. Which means you are kind of a controlling mother and that is what you are blaming your mom of. I think she just thinks it's odd and wrong and I think MOST people would agree at their ages. Let them grow up and be independant. I agree with the one respose , the only reason they may be afraid to be alone is because they never have. I bet if you asked a phycoligist they would tell you that you are doing more harm then good for the boys. Have game night, movie night etc make popcorn hang on the couch and cuddle and then let them go to their own bed. They will be together and have time to bond with each other.
What do you think people would think if a father was sleeping in the same bed with his 8 and 5 yr old daughters? It's just not right.

Yea...you were manipulated, but your kids really should be sleeping in their own beds at 5 and 8. They need to learn that independence and you need your own space too (even if you do not feel that way). It will probably be a bit of a struggle getting them both into their beds for the whole night, but unfortunately that is because you waited so long to transition them. Try to make their new beds as comfy and fun as possible, so they want to stay in them, and next time be on the look out for Nana's alterior motives.

If your boys are 5 and 8 they need their own beds! My 5 year old sleeps with me evry once and while, or when we have house guests and need his bed...but then it's back to his own room. They need their own room, with their own beds. What happens if they go on a sleepover and need to be without you? You need to let them grow up.

HI
I say enjoy the beds. Maybe you can have a fmaily bed/family night on the week ends. Do a movie, a snack and a sleep over. I respect your right to do this, but it would not be my choice. I need my rest and so do my kids, we also need our own space. By 8, if the kids at school found out the would tease your child. What you are doing is a nice thing, the kids would make it seem wrong. It is hard to let them go, but they do have to.

I am not sure why you feel manipulated. Your mother is only trying to help the children adjust to sleeping alone. The boys need to learn to sleep alone and not with their mother.

Your children seem to want to be in the bunk beds. Let them! They are too old to be sleeping with you.

Im not a co-sleeping parent, though my middle daughter ended up in my bed in the middle of the night for several years, and i did not kick her out. i figured she came in for a reason. my youngest also went through a time when she felt it necessary to sleep with me....again, she was allowed for a while. (though when my husband was home -he was an OTR truck driver at this time-the bed belonged to us only)
that said, i dont see how you figure your mom manipulated you.....you set the bed up, right? you could have easily stored it till you were more ready.
you could have just said no. no manipulation here.
at age 8, your son should probably be in his own bed, for that matter the 5 year old as well. its very hard to see them grow up and not need mom so much, and i think that may be whats happening here. your a single mom, your youngest just started school, so there is a whole lot more going on. blaming your mom is really a cop out.

another point to consider is if you plan to be single forever. when a new man comes into your life, is it appropriate to all be sleeping in the same bed? would that work for your intimate life?
let the boys sleep in their new beds, knowing if they need mom she is there. encourage them to do so, and help spring the healthy seperation from you.
and perhaps seek some counseling for yourself to learn how to deal with the feelings of having your 'babies taken away from you' over a bed.
good luck!

Sorry to sound harsh, but it seems you are keeping the kids in your bed for you, not for them. Your parents did the best thing for them by buying them their own beds - they weren't trying to manipulate, just push you into doing the right thing. You admit you wanted the bunk beds, and the boys are already much too old to be sharing your bed, let alone for another year and a half! If you question this, please ask their pediatrician. Of course it was difficult for them the first night, they've never slept alone, but they will get used to it. Please, for their sakes, let them grow up.

Sorry to be blunt, but your children should be in their own beds. The kids will adjust in short order. This is about your kids, not you or your mother (both of you sound very much alike, by the way). Let them grow up because it is about time. What do their friends say about this arrangement?