Looking to Seperate/Divorce!

I do think counseling would be the best thing; however, you both have to want to do it to make it work.

L., I can only imagine how horrible the atmosphere must be in your home right now. However, nothing you have mentioned in your letter is grounds for divorce (like adultery or outright abandonment). I have been divorced twice and am paying a dear price for it. I just put my nine year old on the plane to spend 2 weeks of Christmas vacation with her Dad who lives 1500 miles away, and she is the only one separated from her four year old baby sister and three older brothers this holiday. She loves her Dad and enjoys all the time she can get with him, but she hates the thought of being one-on-one with him in a small apartment when the rest of her family will be all together opening gifts. And this goes on every other Thanksgiving, Spring break, and the whole long summer vacation!

When I divorced my first husband, my boys were 11 mo. and 31 mo. old. They are now 19yrs and 22 yrs, and although they are now living with him (in another state also) they had a very hard time- even with a great, attentive Step dad. Even though they were honor students in school and excelled in sports and music and everything looked good on the outside- emotionally they were very distant because they did not have their own Dad. I thought he was very raggedy, but it was still their Dad and that is who they loved and wanted- how selfish of me to take that away from them!

We can always come up with reasons to justify what we want, but on you and your husband's parts it still very much comes down to selfishness: You want what you want and he wants what he wants. And the statistics for divorce and broken families continues to rise in this country.

You asked for advice so here is my two cents: before you go a step farther in this process please see a church pastor for (free) counseling. You can either go together or alone. Commit to at least six weekly sessions. In addition, I would purchase the book and workbook called "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He talks about how a couple can get into something called The Crazy Cycle time after time, but more importantly, how to get off! Ask your husband if he would be willing to read one chapter per night with you and when you do don't analyze where your marriage went off track, don't place blame or point fingers about who isn't doing what. No elbows in the ribs! Just let the words soak in until you finish the whole book.

Please, don't move too fast, L.. If your husband truly wants a divorce then let him go through with it and pay for it too. If he wants to stay in the home then let him. It seems there is a role reversal in your home. When things are out of order they won't go well, and your beautiful daughter will suffer the most. No amount of child support will substitute for her Daddy's presence in the home. I hope these weren't overly harsh words, please accept them in the spirit in which they were given- speaking the truth in love. Unless you are in a home in which you truly fear for your physical life, please try to work it out. Nothing you have mentioned is grounds for divorce. Your daughter, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will thank you for the great legacy you leave them!

**UPDATE**
Now I'm confused. In more than one comment below I've read other responses by Ladies saying that you should have left the first time your husband raised his hand and hit you. Did I miss something? I re-read your post carefully, but nowhere did you say he was hitting you. Did you? Are they reading more between the lines than I am? If so, then of course my answer changes.

You have no Biblical reason to divorce. Get into a Bible based church, go to counseling yourself if he won't go. An Pray, Pray, Pray. God can do ANYthing and He can save this amrriage and turn your husband around....in His time tough. Have faith and BELIEVE.

L., your story makes me sad. It appears your husband is more concerned with the vehicle and appearances than with his family. It is possible that he will grow up eventually, but probably not within the time frame that will allow him to be a good husband and father. If you are financially able to care for yourself, it seems you have only one viable option.

Your letter breaks my heart. It sounds like some things have gone "unsaid" between you for quite awhile and the little bursts of mean things are the tip of an iceberg it sounds like. marriage is a special agreement between a couple but also needs work, lots of it and lots of talking about everything. Taking things or hiding them from him and embarassing him is adding fuel to the fire. You need to come to a decent agreement with this man for your financial welfare and that of your child. You have the rest of your life to have to deal with him because of this so you should try to work out your frustration with him in a more constructive way. Why would you give notice of vacating without talking to him first? To anger him? Just because you have plans to move out, what if he wanted to stay there? You would do better to make sure you always know where he is, not force him to move. Sorry, I'll stop, but you need to seriously think about the future and what you're doing....it's very hard to be alone and even more difficult when you have a child to raise....you will need his help, support and of course money....he is the baby's Dad and has rights also. Best of luck to you and I hope you really think about what you're doing....think of the future. Also think that nobody else will love your child the way the 2 of you do; you will most likely not want to be alone the rest of your life, that is a whole new ball of wax if you two divorce and move on and remarry....life is hard, why not try and make it easier?

You will never be happy with this Man.
I am sure he had some girl online and when he told her he was leaving you -she dumped him. Classic. You will find someone who treats you well. You are better off without him.

I don't know if it is too late for this advise - but I would definitely set the rules for gaming/computer activities. He owes it to you and his daughter to spend at least the majority of his evenings with both of you. He can play his games, etc. after you and your daughter are in bed. He sounds immature and abusive in the way that he doesn't have any regard for your feelings, so it may be good riddance! If you willing to go the extra mile to make your marriage work you are going to have to stand up to him and take drastic measures.

Sorry for your situation. I can only offer that maybe he has a depression problem. I say this because I have a friend who's husband is/was a computer junkie and spent no time with her and their kids. He has since gotten medical help and is on anti-depressants and it has helped tremendously. The only catch is, he has to want the help for himself.
Also, don't allow him to blame you for the situation, that's a cop-out to make himself feel better and to put all of the resposibility on you. Ignore that part as much as possible.
Best of luck and I will pray for you and your family.

My advice, since you asked, is to get in touch with a family law attorney asap and make sure you cover all your legal bases. If he's worth taking back, he will have to work very hard and grow up a lot before you should even give it a thought. You can always get married again very cheaply if he sincerely puts in the required effort. I doubt its that important to him though from what you say. I imagine he'll quickly lose interest and move on to other things. He didn't really want to marry you the first time. While I believe 2 parents is best for a child, it sounds like she only has one now anyway - and the example he is setting will be very unhealthy for her self esteem and relationships with men later in life.

ETA: I hadn't realized there was violence as well - that is a total deal breaker. Never look back in that case, and for sure get help.

I'm not sure if we know the whole story here...but from what you say, this is my take on it. I don't believe that marriage is a disposable thing...meaning that there was a reason you got married in the first place and that was love. I truely believe that we get too caught up in life and tend it put our marriages on the back burner. If your marriage began out of love, then that love is still there...you just have to find a way to get it back to where it needs to be. Now...given what I just said--your husband has to come to that realization and want to find it as well. It's not easy (we've been there). But you have to make yourself make the time to be alone together and get your relationship back. Marriage is not easy and remember the next man you find won't be any better and maybe even worse. GOOD LUCK!

I cannot believe that I read a response saying basically "stay together for the kids". WOW! I thought that mentality went out with "Leave it to Beaver"! The truth is: if he is abusive and neglegtive... this is a dangerous environment for you AND your daughter. However, if you are going to have more than 50/50 visitation with your daughter you are going to need concrete documentation of his inability to be a responsible parent. You need pictures, documents, ect something that you can hand a judge to look at that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the better parent and that he is not in any way (not even slightly) a good parent.

Examples: Did you work long hours to support the family while your were pregnant? Did you attend your Dr. visits alone or with him? We he present at the birth? In the delivery room or not? who is the primary care giver? Can you provide witnesses that can honestly say they have never seen him change a diaper, feed the child, take her to a Dr's visit, ect.? You will NOT just be able to walk out, get a divorce, and expect this to all go away.

In the very least, stick around long enough to gather the evidence you will need to create a waterproof case against your soon to be ex-husband. During that time, make sure you have a checking account set up in your name only and start trickling money over to that account so that you have money to live on. Also, cancel or take is name off any joint credit card or credit accounts you may have together.

Two weeks is not alot of time to gather the tools you will need to go into this battle. If you can, stick it out a bit longer so that you can better prepare.

D.
SAHM of three: 19,18,and 5
Home Baker and Candy Maker (see member perks). Married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 years.

I think you need to do what is best for you and your daughter. Keeping in mind, that the best thing might mean doing what you need to be happy. Everyone thinks that they need to stay together for their children, but I think it is more important to let your daughter have two HAPPY parents. I am a child of divorce, and yes it is hard. But, I knew my parents weren't happy. They are better off apart. You can not make this man love you the way you want and should be loved. It sounds like you have tried to make it work, but he isn't willing to do his part. Marriage is a two way street. You can't give all the time and get nothing in return. A separation will do one of two things: either make him realize what he is screwing up, or show that there really isn't much left. My heart goes out to you and your little girl. I hope everything works out and you can find happiness either way.

Dear L.,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with the ladies who suggest that you move out with your daughter. If your husband misses you, it may encourage him to seek counseling (as he should). If not, you were never going to make things better by staying. You owe it to your daughter to show her that women deserve to be treated with respect and affection by their husbands.

Who knows? Things may work out in the long term and you may all end up as a happy family. That will take a lot of work, on both your parts, and right now, you're the only one making the effort.

Take care, hon.

I hate to say it, but I'll just say it. Worthless. Waste of Time...what else? Yes...the best thing is for you to leave this guy. First off, he seems lazy and manipulative. Second, what husband tells his wife she is ugly? Lame. Third, and perhaps most important, do you want this guy around your daughter? Showing her that this is what to expect from men and that it is ok for her to find a guy like this and let him treat her like garbage? I don't think so. My hubby's sister had a similar problem actually. Very similar. She worked and made the money while he went to school, then dropped out...then was lazy, then finally was doing some computer stuff for her company that she started and then he put that on a resume and was able to land a real IT job off of it. Then he started making decent money and all of a sudden she wasn't good enough for him. But then when she was going to take all of the things away that were hers (like your car), he whined and came crawling back. With my hubby's help/influence, she said "beat it". It is hard to go through, but it really is in the best interest for you and your child to move on. There are plenty of men out there, and plenty that don't mind being with someone that has a child. That will respect you. Good luck!

I am SO SO SORRY what you are going through and I know it 's hard but I think it's best that you and your daughter move out and move on. I was under the same situation married to a cumputer junkie working maybe 25 hrs a week and all he cared about was the computer games from the time he got home and kept the computer on and how dare I turn it off at 7/8am when I got up cause the computer was playing itself. He would blow up when I tried talking to him, ask him what he wanted for dinner or even if i tried to be affectionate.
He ended up leaving me when i was 4 months preg just 3 months after we got married.
Now 2 1/2 yrs after our divorce, he stills lives w/his parenst and is still controlled by them and still very selfish.
I tried counseling but he didn't change. It was the best thing that I could of done. It's best for you and your daughter.
I hope this helps.
Blessings
M.

L.,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. It's tough. I really think your best option is to leave. This kind of man does not and can not change. If you are unhappy, you cannot be the best mommy possible and that is the most important thing. I know it's hard, but you must leave NOW. Don't let him apologize and talk you into staying because in a week it will just be the same old thing all over again. Trust me, I have been there. And don't worry about not getting to see your daugher all the time because of visitation. He sounds like the kind of man who is "too busy" playing on the computer to want to take care of a child by himself.

Good Luck,
S.

L.,

From everything that you've stated and explained, it doesn't appear that your husband really cares to stay in the relationship. Cut your losses now before your daughter grows up more and can clearly understand the pain that exists in the house. You can provide for you and your daughter with a happy and loving environment without a man that cannot pay attention to his family! I too went through similarities like this many moons ago, except I stuck it out for 10 years. I finally separated from him for a year, but still....for 10 years I was unhappy! The kids knew it and they were unhappy because our family was not one! Take care of you and your daughter and allow God to work on that man. If he is not the one for you...then thank the good lord for giving you sight to let him walk through the door and for you to open another! YOU are a WOMAN and YOU deserve better!

Be blessed!

Yes, it is sad when a marriage doesn't work, especially when there are kids involved. But I would ask myself this: Is this the kind of marriage I want my daughter to have? Is he the kind of husband I want my daughter to have? Because if she grows up in a family like the one your husband cultivates, she will think that is "normal" and "to be expected." She'll think men are supposed to play video games and do computer stuff all the time. She'll think husbands are supposed to ignore their wives. I would want my daughter to expect more out of life, love and marriage.

Could he have some sort of behavior issue? bipolar? or something unknown to you that runs in his family. A friend of mine's husband does the same thing when he's not on his meds. maybe it would be best you and your daughter stay away and let him find that out if you feel you have done/said everything you possibly can so you dont regret trying. he doenst need any hand outs, so don't feel bad for him. Let him find his own way, and just be supportive when he does or is even trying. wish you the best.

This guy's profile reminds me of what I've been reading about Passive/Aggressive males/spouses. You might google:
Care2 (I think it's a yahoo list-serve group) and look for the link that says "Living with a Passive Aggressive husband." Subscribe for free and follow the ongoing commentaries. There is much information on there that might be of use to you. Women add their comments and interact online, mainly with descriptions of their experiences with their mate; what works, what doesn't. Generally, PA's say whatever they think you need to hear to not dump them, and once the heat is off, they revert to their more infantile ways, throwing you completely off-guard after all the promises to "be better". There is much anger, latent and expressed (in waves and cycles), but it's mostly about control issues, many times dating back to a difficult relationship between the man and his mother. He then transfers all that anger onto his mate as the "mother surrogate". Check it out, and best wishes...it is a very difficult issue and almost insurmountable, as they are rarely receptive to counseling and submission to whatever is best for the family.

Just a thought for you............
You need to understand that in TX the vistitation schedule for parents has changed and it's very close to 50/50. What that means to you.......you will not see your daughter every day and in fact you will not see her most of the time if you get divorced.
That is unless he doesn't take his time. But you can't count on that for the next 16 years.

Just something for you to consider, I know that it maybe a situation that you don't like, but you might want to consider what leaving him really means. So maybe you guys could find a way to work it out. Not saying that it is that easy, or that you will be crazy in love, but that you can work together.

Life is too short to be unhappy. I am 37 and my parents divorced when I was 10. They were miserable and therefore made my miserable. There is someone out there for everyone and I don't think he is the one. He sounds like he knows what he wants but wants to make you look like the bad person. He has already said of hurtful things that I'm sure you will always remember. I say move on and leave him behind. Yes, you do have a child and that needs a mother and a father but it doesn't mean that you have to be married for that to happen. I know that you have had many responses (not all the same) so this is just my opinion. In the end you must do what is right for you and your child.

He needs to bloody well grow up! He has responsibilites to you and your child! You have tried all and he needs to realize this is a 2-way street. I would do whatever it is that you feel you need to do for you and your daughter. Then, later on, if he realizes his grave mistake, then allow him some time to prove himself, dont just take him back right away. Men tend to mature later and apparently this is the part of it. I have no doubt that he loves you and your daughter, he is just not through "playing" yet. I would not jump for a divorce just yet....ask for a trial separation...at least six months and see if things on his end improve. He needs to learn to delegate his time between his responsibilites to you and your daughter. He can still play his games, he just needs to learn to limit his time there. You know the old saying...you never know what good you have until its gone. The best to you and your lovely daughter....keep the faith and the Lord will take care of the rest!

Your letter IS heart breaking.
Is there any chance that he is/was involved in an online romance or pornography? I ask, because it seems a valid question with how he reacts to you entering the spare room without notice. It seems he may be doing something to be embarrassed about. Internet pornography has helped destroy MANY marriages.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but rather redirect you a little. We can't change anyone but ourselves (not that he doesn't definitely need changing). I believe though that when there are problems, both sides have done something wrong (not that you've done things as severe imo). It can be something as simple as an inappropriate reaction to something that the other has done.

Regardless of if you stay with him or not, I think it would be better for all of you if you thought about your actions and apologized. Sometimes this even brings the other person to apologize for what they've been doing. I think this also helps to ease the resentment on your part...........which IS important for your daughter.

Kids want their parents to be happy and together......if you are fighting ALL the time, they understand that it's not a happy place. My dh and I fight too, I can be the one on the computer too much at times, he's the one without a real job and still in Grad school...........so I can relate in those ways.

Everyone does have disagreements and a lot of times we say things we don't mean. Eventually those things can be taken at face value (like you have here). No one can tell you what to do, but I just want you to remember that fighting takes two -- so both sides have things that they've done wrong and should apologize for -- even when we know that the other person has been so much "more" wrong and it's easier to just blame them for all of the unhappiness in the relationship.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. This man is not willing to make the marriage work. You would be better off without someone who tells you you are ugly and treats you badly. You deserve better treatment than that from any man you choose to be with. Please move on with your life away from anyone who treats you like that. You can't change him and he doesn't sound like he is capable of having a loving relationship with anyone. He sounds very selfish and immature. You can definitely do better than that. Don't settle for someone who treats you so badly. Your daughter needs a good example from you so that she doesn't grow up to let men treat her badly. Sending prayers for guidance and strength.
Best Wishes,
E.

I would suggest leaving as well and don't go back when he realizes he has lost control of you. If you want counseling (you should go anyway if you leave) ONLY go to www.sosinc.org. It's three days and way, way, way better than counseling. It saved my marriage of 10 years...if the marriage is over, it will save your life and make you a better mom, person, etc. and I promise you will no longer carry what he has said/done to you and you will be much stronger to handle anything that comes your way. Much luck...let us know!

L.,

Sorry to hear about your heartbreak....If it was me...the first time he raised his hand at me would have been the time I would have left...and that very quickly.

It seems that he does not love you and he is only using you. Marriage counseling would not do any good since it seems that he only married for the child's sake and his cozy nest that you have provided for him.

He needs counseling for himself but that is his problem and not yours.

If you are leaving him...then you need to get out of there now and not linger around to see if he will change his mind since this is not a mind matter but a matter of his heart. Leave for the safety of you and your child.

Sincerely,

M. D.

I know you had hoped to have things work out, however from what you have described, I am not sure this man is worth wasting anymore of your time/life. Man and wife should cherish each other, and clearly that is not going to happen.

And, to be frank, who cares if he is "mad". He really doesn't deserve any consideration because he has shown you absolutely NONE. You must come to realize that you are a worthwhile person, and the first step in realizing that is to respect yourself enough to leave a man who is not interested in you - and don't worry is he is mad. He created the situation - NOT YOU!!!

Don't let him manipulate you any more. He had his chance Good luck and be strong.

Hi L.,

I think you deserve to go pursue your own happiness. You daughter will be happier when u r happier. You got no options to stay with him other than suffer your whoe life. You can come back if you want to if he grows up and realize who special you and your family are and starts to show some appreciation. Be strong. Best wishes to you

V.

Don't sentence yourself to a lifetime of misery. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with you and told you he wanted a divorce, what choice do you have. You won't be able to find someone to love you the way you should be with him in the way. I do not think divorce is usually an option, but if he wants nothing to do with you and doesn't want to try to work things out, get rid of him and give yourself a chance at happiness. Life is short. Find your joy. God bless you.
J.

As doctor Phil says, you date the adult and marry the child, and he is still a child. You just didn't notice it till you had a REAL child to deal with. He doesn't know what he wants, he just wants to jerk you around and cause you to be bad guy. He needs to suck it up and figure out what is his priorities. Love is a commitment, not an on again/off again thing. You called his bluff and now he has to own up to his behavior. You can do couneling and maybe, just maybe he will grow up but I think only with lots of prayer. Would I waste my time with someone like this? Yes.
The commitment is on your side too. Things are just about you two right now, as the baby has no real input to her own situation. Later, things will be tougher. She will grow up and be a handful and will need 2 loving parents to give her limits and a good example of what to look for in a marriage. There will be other things that you will need each other to lean on about also. Sickness, loss and disapointments are better divided between 2 people. Joys are multiplied by 2 people. This is a big bump in a long road but you can be happy if both of you decide no mater what to stay together and grow up. I am glad you called him on it but now take the time and steps to save a good realtionship.

L., it is pretty clear that your relationship with this man is very toxic and that neither of you is happy in your current situation. Your post indicates that he is manipulating you, disrespecting you, being emotionally abusive, is addicted to the computer, is not financially responsible, etc. It is also apparent that he is going to find fault with whatever you do or don't do. You asked if others of us would waste our time with someone like this. My answer to that question is no. The real question is do you want to "waste your time" with him? Is this the kind of life/relationship you want? Is this the example of how a man treats a woman (and vice versa) that you want for your daughter? You were obviously attracted to this person for a reason. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you get counseling. Mark Felber specializes in relationships and addictions and I know he can help you! It doesn't sound like your husband is interested in working on your relationship but even if this is the case don't let this stop you from seeking assistance for yourself. You and your daughter will both be the better for it. Mark has a website that you can check out, www.marriagecpr.com or you can give him a call at ###-###-####. He helped me overcome a lifetime of bad relationships and other serious issues. He is kind, caring, empathetic, knowledgeable and extremely good at what he does. Please give Mark a call! Getting help is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and your precious little innocent daughter and you are both worth it!!! I know this is an awful time for you, L., and I wish you the very best in your search for peace and happiness.

I apologize if I seem offensive with any of this. But it is truly the best advice I think you can get. I am just going to be blunt and to the point concerning my opinion on this...

Nobody here can truly help you. The only things for you to gain from anyone other then a professional are: (1) One sided (hearing only yours) biased advice (2) validation of your feelings (3) uneducated stabs in the dark at solutions to problems that run deeper then any blog could scratch the surface of.

So my opinion is that if you want to leave your husband, leave. If you want to stay, stay. If you aren't sure, go seek professional help from a marriage therapist. You CAN go without your husband.

I don't agree with the other posts. I have been married for 10 years and I have a computer junkie for a spouse. It got bad 2 years ago and we would argue and he would yell at our kids. I finally broke down one night and we had it out and put it out on the table sort of speak. He still does his computer thing, but sometimes I play with him, and we also laid down ground rules like he must help with kids, we have to all eat meals together, he must tuck in the kids, and now before he gets on his computer he asks if there is anything he can do for me before he plays. I still complain and every now and again he breaks a rule, but we have found a common ground and are a lot happier. If you want to work it out because you love him that is great, but you don't love him and are doing it for the kids then continue with what you are doing. By the way, you ask my husband and he will tell you flat out that he is addicted to his gaming. It is like a drug for him. There is a yahoo group that might help, they helped me for a long time. It is called world of warcraft widows. Click on yahoo groups then search and you should find it. Good luck!

There's always 2 sides to every story. He may be having some issues as well. It sounds like you are both unhappy and are taking each other for granted. I don't think he meant what he said to you(that he doesn't love you and you are ugly to him) but it was very disrespectful,hurtful,and mean.
I don't think you should jump to divorce, but perhaps separating for a few months so that you can both see if you would truly be happy without each other, or if the "didn't realize what I had til it was gone" kicks in. Perhaps you can seperate and attend weekly therapy. After a year, you can decide whether to make it official and get divorced, or get back together.
Good luck. I hope it all works out for the best! And try very hard not to let your little girl see you fight.
I'm sorry about your situation. It will all work itself out...eventually.

Dear L.,

From your message, I'm not sure if your husband is willing to see a counselor or not, but if possible, I suggest yall at least try that before giving up. I've said a prayer for all of you, especially your daughter.

Deb D

The truth of the matter is you are the one that has to make that tough decision, but I will enlighten you with my dealing in the same situation. Your life is a mirror of mine; this point you are at right now is you are the bad person. Only because you are doing what he has told you would be best. Therefore you are the person that is leaving and unwilling to work at the marriage. What kind of guy would he be to leave you and your child? It is all about what others think and see. You need to ask yourself is this what I want in life, I asked this to myself for many of years. It is not good for you or your child to be unhappy in a day-to-day life. Ask yourself “Do I love him” or “is it the thought of marriage I love?” Do what makes you happy that is what you want for your child.

L.,

I have been married for close to 20 years and I understand the need to try and work things out. I am very sorry that you are going through this situation.

However, It takes 2 to make a marriage work. It sounds to me like you are the only one working in this relationship. I will stress this to you, You need to respect each other. If you have no respect for each other then you need to back up and look at this for what it is. I think it was just comfortable and felt somewhat safe.

From what you said earlier in your statement it sounds as if he has always been immature and childish in his ways. There is nothing wrong with gaming or stuff like that but he is a grown man and has a family to support. He needs to grow up and do just that. I am very old fashion in that thought process. I am not saying that you should be able to stay at home and not work, but as the head of the family he should say I am going to take care of my famiy. I know that there are women out there that make a far better living than some men and that is fine too.

I really really do hope that you can work this out not only for your daughter but for each of you as well.

Marriage is very hard work and sometimes a lot more work for the woman than the man.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

a little wierd him stating there is no way to work things out now that your parents know. Didn't sound like he wanted to work things out before, and just because someone knows you are having problems, doesn't mean it is too late. It doesn't sound like he is interested in the marriage. I'm all for trying, counceling, and for better or worse so to speak, but also, I can't see putting 20 , 30 years into a marriage that one partner clearly doesn't want, and this isn't going to help your daughter to see a loveless marriage. He needs to wake up if he is serious, and if he really is, counceling sounds like is the only way there may be hope, as it doesn't sound like any communicating between the two of you is working.

1. Drugs. 2. Affair. 3. Bipolar disorder.

I agree it would be easier to leave, because it sounds like he has no interest in the work involved to save a marriage from either of the above. Get a really good lawyer, though - because otherwise he's going to walk with one of your cars.

I would NOT do a separation because Texas is a community property (asset and debt) state and does NOT have a legal separation. That means that if you leave and he runs up $50K in debt, $25K of that is yours. On the other hand, file for divorce and everything is separate after that point.

S.

Wives/moms what do you think is the best of my situation would you waste your time with someone like this. Every lady wants there marriage to work but after its to this point is there any saving it.

To answer that question. I will say that I have been with my hubby for 19yrs. And if it wasn't for me feeling the need to keep a family together I wouldv'e done left a long time ago. Think of it this way you know what the faults are of your current hubby right? Well what if you decide to leave and you get with another man that beats you? Or does drugs? Or worse is some sort of psyco. I mean there is noway of knowing who you might get with. Talk to your hubby and set him strait. Tell him if he wants you back he will have to seek help, He will have to spend time with you and your daughter. Make this work. This is a fixable problem if he wants and you want it to be. I hope this helps.