Thoughts on Co-sleeping

Co-sleeping has been my lifesaver. It is the only way I get enough sleep and I feel it is a great way to bond with my kids. You might read "Nightime Parenting" by Dr. Sears. I am a believer that parenting doesn't stop at night and kids should feel safe at all times.

A friend of mine who has kids in mid-grade school told me that all kids end up in their parents bed at some time in their lives. Be it nightmare, co-sleeping, whatever.

Do what you feel is best for you and your family.
Happy Sleeping,
D.

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I love cosleeping with our son. He's 18 months old and never had a crib; he's always slept with his dad, myself and the cat in our king-size bed. Having a king-size bed helps a lot!
We are careful not to go to sleep intoxicated and are both very aware of where our son is in the bed. We also purchased a side-rail so he can't roll off my side of the bed. Oh, and we have another bed in the house for romantic interludes, so it doesn't "cramp our style", as it were. Overall, we've taken every precaution we can, even keeping the room warm with a heater instead of piling on blankets. Cosleeping has worked well for us. Especially at night, when he wants to nurse, it's great to be able to stay in bed; neither of us really wake up most of the time.

I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, and while there was a recent study suggesting a link between cosleeping and SIDS, there are also a lot of scientific studies which show a lower incidence of SIDS in traditionally cosleeping societies. The important thing is that every family decides what works for them without judging someone who is doing something different. A lot of parents wouldn't dream of cosleeping because they want their privacy, are light sleepers, or feel that their lifestyle or persons may put their child at risk for overlying. There's nothing wrong with deciding not to cosleep, either. It's just worked really well for us.

I'll be glad and very sad when my son is ready to graduate to his own room.:)

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I love it and despise it at the same time... I love being able to snuggle and to know that he is okay (19 months) but hate it because I miss sprawling out in the bed and cuddle time with the hubby. But it was good when my son had the flu... not because we all got it :) hahaha... but because I knew moments before he was going to through up. If he had been in the other room I wouldn't have known until it was all over the place. I also like it because when he gets up in the morning we snuggle for 30 min before we really get up. But that does mean no snuggle time with me and hubby which at times makes it hard for us to connect. SOOOO I say it is good and bad... but I wouldn't change a thing with what I've done so far! :)

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I'm with Darlene on this: "I am a believer that parenting doesn't stop at night and kids should feel safe at all times."

We have been a "carrying species" throughout most of our history, keeping our babies at arm's length or less until they are well-grown, and I think we're still wired that way. Maybe as Western adults we have rejected it, but as babies and toddlers we haven't got the memo.

Our family is still co-sleeping at 26 months. I'm still breastfeeding 2x during the day and through the night. I think kicking her out of bed will have to wait until she is fully weaned.

There are pluses and minuses to it, but all in all I agree with Darlene's statement, and remember, a couple of years out of your entire life is a tiny slice. Before we know it they're teens who never come out of their own rooms!

My biggest regret is ignoring this advice: Don't waste money on a crib; upgrade your bed to a California king!

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Hello. We co-slept with our son until he was about seven/eight months old. Then we moved him into a crib next to our bed. And about a month after that we moved the crib to his room. If you have a bit of extra room in your bed and you don't need to sprawl all over the place to get a good night's rest, you'll probably really appreciate the ability to get a little extra shut-eye. If you are breastfeeding and can figure out how to do so while lying down, it's even better. The kid can latch on and you can go back to sleep versus having to get up, retrieve the baby from another room, prepare the bottle, etc. Plus, with co-sleeping you have one more tool when it comes to sleeping and nighttime. If our son is having a hard time staying asleep or is fighting a cold or teething, we can bring him into our bed and he generally goes to sleep without too much fuss. If it works for you, it can be great. I highly recommend giving it a try.

Best of luck.

W.,
You have received wonderful advice from other Moms, and I agree if it works for you, DH and baby, it works. There's no absolute right or wrong here, just what feels right, what feels wrong. You, as parent, know your child's temperament and needs best.
I bet nearly every single parent co-sleeps to some extent. It's totally natural.
We co-slept until about month 7 or 8 at which time baby had a hard time sleeping with me. She just wanted to play. Transition to the crib was fairly easy and she sleeps much better there now. But if anything changes, she's always welcome back in bed.

I think what it comes down to is whether or not having the kids in the bed is the best thing for you, your husband, and the kids. It so, then by all means, do it. If it's not working for one of the above, though, you have a problem.

My husband and I had the baby in a bassinet right by our bed in the beginning, then moved to a crib in our room, and into his own room at about 8 weeks. By that time, though, he was sleeping about 7 hrs at a stretch, and seemed to sleep even better when he had his own room. As he got older, there were times when he was either sick or was going through a phase and ended up in our bed for awhile. My pregnancy with #2 was rough, and during the last 4 months of it, our older son seemed to need to be with me, so he slept with us during that time. However, after baby brother was born and the first time the light came on in the middle of the night for feeding & changing, big brother sat up, grabbed his teddy bear, and headed for his own room.

We did the same thing with the sleeping arrangements with the new baby, and moved his crib into his big brother's room at about 10 weeks old when he was sleeping well. They still share a room and are best buddies :)

I do know 2 different couples that had real marital problems because the wife insisted on co-sleeping and the husband wasn't on board. It ended up in both instances that the wife & baby slept in the bed, and hubby was on the couch or guest bedroom so that he could get some sleep. Not a good long term solution...

I know you have all your responses, so I wil lkeep this short. I was in the "completely against" co sleeping before we had our daughter. Then the night I put her in bed with us and she slept for more than 45 mins I changed my mind. She co slept with us til about 6 -7 mos then started sleeping all night in the crib. I don't regret it, I think it helped her and me to get sleep. I know it's not for everyone and my best advice to anyone, is don't judge others you never know what may happen to you:) THat was my first HUGE lesson as a parent!!

Wow! Youve gotten a lot of responses. We are co-sleepers. My oldest kids, now 4 and 7, sleep in their own beds but slept w/ us til they were 3 and 4, respectively. We now co sleep w/ our 3 month old daughter but our boys love to come in in the morning and cuddle. We dont even own a crib, dont have the space and dont need one. My husband and I are able to have alone time when we want it, we just go to another room!
But what I wanted to add was that a lot of people will say that you'll never get them out of your bed but thats not true, eventually they want their own space and I found that the transition to their own bed was easy. You just have to do whats right for you and thats all that matters.

Hi- although all 3 of our sons are now big (9, 11, and 12!) all of them slept with us and it was good. Our oldest was a kicker & he wanted to sleep in his own space when he was about 2. The other 2 boys slept with us till they were about 4 or 5 each. They are happy, well adjusted, and none of us seem to have suffered from lack of sleep. My husband & I managed to have 'alone time', too. I say whatever works is great. Co-sleeping worked for us for quite awhile. Good luck!

Love it & wouldn't have it any other way. I think my son will ultimately be more secure because of it. Look around the world & you'll see almost every other culture does it as well.

We co-slept with our boys for the first few weeks. It wasn't for us. Hub and I found that we had a hard time sleeping peacefully when the baby was in bed with us. I for one, think that as long as it is done safely it can be very beneficial.

I dont think co-sleeping on a regular basis is a good idea. At 2.5 yrs old, I think it is appropriate to give him his own space, his 'big boy' space. While at first your son may be resistant if he has been sharing, it teaches him independence to sleep in his own room. I mean if he is sick or has a bad dream or ?? by all means "move over dear jr is sleeping with mom".. but you and your husband need your own space too. What does your husband say about this topic? Whatever you decide if it works for your family that is what is important. I dont know of any grown men still co-sleeping with his parents, so I wouldn't fret too much unless it becomes an issue in your marriage.

I am the mother of 2 kids and we have co-slept with both of them. I find it to be convenient for nursing, when they are sick and whatever other conditions will have you up and down with kids all night. Also, I like the cuddle time. My son is now 6 and is requesting a room of his own so we will probably do that soon. My daughter is 2.5 and now sleeps on a little bed next to our big bed, so I can see the horizon of these lovely cuddle days.

W., You do not say if your child at that age is at home with a sitter, or your husband or another relative. As far as I see it why worry,at that age? Your little one knows your gone and this is his way of wanting to bond with you when your not working, it is very much okay, its a way he shows you he wants to love you and know he's loved,he feels safe and warm next to you. You can after he falls asleep put him in his own bed, but do see that it is warm, many years i remember jumping in bed with my parents during nights when I was scared or cold they were my heros my safe place ,I was well protected from all the scary things. he is young there are many other issues you will encounter in life with him as he grows up just take them one day at a time , love him, have patience (lots) you will be rewarded every time you see him smile at you or he wants to give you a hug keep him warm, safe and loved he will out grow it. I have three boys all grown, I love them all very much slept with them all off and on up to the age of five mainly. When they got sick we laid together natural bond. Life is short and remember you will never get the second chance to love him later as you will have now. S., lopez

Looks like you've got a lot of responses so I'll keep this short. Just wanted to add myself to the "co-sleeping club" LOL! I'm a mom to three awesome kids. My oldest slept in a crib but we had lots of cuddle time in our bed in the morning. The nights were horrible and I wish I had co-slept....probably would have gotten much more sleep. My daughter (child #2) never slept in her crib. We all got a great night sleep in bed together. We transitioned her into a bunk bed she shares with her big brother shortly before my baby boy was born (she was just about 2). If we had a bigger bed, I might have kept her with us, but it was just way too cramped. When our baby was born, we bought a co-sleeper and we've loved it! He usually sleeps about half the night there and then when he wakes to nurse lots of times he just stays in bed with me. Its nice to not have to get out of bed unless I need to grab a diaper for a change! (Wow, I said this would be short...lol!)

I did this with both my boys. WOuldnt have it any other way. You do need to have them sleep at grandmas or aunties once in a while tho, so you can have "special time" with Dad. Once they get old enough you can transition them into their cool new "big boy" bed. It takes awhile, but I will always be glad I did. It was easier with boy #2 who was 2 or 3 when we moved him in with brother. Good luck!

My husband and I chose not to co-sleep. I guess this was primarily for two reasons. First because we weren't set on it in the first place, but were open minded and leaning towards not doing it given our general preferences. And second because I had two close friends who did, and some of what I heard from them regarding the down-sides of co-sleeping confirmed my concerns, such as lack of high quality sleep especially at the beginning, the somewhat difficult transition from shared bed to own bed, lack of ability of their child to self soothe to sleep, and the obvious baby interference in the marital bed. There is always the safety concern, but that can be addressed with a co-sleeper attachment to the bed so the baby is not actually right in the bed with you. We did have our daughter in our room, very near our bed for the first 8 weeks, and then she moved into her own room/crib. At that point she was sleeping a 5 hour stretch at night as well thanks to a developing routine and nice long feedings (no snack and nap at the breast), so we all got much better rest in our own places. She is loving, outgoing, confident, independent and knows she is treasured and loved - these are related to our parenting approaches, regardless of where she slept.

I co sleep with my kids and it works for our family. It is nice to be able to nurse my baby with out having to get up at night.

I co-slept until my son was 2, then he had a bed in my room until he was 4. He has finally gotten his own room now (we moved to a larger house) and he loves it. We haven't had a single problem with him staying in his room. I would recommend co-sleeping all the way around! I have a healthy, confident, out-going child. :)

I used to be against it, and for the most part, still am. I think its important for the kids and parents to have their own places to sleep. But, with my newborn I let him sleep with me because its so much easier to breast feed him that way. I will transition him to a crib before 3 months old though.
We also let my daughter sleep with us sometimes too.

I coslept until about 18 months with each, sometimes longer.

Whatever garners me and them more sleep, I figure is what we need at the time.

(eg, when Daddy left, all of them would wake up after I left their room at night and find me wherever I was and sleep there ... even if it meant squeezing onto the arm of the couch or sleeping on the hardwood floor ... now they are naturally getting back to sleeping in their own beds, although I sleep in the same room)

Cosleeping was the human norm; Americans and our cribs are the historical weird ones ...

As long as you aren't doing it because you are trying to maintain them being dependent or immature, you are probably fine ... they will grow when they are ready we let them :).

it is maybe harder with an oldest/only, who has no other kids to see for examples, to get them to realize they might be ready to sleep without (a) parent(s) ...

Hey W.,

We co-slept with our daughter until she was close to 2. She still sometimes comes into our bed and we're fine with that. For us, it worked great and I would do it again.

I have noticed that the negative experiences from co-sleeping seem to come one of the following:

1. one parent is against co-sleeping and the other is for it, so the whole co-sleeping thing becomes a source of conflict between the parents.

2. the parent (usually the mother) uses co-sleeping in an unhealthy manner. For example, the mom NEEDS her baby or toddler or older child to sleep with her to meet HER emotional needs. The problem is not co-sleeping, it is the mother's emotional neediness and unresolved issues, which no doubt shows up in other ways. However, I can understand how the adult who felt obligated to sleep with his/her mother as a child would associate co-sleeping with being "yucky."

Most co-sleeping parents I know have healthy boundaries and only co-sleep as long as the child wants to. In those case, the child seems to naturally move out between the ages of 2 and 5.

3. The baby or toddler is just not a co-sleeping type. Some babies, just like some adults, sleep best when they are alone. The slightest touch or noise can disturb and wake them.

From my experience and from talking to co-sleeping and non-co-sleeping parents alike, I believe co-sleeping works best when BOTH parents are completely on board with it and when both parents are putting the child's needs first.

I also want to add that while I thoroughly enjoyed co-sleeping with my daughter, I don't think co-sleeping is the be all and end all - there are so many factors that go into raising happy, confident children and that can be done if you co-sleep or don't co-sleep.

That's my 2 cents!