Looking for Responses to a Stupid Comment People Make on My Daughter's Height

I have come to realize that insensitive people will remark on anything and everything. Height, weight, hair color, whether they look just like you or don't look anything like you.

I was adopted and a different nationality than my parents so we always got remarks...and still do!

I've tried being really mean and cutting, but one insensitive remark does not beget another and usually the people saying the remark have NO IDEA how rude they are. So when you're rude back they just don't get it (and end up being confused why you're so rude.)

Being nice doesn't let them know that they are being insensitive and are likely to be just as rude to someone else.

I like the Miss Manners approach that gently calls them out on their rudeness without being rude back.

So if someone says "Wow, you're daughter is tall! She'll make a great basketball player when she's older!" You can look them in the eye and respond with a slightly confused "what makes you say that?" and watch them stutter to respond with "well...you know...she's tall? Basketball players are tall??"

I've always liked that because it makes them explain themselves, and quite often while they are doing so they can see just how silly they were being. And you don't have to do a thing! Just watch them stumble :)

Also, when someone is being nosy, you could respond with "what makes you want to know such a personal detail?" I like that one too! Gentle remarks, big bite!

How about, "She's so much more than her height. She'll be GREAT at whatever it is she wants to do!"

Just tell them "if that is what she wants to be. I have always told her she can be anything she sets her mind on."

If you think you're sick of it now.... Just wait a few more years. Eventually though it becomes just one more "you have beautiful eyes" comment. The first couple times are interesting, the next several hundred are annoying, and the nest several thousand aren't even worth a "hmmmm? What were you saying?"

I AM 6'1". Never learned to play bball (oddly I went for ballet, gymnastics, horseracing and other little people sports when I was younger). DO have to shell out over $100 for a pair of jeans (you just don't FIND a 36" inseam in women's clothes except in italian and uk lines... or mens clothes... but a 28/36 isn't something easily found on the rack either. Don't get me started on dresses. Bust over my sternum -ummm... the girls just aren't that perky-, waist over my ribcage -can't breathe...help!, hips over my waist -when are you expecting dearie?, narrow skirt over my hips, and lets not even start talking length. The entire effect is lasagna noodle. Whoops... got started on dresses).

Back on target: Here are some comments my mom used and I would hear often enough to remember:

- We've been giving her coffee for 3 years now to stunt her growth. She's up to a pot a day. Can you imagine if we hadn't started early???

- Actually (sob), she's 23... she has a rare disorder. I just KNEW I should never have wished she would be my baby forever.

- Okay boys! She's ELEVEN, and your commanding officer's daughter!! (ummm... this was an annoying one. At 11 I was a b cup, and 5'9")

- The rack is really underused as punishment. Start disciplining them young and regularly, and you can have a modeling contract before middleschool. We only use ours for a couple hours a day. Maybe next time Jill is naughty, you might bring her over her? They don't scream for very long. You get the best results after the pass out and stop whining. Modeling contracts don't grow on trees after all.

- (To the "she's going to be 6 feet???" comments) Actually, wearing heels, she'll be at least 6'4.

- (Specifically to the basketball comments... and this dates us) Are you kidding??? Jordan's 6'6, and Johnson's 6'9... and they're only getting taller. She'd be a midget on the court.

- (Specifically to the basketball comments)... She's not really a team player. She'll make top money as a dominatrix, though.

- (Specifically to the basketball comments) ... Really??? Why?

Mostly, these comments were fairly mortifying, if sometimes a crackup. (and there were more, a lot more, my mum's got a quick mouth).

Shrug if off. You've heard it way too often, but each person who says it thinks they're being friendly, original, and amusing. People tend to blurt dumb statements in all sorts of situations – I know I have – but generally they don't mean to annoy or hurt, and may even think to themselves later "Arghhhh, what a dorky thing that was to say!"

If you want to "correct" them gently, you might say with a proud smile, "She is destined to be a person of stature." But really, you can't control, teach, or train other people. If you recall some of the things you wish you hadn't said, you'll be able to let it go more easily. You'll probably only hear it a few hundred more times. Surely not a bad tradeoff for giving birth to a person of stature.

Hello - I am tall myself and a good friend of mine was also tall growing up - she is now about 6' 2" - Being tall can have advantages and disadvantages as you know. People notice physical aspects and they can either say nothing - or make a comment. Most of the time they mean no harm. We both received the basketball player and supermodel a lot and truly it didn't bother us - we didn't take it as an offense. Have tall associated with athleticism or beauty - positive attributes - was actually a good thing - having a lot of guys being shorter than us, not so good! - and no, we never actually considered being a professional basketball player or supermodel because of the suggestions. I would say - no super crafty comeback needed - show your daughter to take comments with grace even if she has heard them before - not everyone is going to be creative - and look at them in the light of the positive attributes that they are. - By the way, we are now both married to nice, tall guys and are SAHMs which we love - even though I think supermodels or pro basketball player would have been a little more lucrative:)

It's just meaningless small talk. Guess if it gets to you, you could tell them she shrinks if you wash her in hot water.

just look at them like theyr'e stupid and say, "....why?"

lol. sorry. that would drive me nuts too.

I'd say, "Yes then on to conquering the world"!

I'm guilty of pointing out the obvious regarding height, but I'm short so really my observation is one of jealously! I think height is a great thing. There are tons of studys that indicate tall people have better jobs and get paid more in addition to the assumption that they are natural leaders. Trust me, when your daughter gets older, she'll be so glad she's tall. My younger sister is tall and when she was pregnant, she was so beautiful (I looked like a giant grape). Plus, if she gains weight, it has so many places to go (if I gain 5 pounds it looks like 15). I guess as a young girl, it's something that makes her stick out and many times tall people don't like that but what I wouldn't give for another 2 inches...doesn't it always seem like the grass is greener on the other side!

sorry mom your issue, You could say "tall, smart and charming".
Exactly the things you want your daughter to be. Your daughter will soon feel your sensitivity towards this issue and could become ashamed of her height. Tell her to stand tall and hopefully you will too.

I have always been much taller than everyone else too (and am 6' now). When I was 3, people use to ask me why I wasn't in school. I remember saying "I'm only 3". I use to get those same comments too... and they never really bothered me. I actually was very good in sports and got a scholarship to play basketball in college, so it served me well :-)

I love being tall... I had moments where it was uncomfortable (middle school)... but my mom always encouraged me to stand up tall and be proud. I use to walk around balancing books on my head, and as a result, I have maintained excellent posture (something that plagues many tall girls/women). I really don't think people mean anything bad about their comments. Try your best to have some humor about it. If it bothers you, it will rub off on your daughter... If you have a good sense of humor about it, she will develop that too. I hope she grows to embrace and love her height! It is an amazing gift to have in my opinion :--)

My husband is 6'7 " so our daughter's who are 4 and 1 are tall for their ages. Everyone says that stupid basketball comment. My oldest hates baseketball and has no interest in it. She prefers ballet and more girly things as she puts it. I'm secretly like - "yay". But anyway, I don't have to say a word to people when they bring up basketball cause my almost 5 year old will glare at them and say - I hate basketball stop saying that! lol. I love it : ) We'll see what the little one says, but I crack up and just look at em and walk away.

"Maybe, but at least SHE'LL be able to control what comes out of her mouth"

Hi K.! Reading all the answers kind of astounded me. We have ALL made comments that sound stupid.....doesn't make us all stupid people.

I would shrug it off if I were you. Don't get me wrong, I have had my share of stupid comments, but I am learning what's important. It's very freeing, actually.

Remember, for every comment you get about your daughter's height, there are quite a few that walk away smacking their foreheads, asking themselves, "Why in the world would I say something THAT DUMB!"

Maybe people are just trying to make converstaion with you because they like you? I would be more hurt if people thought so little of you and your daughter that they said nothing and ignored you, I don't think that they are trying to be insensitive or mean. I would just say something back to continue the conversation, like "how tall is your child?" or "our pediatrician predicts she will be 6'1', isn't it incredible that doctors can do that?" I think you are really making a bad judegement about peoples intentions here. We are all kind of socially clumsey sometimes, let them save face and move on to another ice breaker that might lead to a great converstaion for both of you. Nobody would say a word if they were trying to hurt your feelings.

M.

How about, "Why, is that what your daughter wants to be?"

Okay, that one is a little sarcastic. Probably this would be better,

"Possibly. I'm sure she will be whatever she wants to be."

Perhaps something simple, like, "We plan to let her follow her dreams" which is probably true...and also perhaps a little snippy (maybe just enough?) for people who are planning your daughter's life out based on her height? That perhaps could get them to back off without getting too sarcastic (although really, good sarcasm just feels so good...).

Hi K.,

My daughter is slated for 6 feet as well and is very tall for a 14 year old. We get the basketball and supermodel comments all the time. My daughter hates them. I UNDERSTAND!

I'm 5'2" tall and the TALLEST one on my side of the family so I always come back with "My mama always told me if I wanted tall children, to marry a tall man." My mama was 4'10"..............it usually shuts people up without being rude. It also lets them know that this is a good thing.

I'll be watching to see if there are any other comments I can use as well!

Regards,

M.

When they say she will be a great basketball player just say "she will be great at whatever she decides to do and we look forward to supporting her all the way."

You didn't say how old your child is but it doesn't matter how tall she is people make remarks without thinking. I guess I would respond to well I guess she will make her own decision what she is going to be when she grow up. And remember those peds charts are just average, they said my oldest son was going to be tall but ended up only at 5'11 inches. Each child will develop to be who they are. Just teach your daughter to ignore these remarks and go on about your lifes. I also think you are taking this too much to heart, just try and not comment but tell them off later under your breathe or in your in brain LOL

Wow! What a bunch of fantastic responses!

In my family we have height "Spikes" My cousin was 6 feet tall in grade 7 and hated people talking about her height (yes she did end up playing basketball). I myself on the other hand was tiny tiny tiny. In grade 7 there were kids in Kindergarden taller than I. And the person who wrote about all the tall folks in the back made me smile - I was always the last one in line so I was always sitting on the end of the bench in photos!

My daughter is now 12 next week and is just over 5 feet tall. Her foot is bigger than mine (so much for sharing shoes) Having a child with height - and yes we get the model and basketball comments - but they don't seem to bother her. Take a few of the other moms "smart comebacks" and then try to brush off the negative (hard to do)

Thanks to the other moms who posted and to you....I'm going to take the advice and run with them myself! :)

Well, you could try a real smart retort like, "yeah, watch for her in the wnba." But as a person that went through growth spurts earlier than the rest of my class, I can honestly say that as long as your daughter isn't upset by it there is no need for it to ruffle your feathers. It never really bothered me to hear those comments. I generally would brush it off. Her height is out of your control and hers. She'll do great with what ever she decides to pursue. Good luck!

I am 5 foot 2 in and I can't stand it. I wish I was that tall. Even though you dont really want her to be a supermodel..it's ok to say that to others..just to stick it in their face. Tall people seem to have more confidence, can get to the top of the cabinets where I have to get out my ladder just to get some tomato sauce! Either way, I wouldn't care what other people say. They sound just plain ignorant! I wouldn't waste my energy on worrying about it.

I am a 32 year old mother of 6, and I am 5 foot 11 and a half inches. There was only one girl in my class from elementary through high school that was taller than me, and we both heard all about basket, super models, and a whole lot meaner things (bean pole, jolly green giant, ect) the teasing, taunghting, name calling, and career assignment based on height never really quit untill college. We both stuck out like a sore thumb no matter what we did. I still joke about the fact that I will never be able to blend into a crowd due to my height and my long red hair. You can't make evryone stop making comments because most of them are going to be made by other peoples kids when you aren't around. What you can do is anything and everything that will help boost her self-esteem and encourage her to break with traditions and steriotypes and do anything she wants to. I ran track and cross country, was on the cheerleading and drill teams and even made college pom squad. Everyone told me - was to tall and not gracefull enough and wouldn't blend with the rest of the team including my own mother. But I forged the permission slips for tryouts, worked really hard and made the squads anyway. I was drastically taller than the other girls and had to learn how to do my movements to their heights so that it would be uniform, but I really wanted it. In every sports picture I was the tall one in the middle of the back row, but I wanted to play. No matter what size you are you have to learn self confidence and go after your dreams. Ignore the ignorant comments, they never really quit. Instead help and support your daughter. Love and encourage her and boost her sense of self worth and she will have an easier time with your love and support in figuring out hoe to be a tall girl in a short girl world.

PS-- in my opinion Vanity has the best cheaper selection of really tall jeans. I now have the first pair of jeans that I have ever been able to walk on the hims of and its great! When I was in school it was imposible to finf tall/long jeans that were actually tall enough. Walmarts talls are not tall enough for example. I love that stores are starting to change that!---H.

Both of my daughters are tall for their ages. My 5 yr old is the height of an average 7 yr old. My youngest is almost the same height as some friends of her older sister. Whenever someone comments how tall they are, I'm fine with it. They're healthy, beautiful...and tall. :)

You look them straight in the eye and say in a horrified tone, "Why on earth would you say something like that?" This is Miss Manners' response to any rude question from anyone.

I'm guessing your daughter is too little for this, but when people asked me if I played basketball, I would ask them if they played miniature golf. Sarcasm isn't for everyone, but it worked for me!

As several others have said, she will eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later?) be happy to be tall.

I'd go with " isn't it great that people come in all shapes and sizes"

I was 6 feet tall by age 12 and then quit growing. I think the hardest part for me was not being the "cute little" girl that all the boys wanted to date. I was always every guys buddy and didnt become comfortable with my own height until well after college. For me it took a while but I am blessed with healthy, tall children now.

Everyones suggestions to just be supportive are key. My parents always used humor, sarcastic remarks, commented on my clumsiness, etc. Not always the greatest role models and not the way I am handling my daughter's height. I try to be positive about her height but not make a huge issue out of it. She is 11 and is by far the tallest in her 5th grade class. Body issues are so tough to deal with at that age and I truly think people are just trying to be positive by commenting on her height. I try to be positive back. Snarky remarks (in my opinion) just call attention to the fact that she is "different".

An example: when people ask if she plays basketball, she says, "No, I play softball". Smile and end of story.

When I was a growing up I DID use the line, "No, I'm a jockey" or "No, I play miniature golf". That usually caught people off guard.

Tall people will always be in the back row for choir, are asked for help reaching things in the grocery store and can see over a big crowd. My husband and I can always find each other. :) That's a good thing!

well if they have a short kid you could say and yours will be going for gold in gymnastics?
Have fun!

All I want to say is , I am jealous. I am way shorter than I would like to be..
I say "I am height impaired."

I have no come backs, because I will never have this pleasure..

I have the opposite problem! People call my baby girl a midget (she is like 30% on her hieght) She is short but it irritates me... I am only 5'1 and most the woman in our family dont go above 5'4. I was in the store with a friend the other day and this lady came up and asked how old my oldest was when I told her she was shocked! Kept telling me how sad it was going to be for her hieght! I have learned to blow it off until I get out right told my daughter will be a midget! Gets me so mad... I told one lady "no she is not a midget nor will she be one." looked her up and down (she wasnt but maybe 5'5 or so and said "How would you feel if someone walked up to you and called you a midget?" She looked horrified that I said it but walked away... I truely hate it when people make comments about someones kids... I always get they are so cute or such angels but bc my youngest is almost as tall as my oldest people can get kinda mean... Sorry about this just try to blow it off and dont worry! Some people are trying to make conversation and others dont know what to say...

saying something neutral like "im sure our daughter will choose do be whatever it is she wants to be, regardless of her height" is usually sufficient.

you could be more stern but probably dont need to be. saying "my daughter doesnt have control over her height, but we do have control over our comments about it" lol

try being straight up and tell them you dont respect the comments and to shut up. im sure that will make them keep their mouth shut.

What does your daughter aspire to be? That should be your response.

People used to always say things like that about me. I shot up to 5'9 in the 6th grade. Everyone would say "She's so tall, she's a giant, etc" but my mom ate it up because she is short - 5'1. I would either smile, ingore them or say something like "Well if she's going to be president some day, that is a tall order to take on so I think shes' on the right track." or "Well that's what I get for sleeping with a basketball player" or "Really? I thought she was on the shorter side (in a sarcastic voice)"

I understand what you're feeling. I just hate "stupid" people. I just can't think of anything pithy to say. I agree you should just chalk it up to people being insensitive, but then on the other hand maybe she'll like playing basketball. I am the short person in my family (5'7") and frankly a little height so I can get to the stuff at the top of the cupboard without a step ladder would be great.
I'll have to work on my pithiness!
S.

I'd simply say, "Oh well, I guess we'll find out some day". Nothing further needs said.

I think u r being overly sensitive, which it is not hard to be when it is your child. Being tall is a great thing as well as the careers they mention.On the other hand my daughter is quiet n people r always quick to point it out. I don't want them to put a label on her so I always try to give it a positive spin,she's cautious, she likes to check the situation out first. Maybe u could mention something ur daughter is interested in? Like for example if she loves taking care of ppl, while maybe she would like to be a nurse. People are well meaning n being tall gives u more opportunities that are literally out of reach for us average people.

we have the opposite problem. Tara is going to enter 6th grade in a new school being not even up to the shoulders of lots of her classmates. When you have very tiny child (she is 52 inches and 52 pounds) it is amazing to see someone the same age that is so much taller then her. So we may comment. Tara gets the short comments all the time. Tara has been skinny since infancy and short since she was 2. We made sure her self esteem was solid, that she knew she was loved and she has rarely had a problem with it. I realize our school is GREAT about this stuff, or at least the circle of kids that my daughter has though, because they look at differences as just that - statistical and interesting but not the important part of life. And that would be my answer "yep, she sure is. Amazing isn't it?"

my husband is about 6'3" so our daughter will probably be tall too. (my sister is 5'9" and never played basketball nor modeled). to people that say those kinds of things, our response is usually, if she wants to play she can, but we aren't going to make her just because she's tall. that usually makes them either keep quiet or apologize and say 'that's not what i meant to suggest!' kind of puts them in their place gently, and lets them know you don't necessarily appreciate their comments about her height.

OH NO. I had to look at your state and I was gald it was not CT bc tonight I told someone that had a very tall daugher wow, she is so tall people must always think she is older...although I did not suggest a career path for her maybe I offened them. I was just so surp. that she was so tall, her parents were not very tall. good to know. I dont have any good comebacks, but I wont comment on that again. my daugher is a 'peanut' people say and it does not bother me so I just never thought!!!!

I am 6ft tall and people always think I played volleyball and was great at it! I actually played basketball and was great at that and hated volleyball! I have 2 daughters now and a son on the way, my 6 yr old is projected at 6 ft 3 and my 4 yr old at 6 ft 1, by the way the doc was right on about my height! People say things to me all the time about my kids and sports and I say my girls will do what they want to do and they will be great at it even if it isnt sports! Good luck!

Just say, I think it takes more than height to play basketball (which is true), and she can do anything she wants. I like the supermodel comment actually, even if you're just joking. I was always tall and people told me I'd be a good runner. Well I joined the track team in highschool and was awful at it, not to mention I hated it. Its a shallow comment, just don't let it bother you, your daughter might think you're bothered by her height.

I can only say I am terribly, incredibly jealous as I am very short. Tall people tend to be leaders in everything, admired for everything and absolutely are noticed as beautiful people. For some reason I ended up the runt of the litter. My tall older sister slouched and my tall mother told her to stand up straight and tall. I know you get irked and it probably would irk me, too, but I like your answers, only that I would go home and feel bad that I am so short. People have treated me like I am a little kid. And it angers me. So keep a folder or notepad with crafty responses, but know that lots of people are jealous.

I agree with the mom that said to ask them why. LMBO! A basketball player? Really? People are such morons.

You are right, you should probably just ignore it but if you can't you could just tell whomever says it that not every tall person on earth plays basketball and leave it at that.

I would try to look on this as an opportunity. She's always going to be unusually tall (which is awesome, but she may, at times, not realize this), so she's going to get a lifetime of these kinds of comments.

You have a few years where you get to model humor and grace for her in the face of the regrettably common tendency of many people to blurt out whatever enters their heads.

ya know,i wouldnt take it so personally,it is jsut the first thing that comes to peoples minds when they see her and try to look at it in a positive light,I mean,whats wrong with being a great bball player? Sometimes it can be frustrating to hear things like that but just revel in the fact that she is special. At least they are not talking about how "fat" she is.Haha have a good day.

We've gotten that already and my oldest is only 6 1/2 years old! I remember getting that comment when I was younger, too, but didn't care for basketball much. I've usually answered people by saying, "Well, I'm hoping she'll play volleyball b/c that's what I played, but whatever she chooses (even if it's not sports) we'll be there to cheer her on!" or you could say "And if she does play basketball, I'll be her biggest cheerleader!" I like to just make something a little silly or just something to reinforce my support for my daughter, especially if she's standing right there. Sometimes, depending on who the comment is coming from, I'll just ignore it and change the subject or walk away.

Heck, all four of my daughters are over the 90% percentile for height. When people say "wow your kids are really tall, maybe they'll be basketball players. . ." I say ....." Well I sure hope they go pro if they are, I want to retire in style" then I excuse myself and walk away!

Our son is tall and people comment. It strikes me as neutral or admiring because with children the whole point is that they are growing, and I guess he is doing a good job. I say that his father and I are tall so he is too. I have difficulty when people comment on how good looking he is. I want to instill good values in him and fear the focus on looks will be a problem. Probably not important, though.

I have the opposite problem, my daughter is really tiny for her age. I also deal with very ignorant people who say such comments. Once a mom told me "wow, well she'll never be a basketball player."