Hi everyone!
I’m trying to understand a certain personality type better.
And first off, I just want to say, no major worries here. I’m not losing sleep over this or anything like that. Just trying to put myself in someone else’s shoes/personality to see if I can make sense of this.
There is a lady, we’ll call her Kathy. I’ve known her quite a few years, but we’re only acquaintances at best. Our paths cross occasionally. I’ve never sat and had any type of conversation with her. Just the little interaction I have had with her has me puzzled, so I would say she is probably not a personality type I ‘click’ with. If she is at a function I’m at, I am always friendly, but I haven’t had any reason to go really chat with her.
My husband has seen her and her family in the last few months so he has interacted with her a little. He describes her as quiet. In my few experiences with her, I don’t really see her as the quiet type. So maybe I must be seeing a different side of her.
The side I see from her is always sarcastic remarks to something I’ve said. I don’t know her well enough to know if she is like this with everyone – maybe she is. It is very strange though. I get the vibe that she feels like she needs to keep me in my place. But I don’t really understand why. When she comes at me with the sarcastic remarks, I’m usually not even talking with her. It is usually a conversation I’m having with someone else and she steps in with sarcasm.
An example, we were at an event where we were going to hand out information on a scouting program. I was talking to the event coordinator – the conversation was just between her and I about some details for the event.
We were talking about items we would hand out and I said something like ‘so we can hand out anything on this table (the table set up with info), except for the book of course.’
Kathy comes up behind me and sarcastically says ‘Yeah – hand out the book too.’ And then she laughs. As in, duh, of course we wouldn’t hand out the book.
Is this just her way of being funny or what?
It's her way of being funny. Quiet people are observers. Sometimes it's interpreted as something different. She probably finds some things funny that you don't.
I could be completely wrong but I'd give her another chance.
Most people that are sarcastic have a difficult time NOT being sarcastic and use it as ice breakers.
My sister, Kathy is so sarcastic all the time that her daughter thinks it is a normal way of speaking and if you are not sarcastic ... well why aren't you?
Considering your many similar posts about awkward interaction with others, I'd say no, it's not HER personality, it's YOURS.
Sorry.
:(
Perhaps she was just trying to crack a joke. Though in our own minds, we tend to think that everything is about us, usually it's not. You're not the sun, dear.
Do you always point out the obvious? Maybe she just finds that funny.
Oh whatever!
That is my take on it.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. It doesn't sound like she is being overtly rude, so I would just think of her as someone whose personality doesn't mesh with yours, and keep a civil but distant relationship. Life's too short to dwell upon these little interactions.
M. H:
Okay - I've gone back through your other posts...you seem to be HIGHLY critical of other people - especially females - and have had problems with them.
Do other people have these problems? If not? Then the problem is YOU. I'm sorry to be soo blunt - but really - if and when you are the only one having problems - then the problem is YOU.
You heard this W. being sarcastic. Take it with a grain of salt and move on. Are you going to give her a fight or confront her? What do you think would come of it? Probably not much. You cannot control other people. You can, however, control you. So do that. And all will be right in your world!
Good luck! Hope this helps!
I'm not sure you should interpret her comments as being sarcastic.
Her conversation and small talk skills might not be what you are use to but a sure way to make people feel on edge is to imagine that they don't like you.
Being sweet to everyone is usually the best policy.
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
(sigh) with your scouting example, I'm on her side. It truly was a "duh" moment for you. It would have taken great restraint on my part not to have reacted to your comment. :)
Soooo you're not connecting with her. Your husband thinks she's quiet. & you've given us an example where she came out on top (verbally).
Here's my question for you: WHY does it matter? If you're not friends, then so what! If you'd like to be friends, then you would have made an effort to reach out & actually speak with her....at any of the events you've shared. You've had ample time....so why haven't you pursued this?
Perhaps her sarcasm is her icebreaker & you're walking away....when she's reaching out to you. Is there any way to laugh & appreciate her warped sense of humor? Or is she simply offensive to you? Up to you to decide!
Maybe she just does not like you.
Hence the sarcasm when you state the obvious.
If that is the only example you have, eh, I don't see the big deal.
You don't know her
You have not taken the time to know her (maybe you are a little jealous that your husband has)
Which makes me wonder why you are even mentioning it
But since I don't know her I can't say if this her way or not
I think you may be taking her remarks too personally. I can be a very quiet person (especially in a crowd) but sometimes I can talk too much (usually when it's one on one and I'm comfortable). Most people think I am one of the extremes (mostly the quiet side).
This can result in me being taken advantage of because I don't like to make a fuss. I also keep things bottled up rather than say them aloud because someone ALWAYS takes it wrong.
Example...people can be talking about anything, laughing, joking, being sarcastic for a long time. I say one peep (even if it's not sarcastic and could be the same as what someone else already said) and somehow not only am I being "bitchy" but I seem to be the only one that is considered as such. It I don't say anything, I am too quiet. If I say something, I talk too much. If I am cooperative, I am a sucker or getting walked on. If I say no or stand up for myself, I am being difficult.
Speaking from a lifetime of experience, try to get to know her and don't assume anything.
M. H,
It could be just her personality, but, for me, it's a little hard to tell from the little amt of info you posted. I don't loose sleep over things like that, and I've learned the hard way sometimes, we just don't click with everyone. I honestly do understand you wanting to understand her, but, without actually having conversation with her you'll never really know what her personality is. Take a chance ,if you're that interested, and have a conversation with her, (if you're not that interested , don't waste your time),but, at least you 'll have the opportunity to satisfy your curiosity. I've also learned that sometimes we pass judgement or form an opinion based on circumstances/situations. I'm more interested in learning why somebody does or says things, that way I have a better understanding of what was behind the words or actions. Things aren't always as they appear, or so the saying goes, and it does hold true very often, or ,"there's more to the story:,...which is very often the case ! Best of luck in whatever you decide. ,C. S.
Possibly she is being funny. Possibly she is NOT being sarcastic.
She may be laughing at her foolish statement. You aren't inside her head.
I once worked with a woman who was training me at a new job. Our work was tedious so we chatted a lot. One day she commented that I didn't seem to be in any hurry to marry my boyfriend (we were both about 26 at the time). I laughed and said, "If I ever get married, I hope it's not because I'm in a hurry!"
How was I to know that she would personalize the hell out of that offhand comment I **thought** I was making to a new friend? Was I so wrong in assuming she married her husband because she WANTED to? But oh man....
After that, she did everything she could to get me in trouble - including telling me how to do things incorrectly so she could scream at me when the boss walked in. She insisted to everyone that I was a giant b*t** who thought I was better than her. And since I only worked with her...well, she was convincing.
Needless to say, I had to quit that job.
So - that story is to suggest that you not "read between the lines". Perhaps you could *laugh back* and say (for example) "Oh, of course, we'll be handing out the book. There's another table for that. Did you want to help?"
See....how your interpretation can make the difference? And if I'm wrong? Well then, you are the bigger person and it shows.
Good luck!
e
ETA: I think it's worth saying that the woman in my story really truly believed I was a hateful b*t**. See what I'm saying?
No I think she's probably socially awkward and doesn't know how she's coming across. I think you have 2 choices. Either let is slide because it's not worth you time or take a little additional time to get to know her. She may be making comments hoping that you'll turn around and talk with her. Really it's your choice. Either put a little more time in with her to be friends or care a little less about her comments.
i think you're being a little over-sensitive.
khairete
S.
It sounds like it's her personality, and nothing against you personally. Some people just have to throw their .02 in anywhere. I'd just give her a sneer and turn back to my conversation.
Some people get along better with one gender than the other. I hardly ever have cross words with my guy friends. I have differences of opinions with woman all the time. I really do try to be nice and stuff but sometimes I just can't get along with women. So I do a lot better with guys.
Maybe she doesn't feel good about her relationships with women and acts out.
The other side of that is that she feels most comfortable with women and says what she really thinks and feels. Then with men she's very quiet so that's what hubby is seeing.
Stay positive M. :)
If you don't like it, talk to her and/or move on. Take care.
She sounds like she is lacking in manners. This is her issue. I am sure it will burn her if it has not already.
Lets just say you are dim (not saying you are). Well how rude is it for an adult woman to ridicule you in front of others. I think the more mature women in the group will see her as someone who will kick 'you' when you are down. Is she expecting high fives from the den mother for ripping on a volunteer?
sounds like my mother in law
It sounds like she either defers to men or she is uncomfortable around them. From your husband's description, compared to how she treats you, I think that it's more that she defers to men because the way she is acting is NOT very attractive.
If she does this every time you see her, then you need to say something to her. Something like, "I wasn't talking with you regarding this." Then she'll either back off, or she'll say something else and you can tell her that you don't appreciate it that every interaction with her is with her saying something sarcastic to you.
If she doesn't realize that she's doing this, you will be letting her know. If she does, then you are FINALLY standing up for yourself and refusing to be a doormat. Probably that's really what this is about, like you said - trying to put you in your place. There are people like that in this world and you only enable them if you keep letting them treat you that way.
I would have replied: "Well Kathy, as soon as you spend some of your precious time volunteering for this event like I do, you can be heard on this topic. Til then, please step away from the table!" (Just another version of "If I want your two cents, I'll ask for it.")
ETA: Women like that can "kiss my b-tt", as they say. If I'm working hard volunteering for an event and she is cracking wise - no thank you, she needs to back off.
