YOUR Definition of Co-sleeping - Not Meant to Start a Brawl

I always had my kids near me. First, in a crib pushed to my side of the bed, then I pulled full size bed next to my side of the bed. My 5 y/o is in my bed now, I do not have to move him to his bed because my husband is traveling :) I cannot sleep if my child is not next to me. My older one started sleeping in his room after being about 7 y/o. That what works for me.

My kids came home from hospital and into their own room in their own crib.
They were all great sleepers. We all do what works best for us. What is good for one may not be so great for another. In the end, they all grow up
and sleep in their own beds lol. Have a good day everyone. Here on the
east coast we are finally getting some rain.

I'm with you. I consider sharing a bed co-sleeping. I had my babies in my room in pack-n-plays until about 6 months of age. I never considered myself a co-sleeper.

It's a very broad term, like attachment parenting, or crying it out. I think most of us do a combination of all of it, depending on the child and situation. But SOME parents are very rigid and take an extreme view of a philosophy and will only do it THAT way (I always feel sorry for the poor kids of those parents.)

I nursed may babies to sleep, put them down in their cribs, and when they woke up for a feeding I brought them into bed with me, where they remained for the rest of the night. Some people would call that co-sleeping, some not, I never called it anything other than "this is how we all (baby, mom, dad, sibs) get the most sleep possible."

Sleeping with an infant is safe, as long as the adults in the bed are sober and healthy. The horror stories you hear almost always involve drinking and/or drugs.

Co-sleeping means in the same bed to me and mostly everyone else.

I'm not trying to start trouble, or a brawl as you put it, but the title of this post is misleading. Are you genuinely curious about what co-sleeping means, which is widely known as sleeping in the same bed, hence the word co-sleeping, or are you expressing your opinion on the perils of co-sleeping?

Why not just flat out say, "I think co-sleeping is dangerous. What about you?"

A friend of mine in college had a loft in her room, and I was surprised it didn't have a bed rail or anything (although, college lofts usually don't and bunk beds at summer camps usually don't). I asked her if she was afraid she would fall out at night. She said, "Why, are you afraid you're going to fall out of your bed at night?" I thought, good point. The only reason it concerned me was because of the height.

Co-sleeping is extremely safe if there are no alcohol or drugs involved. The biggest fear people have is that they would role over on top of their baby. Why would you do that? Do your routinely role over on top of your SO or your dog or cat? Both of our children co-slept with us, and I can honestly say the idea of rolling over on top of them is ludicrous. It won't happen. People are able to get a good night sleep and still be aware of the baby sleeping next to them.

You asked why people co-sleep when they could just have sleeping arrangements similar to yours. We co-slept because there were many, many, many nights when that was the only way our kids would sleep. Our kids did not want to sleep alone, they wanted to sleep next to us. Our kids began almost every night in their own beds. If they wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble going back to sleep on their own, they come into our room, crawl into our bed and go right back to sleep. We found out very early on that if we tried to get them to go back to sleep in their own bed, it would involve actual work. No thank you. We just brought them to bed with us, and everyone was happy.

A good friend of mine put everything into perspective for me when she said, "Who cares where they sleep as long as they sleep, because then you get to sleep."

I've coslept with all my kids. For us, that means that babies sleep in the bed with Mom and Dad until they're big enough to move to their own bed. For us, that's been around two or three. We've never owned a crib.

Personally, I've never seen research that concludes that sleeping in a crib is safer than sleeping safely in bed with a parent. Babies die in beds, and babies die in cribs, too. I've never seen a study that really looked at where babies slept all the time and where their relative risk was lower.

We follow the guidelines for sharing sleep safely, and have never had an issue with it.

Good info on cosleeping safety:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/sids-late...

I always think of co-sleeping as when people have kids in the bed with them. Room sharing has been done since the beginning of time in close living quarters, but co-sleeping is about "sleeping in bed together". I had my babies in a bassinet by my bed while nursing before they were old enough to sleep thru night and thus move to their rooms, but I never considered that officially co-sleeping. Watch out for language like "I don't know why other people ___when they could do what I'm doing which is safer and better" if you don't want to start brawls...it always comes off as judgmental :) Co-sleepers want to co sleep. That's why they don't do what you're doing.

I consider co-sleeping to be bed sharing or at most, using one of those side car things that attaches to the bed. I co-slept with all of my kids until they were 1-2 years old. It's much easier, IMO, to breastfeed a child who is literally laying next to you. You can both just drift in and out of sleep naturally, vs. waiting for baby to finish and moving him back into a separate sleep space, then waiting for fussing or stirring, getting up, bringing baby to bed and starting all over again.

I bed share, co sleep. I think room sharing is sort of like co sleeping. But please don't call bed sharing dangerous or unnecessary. This is false. I co slept with all three of my babies and couldn't be happier with my decision. As I type this I have my almost 2 month old sleeping with cheek to my breast and I couldn't be happier or more secure. I don't drink and do drugs and I am not a person with sleep apnea so my awareness is where where most sober moms are..... That being said I would go as far to call a crib at the side of the bed "co sleeping" as long as the baby is in the too
Within earshot of mommy this would fit in my definition of the term.

I think it means having baby sleep with you in your bed. Frequently, it means that baby sleeps with you in your bed for months, if not years.

Co-sleeping is the baby sleeping in the same bed as the parent. I don't see anything wrong with a baby sleeping in a bassinet, then sleeping in a crib in the same room as the parents. I chose not to do this after my children were too big for the bassinet. Instead, mine slept in the crib in the room next to ours. To each her own, as far as that is concerned.

Dawn

Haven't read the other responses yet. I would agree with your definitions, but I will also say I find it nearly impossible not to co-sleep once I room share. I swear my babies are/were the lightest sleepers. I confess that I snore sometimes, as does dh, and he also tosses and turns. Right now my 5 year old is in the bed snori g loudly-/woke dh up, who went to another room to sleep. I'm stuck here with my 2 month old on my boob and I wnt to scream. Typically, it goes like this: because baby is so used to sleep nursing, he wont go to sleep any other way. And just like a paci, when he wakes, he cries because my boob is no longer in his mouth and he "needs" it to go back to sleep. I bring him in the bed to nurse but I am exhausted. So I fall asleep with him in the bed which means we are no longer room sharing with me in the bed and him in the co-sleeper. Whig is also a vicious cycle--when he's in the bed, it's like a 24 hour diner to him! So I can't seem to room share without co-sleeping--I'll just put it out there now, I hate co-sleeping/room sharing. As much as I don't want the baby in another room alone, I have three kids, no one naps except the baby, and I need my sleep. I used to think I was being selfish, until I realized that this all affects my daytime parenting in a negative way big time--when I don't get enough sleep, I lash out at my kids, have no patience, etc.

All of my kids started out in the bassinet next to my bed. Then moved up to a pack n play when they got to big for the bassinet until about a year old then they went to the crib in their own room until they started crawling out the crib so they were moved to a matress on the floor. Then about 3 they were put in to the matress on the frame.

So I shared a room with all of them in the begining ( like your doing)... they moved to their own room.. but my youngest 2 ( 3 &4) who share a room have been coming into our room for the past year in the middle of the night and we sleep together until morning. ( co-sleep)

So while young I never co- slept with them... but now I am. Hopefully soon we will be breaking that habit also as I would love to stretch out in our king size bed instead of not being able to even roll over and sleep on the edge.

yes there is a difference in sharing a room vs co-sleeping with your child.

I did the same as you, although the middle two ended up in our room A LOT longer then we planned. W/ #2 we were in a SUPER small house and I couldn't force my 13 year old to bunk w/ an infant so he stayed in our room until we moved. He was 18 mos. But he was not in our bed.

With number 3 their room was plenty big enough but the baby was a HORRIBLE sleeper and I wasn't going to have him keeping up his big brother so he stayed in our room until he was a little over one and started sleeping better. But there were months after that I kept a bed in our room "just in case" because his sleep was all over the place!

I define co-sleeping as in bed with you. And I'm not for it. But to each their own! People looked at me like I was nuts for having my 2 in my room so long, but even though I really didnt have a choice, I did enjoy it. I slept better being right next to them!

sleeping in the same bed is co sleeping my deffinition but mine is sharing the same room, i HATED sleeping in the same room with my daughter. her dad is a LOUD snoring and he gets up super early for work and almost always woke her up. at about a yr she slept in the finished basement/livingroom

Cosleeping is baby in bed with you.

My definition of co-sleeping is having the baby/child in bed with mom & dad. Room sharing is a whole different thing. Personally I did not like co-sleeping. I did try it with my 1st baby though. But I tend to toss and turn a lot during the night and was always afraid of rolling over on her and was not getting a very sound sleep because of it. But my babies always slept in a bassinet or pack n play in our room until they were sleeping thru the night. Usually around 2 or 3 months old, then I moved them to their own rooms in a crib.

I really don't feel I have the right to say which is better. Whatever works for you, your DH and baby is fine with me. Since I'm not sleeping with you, it's none of my business! LOL

You are room sharing - this is actually the current recommendation of the American Association of Pediatrics. Baby sleeping in crib on back in same room as (non-smoking) parent.

Co-sleeping is bed sharing in my view. I didn't and I still wouldn't. I have no reservations whatsoever that the child would not learn to sleep by themselves but would be concerned about SIDS. I did not breast feed so I would not have been a 'safe' candidate for bed sharing. No matter how you slice it - bed sharing is not quite as safe as room sharing in separate beds.

I consider co-sleeping to mean that the baby is in bed with you. For both of mine we had the babies in a cradle in our room for about 4 months, but not in our actual bed.

co-sleeping is same bed. I'm not against or for it though. My daughter was jaundace and slept in a bassinet next to my bed. So when she got older there was many a night she ended up n my bed. I was just so tired that I just couldnt. fight it . The problem was a hard transition to her regular bed. Because she didnt understand why before was ok. So we made the rule she had to start in her bed and stay there till midnight but if she woke up or had a bad dream i was there for her. Always best to start them in their own bed if you can but if you cannot take them crying because it does break your heart remember when they get older it will be harder to get them inthere bed and harder for them to get use to the sounds and darkness in their room

I did what you did..I had my son in the pack-n-play by my bed until he was about 6 months. I never thought of it as co-sleeping at the time. Maybe I am just wrong, but when I think of co-sleeping, I think of baby in bed with my husband and I. We could not do that...it made hubby and I too nervous so we never could never have slept :-) I, like you, always felt better knowing he was right there beside me instead of down the hall.

I did the same thing as you. Both my big girls (4 &.5) slept in a bassinet or in the swing next to the bed, but not in the bed. Not there would be the occasional nap when it was just me and 1 of them, but never at night. My hubby has sleep apnea and swings and sleeps TOO bad. And they both room shared till about 4 months as well then we transitioned to crib in own room.
But.. Now I am due next month and I have a crib but not a bassinet, and we still have our queen guest bed in our spare room wich will be the nursery/ babys room.. So I am thinking, since it will be just me in the room with the baby, I was looking at one of those "co-sleeper" things. I have no clue what it is, but its thing the baby sleeps in that.you can put in the bed, but I figure we can take it with us and use other places so it would be best to buy that instead.of as bassinet... But not 100% yet.
But what your doing is fine to me..
Btw... This will not prevent them coming in your bed when they.get older.. My 4yo I haver no problem with, but like clock work, my 3yo tries to.get in bed with us...

I did not co-sleep at all with my daughter who is now 8 years old however until 4 months old she did share the bedroom with my husband I in her pack and play. However, my son now 5 literally co-slept with me, or should I say on me for the first few years of his life. This was not a preference of me nor my husband but rather due to my sons (dis)abilities is what we had to do. It is what worked for us on both accounts with each child and now only occasionally does my 5 year get into bed with us but that is usually due to extreme situations.

I'd say that you are room-sharing. To me, co-sleeping is sleeping in the same bed habitually.

(I had my baby sleeping in a separate room since day one. He's slept in bed ONCE with my husband and I when he was 3 yrs, and only bc he had a high fever and we worried about him. He's just turned 4 and that is the only one time he's slept in the same bed or room as us).

I personally was freaked out having a newborn next to me in bed because of all the horror stories. From what I understand, assuming you have a firm, big bed in the warmer months and no one is drinking or doing drugs, it is very safe. We had a full size, soft bed in March. So no, not safe. I had my son in a pack and play (or originally a carseat) for 4 months. He would have loved to sleep on me though! At 4 months he finally decided his crib was ok and it was only then that he slept through the night.

The definition of co-sleeping to me is when the child sleeps in your bed with you every night. Anything else would be considered "baby sleeps in our room with us". JMO

I consider what you are doing as co-sleeping. I did the same thing, but I actually kept my kids in my room until I was done breast feeding. I did not ever fall asleep with them in my bed, but if that is the only way to get sleep, I would have considered it. I feel that whatever works for everyone in the house to get the sleep they need in a safe matter the best option for everyone. Me and my husband are very light sleepers, so while I never fell asleep with my child in my bed, I would have considered that if it would have been necessary to get sleep.

Amy - thank you for explaining nicely why her post was still judgemental despite her best intentions.

I coslept. Daughter was in my arms all night. Was it what I set out to do? No. Was it what I wanted to do? No. Would either of us have slept any other way? No.

So, no, people can't always "just do what you are doing." What you are doing clearly works for you. Great! I'm really happy that you figured out how to be the best parent to your child that you can be. But don't judge me for being the best parent to MY child that I can be.

Nearly two years ago, no co-sleeping = no sleeping for us. Not exactly healthy for mom or baby.

Also, depending on what baby is sleeping in, no, it's not just as easy to breastfeed - especially if you've had a c-section and a difficult recovery. Getting out of bed, bending down and lifting your child out of a bassinet or pack-n-play and then settling in somewhere is not just as easy as adjusting your arm or rolling over to get the other side.

And, just as an FYI about the safety - I've never gotten such poor sleep as I did co-sleeping since I didn't move until the baby wanted to and my arm fell asleep every night from her laying on it and I was 1/4 awake the whole night making sure I didn't roll onto her or lay my heavy arm across her chest ... but poor sleep was still better than no sleep.